Life lessons from a people pleaser

Summary

In this video, Liz shares personal experiences and life lessons as an extreme people pleaser. She discusses the struggles of being bullied and abused, the importance of setting boundaries, and the journey of learning to stand up for herself. Liz emphasizes the need to stop making excuses for others' bad behavior, the power of self-validation, and the value of quality over quantity in relationships. She encourages viewers to practice saying no, reconnect with themselves, and forgive their past selves for allowing mistreatment, highlighting the ongoing process of personal growth and healing.

Takeaways

• 😔 Liz shares her personal experiences of being a people pleaser and the negative impacts it had on her life, including bullying and a lack of boundaries.
• 🤔 She emphasizes the importance of setting and maintaining personal boundaries, as people will continue to mistreat you if you don't stand up for yourself.
• 😡 Liz discusses the need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat you and to recognize that everyone is responsible for their own actions towards others.
• 💪 She encourages viewers to not be afraid to stand up for themselves and to honor their own feelings and needs, even if it means going against what others want.
• 👥 Liz points out that people's actions are more important than their words, and one should judge others by how they treat you rather than what they say.
• 🧐 She advises viewers to question why people feel comfortable mistreating them and to understand that not everyone will have the same intentions or heart as you.
• 🙅‍♀️ Liz talks about the importance of learning to say 'no' without feeling the need to explain yourself, and that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being.
• 🤷‍♀️ She mentions that it's not necessary to be liked by everyone, and that it's healthier to focus on self-validation rather than seeking approval from others.
• 👭 Liz highlights the value of having a few close, quality relationships over many shallow ones, and the importance of spending time alone to reconnect with oneself.
• 🕵️‍♀️ She stresses the need to trust your intuition and protect your energy by not allowing everyone to get close to you, treating yourself as an exclusive and valuable person.
• 💖 Lastly, Liz encourages self-forgiveness for past instances of poor boundary-setting and people-pleasing, acknowledging that healing and change take time and practice.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Liz's video?

The main theme of Liz's video is sharing life lessons she has learned as an extreme people pleaser and the challenges she faced due to this trait.

How does Liz describe her experience with bullying?

Liz describes her experience with bullying as both physical and emotional, happening at home and at school, with instances of being hit and even being forced into uncomfortable situations by her bullies.

What was the turning point for Liz in learning to set boundaries?

The turning point for Liz was realizing that she needed to stand up for herself and distance herself from people who did not respect her boundaries.

How does Liz feel about therapy and its impact on her life?

Liz feels very positively about therapy, stating that it has changed her life by helping her understand her people-pleasing tendencies and giving her hope for change.

What is the role of BetterHelp in Liz's video?

BetterHelp is a sponsor of the video, providing an online therapy service that Liz recommends for those who may not be able to afford traditional therapy.

What is the first lesson Liz learned about being a people pleaser?

The first lesson Liz learned is that people will continue to treat you poorly until you establish and firmly maintain your own boundaries.

Why does Liz believe it's important to stop making excuses for people who treat you badly?

Liz believes it's important because it allows the abuser to continue their behavior without consequence, and it neglects the emotional well-being of the person being mistreated.

How does Liz suggest dealing with people who cross your boundaries?

Liz suggests distancing yourself from those people, not engaging with them, and protecting your boundaries by not allowing them back into your life if they do not respect your standards.

What does Liz mean when she says 'look at people's actions and not what they tell you'?

Liz means that one should judge people by how they treat you and their actual behavior, rather than taking their words at face value, which can often be misleading or manipulative.

How does Liz recommend handling situations where you feel pressured to say 'yes' when you want to say 'no'?

Liz recommends developing a mentality of considering whether you are doing something for yourself or for someone else, and prioritizing your own feelings and needs.

What advice does Liz give for people who struggle with saying 'no'?

Liz advises practicing saying 'no' without over-explaining yourself, and understanding that it's okay to prioritize your own needs and feelings.

What is the importance of self-validation according to Liz?

According to Liz, self-validation is crucial because you should not seek validation from others, especially those who mistreat you. It's important to value and respect yourself.

How does Liz view the concept of having a limited social circle?

Liz views having a limited social circle positively, emphasizing that it's more valuable to have a few close, quality relationships rather than many superficial ones.

What does Liz suggest for people who are afraid of being alone or not having many friends?

Liz suggests that it's okay to be alone and not have many friends, and that one should focus on self-care and building a strong relationship with oneself.

How does Liz feel about her past experiences with people pleasing, and how does she handle it now?

Liz acknowledges that her past experiences with people pleasing were harmful, and she is now working on setting boundaries and learning to say 'no', even though it's a continuous process.

What is the final lesson Liz shares about forgiving oneself for past mistakes?

Liz's final lesson is about forgiving oneself for allowing others to treat you poorly in the past, understanding that it's a learning process and that self-love and self-compassion are essential for healing.