The Heavy Burden Of Being Exceptional - Alex Hormozi

Summary

The transcript explores the concept of being exceptional, emphasizing that it requires standing out from the norm and embracing personal growth, even when it leads to external and internal conflict. It discusses societal norms and the importance of self-acceptance, as well as the courage to make independent decisions, especially in business and investing. The speaker shares personal anecdotes and insights on overcoming the fear of rejection and the value of authenticity, ultimately advocating for living life on one's own terms rather than seeking the approval of others.

Takeaways

• 🚀 Exceptional individuals are different from the norm and may experience both internal and external conflict due to their uniqueness.
• 🔄 Personal growth often involves change, which can be uncomfortable for both the individual and their social circle, as it disrupts the status quo.
• 🌟 The potential for exceptionalism lies within most people, but many suppress it in favor of social acceptance and conformity.
• 🤔 Questioning societal norms and expectations can lead to innovation and personal exceptionalism, as it encourages individuals to think independently.
• 👵 Observing the elderly can provide insights into the benefits of self-acceptance and living without the constraints of societal expectations.
• 🏠 The discomfort of changing one's ways can be challenging, especially when it involves confronting long-held beliefs and behaviors.
• 💡 Embracing one's peculiarities and being true to oneself is a key component of self-acceptance and personal development.
• 💭 The fear of rejection and judgment often holds people back from expressing their true selves and pursuing their passions.
• 🛑 Overcoming the fear of being different requires a strong belief in one's own values and the courage to stand against the grain.
• 💼 In business and investing, independent thinking is crucial for success, as following the crowd often leads to average results.
• 🛑 The willingness to be rejected and to face social discomfort is a powerful tool for personal growth and achieving one's goals.

Q & A

What is the main theme discussed in the transcript?

The main theme of the transcript is the importance of being exceptional and different from others, and how this can lead to both internal and external conflict.

Why does the speaker believe most people have the potential to be exceptional?

The speaker believes most people have the potential to be exceptional because they are peculiar in their own way, but often stifle this uniqueness in order to fit in and be accepted by others.

What does the speaker suggest is a common mistake people make when trying to conform to social norms?

The speaker suggests that a common mistake is following social norms without questioning them, which can lead to stifling one's own potential for uniqueness and innovation.

How does the speaker describe the change in people as they grow older and become more self-accepting?

The speaker describes older people as having less drama and being happier because they have stopped caring about conforming to social norms and have started accepting their own peculiarities.

What is the speaker's view on the relationship between being exceptional and experiencing conflict?

The speaker's view is that being exceptional inherently involves experiencing conflict, both internally due to the struggle of being true to oneself, and externally due to the perception of others who see one as different.

What is the significance of the speaker's mention of wearing cowboy boots as an example of authenticity?

The significance is that if someone wears cowboy boots for the sake of fitting an archetype rather than for comfort or genuine preference, the speaker would consider that person a fraud, highlighting the importance of authenticity over conformity.

What does the speaker suggest is a key factor in business and investing that sets exceptional people apart?

The key factor suggested is the ability to think independently and make decisions based on one's own analysis and judgment, rather than following the crowd or consensus.

How does the speaker relate the concept of 'exceptionalism' to personal growth and change?

The speaker relates 'exceptionalism' to personal growth by stating that when friends notice change and say 'you've changed,' it's often because the person has grown and is becoming more exceptional, not because they have regressed.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with the discomfort of changing and not fitting in?

The advice given is to value one's own opinion more than others' opinions, to be willing to face rejection and conflict, and to embrace one's own peculiarities and authenticity.

Why does the speaker recommend the '100 days of rejection' challenge and what might be its benefits?

The speaker recommends the challenge as a way to overcome the fear of rejection and to realize that it is a natural part of life. The benefits include personal growth, increased resilience, and potentially a change in one's life perspective.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Embracing Exceptionalism and Individual Growth

The speaker emphasizes the importance of being different to achieve exceptionalism, acknowledging that it brings both internal and external conflict. They discuss the discomfort of fitting in versus the discomfort of standing out, and how growth often means changing in ways that others may not understand. The idea that most people have the potential to be exceptional but stifle it to conform to social norms is presented. The speaker also touches on the importance of self-acceptance and the courage to defy expectations, using the metaphor of an old person who has stopped caring about drama as an example of someone who has embraced their peculiarities.

05:01

🚀 Pursuing Exceptional Results Over Normalcy

This paragraph delves into the concept that aiming for normalcy inherently aims for average results. It contrasts the outcomes of normal people with those of exceptional individuals, stressing that to be truly exceptional, one must break from the norm. The discussion extends to business and investing, highlighting the pitfalls of following the crowd and the importance of independent thinking. The speaker shares personal experiences of social rejection due to non-conformity and argues that being true to oneself, even in the face of potential rejection, is more fulfilling than living up to others' expectations.

10:03

🛑 Overcoming Conformity and the Fear of Rejection

The speaker explores the idea that people often value being predictable and conforming to avoid rejection. They challenge this notion by sharing stories of individuals who have chosen to be unapologetically themselves, even at the cost of relationships. The importance of valuing one's own opinion over others' is discussed, along with the idea that true authenticity comes from being honest with oneself. The paragraph also touches on the fear of rejection and how facing it head-on can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life.

15:04

🎙️ Sales and Self-Belief: Lessons from Club Promo

In this paragraph, the speaker shares insights from their experience in sales and club promotion, highlighting the value of learning from these fields. They discuss the understanding of human nature gained from dealing with objections and the importance of de-escalation when faced with conflict. The speaker also talks about the resilience built from facing rejection regularly and how it has shaped their ability to stand by their beliefs, even when they differ from the majority.

🛍️ Shopify: Supporting Business Growth at Every Stage

This paragraph is a sponsored message for Shopify, a global commerce platform that supports businesses from the initial online shop setup to reaching significant sales milestones. It highlights Shopify's all-in-one e-commerce platform and in-person POS system, mentioning its effectiveness in converting browsers into buyers with a superior checkout process. The speaker also shares their personal experience launching a brand on Shopify and provides a special link for a $1 per month trial period.

Keywords

💡Exceptional

Exceptional refers to being unusually excellent or outstanding. In the video's theme, it is associated with the idea that to be truly exceptional, one must be different from the norm, which can lead to both internal and external conflict. The script uses the term to emphasize the importance of embracing one's uniqueness and not conforming to societal expectations, as seen in the line 'if you want to be exceptional you're going to be different from everyone else.'

💡Conformity

Conformity is the act of matching attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors to group norms. The script discusses how most people stifle their peculiarities to fit in and be accepted, which prevents them from achieving their full potential. It's highlighted as a barrier to becoming exceptional, as seen in the statement 'because they conform and so like if there probably a lot of things about the world or even your world around you that you're like, this never made sense to me but then you do it anyways.'

💡Peculiarities

Peculiarities are the unique or distinctive characteristics of an individual. The video encourages embracing one's peculiarities as part of the journey to self-acceptance and becoming exceptional. It is mentioned in the context of not wanting to justify or hide one's unique traits, as in 'they just accept them and so I think a lot of like if life is a long journey of self-acceptance I think the earlier you can accept your own peculiarities as just part of you.'

💡Conflict

Conflict in the script refers to the tension or struggle that arises when one chooses to be exceptional. There are two types mentioned: internal, which is the struggle of not being one's true self, and external, which is the conflict with others due to being seen as different. The script illustrates this with the line 'you have external conflict because everyone sees you as different.'

💡Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is the process of embracing and being at peace with oneself, including one's strengths, weaknesses, and unique traits. The video posits that self-acceptance is a crucial part of being exceptional, as it allows individuals to be true to themselves without seeking validation from others. It is exemplified in the script by the idea that 'the earlier you can accept your own peculiarities as just part of you rather than trying to justify them.'

💡Growth

Growth in this context is the personal development and evolution that comes from stepping outside of one's comfort zone and not conforming to societal norms. The video suggests that when people say 'you've changed,' it can be a sign of growth, as in 'when your friends start to say you've changed remember, it's because they don't know how to say, you've grown.'

💡Rebellion

Rebellion in the script is the act of resisting or defying the status quo, norms, or expectations. It is portrayed as a positive force that can lead to personal authenticity and being true to oneself. An example from the script is 'it's like a micro Rebellion, against yourself it's like there is and like I look at old people a lot because usually they don't give a [__] anymore, they've just like given up.'

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures. The video emphasizes the importance of authenticity for personal fulfillment and achieving exceptional results. It is highlighted in the context of not wearing a 'mask' or pretending to be someone else to fit in, as seen in 'they pay such a high price to do that yeah you can be very reliable at presuming that they mean what they're saying.'

💡Predictability

Predictability in the script is associated with being ordinary and not standing out. It is contrasted with the unpredictability and uniqueness of exceptional individuals. The video suggests that people often mistake predictability for reliability or safety, but true value comes from being unapologetically oneself, as in 'I thought that what people wanted from me was someone that they could easily predict, but I realized when I thought about the people that I loved in my life I didn't love them because of how predictable they were.'

💡Rejection

Rejection in the context of the video is the fear of being turned down or dismissed by others, which can hold people back from being exceptional. The script discusses the importance of overcoming the fear of rejection to live authentically and pursue one's own path, as illustrated in 'if you can actually go through 100 days of rejection your life will change because you will realize that at the end of the 100 days you're still alive and nothing changed.'

Highlights

Being exceptional requires being different and accepting discomfort from both fitting in and standing out.

The concept of being 'exceptional' is reframed as a positive trait, not a negative one.

Most people have the potential to be exceptional but stifle it due to the desire for acceptance.

Challenging societal norms and expectations can lead to personal growth and innovation.

Authenticity is emphasized over conforming to social archetypes.

Older individuals often display a higher level of self-acceptance and less concern for drama.

Accepting one's peculiarities early in life can lead to a more fulfilling journey of self-discovery.

Change can be uncomfortable, but it's a necessary part of growth and self-improvement.

The importance of valuing one's own opinion over the opinions of others is discussed.

The fear of rejection and the need to overcome it for personal development are highlighted.

The idea that being predictable is not necessarily a virtue, and unpredictability can be loved.

The value of thinking independently and trusting one's own judgment in decision-making.

The comparison between the average results of normal people and the exceptional results of those who think differently.

The discussion on the importance of not conforming to expectations for the sake of others' comfort.

The idea that being exceptional often means facing external conflict due to being seen as different.

The notion that true growth may involve being rejected by those who once accepted you.

The power of self-acceptance and the impact it has on one's happiness and life satisfaction.

The comparison between the purity of passion in activities like Motocross and the authenticity of the spectators.

The importance of not seeking to be liked by everyone but rather being true to oneself.

The discussion on the potential benefits of embracing rejection and the personal growth it can bring.

The idea that being exceptional is not about being normal but about standing out and achieving more.

Transcripts

reminder that if you want to be

exceptional you're going to be different

from everyone else that's What Makes You

exceptional you can't fit in and also be

exceptional both have discomfort when

you fit in you have internal conflict

because you're not being 100% you when

you're exceptional you have external

conflict because everyone sees you as

different pick one when your friends

start to say you've changed remember

it's because they don't know how to say

you

grown

I Define words a lot because it helps me

kind of like made sense of the world and

um like exceptionals is like an obvious

one right we use the word exceptional

like you are not like everyone else um

but even saying it like that like you

are not like everyone else and so if

someone says you're not like everyone

else else then you can just reframe that

as like I'm exceptional and that's not a

bad thing um and most and I I don't and

I actually think that most people have

like this might be counter to most

people's beliefs but I think most people

have the potential to be exceptional and

I because most people are peculiar in

their own way they just stifle that

because they want to be accepted by most

people but in so doing never accomplish

what they want to do because they

conform uh and so like if there probably

a lot of things about the world or even

your world around you that you're like

this never made sense to me but then you

do it anyways and I I think that a lot

of innovation and a lot of what makes

people exceptional is feeling you know

thinking that thought or seeing that

thing and then being like huh I don't

think I'm going to follow that rule

anymore like why do I need to shower

twice a

day huh like I don't know like why do I

need to wear different

clothing huh like there's just a lot of

these social norms that people you know

usually past down to us or they're you

know bred into us in high school and

college and things like that um but it's

like you see a guy who you know wears a

cowboy hat and dress a certain way and

he basically wants to say I am this I am

this archetype of person but if cowboy

boots known as comfortable for you as

New Balances are and you know that and

you still wear cowboy boots I would call

you a fraud because like that is like

it's a it's like a micro Rebellion

against yourself it's like there is and

like I look at old people a lot because

usually they don't give a [ __ ] anymore

they've just like given up and uh there

was this survey that they did where the

number one reason that old people like

don't have as much drama and they're

happier is they say they they cited they

literally don't have time for it like

literally they don't have time for it

and I found that so interesting and I

was like well if I'm going to eventually

be that way when I'm 80 I might as well

just start being that way now and so

they usually wear like really

comfortable Footwear and like they they

keep their surroundings like whatever

weird peculiarities they have they just

accept them and so I think a lot of like

if if life is a long journey of

self-acceptance I think the earlier you

can accept your own peculiarities as

just part of you rather than trying to

justify them or mold to what you to the

archetype that you think is acceptable

within your Social Circle um at least

for me like there's this period of

discomfort when you change anything

because everyone around you wants you to

fit within the label that they are

comfortable with but they also have the

anchor of what you were before yeah

exactly and so they try and like they

they people don't like that and so

they're like no no I like you in this

box so just say I I know you're having a

little thing right now don't worry just

just and they just want to shove you

back into it and there's there's a lot

of uncomfortable conversations that you

have to have where it becomes really

socially awkward um and so like I I said

one the other day about like going home

for the holidays and the reason I don't

like doing it is because often I have to

confront a lot of people that I haven't

seen in a long time and they'll speak to

me in a way that I don't like and before

that I would roll it off like whatever

no big deal but um

I don't accept that didn't you torpedo a

family holiday a couple of years ago

many yeah I think but that's the when

your friends start to say you've changed

it's because they don't know how to say

you've grown and because they see so few

people who have so it makes sense that

they don't have that so I see that as a

lack of skill not not malice like it's

not that they're bad people they just

don't even know it because so few people

do change so few people do grow have you

seen this image it's a person whose

heart and head are flowers it's kind of

a 2d drawing it's a bit of a sketch and

um they say this person with the kind of

smaller flower head and heart says

you've changed and the person on the

other side with this huge Blooming Thing

says I should hope so yeah I haven't

seen it but I see it in my head yeah

it's brilliant one of my friends George

Mack told me this five years ago I think

I'm a astounded by how many people want

to be spectacular in life but also want

to be normal by being normal You Are by

definition aiming for average normal

people get normal results exceptional

people get exceptional results you

literally can't do what everyone else

does and expect to not get what everyone

else has got by doing what everyone else

does you guarantee average results okay

so this comes down to everything that

like business I mean obviously I come

from the business and investing World um

um like if everyone is jumping on to

crypto like by the time you have all the

information to make a perfect decision

it's too late and by the time you have

consensus where everyone's like that's a

good investment it probably isn't

because it's already been mispriced

because it's already like it's already

inflated it's above what its intrinsic

value is and so like good investors

fundamentally can think for themselves

and it's such an easy thing to say and

such a hard thing to do and so it's

being able to say if I shut myself in a

room and I had to come up with a value

for something and just use my own mind

to come up with what I think this is

worth it's that that answer that you get

in a room in isolation with no internet

connection that you believe in that

number more than every single other

person's and most people can't do that

but like that ability and then what

happens though is if you really have to

believe in that rather than everyone

else's you double check your [ __ ]

math because if it is different than

everyone else's you have the op you like

that is what opportunity like right it's

like and you have the potential to make

shitload of money or lose a ton of money

because you didn't check your math and

so the more I've been reinforced for

thinking independently and in the

beginning it's on small things and then

you just continue to reinforce that

cycle of huh I came to this conclusion

on my own it seems different than

everyone else's but I think I think my

thing makes sense so I'm going to do

that how would you advise someone to

overcome that regression to the mean

that pull to not make waves to not

be heterodox or non-typical when it

comes to their decision- making because

it's hard you're talking about this

internal conflict versus external

conflict how do you make the internal

conflict more important than the

external conflict for me I was more

miserable trying to make everyone else

happy that I am now with everyone else

unhappy with

me and so I think like from the social

group I had before I quit my job if

we're going all the way like Ground Zero

to today I talk to no one from that time

in my life compared to today and I was

absolutely miserable and unhappy and

unfulfilled and I would say that the

majority of those people probably don't

like me today because I changed I didn't

do what I was supposed to do he thinks

he's so fancy now etc etc and I think

I'm just okay with that and so I think

coming to terms with the idea that I

could be absolutely rejected by everyone

I

know but like me I was more okay with

that because the alternative was I

didn't want to live in anymore and so

obviously there's degrees and there's

continuums and there's stages of where

people are at with that but as that

being the Tak to its logical extreme

would I rather live for them than live

for me I would rather be hated by

everyone and like

myself there's a degree

of honesty is the right word but it's

also too simple like being completely

100% truthful with yourself if that's

the way that this is why if I told you

about the uh Motocross the rally cross

uh thing that me and my housemate love M

okay so you know like Colin McCrae these

guys that drive four wheel there's the

dude in the the co-pilot seat and it's

five left Bend all that [ __ ] um these

guys that go to go and watch this are in

the middle of some [ __ ] wood in Asia

right in Scotland and it's pissing wet

and it's November and they've got a pawn

show on and they get to drive for

however long to get to this place you

can even see thinking about it the hairs

on my arms are standing up this is how

[ __ ] dope it is so these guys are

there and they see some dude in overcast

rain freezing cold soaking wet

go and then they turn to turn to all of

their boys and they're

like watching someone who loves anything

with that much Purity yeah fires me up

yeah it fires me like we love watching

we don't watch it for what the cars are

doing we watch it for what it does to

The Spectator

and that degree of like just

unencumbered passion yeah not being

apologetic like they've probably they're

probably wearing comfy [ __ ] they're not

wearing cowboy boots you know what I

mean no one they they look like a like a

large condom in this pwn show do they

care right they don't care

and that's Purity yeah that's

truthfulness and and honesty and

really like what what are you hoping to

be able to look back on your life or for

people to say after you're gone if you

don't do

that he was such a good guy and he never

rocked the boat yeah he was such a good

guy and he always conformed to our

expectations he was such a good guy and

he was so predictable like people think

and I did throughout a lot of my 20s I

thought

that what people wanted from

me was someone that they could easily

predict

but I realized when I thought about the

people that I loved in my life I didn't

love them because of how predictable

they were

yeah I love them because of how

unapologetically themselves they were MH

I have a friend who nearly ended a

relationship that he's still with who

the love of his life who's probably

going to end up marrying because he

refused to not sleep on the floor for 6

months as part of a Alex Becker's doing

it at the moment like he's like sleeping

on the floor seems to be like a pretty

dialed idea and she's like I'm not

sleeping on the floor well I am so so

they didn't sleep together for like you

know for for like a long

time like that's those are the people

that you love and those are the people

that you can because they pay such a

high price to do that yeah you can be

very reliable at presuming that they

mean what they're saying mhm because if

they didn't really mean what they're

saying they would conform they would

take an easier path

I love all of

that my I was trying to kind of

consolidate it for for myself and the

listeners for me it it just it comes

down to

truly valuing your opinion of yourself

more than other people's opinion of you

and it's it's just it's an easy thing to

say and it's incredibly hard to do

because that means that if you disagree

with everyone else in the room there's

this meme that I love I don't know if

you've seen it there's this little

cartoon of of this one little guy and

then there's like an ocean of people

that way and it just says yes you're all

wrong and I just like I feel like that

Meme I my uh J cashi my my uh brother

and editor in the books in the battle

against nihilism and and and towards

truth um we send that Meme back and

forth to one another when we're like yes

everyone is wrong about this word like

we are right and I think it's just being

willing to like but the only way you can

believe in a thing or an idea or even

yourself is because you have the

evidence behind you that supports that

your belief isn't full of [ __ ] so that

when you're in that room and you come up

with that one number and you say I think

everyone's wrong I think this is

actually what it's

worth you're not just making it up to to

say you believe something different you

actually have proof and evidence that

you're not full of [ __ ] and I think

that's the work is like I did a I looked

into a lot of the stuff on the on the

floor sleeping I think it it checks out

out I'm going to do it like I think

everyone else is wrong I think everyone

else is wrong and everyone's like you're

an idiot and you're like I think you're

wrong and that's okay you know what Ian

and and it's just most people can't do

that just the idea of being weird is too

much like just like did you have see did

you ever um this is quite old now it's

at least a decade old I think it's

called 50 days of rejection or 100 days

of rejection I love it already so it's a

it's a a series of experiments that you

do every day for 100 days there's a

different one each day and uh one of

them is ask for a free coffee when you

go to Starbucks oh I love it just say

hey can I have this for free yeah and

it's I don't know whether it escalates

over time but there's like weird stuff

things that you do to people in public

things that blah blah blah and it's

trying to overcome

that like it sort of it's in your throat

you know when you feel that and your

cheeks get flush and everything kind of

gets hot embarrassed around here yeah

it's that embarrassment it's that shame

it's that what if they

think yeah what

yeah what if they think what

yeah so yeah I I someone should redo

that it's like a decade old now but

someone should redo I think I'm certain

it's called 100 days of rejection

YouTube idea that would be a great

YouTube idea to do 100 100 days of

rejection or whatever it is um all right

next one next one I I just want to like

I promise you if you can actually go

through 100 days of rejection your life

will change because you will realize

that at the end of The 100 days you're

still alive and nothing changed but it's

I'm going to die that's the fear the

fear is I'm going to ask for the coffee

and they're going to say no and then

everyone's going to laugh at me and then

I'm going to be alone and then I'm going

to be unshed and then I'll be dead yeah

it's catastrophized to death we all do

it and so I mean obviously I come from a

sales background so getting people to

say no to me is something that I'm now

if you've asked drunken Newcastle girls

where they're going tonight darling for

a decade and a half on the street trying

to give out wristbands for a free entry

to a club night no one wants to go to

you you get good at rejection as well

that's what I I honestly think that uh

Everyone is always going to campaign for

the thing that they did right you're

always going to say something along the

lines of I think people can learn a lot

from sales and I'm always going to say I

think people can learn a lot from being

in club promo but like honestly dude the

the Insight that you get into human

nature from doing that from seeing what

do people object to and why do they

object in that way and what happens if

someone like gets physical with you

because you tried to do and you go oh

well I wasn't in the wrong so

deescalation there should actually be

quite easy and I can have faith that

everyone's going to see me as the right

guy even if somebody else took objection

with what I was doing so yeah long story

short become a club promoter all right

next up next one in other news this

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