A 3-Step Guide to Believing in Yourself | Sheryl Lee Ralph | TED

Summary

In this inspiring speech, Sheryl Lee Ralph, a celebrated actress and singer, recounts her journey to winning the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in 'Abbott Elementary.' She emphasizes the importance of self-belief, drawing on her experiences of overcoming racial prejudice and professional rejection. Ralph encourages the audience to see, think, and act upon their self-worth, highlighting the power of persistence and self-confidence in the face of adversity.

Takeaways

• 🏆 Sheryl Lee Ralph won an Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy for her role in 'Abbott Elementary'.
• 🎤 She emphasizes the importance of not singing a 'victim song' and being proud of one's identity as a woman and an artist.
• 🎬 Her career started with a film directed by Sidney Poitier and was followed by a decade of rejections before her Broadway success in 'Dreamgirls'.
• 🤔 Sheryl encourages self-reflection and the importance of believing in oneself despite facing numerous 'no's and moments of doubt.
• 💪 She highlights the need for mental health checkups and reframing our thinking to foster self-belief, especially in challenging times.
• 👀 The first step to self-belief is seeing ourselves truly and deeply for who and what we are, as illustrated by her childhood experience.
• 🧠 The second step is thinking about ourselves positively, as demonstrated by Sheryl's response to a demeaning comment from a Hollywood casting director.
• 💃 The third step is acting like we believe in ourselves, which can create possibilities that would not exist without self-belief.
• 📺 Sheryl shares her story of advocating for diversity in 'Designing Women' and getting cast as Anthony's wife, showing the power of self-belief in action.
• 🔄 She challenges the audience to practice self-love and respect, and to empower themselves if they cannot yet love what they see in the mirror.
• 🚫 Finally, Sheryl ends with a powerful message to never give up on oneself and to believe in the power of self-belief.

Q & A

What significant event did Sheryl Lee Ralph mention in her speech?

Sheryl Lee Ralph mentioned winning the Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy for her role as Mrs. Barbara Howard on 'Abbott Elementary' on September 12th, 2022.

How did Sheryl Lee Ralph describe her initial reaction to winning the Emmy Award?

Sheryl Lee Ralph described her initial reaction as being 'shooketh into disbelief' and feeling stunned, to the point where she didn't know how she got up on stage.

What personal anecdote from Sheryl Lee Ralph's childhood did she share in her speech?

Sheryl Lee Ralph shared an anecdote from her childhood when she was the only Black person in her third-grade class at a private school and was subjected to racial slurs and isolation.

What advice did Sheryl Lee Ralph's mother give her to cope with racial discrimination at school?

Her mother advised her to look at herself in the mirror and not to see the racial slurs directed at her, but to believe in her own worth and to let the ignorance of others bounce off her.

What Broadway musical did Sheryl Lee Ralph star in that became an iconic musical of the '80s?

Sheryl Lee Ralph starred in 'Dreamgirls', which became an iconic musical of the 1980s.

What was the impact of the Hollywood casting director's comments on Sheryl Lee Ralph's self-belief?

The casting director's comments initially hurt Sheryl Lee Ralph, but she reframed his words to build herself up, believing that she deserved to be cast in movies with leading actors like Tom Cruise.

What is the significance of the phrase 'rubber, glue' in Sheryl Lee Ralph's speech?

The phrase 'rubber, glue' is a saying used by Sheryl Lee Ralph's mother to teach her to let negative comments bounce off her and not affect her self-worth.

What three things did Sheryl Lee Ralph suggest we must do to believe in ourselves?

Sheryl Lee Ralph suggested that we must see ourselves truly, think about ourselves positively, and act like we believe in ourselves in order to foster self-belief.

How did Sheryl Lee Ralph's encounter with Harry Thomason lead to a role on 'Designing Women'?

Sheryl Lee Ralph approached Harry Thomason and questioned the lack of a Black woman in a relationship with Anthony on 'Designing Women'. This led to her being cast as Etienne Toussaint Bouvier in the final season of the show.

What challenge did Sheryl Lee Ralph issue to the audience at the end of her speech?

Sheryl Lee Ralph challenged the audience to start a meaningful practice of looking in the mirror and loving, respecting, encouraging, empowering, or being kind to what they see, as a way of building self-belief.

What acronym does Sheryl Lee Ralph use to represent the highest achievements in the entertainment industry?

Sheryl Lee Ralph uses the acronym 'EGOT' to represent winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony, which are considered the highest achievements in the entertainment industry.

Outlines

00:00

🏆 Triumph Over Adversity

Sheryl Lee Ralph reflects on her journey to winning the Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy series, portraying Mrs. Barbara Howard on 'Abbott Elementary.' She expresses her initial disbelief and shock at winning and takes a trip down memory lane, recounting her first movie directed by Sidney Poitier, the subsequent years of rejection, and her eventual success on Broadway with 'Dreamgirls.' She emphasizes the importance of self-belief, especially in the face of numerous 'no's and moments of doubt, and acknowledges the current challenges people face, including the pandemic, political division, and social issues, which make it difficult to maintain faith in oneself and the world.

05:02

💡 The Power of Self-Reflection

In this paragraph, Sheryl Lee Ralph discusses the importance of self-reflection and belief in oneself. She shares her childhood experience as a Black student in a predominantly white private school and the lessons her Jamaican mother taught her about self-worth and resilience. Ralph also talks about the power of thinking and how a hurtful comment from a Hollywood casting director led her to think critically about her place in the industry. She encourages the audience to see themselves clearly, to think about their self-worth, and to believe in their abilities, regardless of external opinions or challenges.

10:05

🚀 Acting on Self-Belief

Sheryl Lee Ralph continues her narrative by stressing the importance of acting on one's self-belief. She recounts a pivotal moment when she advocated for diversity in a TV show, leading to her casting. Ralph illustrates how believing in oneself and taking action can create opportunities that seemed impossible before. She shares her journey of self-empowerment, from overcoming the limitations set by others to envisioning a future where she could achieve the prestigious EGOT status. She ends this section with a challenge to the audience to practice self-love and self-belief, emphasizing that the most significant relationship one can have is with oneself.

15:10

🌟 Embracing Self-Love and Persistence

In the final paragraph, Sheryl Lee Ralph concludes her speech with a heartfelt message of self-love and perseverance. She encourages the audience to maintain a practice of self-reflection and self-appreciation, suggesting that if one cannot love their reflection, they should respect, encourage, empower, or at least be kind to it. Ralph reinforces the idea that self-belief can mend broken wings and allow individuals to soar. She leaves the audience with a reminder to never give up on themselves, expressing her love for them just as they are, and ends with a song about believing in oneself.

Keywords

💡Endangered species

The term 'endangered species' typically refers to a group of organisms that are at risk of becoming extinct due to various threats. In the script, Sheryl Lee Ralph uses this metaphorically to describe herself as a woman in the entertainment industry who has faced numerous challenges and rejections, yet she still stands strong and proud, much like an endangered species that perseveres against the odds.

💡Emmy Award

The 'Emmy Award' is a prestigious accolade given to recognize excellence in the television industry. In the script, Ralph mentions winning the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy for her role in 'Abbott Elementary,' which signifies a pinnacle of her career and serves as a testament to her talent and perseverance.

💡Self-belief

Self-belief is the confidence one has in their own abilities and worth. It is a central theme of the video, with Ralph emphasizing the importance of believing in oneself to overcome challenges and achieve success. She shares her personal journey and the moments of doubt that she overcame through self-belief.

💡Rejection

Rejection is the act of refusing to accept or consider something or someone. In the context of the script, Ralph talks about the numerous 'nos' she received throughout her career, illustrating the persistence and resilience needed to continue pursuing one's goals despite setbacks.

💡Iconic

The term 'iconic' is used to describe something or someone widely recognized and influential. Ralph refers to her role in the '80s musical 'Dreamgirls' as iconic, highlighting the significant impact it had on her career and its lasting legacy in the entertainment industry.

💡Doubt

Doubt is a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction. The script discusses moments of doubt that Ralph experienced, which is a common emotion faced by many when striving for success. It underscores the importance of overcoming doubt to maintain self-belief and continue moving forward.

💡Mental health

Mental health refers to a person's emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Ralph mentions the impact of various societal challenges on mental health, advocating for self-care and the importance of checking in with one's mental state, which is integral to maintaining self-belief.

💡Confidence

Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. Ralph speaks about the kind of confidence that propels individuals to keep moving forward despite adversity, which is a driving force in her own journey and message.

💡EGOT

EGOT refers to winning all four major annual American entertainment awards: Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony. Ralph uses this term to express her aspirations and to inspire others to aim high, showcasing the pinnacle of success in the entertainment industry.

💡Perseverance

Perseverance is the continued effort to achieve a goal despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. The script's narrative is filled with examples of Ralph's perseverance, such as her continued efforts in the face of rejection and the long wait between roles, which ultimately led to her success.

💡Self-love

Self-love is the act of valuing and caring for oneself. Ralph challenges her audience to practice self-love by looking in the mirror and loving what they see, which is a foundational aspect of self-belief and a key message in her speech.

Highlights

Sheryl Lee Ralph's powerful message of self-belief and overcoming challenges, rooted in her Emmy win for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy for 'Abbott Elementary'.

The significance of Ralph's Emmy win, marking her first time at the Emmys and how she was overwhelmed by the moment.

Ralph reflects on her early career struggles, including years of rejection before finding success on Broadway in 'Dreamgirls'.

A powerful life lesson: Ralph contemplates how different her life would have been if she had given up after facing numerous 'no's'.

Ralph emphasizes the importance of believing in oneself, even during challenging times marked by political division, social violence, and other global issues.

The importance of mental health: Ralph stresses that this is a rough time and that we all need to take care of our mental well-being.

Ralph shares a personal story from her childhood, highlighting the racial challenges she faced and how her mother helped her see her own worth.

A pivotal moment in Ralph's career: A casting director's dismissive remarks led her to recognize her value, ultimately fueling her determination to succeed in Hollywood.

Ralph advises the audience to think critically about themselves, a lesson she learned from her father's simple yet powerful advice: 'Think.'

Ralph recounts her bold move in Hollywood, which led to her being cast in the final season of 'Designing Women'.

Ralph's mantra: 'Act like you believe in yourself,' emphasizing that self-belief can create opportunities that wouldn't otherwise exist.

Ralph's encouragement to take up space and believe in one's right to belong, regardless of external opinions.

Ralph challenges the audience to start a meaningful practice of self-reflection, self-love, and self-respect.

Ralph's closing challenge: To see oneself, believe in oneself, and never give up, as the greatest relationship one will ever have is with oneself.

Ralph's final, uplifting message: 'Believe in yourself as I believe in you,' leaving the audience with a powerful affirmation.

Transcripts

(Singing) I am an endangered species

(Applause and cheers)

But I sing no victim song.

I am a woman.

I am an artist.

And I know

where my voice ...

belongs.

(Applause and cheers)

Now, you might have heard me sing that song.

It was September 12th, 2022,

right after Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers said,

"And the winner is,

Sheryl Lee Ralph!"

What!?

I had just won the Emmy Award

for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy

for my role as Mrs. Barbara Howard

on your favorite TV show, "Abbott Elementary."

(Cheers)

Oh, yes.

And I was shocked.

As the children would say, shooketh into disbelief.

Oh, my goodness, it was my first time at the Emmys and I won.

Yes!

And I got to tell you,

in that moment,

I was so stunned into disbelief

that I don't know how I got up on the stage.

There I was, just listening to that roar of applause.

Mm mm mm.

And my whole career flashed right there in front of me.

Starting with 19-year-old Sheryl Lee in her first movie

being directed by the great Sidney Poitier.

Oh, yeah, you can clap that.

(Applause)

Followed by ten years of “no” after “no” after “no.”

Before the next film role came about.

But I filled in that time with TV

and more "nos" and more rejection

until I made it big on Broadway

in what has become the iconic musical of the '80s,

because I say so,

(Laughter)

"Dreamgirls."

(Applause)

And boy, did I learn a lot of life lessons there.

And I mean, after so many moments of doubt, disbelief,

there I was, on that Emmy stage,

with this huge sign in front of me flashing

"Stop now," "Stop now," "Stop now."

And I started to think,

“My God, what if I had stopped after all of those ‘nos?’

What if I had stopped after all of those moments of feeling defeated?

What if I had stopped?"

I wouldn't be standing there

for that golden moment.

But right now,

many of us, we are feeling ...

deeply challenged

trying to hold on

and believe in ourselves,

and I do not mean in a toxic way.

I am talking about a way that comes from confidence,

the kind of confidence that can keep us moving forward

when we are feeling

like we are carrying the weight of the pandemic,

trying to figure out all of this political division,

fighting all of the mental, physical, social violence in our homes,

in our communities,

to climate change, social media.

It's a lot.

Making it hard to believe in the goodness in the world.

And harder still to believe in the goodness of ourselves.

This is a rough time, people, and our mental health is suffering.

We all need a checkup from the neck up.

(Laughter)

And I don't mean -- yeah, it's OK.

You feel me, thank you.

(Applause)

And I don't mean just medicine.

I actually mean reframing our thinking

of our ability to believe in ourselves.

Now I know,

you see me on TV, in magazines, on movie screens,

and you might be thinking to yourself,

"What does she know about struggling to believe in herself?"

Well, let me tell you something.

I do not look like my journey.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

Oh, I've been through a few things.

And the struggle is real.

But I have learned something in my life.

That there are three things that we all must do

in order to believe in ourselves.

Number one.

First, we need to see ourselves.

I mean, really, truly,

deeply see ourselves for who and what we are

in order to believe in ourselves.

I’m a child of the ’60s, and that was hard.

Oh.

In the third grade,

I tested out of public school into a fancy private school

where the only Black person I saw every day

was the one who looked back at me in the mirror.

I was by myself, and I was all alone.

And the things that were said to me,

and I'm not talking about just the kids,

but the adults, too.

And when I would come home from school crying the ugly cry,

my immigrant Jamaican mother would sit me down in front of the mirror

and ask me,

"Do you see an N-word?

Do you see a liar?

Do you see a big-lip monkey?

No!

So dry your eyes.

And when you go back to school, remember,

you are rubber,

they are glue.

And every ignorant thing they say about you

bounces off of you and sticks to them."

(Applause)

And I believed her.

And it didn't hurt.

So much.

Because I believed.

Number two.

We've got to think.

Think about ourselves in order to believe in ourselves.

Growing up, my dad had a sign on his desk.

And it said, "Think."

"Think."

Oh, I did not know how valuable and powerful

the simple act of thinking was

until I came back to Hollywood from my triumphant run on Broadway,

and I had this meeting with a big studio Hollywood casting director.

Oh, I was so excited.

I walked in and he looked at me and he said,

"Hm.

Everybody knows you're a beautiful, talented Black girl.

But what do I do with a beautiful, talented Black girl?

Do I put you in a movie with Tom Cruise?

Does he kiss you? Ugh.

Who goes to see that movie?"

(Laughs)

I could not believe

that that man had just said that to me, to my face.

And he hurt me.

He hurt me so deeply,

I was actually thinking about quitting.

Until ...

I started to think.

And I thought about what he said.

He said that everybody knew

that I was a beautiful, talented Black girl.

(Laughter)

(Cheers and applause)

And that I deserve to be cast in movies with the likes of Tom Cruise,

and he should kiss me.

(Applause)

(Laughs)

So what was meant to break me did not break me, it built me up.

I believed that man, I believed what he said.

And I walked out of there giving myself permission to take up space in Hollywood,

knowing that I belonged there

no matter what anybody thought about me.

(Cheers and applause)

Thirdly.

We've got to act like we believe in ourselves.

Oh, yeah.

Because when we believe in ourselves and act on it,

we create possibilities that never would have been possible

had we not just believed.

OK, so I will tell you another story.

I will never forget walking into one of those crowded Hollywood rooms,

and I see Harry Thomason, producer Harry Thomason,

who is married to Linda Bloodworth-Thomason,

writer, creator of the series "Designing Women."

I walk right up to Harry and I say,

"How can it be, that after all of these years

Anthony has not had a relationship with a Black woman?

After all, the show takes place in Atlanta,

Georgia."

(Laughter)

He looked at me, took a step back

and said, "Who are you?"

I said, "I'm Sheryl Lee Ralph."

And he said, "OK.

Have your people call my people

and we will see what we can do."

And guess what happened?

(Laughter)

I got cast as Etienne Toussaint Bouvier,

Las Vegas showgirl turned Anthony's wife

for the final season of "Designing Women."

(Cheers and applause)

Oh, yeah.

Against all odds, once again,

I gave myself permission to take up space,

believing that I belonged.

I believed that if Sheryl Lee did the work of honing her craft,

building solid relationships

and stayed ready so she didn't have to get ready,

anything was possible.

Heck, winning an Emmy.

A Grammy.

An Oscar.

A Tony.

EGOT it, baby.

(Cheering)

So ...

When you leave this room today,

I challenge all of you to start a meaningful practice

of looking in the mirror

and loving what you see.

Believe in what you see.

If you can't love it, then respect it.

And if you can't respect it, then encourage it.

If you can't encourage it, empower it.

And if you can't empower it, please be kind to it.

(Applause)

The greatest relationship,

the greatest one you will ever have

is with yourself.

Believe me.

Have faith in yourself.

Believing that faith can make broken wings fly.

And we deserve to soar.

Remember,

maybe one of these days when you pass the mirror

and you catch a glimpse of yourself,

remember, I told you this.

That is what believing looks like.

And don't you ever, ever,

ever give up on you.

I am Sheryl Lee Ralph,

and I love you just the way you are.

(Singing) Believe in yourself

As I believe in you

Thank you.

(Cheers and applause)