Life lessons from a people pleaser

Summary

In this video, Liz shares personal experiences and life lessons as an extreme people pleaser. She discusses the struggles of being bullied and abused, the importance of setting boundaries, and the journey of learning to stand up for herself. Liz emphasizes the need to stop making excuses for others' bad behavior, the power of self-validation, and the value of quality over quantity in relationships. She encourages viewers to practice saying no, reconnect with themselves, and forgive their past selves for allowing mistreatment, highlighting the ongoing process of personal growth and healing.

Takeaways

• 😔 Liz shares her personal experiences of being a people pleaser and the negative impacts it had on her life, including bullying and a lack of boundaries.
• 🤔 She emphasizes the importance of setting and maintaining personal boundaries, as people will continue to mistreat you if you don't stand up for yourself.
• 😡 Liz discusses the need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat you and to recognize that everyone is responsible for their own actions towards others.
• 💪 She encourages viewers to not be afraid to stand up for themselves and to honor their own feelings and needs, even if it means going against what others want.
• 👥 Liz points out that people's actions are more important than their words, and one should judge others by how they treat you rather than what they say.
• 🧐 She advises viewers to question why people feel comfortable mistreating them and to understand that not everyone will have the same intentions or heart as you.
• 🙅‍♀️ Liz talks about the importance of learning to say 'no' without feeling the need to explain yourself, and that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being.
• 🤷‍♀️ She mentions that it's not necessary to be liked by everyone, and that it's healthier to focus on self-validation rather than seeking approval from others.
• 👭 Liz highlights the value of having a few close, quality relationships over many shallow ones, and the importance of spending time alone to reconnect with oneself.
• 🕵️‍♀️ She stresses the need to trust your intuition and protect your energy by not allowing everyone to get close to you, treating yourself as an exclusive and valuable person.
• 💖 Lastly, Liz encourages self-forgiveness for past instances of poor boundary-setting and people-pleasing, acknowledging that healing and change take time and practice.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Liz's video?

The main theme of Liz's video is sharing life lessons she has learned as an extreme people pleaser and the challenges she faced due to this trait.

How does Liz describe her experience with bullying?

Liz describes her experience with bullying as both physical and emotional, happening at home and at school, with instances of being hit and even being forced into uncomfortable situations by her bullies.

What was the turning point for Liz in learning to set boundaries?

The turning point for Liz was realizing that she needed to stand up for herself and distance herself from people who did not respect her boundaries.

How does Liz feel about therapy and its impact on her life?

Liz feels very positively about therapy, stating that it has changed her life by helping her understand her people-pleasing tendencies and giving her hope for change.

What is the role of BetterHelp in Liz's video?

BetterHelp is a sponsor of the video, providing an online therapy service that Liz recommends for those who may not be able to afford traditional therapy.

What is the first lesson Liz learned about being a people pleaser?

The first lesson Liz learned is that people will continue to treat you poorly until you establish and firmly maintain your own boundaries.

Why does Liz believe it's important to stop making excuses for people who treat you badly?

Liz believes it's important because it allows the abuser to continue their behavior without consequence, and it neglects the emotional well-being of the person being mistreated.

How does Liz suggest dealing with people who cross your boundaries?

Liz suggests distancing yourself from those people, not engaging with them, and protecting your boundaries by not allowing them back into your life if they do not respect your standards.

What does Liz mean when she says 'look at people's actions and not what they tell you'?

Liz means that one should judge people by how they treat you and their actual behavior, rather than taking their words at face value, which can often be misleading or manipulative.

How does Liz recommend handling situations where you feel pressured to say 'yes' when you want to say 'no'?

Liz recommends developing a mentality of considering whether you are doing something for yourself or for someone else, and prioritizing your own feelings and needs.

What advice does Liz give for people who struggle with saying 'no'?

Liz advises practicing saying 'no' without over-explaining yourself, and understanding that it's okay to prioritize your own needs and feelings.

What is the importance of self-validation according to Liz?

According to Liz, self-validation is crucial because you should not seek validation from others, especially those who mistreat you. It's important to value and respect yourself.

How does Liz view the concept of having a limited social circle?

Liz views having a limited social circle positively, emphasizing that it's more valuable to have a few close, quality relationships rather than many superficial ones.

What does Liz suggest for people who are afraid of being alone or not having many friends?

Liz suggests that it's okay to be alone and not have many friends, and that one should focus on self-care and building a strong relationship with oneself.

How does Liz feel about her past experiences with people pleasing, and how does she handle it now?

Liz acknowledges that her past experiences with people pleasing were harmful, and she is now working on setting boundaries and learning to say 'no', even though it's a continuous process.

What is the final lesson Liz shares about forgiving oneself for past mistakes?

Liz's final lesson is about forgiving oneself for allowing others to treat you poorly in the past, understanding that it's a learning process and that self-love and self-compassion are essential for healing.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Overcoming People Pleasing and Bullying

Liz, the channel host, shares her personal journey as an extreme people pleaser and the life lessons she learned from it. She talks about her experiences with bullying, both at home and school, where she was physically and emotionally abused. Liz explains that her inability to stand up for herself led to being treated poorly. She touches on the importance of therapy in her life, which has helped her understand that she can change her tendencies and set boundaries. She also mentions a sponsorship by Better Help, an online therapy platform, which she recommends for those seeking professional help.

05:00

🛡 Establishing Boundaries and Self-Respect

In this paragraph, Liz discusses the importance of setting personal boundaries and being firm about them. She explains that people who do not respect these boundaries should be distanced from one's life. Liz emphasizes that excuses should not be made for those who treat others poorly, and that everyone is responsible for their own actions. She also talks about the realization that not everyone has the same intentions or empathy, and that it's crucial to prioritize one's own feelings and needs over others'.

10:00

😢 The Struggle with Self-Worth and Empathy

Liz reflects on her past naivety and the lessons she learned about people's differing intentions and actions. She talks about her mother's advice that people do not have the same heart and how she now understands this to mean that one cannot expect others to act as they would. Liz emphasizes the importance of standing up for oneself and not allowing others to cross personal boundaries. She also discusses the need to honor one's own feelings and not let others gaslight or diminish the significance of one's emotional experiences.

15:02

🤔 Prioritizing Self-Care and Personal Growth

This paragraph focuses on the importance of self-care and the realization that one must prioritize their own needs over others'. Liz shares her experiences of saying 'yes' to others at the expense of her own well-being and how this led to insecurity and a lack of self-validation. She encourages viewers to take care of themselves and not to feel obligated to help others at the cost of their own needs. Liz also stresses the importance of self-validation and not seeking approval from others who do not genuinely care for one's well-being.

20:02

🙅‍♀️ Learning to Say No and Reconnect with Oneself

Liz talks about the importance of learning to say no without feeling the need to explain oneself. She shares her experiences of starting to say no to friends and family and how it did not lead to negative consequences as she had feared. Liz also emphasizes the need for alone time to reconnect with oneself, especially for highly sensitive people like herself. She encourages self-reflection through activities such as journaling and meditation and the importance of forgiving oneself for past actions that may have allowed others to treat one poorly.

25:02

💪 Continuous Practice and Healing

In the final paragraph, Liz acknowledges the ongoing process of healing and the continuous practice required to overcome people-pleasing tendencies. She shares personal anecdotes of instances where she struggled to say no and how she is working on improving this aspect of her life. Liz ends on a positive note, expressing gratitude for the lessons learned from her experiences and the wisdom gained, and she encourages her viewers that they are not alone in their journey of self-improvement and healing.

Keywords

💡People Pleaser

A 'people pleaser' is someone who seeks to make others happy often at the expense of their own needs and desires. In the video, Liz identifies herself as a people pleaser and discusses the negative impacts it has had on her life, such as being treated poorly and not setting boundaries. The concept is central to the video's theme of self-respect and personal growth.

💡Bullying

Bullying is repeated aggressive behavior intended to hurt or dominate others, which Liz experienced both at home and in school. The script describes specific instances of physical and emotional bullying, illustrating the severe consequences of not standing up for oneself and the importance of addressing such behavior.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries refer to the limits we set in relationships to protect ourselves from harm or discomfort. Liz emphasizes the importance of establishing and maintaining personal boundaries, explaining that failing to do so can lead to others treating you poorly. The concept is integral to the video's message of self-respect and self-protection.

💡Therapy

Therapy is a process where a professional helps individuals deal with issues and improve mental well-being. Liz credits therapy with helping her understand her people-pleasing tendencies and change her behavior. The term is used to highlight the positive impact of professional help in personal development.

💡Self-respect

Self-respect is the regard one has for oneself and the value one places on one's own worth. The video script discusses the need for individuals, especially people pleasers, to develop self-respect in order to prevent others from mistreating them. It is a key component of the video's overarching message on personal empowerment.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Liz talks about how she used to empathize with bullies, making excuses for their behavior, which was misguided because it overlooked her own suffering. The term is used to illustrate the imbalance that can occur when one prioritizes others' feelings over their own.

💡Validation

Validation is the confirmation or approval of the truth, accuracy, or value of something, often one's feelings or beliefs. The video script mentions the need to seek validation from within rather than from others, which is crucial for building self-esteem and not relying on external approval.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own reality or perceptions. Liz warns against allowing others to gaslight you into doubting your own feelings, emphasizing the importance of trusting one's own emotions and experiences.

💡Actions vs. Words

The distinction between actions and words highlights the importance of what people do versus what they say. Liz advises viewers to judge others by their actions, not their promises or declarations of love, as actions are a truer indicator of one's intentions and feelings.

💡Self-care

Self-care refers to activities that individuals perform to take care of their own health and well-being. The video script encourages taking time for oneself, such as journaling, meditating, or spending time alone, which is essential for personal healing and maintaining emotional health.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of resentment or anger, especially towards oneself. Liz talks about the importance of forgiving oneself for past actions where one may have allowed others to treat them poorly, which is part of the healing process and moving forward with self-compassion.

Highlights

Liz shares personal experiences as an extreme people pleaser and the negative impacts it had on her life.

She discusses the harsh reality of being bullied both at home and school, including physical and emotional abuse.

Liz emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and being firm about them to prevent being treated poorly.

She explains the consequences of not standing up for oneself and the need to distance from people who do not respect boundaries.

Liz talks about the realization that not everyone has the same intentions or empathy, and the importance of self-respect.

She points out the need to stop making excuses for people who treat you badly and to take control of how you respond to them.

Liz highlights the difference between people's words and actions, urging viewers to focus on the latter as a measure of their true intentions.

She encourages viewers to question why people feel comfortable treating them poorly and to seek explanations for such behavior.

Liz stresses the importance of doing things for oneself rather than for others' approval and the need to honor personal feelings.

She discusses the value of self-validation and not seeking approval from others, especially those who take advantage of you.

Liz talks about the concept of quality over quantity in relationships and the importance of surrounding oneself with people who appreciate and respect you.

She shares the importance of practicing saying 'no' and not feeling obligated to explain oneself to others.

Liz emphasizes the need for alone time to reconnect with oneself and the value of self-care in maintaining personal energy.

She discusses the importance of forgiving oneself for past mistakes and the role of self-compassion in personal growth.

Liz shares her ongoing struggle with people-pleasing tendencies despite her success and the need for continuous practice in setting boundaries.

She concludes by expressing gratitude for the lessons learned from her experiences and the wisdom gained from overcoming challenges.

Transcripts

hi guys welcome back to my channel my

name is Liz

um okay so today I've decided to do

things differently I want to share some

life lessons with you guys that I have

learned uh being an extreme people

pleaser you know people Pleasers they

see the world kind of differently and

you know why because people really treat

them differently and they treat them

like you know trash basically yeah if

your people please are watching this you

know what I mean you know I have been

bullied my whole life like in my house I

was bullied and in school I was bullied

and I'm not talking bullied as in like

oh just like making fun of my appearance

no no I was physically hit I don't

really want to go into my bully story I

uh I think I will in like an interview

or a podcast that I do if you guys are

interested but to give you guys a little

context like there was one school that I

was severely bullied at where basically

there was this one instance that like

the guys in the class that used to bully

me they uh told this other guy who was

also getting bullied in my class

um to punch me in the face

and I honestly I was like just minding

my business because I was like just

leave me alone you know I was just doing

my stuff on the computer and then they

they were really rattling this guy up to

punch me in the face and then that guy I

knew he didn't want to do it but

obviously if you're getting bullied and

then they're pressuring you he came over

and he literally punched me in the face

and I looked at him and obviously it

hurts so I started crying and I ran to

the principal's office and I was like

when are you guys gonna help me like I'm

literally getting bullied during gym

classes they like the guys would throw

the basketballs I mean really hard that

I would walk out of the class like

crying and bawling my eyes out but it

wasn't only men that was bullying me

women as well like uh in another school

I was going to like for example these

girls thought it was funny to roll me up

into a carpet during gym class and I

couldn't breathe I literally thought I

was dying I was like please like release

me I was like yelling and they couldn't

even hear me I thought at that moment I

was dying but you know why I was getting

bullied so much because this girl could

not stand up for herself this girl

literally had no boundaries and I would

do anything and everything to just be

liked by people you know sometimes you

cannot fit into places because you were

meant to stand out and I did not realize

this I did not fit in I did not because

I was not like the rest I literally was

the weird one out I did not think like

the other people in my class I had a

really weird understanding of the world

so I wanted to constantly dim myself in

order to fit in with them and they

didn't like me the thing as well was

that at home I would never tell my

parents

um or my siblings that I was getting

bullied because I I had so many issues

at home already and uh I like I was

getting abused at home as well so I

didn't want to be like the drama child

or the child that brought like issues

home you know so I would just like you

know like suck it up suck it up and

there was one time that my sister

actually found out that I was getting

bullied because she went to the school

where I was like physically hit and

stuff by those men and

um basically one of my former classmates

these girls she had told her like oh my

God like you don't know how much your

sister was getting bullied in this

school and all these things and my

sister came home and she was like Liz

like were you getting bullied and I was

like huh no you know I was so

embarrassed and she was like why did you

not tell me and my sister's like the

kind of person like she does not get

bullied you do not talk to my sister

disrespectfully anything my sister has

this mentality of like I'd rather have

people fear me than disrespect me so

people would not treat her the same way

it was brought up in a way that was like

okay Liz you are gonna listen if you

don't listen you'll get abused you know

you got physically abused so for me when

when somebody even though this day asks

me something and I don't want to answer

or I don't want to do it I go into like

a trans mode and I answer or I I just do

what they ask me to do because it's it's

like installed in me you know it's like

either that or you'll get hurt

so I really am still struggling with

this and I'm still going to therapy with

this and this is why I love therapy guys

by the way and that's why I'm advocating

for therapy therapist is one that told

me Liz this is not who you are and you

can actually change this around so it

gave me a lot of Hope as well I'm

telling you therapy changed my life

however I do know that therapy can be

quite expensive and that's why I want to

thank better health for sponsoring this

video better help is the world's largest

therapy service and it's 100 online with

better help you get access to a network

of over 30 000 license and experienced

therapists that can help you with any

issue you might be facing to get started

you answer a few questions about your

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better health can match you with the

right therapist from the network then

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you feel comfortable whether it's via

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schedule live sessions whenever it's

convenient for you so if the therapist

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better help allows you to switch

therapists with no additional charge it

would better help you get the same

professionalism as an in-person

therapist but at a way more affordable

price to betterhelp.com wizard list of

your first month and I've also linked

them down below in the description let's

get right into it the first thing I

learned being a people pleaser is

basically people will keep treating you

like trash until you get boundaries for

yourself and you are firm about them see

the big issue with me was

I would let you treat me badly and I

would just forgive you quickly and

that's it like I would be like oh yeah

you can do that but yet tomorrow I'm

talking to you again why am I talking to

you isn't that people are so comfortable

saying whatever to you but the reason

that people are so comfortable to ask

you whatever is because you don't stand

up for yourself it's because you don't

have the courage to say Hey listen do

not speak to me like that or Hey listen

do not treat me like that and even when

you do say that they know that you're

easy to forgive you will like quickly be

like oh yeah okay it's fine and you guys

are friends tomorrow again no this is

where you go wrong when you tell someone

Hey listen do not speak to me like that

and they still continue to do it you do

not talk to them you do not go near them

you protect yourself and your boundaries

I distance myself from a lot of people

that are not willing to meet my

boundaries not willing to meet my

standards if a family member some family

members I was like okay you are not

willing to respect me then leave me

alone I'm not asking for of crazy things

I'm asking for respect I'm asking to be

treated like a human being and you're

unable to do that then you're unable to

stay in my life if you tell a person

that truly loves you Hey listen I don't

feel comfortable when you do this to me

I don't feel comfortable when you say

this to me they will actually try to

change it and and make you feel more

comfortable but when you say that to a

person that benefits from using you and

you having no boundaries they will get

offended and they will be like oh you

change now you feel better no I don't

allow you to treat me like anymore

another thing I learned is stop making

excuses for people that treat you badly

no I don't care about how they're

feeling I don't care about their mental

fate I don't care about what they're

going through I was going through a lot

of stuff as well and would show up to

school and try to be nice to people

it's not an excuse

you are 100 in control of how you treat

others and if you can't if you can't

treat other people well then you stay

away from people because there is no

reason that you should be hurting other

people because you are hurt no way and

there's no reason that you should be

accepting and making excuse for other

people that are hurting you because you

think like oh that's sad for them but

what about you do we ever feel sad about

ourselves like it's so good and

everything is everybody's like oh you're

so Noble for caring about others but

when you care about yourself you're

selfish no there's one girl in my school

yeah and she used to bully me so badly

she was like one of the popular girls

but she was so mean to me and um she

basically was to make fun of my

appearance would make fun of my lips and

then uh basically uh I would always

think like oh yeah but it's because her

father left her at a young age that's

why she has trauma from that and that's

really sad and stuff but Liz like you're

sitting there you're getting abused

every day at home and you don't treat

her like that

so why was I feeling empathy for her

when she had no empathy towards me and

you know why she had no empathy towards

me because I had no empathy towards

myself I would rather feel bad for her

than I would feel bad for myself and

that was my big issue I could not put

myself first you are not a bad person

for having boundaries and standing up

for yourself see I I think like as well

when I am a people pleaser I have this

belief of like oh no I just want people

to like me I I don't want to cause drama

I don't want to be a burden so I'm gonna

do whatever they ask me to do or I'm not

going to speak up for myself I'm not a

bad person because I have boundaries or

I am willing to speak up for myself I am

actually a person that respects myself

because it's not that you're gonna go

out there and be a mean person or be

unkind to anyone no

when somebody crosses your boundary and

you're not comfortable for something for

example somebody asks you an

inappropriate question and you don't

want to answer you say hey I prefer to

not answer that question or you just

completely go silent and you don't

answer the question not a bad person if

you if you don't answer the question you

know you're not a bad person for saying

I don't feel comfortable with this I I

want to honor myself and my own needs

thing I learned is uh people don't have

the same heart or intentions as you see

for me I was uh always very isolated

even as a kid I didn't have many friends

and constantly like when I would have a

friend or encounter them they would do

something to me that was completely like

that was so bad and then I was like end

up crying to my mom and stuff and I

would say like Mom why would they do

that I would never do that why would

they do that and I was really naive in

my thinking but my mom constantly tell

me Liz people had do not have the same

heart as you people are not the same as

you and I could not understand this

until I grew up and I saw so many toxic

toxic people and then I was like yeah my

mom is right you really have to get into

the mindset of okay other people are not

like me I cannot expect them to act like

me or to do like or to not do things

that I wouldn't do no you have to be

able to accept that okay they will do

things that I don't like and and they

will cross boundaries but then how do I

react to it how do I allow them to treat

me that's the question you should ask

yourself because you have power over

that you don't have power about how they

are or how they treat you but you do

have power over how what you allow and

how you react it is a big deal like most

of the time when you are a people

pleaser people will tell you when you

get angry or something or they cross

your boundary or whatever that you are

overreacting like it's not that big of a

deal no it is if it is a big deal to you

what do they know how can they feel your

feelings you are in your body if you

felt hurt by this or you felt that that

was not the way they should have been

treated you then yeah that's fair tell

them no it is a big deal I'm hurt by

this I don't care what you feel because

you don't feel what I feel right now you

don't feel the hurt that I feel right

now so honor your feelings listen to

them if you are hurt then yes it is a

big deal they have hurt you it doesn't

matter how small the situation might

have been don't let them Gaslight you

into telling you what what you feel is

right or wrong no you know yourself best

you know your feelings if this hurts you

then it hurts you and you can honor that

another thing I learned is to look at

people's actions and not what they tell

me see in life I would hear a lot of oh

this I love you unless I love you always

I'm your best friend this and that and

then I was like everyone claims to love

me but I don't feel loved by anyone

and it's constantly like you have to

look at how to treat you do they treat

you well do they treat you with respect

do they actually say to you like hey Liz

if I'm gonna do this for you do they

actually do it if you need them do they

actually show up look at their actions

do not look at what they tell you

because I'm telling you I promise you

people will put words in your ears like

like it will be magical like a whole

musical they will make of it and if you

believe anything then you'll be easily

manipulated and you will go down like

years and years maybe even stuck in a

relationship because they keep promising

you stuff no look at how they're

treating you

what is it that they're actually doing

how are they making you feel that is

most important do not look at words I do

not trust words I trust action you have

to start asking people when they ask you

something that you didn't like or

whatever or they do something that you

didn't like then you have to start

asking why did you feel comfortable to

say that to me or why did you feel

comfortable to do that to me

I start asking this question and you

know why first of all you will start to

understand maybe they'll actually give

you an explanation as to why or maybe

you gave they will say you gave off this

Vibe or whatever so you can literally

look at yourself and be like okay next

time maybe like I should literally

change that so people don't don't do

that again you know or they will feel

really embarrassed by what they did and

they will not give an explanation and

then you can also see like whoa this

person does not have the right

intentions with me but ask people why

they did what they did to you another

thing is start asking yourself am I

doing this for me or am I doing this for

someone else like for example I one time

I had like this one friend and she

basically were meeting up and stuff and

she was basically like gonna bring me to

this guy that I didn't want to go to and

I told her already I I don't feel

comfortable with this person but like

when I was on my way she was telling me

we're going somewhere else then I was on

my way to the car and then she calls me

she's like yeah we're gonna go to this

guy and then I was like I was like

shocked and I didn't want to say

anything so I just closed the phone then

I called my other friend and then I was

like yeah she's telling me to go there I

don't know what to do and then she was

like Liz what do you want to do and then

I was like I don't want to go there I

don't want to go to this guy and then

she was like okay then you go home so

then I was like yeah you're right so

then I called the friend I was like I'm

not coming and then I told like uh the

driver to go home so then I'm at home

and then I started to develop this

mentality of like okay am I doing this

for me or am I doing this for someone

else because if I had went I would have

went because she wanted to you know but

every time I say yes to something when I

really want to say no I am saying no to

myself

and what will happen down the line is I

will become so insecure because I'm

always putting list down in other for

other people to feel good and

comfortable but how does that make me

makes me this big and small and then in

like future and stuff I would be afraid

to speak up for myself so no if now I'm

thinking like okay they are asking me to

do this do I want to do this

um no okay I won't do it like literally

you have to start thinking that simple

do things when when you feel like it's

good for you do them when you don't feel

like it aligns with you and your purpose

you do not do them no matter what they

say no matter what they want you to do

do not push yourself down to make

someone else go up it's not your job to

fix them see me I constantly want to

help people ever since I was young I

want to help everyone like if if you

come to me with like whatever I remember

like even one time like I literally my

last money there was like this home soon

that came up to me I had no money and

this was like my last money and was like

yeah please I need it like I have a son

this and that and I was like yeah yeah

she needs it more than me so I gave my

last money to her but I didn't have any

money you know but then it was like you

know what the whole thing was I was so

comfortable with like a disrespecting

myself and what I need in order to help

other people and that is not good that

is not good and sometimes I truly

believe that God like makes people go

through stuff because that is their path

you cannot intervene you cannot beat

hero and try to help them because you're

intervening God's plan for them stay in

your lane sometimes you don't have to

help people it's not your job it's it's

your job to take care of you it's your

job to take care of you it's okay if

they don't like you people not everyone

will like you you know it's like it's

normal that people don't like if people

have different interests people they

they don't care some people are just

general haters you know

if you don't have friends that's fine

sometimes you can't fit in something

because you're at the wrong place the

wrong people are surrounding you maybe

you are just an extreme people pleaser

and people are just like taking

advantage of you like my issue so it's

okay you don't have to be liked by them

do you even like them that ask yourself

do I like them you know no most of the

time you will not like these people that

are taking advantage you or whatever so

why do you need them to like you you

don't need your validation you have to

start validating yourself you know and

especially also if you're on social

media and you're scared that people will

not like you whatever people hate some

people hate on everyone like you can't

make everyone like you let you you have

to accept this my friend she told me

this she was like listen there's

literally YouTube videos of cats yeah

catch this plane and you will see hate

comments under that like some people are

just bitter let them be bitter it's okay

if they don't like you don't prove

yourself the only person you have to

prove yourself to is yourself don't

allow anyone and everyone to get close

to you or to get to know you it's

actually a luxury to know you that's how

you have to think about yourself in life

exclusive things are more valued that's

why you have when you have exclusive

Brands high-end Brands they're they're

like for a certain group only and

they're very exclusive they're at a very

high value because they're not for

everyone not everyone can afford to be

around them you have to see yourself

that way if you just allow everyone and

everybody to come in like what are you a

trash collector if you just allow

everyone and anyone to come close to you

or to get to know you people also

realize that you are someone without

boundaries because you have no

boundaries of who you share your energy

with which is so sacred you know you are

a sacred uh Divine being so protect

yourself protect yourself from certain

people if you feel that there's a A vibe

that's off okay don't don't get too

closer to them don't let them get close

to you like follow your intuition a

little bit about people it's much more

important to have quality over quantity

these days I have like one best friend I

have my sister who's my best friend and

I am very happy with that I do not go

around making lots and lots of friends

and then like I don't want to be in

drama or like a reputation issues or

like all this gossip no I don't want to

I want to protect my energy I want to

keep my energy for the people that I

love for the people that I appreciate

and love me as well practice saying no

without explaining yourself too much see

you sometimes if you don't want to go

somewhere if you don't want to go out

you can just say like no I don't feel

like it you know to your friends you

don't have to constantly like give a

whole reason why or make something up or

one of your 10 grandmas died you know no

sometimes you just have to be I don't

feel like it I don't feel well no just

no simple no it's okay to say no and

people that actually love you will not

get offended by that they will actually

appreciate it and be like okay fine

we'll tell you if there's anything that

you need just let them know or if you

want to talk just let them know but if

you want space then that's totally up to

you I recently as well started

practicing saying no uh to friends and

family and honestly there's literally

nothing that was wrong with that they

didn't give me any crazy blowout like I

thought it would be or they would hate

me no not at all they're just like okay

fine like it's that simple people are

literally like okay

they don't care you know so get that out

of your head then it will be a big drama

it will not just practice practice

saying no yeah I know it's it's a little

hard and baby steps and I that as well

but it helps very important is as well

to have time to reconnect with yourself

see me because I'm highly sensitive I

really need a lot of alone time to

connect to myself to literally hug

myself and be like this is gonna be okay

and literally make me feel like I am

inside of my body and ground myself

because a lot of times when I'm around a

lot of people I pick up on their

energies and like you know when you you

try to help them you try this and and I

can't help it like right as if right now

I still cannot control it my my

constantly trying to help

um but it's very draining so then I go

into isolation mode because I need to

recover from all that but now I've

realized that I need time to reconnect

with myself I need time to do things

that I love and take care of my myself

in order so that I can also be you know

presentable for other people and I just

really enjoy like spending time with

myself I enjoy spending time with my cat

he helps me a lot with my emotions

um I just enjoy doing things by myself

and getting to know myself better so

have time to do that like literally

sometimes you sit even with yourself and

just

stare at a wall let your thoughts flow

write down Journal meditate all these

things it's very beautiful and last but

not least is forgive yourself for the

past times you've let the people treat

you badly because honestly

it's okay like we're all learning it's

not your fault like if we did not go

through that we would not have the

wisdom right now on how to handle it and

I am honestly very very grateful for

everything I went through because it

made me so wise like literally I know a

lot about people I know a lot about like

how to handle situations so I'm really

grateful for that

um it's okay like I forgive myself

there's no point in being angry at

yourself you know my uh my therapist she

told me this because I was literally

like I was telling her like yeah all

this I can't stop people pleasing and I

was getting really angry at myself and

she was like Liz the anger is not gonna

help because once again you are getting

angry at your inner child who was

manipulated into thinking that the only

way she would receive love was if she

did whatever the other person asked and

again you are abusing her by getting

angry at her and she was like Liz she

doesn't need more anger she needs love

and that's when I realized like yeah

you're absolutely right I need to be

more kinder to myself I need to be more

gentle with myself and forgive myself

for the ways I have allowed other people

to treat me and the only way I can do

now is look forward and have boundaries

and make sure people don't treat me like

that and little by little

get where I want to get it takes a lot

of practice like literally I'm standing

here today I'm the wizardless I have

millions of followers and still today I

have people pleasing Tendencies I even

had like recently a fan come up to me

and was like go stand over there I'm

gonna take a picture of you and I was

like I was in my head think like I don't

want to do that but I couldn't say no

so then I stood there and I I like let

them take a picture of me and then I was

like why did I not say no and then the

same day as well I had like uh some

person that I knew asked me some really

inappropriate questions that I just

answered because I I didn't feel like I

couldn't like not answer them so then I

remember my sister she was she came to

visit me then and I was literally

standing outside imagine I'm like

millions of followers at the wizardless

I'm standing outside I'm starting to cry

and bawl my eyes out because I cannot

stop pleasing and I cannot like stand up

for myself so it takes practice so now

like little by little I'm starting to

say like hey um I didn't like this or

hey I don't want to answer your question

and honestly I see that like I don't get

a bad response or something from it like

it genuinely just normal

so yeah it takes practice so guys like I

said we're all healing together we're in

this together and uh yeah I'm healing

you guys are still healing so yeah I

love you guys so much I hope you learned

something from this video and yeah I see

you in the next video bye guys bye