How to support someone without having the solution | Nash Fung | TEDxUofW

Summary

In this heartfelt script, a magician recounts his experience at a restaurant where a woman asked him to perform with a unique deck of 'Cold Case homicide' playing cards featuring her sister's unsolved case. The encounter prompts a reflection on the importance of active listening and presence over problem-solving when supporting those in crisis. The magician uses a Rubik's Cube illusion to illustrate the point, emphasizing the power of empathy and acknowledgment in offering comfort.

Takeaways

• 🎩 The magician begins his career performing at a Mexican restaurant, doing five tricks at each table.
• 🃏 A lady at the restaurant challenges the magician with a unique deck of Cold Case homicide playing cards, asking for respect towards the cards as they feature her sister's case.
• 😳 The magician is initially taken aback by the request but decides to prioritize empathy and acknowledgment over performing magic.
• 🤔 The script explores the dilemma of offering support to someone in a difficult situation, especially when unsure of what to say or do to help.
• 👂 The importance of active listening and providing emotional support is highlighted, rather than immediately jumping to solve problems.
• 🔮 The magician uses a Rubik's Cube and a glass jar as a metaphor for focusing on the problem without recognizing the bigger picture.
• 💧 The magician emphasizes the need to 'dump out the water' or address the underlying emotions before attempting to solve a problem.
• 🤹‍♂️ A magic trick is performed to demonstrate the point that sometimes we miss the obvious because we're too focused on finding a solution.
• 🧩 The magician's volunteer work on a crisis line has taught him the value of being present and listening to those in need.
• 👥 The script suggests that not knowing how to solve someone's problems can actually lead to better emotional support by focusing on acknowledgment and presence.
• 💔 The magician connects with the lady by expressing sympathy and asking open-ended questions, making her feel heard and supported.

Q & A

What was the magician's initial approach when performing magic at the restaurant?

The magician would approach each table, greet the guests, and perform the same five tricks at every table.

What unexpected request did the magician receive from a lady at the restaurant?

The lady asked the magician to perform magic with her deck of playing cards, which turned out to be Cold Case homicide cards featuring details about unsolved cases.

How did the magician react when he discovered the nature of the playing cards?

The magician was taken aback and stood frozen, realizing the cards were not ordinary but carried significant meaning related to unsolved homicide cases.

What decision did the magician have to make upon receiving the Cold Case cards?

The magician had to decide whether to continue performing magic with the Cold Case cards or to acknowledge the lady's request and engage in a potentially heavy conversation.

What is the magician's experience with providing emotional support beyond his magic career?

The magician has been volunteering on a crisis line, providing empathetic emotional support to people in need on a weekly basis.

What lesson did the magician learn from his volunteer work that applies to the situation with the Cold Case cards?

The magician learned that not knowing exactly what to say or how to solve someone's problems can actually allow for better emotional support through active listening and acknowledgment.

What is the significance of the Rubik's Cube and glass jar in the magician's story?

The Rubik's Cube and glass jar serve as a metaphor for focusing on solving a problem without noticing that the initial conditions (the jar being full of water) prevent any solution from working.

How did the magician's approach to the Cold Case cards differ from his usual magic performance?

Instead of immediately performing magic, the magician chose to acknowledge the lady's story, validate her feelings, and engage in active listening before considering any magic tricks.

What technique did the magician use to shuffle the Cold Case cards to create a magical effect?

The magician used a casino shuffle and then mixed the orientation of the cards, turning some face up and some face down, to create a completely mixed deck.

How did the magician restore the Cold Case cards to their original order after the shuffle?

The magician performed a trick where all the cards turned back to their original orientation except for the Queen of Hearts, which belonged to the lady's sister, and then magically restored the entire deck to its original order.

What was the emotional impact of the magician's actions on the lady who provided the Cold Case cards?

The lady was deeply moved, smiled broadly, and gave the magician a hug, expressing gratitude for his acknowledgment and presence during their interaction.