How To Be A 1% Man Sexy Girls Find Intimidating (w/ Sadia Khan)

Summary

The video script discusses the pitfalls of 'playing it cool' in relationships, suggesting that genuine communication and high personal standards are more conducive to long-term happiness. It emphasizes the importance of being genuinely busy and fulfilled rather than pretending, as this authenticity attracts a compatible partner. The conversation also touches on societal pressures faced by men and women, highlighting the unique challenges each gender encounters and advocating for understanding and fulfilling one's potential as a means to attract a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Takeaways

• 📉 Playing it cool in relationships can be counterproductive as it may attract partners who are also into games, leading to a lack of genuine connection and communication.
• 💬 Effective communication of one's standards and values is essential for building a long-lasting relationship, as it attracts partners who share similar values.
• 🚫 Avoiding too much early interest or compliments can prevent creating a connection, as it may attract toxic partners who are used to unstable relationships.
• 🤔 It's challenging to find the perfect balance in dating advice, as men often advise each other to appear less eager to avoid being seen as needy or clingy.
• 👨‍💼 Being genuinely busy and high value, such as having a career, hobbies, and a social life, can make a man more attractive without having to play games.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The effort to be a busy man, such as working out, having a side hustle, and maintaining a social circle, can naturally result in less time for constant communication, which can be appealing.
• 💃 Recognizing a woman's beauty without being overly phased by it is attractive, as it shows that a man is not easily swayed by physical appearance alone.
• 🕴 High value from a woman's perspective means a man who is fulfilling his potential in all aspects of life, not necessarily being the richest or most handsome.
• 🚶‍♂️ Men often face more pressure to be successful and provide for their families, with less social support and expectation to be emotionally expressive.
• 👩‍❤️‍👨 Both men and women prioritize romantic relationships for long-term happiness, despite societal shifts towards equality and gender roles.
• 🌐 Cultural differences can provide a unique perspective on gender roles and relationship dynamics, allowing for a blend of values and practices that work effectively in modern society.

Q & A

What is the main piece of advice discussed in the transcript that could be detrimental to a long-lasting relationship?

The main piece of advice discussed is 'playing it cool,' which involves mirroring behaviors like delayed responses to texts or playing games in the relationship. This approach is considered counterproductive as it can attract partners who also play games, leading to a toxic dynamic rather than fostering genuine connection and communication.

Why is 'playing it cool' considered to be a short-term strategy rather than a long-term one for relationships?

'Playing it cool' might create initial desire and intrigue, but in the long run, it can lead to both partners wearing each other down due to the lack of genuine communication and connection. It fails to establish a foundation of trust and understanding necessary for a lasting relationship.

What is the alternative to 'playing games' in relationships suggested by the therapist in the transcript?

The alternative is to effectively communicate one's standards and values. By being genuine and honest about what one expects and values in a relationship, it is more likely to attract a partner who shares the same high standards and values, leading to a more stable and long-lasting relationship.

Why might showing too much interest or giving too many compliments early on be problematic in forming a connection?

Showing too much interest or giving too many compliments early on can create a sense of neediness, which can be unattractive. It may also attract the wrong type of partner who is looking for a relationship based on games and manipulation rather than genuine connection.

What does the transcript suggest as a way for men to naturally avoid appearing too eager or needy?

The transcript suggests that men should focus on being busy and fulfilling their potential in life. By engaging in activities like working out, pursuing a side hustle, and maintaining a social circle, men can naturally become less available for constant communication, which can be more attractive than trying to artificially create a sense of scarcity.

How does the transcript describe the difference between a man who is genuinely busy and one who is just playing it cool?

The transcript suggests that women can unconsciously tell the difference between a man who is genuinely busy and one who is playing games. A genuinely busy man is more likely to be fulfilling his potential and leading a fulfilling life, which is inherently attractive, whereas a man playing games may not be living up to his full potential.

What is the importance of a man recognizing a woman's beauty without being phased by it, according to the transcript?

Recognizing a woman's beauty without being phased by it is important because it shows that the man is not easily swayed or intimidated. This can be very attractive to women as it demonstrates that the man values more than just physical appearance and is capable of treating the woman with respect and not putting her on a pedestal.

What does the transcript suggest about the pressure men face in relationships and society?

The transcript suggests that men face significant pressure to be successful and provide for their families. This pressure can lead to men internalizing their problems and not seeking help or support, which can be detrimental to their mental health and relationships.

How does the transcript discuss the concept of scarcity and abundance in relation to dating and relationships?

The transcript discusses the concept of scarcity and abundance by suggesting that men often feel a sense of scarcity in terms of available partners, leading them to put women on a pedestal. Conversely, women are said to feel a sense of abundance, which can lead to different dynamics in relationships and dating.

What cultural perspective does the therapist in the transcript bring to the discussion about relationships and gender roles?

The therapist brings a multicultural perspective, being born and raised in London but ethnically from Pakistan and Muslim. This background allows her to detach from both Western and traditional values, picking what works in terms of relationships and gender roles, and emphasizing the importance of recognizing and respecting natural gender differences.

What is the transcript's view on the importance of romantic connections for overall life satisfaction?

The transcript emphasizes that romantic connections are the biggest predictor of overall life satisfaction. It suggests that delaying or ruining these connections for the sake of career or other pursuits can do a disservice to one's future happiness and mental health.

Outlines

00:00

🚫 Avoid Playing Games in Relationships

The speaker emphasizes that 'playing it cool' in a relationship is counterproductive to building a long-lasting bond. They argue that genuine communication of one's standards is essential for a healthy relationship. Playing games might attract a partner who also plays games, leading to a toxic dynamic. Instead, being genuinely busy and high-value, such as working on personal growth and maintaining a full life, naturally creates a more attractive presence without the need for games. The speaker also mentions that women can discern between genuine busyness and playing games, and are more attracted to men who are genuinely occupied with fulfilling their potential.

05:00

🤔 The Challenge of Not Being Swayed by Beauty

This paragraph discusses the difficulty of not being overly impressed by physical beauty, especially for those with less experience with attractive individuals. The speaker suggests that a lack of experience can lead to a scarcity mindset, where one puts attractive people on a pedestal and allows them to get away with inappropriate behavior. They advocate for the importance of recognizing and treating beautiful women as equals, not as superior beings. The speaker also points out that successful men can be just as intimidating to women as beautiful women are to men, and that both genders experience similar levels of attraction and intimidation based on the other's success and fulfillment.

10:02

💪 The Pressure and Expectations on Men

The speaker, a female therapist, shares her perspective that men face greater challenges in life compared to women. She believes that societal expectations place more pressure on men to be successful and provide for their families, with less opportunity for support or a 'safety net'. Men are often expected to internalize their problems rather than seek help, which can lead to breakdowns. The speaker also touches on cultural expectations, suggesting that women can be taken care of by men in their lives, but men are generally left to fend for themselves. She emphasizes the importance of men fulfilling their potential and being high-value individuals, which she defines as doing one's best in all aspects of life.

15:04

🌐 Cultural Perspectives on Gender Roles and Relationships

In this paragraph, the discussion turns to cultural influences on gender roles and the challenges faced by men and women in different societies. The speaker, who has a mixed cultural background, explains that being raised in two different cultures has given her a detached perspective on gender norms. She believes in the importance of recognizing gender as a superpower and not trying to negate natural abilities and tendencies. The speaker also addresses the modern trend towards equality and how it sometimes conflicts with traditional gender roles, leading to confusion and misinterpretation of what true equality means in practice.

💖 The Importance of Romantic Relationships for Life Satisfaction

The final paragraph focuses on the significance of romantic relationships for overall life satisfaction. The speaker argues that despite advances in gender equality and women's participation in the workforce, the traditional role of romantic connections as a key to happiness remains. They point out that delaying or neglecting relationships for the sake of career can lead to long-term dissatisfaction, as personal connections are a primary concern in people's lives. The speaker urges both men and women to prioritize building and maintaining healthy relationships, as they are a fundamental part of human well-being.

Keywords

💡Playing it cool

The phrase 'playing it cool' refers to the behavior of not showing too much interest or emotion, often in an attempt to appear less eager or needy in a relationship. In the video, it is argued that this approach can be counterproductive to forming a deep connection and may attract individuals who are also interested in playing games rather than building a meaningful relationship.

💡Communication

Communication is the act of exchanging information or ideas. The video emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication in a relationship, suggesting that it is more effective for building a long-lasting connection than playing games or hiding one's true feelings.

💡Standards

Standards, in the context of the video, refer to the expectations and values one holds in a relationship. The speaker advises that having and communicating high standards can be more beneficial in creating a lasting relationship, as it attracts like-minded individuals.

💡Toxic behavior

Toxic behavior is any action or pattern of actions that is harmful or detrimental to one's well-being or the health of a relationship. The video discusses how playing games in a relationship can attract toxic partners who are also engaging in such behaviors, leading to unhealthy dynamics.

💡Connection

Connection refers to the bond or link between individuals, often on an emotional level. The video argues that creating a genuine connection is more important than creating desire through superficial means, as it forms the foundation of a long-lasting relationship.

💡Intimacy

Intimacy is the closeness or familiarity that comes from being in a trusting and loving relationship. The script implies that playing it cool can hinder the development of true intimacy, as it prevents the sharing of genuine feelings and vulnerabilities.

💡Desire

Desire in this context refers to the feeling of wanting or longing for someone or something, often in a romantic sense. The video script contrasts desire with connection, suggesting that while creating desire can be attractive, it is not as sustainable or fulfilling as a deep emotional connection.

💡Fulfilling one's potential

Fulfilling one's potential means reaching one's maximum level of development or achievement. The video suggests that being a man who is busy and fulfilling his potential is attractive and can lead to healthier relationships, as it demonstrates high value and self-sufficiency.

💡Scarcity mindset

A scarcity mindset is the belief that there is not enough to go around, often leading to a sense of urgency or desperation. In the video, it is used to describe how men may treat attractive women as if they are scarce, leading to behaviors that put them on a pedestal and allow them to get away with more.

💡Respect

Respect in the context of the video refers to the esteem or regard for someone's worth or abilities. It is suggested that a man who is busy and fulfilling his potential will command respect in a relationship, as he is seen as high value and not desperate for the woman's attention.

💡Gender roles

Gender roles are the expected behaviors, activities, and attributes that are considered appropriate for men and women in a society. The video touches on the idea that while there is a push for equality, understanding and respecting traditional gender roles can also be beneficial in forming relationships.

Highlights

Playing it cool in relationships can be counterproductive as it attracts partners who also play games, leading to a lack of genuine connection.

Effective communication of personal standards is crucial for building a long-lasting relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.

Attempting to create desire through playing games can attract the wrong type of partners and lead to a small pool of potential matches.

Being genuinely busy and not having time to constantly text or give compliments can be more attractive than trying to appear uninterested.

Women can distinguish between men who are genuinely busy and those who are playing games, and are more attracted to the former.

Men should aim to be high-value individuals who are not easily swayed by physical beauty, which is a challenging but essential skill.

The experience of dating many attractive women is necessary for men to learn not to be overly influenced by physical appearance.

Men and women both intimidate each other based on their success and fulfillment of potential, not just physical attractiveness.

Men often internalize their problems instead of seeking support, which can lead to a breakdown in the absence of communication.

Society places different pressures on men and women, with men often facing higher expectations in terms of financial stability and success.

The concept of equality has become confused with gender roles, leading to misunderstandings about what each gender needs and values.

Modern women are taking advantage of new opportunities, focusing on their careers, and delaying marriage, which can impact their romantic life.

Romantic connections are a significant predictor of overall life satisfaction, and prioritizing work over relationships can be detrimental.

Both men and women need to recognize the importance of relationships for their long-term happiness and mental health.

Cultural differences can provide a unique perspective on gender roles and values, allowing for a more balanced understanding of relationships.

The idea that men and women should be the same is not effective; instead, understanding and meeting each other's needs is crucial.

The transcript emphasizes the importance of recognizing and fulfilling one's potential as a key to attracting a healthy and lasting relationship.

Transcripts

what pieces of advice have you heard

that would go against having a long

happy relationship the number one piece

of advice that I think is completely

counterproductive to a long lasting

relationship is the whole playing it

cool and you know P it's not about

playing it cool it's about being cool

playing it cool is like mirroring if she

takes long to text you take long to text

back if she wants to go to the club you

go to the club if she's adding girls

like like adding guys you'll like it all

of this kind of protest Behavior

behaving like like you're in a chess

game but in the reality is to have a

long lasting relationship you have to

communicate your actual standards so if

you're playing games you're gonna

attract a woman that also plays games

and you're both going to be speaking the

same toxic language and eventually it's

going to wear down whereas if you

effectively communicate your standards

and your standards happen to be high

value that's more effective in creating

a long lasting relationship so I would

say the whole um playing lots of games

it it might work in the short term but

in the long run you're both Gonna Leave

gonna wear each other down okay so what

would be a standard that as an example

so what I would say is like say for

example you don't want to give her too

many you don't want to express too much

interest early on or you don't want to

give it too many compliments or you I

want to take a couple of days to reply

to be cool and I get that it definitely

creates desire but it doesn't create

connection and so as a therapist you're

looking at that and thinking that will

create desire and Intrigue but what

you're doing is you're going to be

attracting toxic women because toxic

women who have got lots of issues like

men that are unstable and don't give

them security because that's what

they're used to but stable long-lasting

women with standards and boundaries will

immediately be turned off by that

behavior so you're actually ending up

with a small pool of women but

some of those things

help a man not appear so eager and needy

and then that actually helps him even

attract the woman at all

I I.E like doing too many compliments

showing too much interest uh

texting a lot trying to meet up with

them a lot

it's really hard to give advice that

strikes the exact perfect balance

so sometimes it's easier to give the

advice to to just say hey let's lay off

some of those things and I completely

understand why men tell each other that

because there's nothing more

unattractive from a woman's perspective

than a man who is really needy and

clingy and all of those right

um but there's women are completely

skilled at telling the difference

between a man who genuinely hasn't got

time and energy to be texting and

calling and one that's playing it cool

and the one that's genuinely not I

haven't got time to be texting and

calling is the one we're attracted to

but the one you know is playing the game

is the one that you then play games back

with and we this is something men don't

realize we have a radar for the

difference

and we know the difference and it's

unconscious it's totally unconscious but

we know so the best advice to give a man

is be a busy man be man be a man who's

at the gym who wakes up early goes for a

run goes to gym then works on a side

hustle goes I know it's really difficult

I'm saying this but it takes a lot of

energy to be a busy man I personally

couldn't do it I couldn't be a man if

you paid me because there's so much

effort and so much effort you go to work

have a circle of friends I have to

really kind of fill your hours up and

then by default you end up being the guy

that doesn't have time to text all the

time doesn't have time to give all

millions of compliments and by Def by

becoming that a man you become a man

that actually by a byproduct is you have

game but by being a man that doesn't

have it hasn't fulfilled his potential

you have to fake it to make it and women

know the difference unfortunately

I hear you and I agree with you I agree

you it is definitely much better to be

the guy who is actually busy who is

actually high value yeah and who isn't

phased by beautiful women all the time

like you know he sees a beautiful woman

he lets her know she's beautiful reminds

her she thinks she's beautiful but her

beauty is not going to allow her to get

away with nonsense with him and that's

you have to become that man because a

lot of them

um when they aren't are used to it they

allow women's looks to lead to

disrespect they take a lot more and we

as women know that beauty is power and

we know it's a privilege but there's

nothing more attractive and there's

nothing that will make us submit more

than when you meet a man who recognizes

your beauty but isn't phased by it

and that's a really hard skill to teach

it's almost a skill you have to

experience

and it's so hard yeah not everybody can

experience it it's so difficult I hate

saying it because it's almost saying it

like it's so easy but it's the most

difficult thing in the world to be this

kind of man

well the teaching leads to the

experience yeah right it's like you you

can you can learn it and all the dating

advice you want but then you have to

implement and put into practice you have

to date a lot of attractive women to not

be so swayed by her looks and treating

her and putting her on a pedestal yeah

so you don't put up with some of those

what is it like when a meeting

attractive women when you were younger

or for the first time what is it like

for a man does it kind of numb them a

bit do they get a little bit like they

let them get away with a lot more does

that happen

yeah I mean if you don't have a lot of

experience with women who are super

attractive what ends up happening is

that lack of experience

translates to then

being so excited by having this

opportunity to be with someone who's

attractive and and because you don't

have all that experience you almost are

in this scarce mindset and I've said

this before is men are by default in

scarcity and women are by default in

abundance in terms of their availability

to the opposite sex so because of that

scarcity someone who's just entering

like oh okay I'm 17 or 16 or whatever

even 30 or 40 and just for the first

time experiencing what it's like to get

maybe attention or even a conversation

with someone who's attractive because of

that scarce mindset

you end up screwing it up because

they're so high in a pedestal and so

that that yeah that becomes where you

just you treat them like a queen and

they can get away with so much and this

is what can lead to a lot of disastrous

relationships one thing that men have to

really realize is how you feel around a

beautiful woman is how beautiful women

feel around uh successful men or men

that don't you know that actually have

fulfilled their potential when we meet a

man who fulfilled his potential well as

in he takes care of his appearance he

works hard

um he's busy he's got Friendship Circle

his mind is occupied we are just as

intimidated by that type of man as you

are by a beautiful you know Instagram

girl because we see that manners oh my

God I wouldn't be his be-all and Endor

he's got so much going on in his life

Wow like okay I need to come correct and

it's the exact same thing we have the

exact same level of intimidation by

those men as men do with beautiful women

you just gotta remember that whereas we

really remember that our Beauty will

intimidate you so we work on that men

don't always remember that their value

and their success intimidates Us in the

same way and they don't they forget yeah

and they focus a lot on how they

communicate with us but really when you

meet a man who's a CEO or successful or

you know doing really well he doesn't

even have to talk we're already

attracted because he is the prize not

how he talks to us and not the game he

spits and it's similarly with beautiful

women she doesn't actually have to say a

lot she will just be who she is is

enough to intimidate and it works both

ways but just in different dimensions

yeah no you're totally spot on and that

guy is scarce too by the way absolutely

and they they uh there's not a lot of

like super high value men no but you

know what it's not as difficult as it

sounds all high value means from a

woman's perspective is a man fulfilling

his potential mind body and soul

fulfilling his potential it doesn't mean

he has to be the richest guy in the

world or he has to be the most handsome

man in the world he's doing his absolute

best

he can't be a starving artist yeah but

yeah he can't be a starving artist but

then I would is that him doing his best

because

what I would say is say for example he's

uh you know he's an Uber driver this is

no disrespect but safety is an Uber

driver and there's a cap of how much he

can earn I would argue babe are you

doing your best in life is this your

best I don't think it is I'm sure you've

got other skills or Avenues or use your

connections take out a loan invest do

your best because this isn't your best

I'm sure everybody can tap into their

best and that's what high value

essentially means you're if you're not

that educating you're not that skilled

your best might be used take up double

shifts three shifts of uber driving but

you're doing your best and that's

attractive

it won't necessarily get you the top

range remember but you will definitely

get respect from your woman whoever she

is

well said well said okay I wanna

that's awesome and I want to kind of

dive back into something we said a

little bit earlier because I'm curious

okay so you're a therapist yeah you work

with men and women yes yes yeah okay

you said something earlier about you

feel that men have it really hard oh

incredible so

I'm curious if you had to say

who has it harder men or women based on

of course your personal experiences

being a female but also the fact that

you talk to men and women on their

deepest darkest I I don't even have a

situation about it it's meant by a mile

and everything I truly believe that by

in every Arena of Life they have it

harder because tell me why because we

can become damsels in distress

we have that get out of jail free card

where I can tomorrow be unemployed and

there will be a man in my life at some

point that will say okay you know what's

already a common mandolin just then I

look after you whether that's my dad my

brother or my partner somebody will save

me and majority of women and they don't

have to be beautiful I'm just saying

they just have to they can experience

that and one thing you'll find as a

woman the more of a damsel in distress

you are the more men actually want to

look after you they do more for you a

man can absolutely hate his job hate his

appearance have terrible relationships

with his family and not one person no

one's coming

no one's saving him

yeah because one thing I've noticed is

for me personally if I'm forcing myself

out of bed in the morning to go to work

I'll just say I don't like this job I'm

quitting and then I think there's men

out there who work who have that

experience all day every day up until

they're 70 years old and think if they

don't go to work kids don't eat and

there's women that experience that too

but the pressure on a man is completely

different

completely different and um so I would

say on a financial level I wouldn't

trade places with a man ever in terms of

like in family issues as well it's just

like with women we when we go through

something we talk to a million people

about it we'll talk to our hairdressers

or talk to our friends our family any

problem we have we dissolve it through

communication with men they absolve it

they internalize it until one day they

have a breakdown

but it's internal internal internal that

I couldn't do if someone paid me like I

couldn't hold that in and just in

general I just think like um there's so

much pressure on them there's so much

pressure on them to be

um you know be something spectacular

especially in this day news there's

pressure on them to be spectacular

whereas for women all you have to do

really is stay on top of your weight

cook learn to cook really well I know

this is probably gonna sound terribly

but really if you really want a man to

be with you cook really well keep on top

of your body and be presentable and just

learn not to be promiscuous don't be too

promiscuous and you can get it and these

are all reachable Targets but telling a

man you have to be a CEO to get this

girl or you have to work this many hours

to pay these bills it's I I personally

couldn't do it

yeah because you just said earlier that

an Uber driver wasn't enough well he

it's enough for some women but he won't

be enough for the woman that he probably

dreams of his pool of availability is

going to be smaller absolutely and it

will be a woman that he will just get by

with but it won't be a woman that he

would be excited about unfortunately

maybe I could be completely wrong but to

get that woman that you probably had

pictures of on your wall uh

unfortunately it doesn't work like that

you know it's interesting too because a

lot of a lot of women modern women

Western women would hear what you're

saying a second ago they wouldn't like

that too much I could listen to you I'm

I know I couldn't care less

um because I I'm from British I'm born

and raised in London

um but I'm ethnically from Pakistan and

I'm Muslim and these are values and

traits that I haven't lost in my

experience and you know I come from a

different culture and when you come from

two different cultures and you live in

one Society what it does is it helps you

detach from both you end up staying a

detached on both and you actually just

pick what actually works and what I've

learned in my experience is what

actually works is what actually works is

having a awareness of that your gender

is your superpower and by negating it

you're losing access to your natural uh

your core abilities so I don't agree

with the idea that men and women have to

be exactly the same I think we should

try and learn each other's needs and

meet them rather than pretending we have

the same needs

yeah I agree I mean listen I think that

the stats will show up for itself I mean

it just will show what actually works

and what doesn't work it's like we don't

even have to sit here and try to

convince men or women if you just look

at the statistics of who's getting

together and who's happy based on their

goals and what they want

you're gonna see what what is it like

for you and I mean you're American I'm

guessing to you guys

um but even more equality or

dude what I've been seeing is less and

less over the year oh and over the years

it's uh

it's it's more and more about

what's interesting I want to say it's

been more and more about equality but

that word somehow isn't translating to

to what it really means like we talk

about equality but then we talk about

gender roles

and to me those things are separate but

for some reason there's so much in the

same conversation yeah you know it's

like feminism basically means

a baseline that men and women are are

equal or should have equal opportunity

but then it goes deeper than that into

okay well

what works to get a man attracted what

works to get a woman attracted and now

because of all the new opportunities

that women do have they are taking those

opportunities they're more in the

workforce

and they're focusing on marriage and

meeting men so much later in life and

now more and more of those women are

becoming single

for a lot longer and not and not

accomplishing those goals and the thing

is no matter what for both men and women

humans in general no matter how good

every Arena of your life is going your

romantic connections are the biggest

predictor of your overall satisfaction

of life so delaying that right or

ruining that

um for the sake of your employers who

will not even come to your funeral can I

just add they will not come to you they

don't care about you nope and yet you're

prioritizing them over the one person

that is actually responsible for your

happiness which is your partner

yeah it's relationships yes

relationships your connections your

connections with people women especially

um they value connections and you'll get

to

just like in your late 30s and you know

so on and so forth where the only

question people ask you is how are your

kids and how's your partner then no one

cares about what you're doing work-wise

or job or like a career like what you're

traveling to at a certain age 40 50

whatever it is that's the only question

you're going to be asked with us

shows you what your end goal is going to

be and if you keep trying to negate that

and dilute that you're doing your future

self a disservice and I I mean this for

men and women I don't mean this just for

uh men I think oh women I think men are

also a little bit deluded into thinking

they don't need relationships and they

don't need marriages and stuff but I

promise you it's a huge predictor of

your mental health in the future and I

wish it wasn't the case I wish we could

be independent but we're not designed to

be