2017 World Champion of Public Speaking, Manoj Vasudevan

Toastmasters International

13 Sept 201707:45

Summary

TLDRManoj Vasudevan's speech 'Pull Less, Bend More' is a heartfelt narrative of his journey through marriage and relationship dynamics. At 24, he was single and sought his mother's help to find love, leading to his marriage to Sindhu. However, differences and arguments soon arose, prompting advice from his divorced friend Jay and his mother's wisdom. She emphasized the importance of compromise and flexibility in maintaining love, using the metaphor of Cupid's bow and string. Embracing this advice, Manoj and Sindhu found harmony, celebrating their 19th anniversary still holding hands. The speech concludes with a broader reflection on unity despite differences, inspired by the diverse audience of Toastmasters.

Takeaways

💑 The speaker started with a seemingly perfect life but faced relationship challenges, indicating that external success doesn't guarantee relationship harmony.
🤔 The speaker questioned the reasons behind the failure of his relationships, highlighting the importance of introspection in understanding relationship dynamics.
🏹 The speaker humorously mentioned Cupid not living in India, using a cultural reference to express his initial unsuccessful search for love.
👵 Seeking advice from his mother, the speaker demonstrates the value of family wisdom and support in personal matters.
💃 Meeting Sindhu, the speaker's initial attraction and subsequent marriage illustrate the excitement and optimism of new relationships.
🔄 The emergence of differences post-marriage between the speaker and Sindhu underscores the reality that compatibility issues can arise over time.
🤝 The concept of 'pull less and bend more' introduced by the speaker's mother serves as a metaphor for compromise and flexibility in relationships.
🧘‍♂️ The speaker's personal growth in the relationship is exemplified by his willingness to participate in activities he previously resisted, like outdoor activities and swimming.
🍳 The improvement in Sindhu's cooking as a result of the speaker's positive changes reflects the reciprocal nature of relationship dynamics.
🌐 The speaker extends the 'pull less and bend more' principle to various types of relationships, emphasizing its universal applicability.
🎉 Celebrating 19 years of marriage, the speaker's story ends on a positive note, reinforcing the effectiveness of the 'pull less and bend more' approach in maintaining long-term relationships.

Q & A

How old was Manoj Vasudevan when he felt the need to find a partner?
-Manoj Vasudevan was 24 years old when he was looking for a partner.
What was Manoj's initial approach to finding a partner?
-Manoj initially relied on Cupid's metaphorical arrow to find him the perfect partner.
Who did Manoj turn to for help in finding a partner?
-Manoj turned to his mother for help in finding a partner.
How did Manoj's mother plan to help him find a partner?
-Manoj's mother offered to introduce him to some good girls, and arranged for him to meet Sindhu.
What was significant about the day Manoj and Sindhu got married?
-Manoj and Sindhu got married on the 4th of July, which is America's Independence Day.
What differences emerged in Manoj and Sindhu's relationship after marriage?
-Differences in their preferences for activities, such as being outdoors, swimming, and cooking, started to emerge.
What advice did Manoj's friend Jay give him regarding his marriage?
-Jay advised Manoj that life is short and suggested separating, offering to introduce him to his lawyer.
What metaphor did Manoj's mother use to explain how to maintain a relationship?
-Manoj's mother used the metaphor of Cupid's bow and string to explain the importance of compromise and flexibility in a relationship.
How did Manoj change his behavior in the relationship after his mother's advice?
-Manoj became more flexible, joining Sindhu in her activities and appreciating her efforts, which led to improvements in their relationship.
What is the main message Manoj conveyed in his speech about relationships?
-The main message is that in relationships, one should 'pull less and bend more' to maintain harmony and understanding.
How long have Manoj and Sindhu been married according to the speech?
-Manoj and Sindhu celebrated their 19th anniversary, indicating they have been married for 19 years.
What is the significance of the phrase 'pull less and bend more' in the context of the speech?
-The phrase 'pull less and bend more' signifies the importance of compromise, flexibility, and mutual understanding in relationships.

Outlines

00:00

😄 The Struggle for Love and Independence

Manoj Vasudevan begins his story at the age of 24, living in India with a comfortable life but facing relationship troubles. Despite having material success, his romantic relationships are fleeting. Seeking advice, he turns to his mother, who offers to introduce him to potential partners. The narrative then shifts to his meeting with Sindhu, a woman who captivates him, and they quickly marry. However, their differences become apparent post-marriage, leading to frequent arguments and a growing distance between them. The story highlights the initial challenges in their marriage and the struggle to maintain independence within the relationship.

05:06

🌟 Learning to Bend, Not Break

In the second paragraph, Manoj shares the wisdom imparted by his mother, which becomes the turning point in his marriage. She teaches him that relationships require compromise and flexibility, likening it to the partnership between the bow and string in archery. By 'pulling less and bending more,' Manoj and Sindhu begin to adapt to each other's preferences, leading to a stronger bond. This change in approach not only saves their marriage but also enriches it. Manoj's personal growth is mirrored by the broader message of unity and cooperation, as he draws parallels between his relationship and the diverse, harmonious community within Toastmasters. The story concludes with the couple celebrating their 19th anniversary, still holding hands despite arguments, embodying the lesson of bending rather than breaking in the face of life's challenges.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Cupid

Cupid is a symbol of affection and love, often depicted as a small winged figure with a bow and arrow. In the script, Cupid is metaphorically referred to as the agent that initiates love between two people. The speaker humorously notes that 'It seems Cupid doesn't live in India,' indicating his initial struggle to find love. The concept of Cupid's arrow and bow is later used to illustrate the dynamics of a successful relationship, where the 'arrow' represents the initial attraction, and the 'bow' represents the flexibility and compromise needed to maintain the relationship.

💡Independence

Independence typically refers to the state of being free within a country or an individual's autonomy. In the context of the script, the speaker ironically states that he 'lost his independence' on America's Independence Day, the day he got married. This highlights the contrast between national independence and personal freedom, suggesting that marriage brought about a loss of personal autonomy, at least initially.

💡Differences

Differences refer to the disparities or variations between people or things. In the script, the emergence of differences between the speaker and his wife is a central conflict. Their contrasting preferences, such as her love for the outdoors and his preference for indoors, swimming versus a fear of drowning, and cooking styles, exemplify the challenges that arise when two individuals with distinct tastes and habits come together in a relationship.

💡Arguments

Arguments are expressions of disagreement or conflict. The script describes how the couple argued over big and small things, and even over nothing, indicating a lack of understanding or compromise. This term is crucial as it shows the breakdown in communication and the struggle to find common ground within the relationship.

💡Ego

Ego represents one's sense of self-importance or self-esteem. In the narrative, ego is described as what 'pulls the string' in the metaphor of Cupid's bow, suggesting that it can be a force that pushes individuals apart in a relationship. The speaker's mother advises that to maintain a relationship, one must overcome ego and be willing to 'bend' or compromise.

💡Compromise

Compromise is the act of settling disputes or disagreements by mutual concessions. The script emphasizes the importance of compromise in relationships through the advice 'pull less and bend more,' which means to be less stubborn and more flexible. The speaker's change in behavior, such as joining his wife in her activities, exemplifies the practice of compromise.

💡Solitude

Solitude refers to the state of being alone, often implying a sense of isolation. The speaker describes living under the same roof with his wife but feeling like two people living in solitude, indicating a deep emotional distance despite physical proximity. This term underscores the emotional disconnect that can occur in a relationship lacking communication and connection.

💡Marriage

Marriage is a legally or formally recognized union of two people. In the script, marriage is portrayed as both a joyful and challenging institution. The speaker's marriage to Sindhu is a central plot point, and the subsequent issues they face illustrate the complexities and growth opportunities within a marital relationship.

💡Relationship

A relationship is the way in which two or more people or organizations are connected. The script primarily deals with the dynamics of a romantic relationship, highlighting the need for understanding, compromise, and flexibility. The concept of 'pull less and bend more' is a key strategy for maintaining a healthy relationship, as demonstrated by the speaker's evolving approach to his marriage.

💡Metaphor

A metaphor is a figure of speech that expresses one thing in terms of another, suggesting a resemblance. The script uses the metaphor of Cupid's bow and arrow to convey the idea of a successful relationship requiring both attraction (arrow) and flexibility (bow). This metaphor is central to the theme of the video, illustrating the balance needed between individuality and partnership.

💡Toastmasters

Toastmasters is an international organization that helps people improve their communication and leadership skills. In the script, the speaker refers to the audience as Toastmasters, indicating that they are part of this organization. The mention of Toastmasters serves to draw a parallel between the skills of communication and leadership with the ability to navigate differences and maintain unity, both in personal relationships and in a diverse group like Toastmasters.

Highlights

Manoj Vasudevan shares his personal journey of relationship struggles and the lessons learned from his mother about the importance of compromise in a relationship.

The humorous depiction of the speaker's unsuccessful romantic pursuits and the cultural differences in finding love in India.

The introduction of the speaker's mother as a source of wisdom and support in his quest for a partner.

The description of the first meeting with Sindhu, highlighting the initial attraction and the beginning of their relationship.

The metaphor of marriage as losing independence, humorously portrayed by the speaker's experience on the 4th of July.

The emergence of differences between the speaker and Sindhu, illustrating the common challenges couples face in a relationship.

The speaker's realization of the need for compromise and the humorous attempt to convince Sindhu to be like him.

The advice from the friend Jay, who suggests separation as a solution, contrasting with the speaker's desire to fix the relationship.

The mother's wisdom about the nature of relationships, using the metaphor of Cupid's bow and the importance of flexibility.

The speaker's transformation in the relationship, becoming more flexible and joining Sindhu in her interests.

The improvement in the relationship as both partners start to pull less and bend more, leading to a stronger bond.

The broader application of the 'pull less, bend more' philosophy to various types of relationships and societal issues.

The speaker's acknowledgment of the diversity in the room and the potential for unity despite differences, inspired by Toastmasters.

The celebration of the 19th wedding anniversary, demonstrating the longevity and success of the relationship after adopting the 'pull less, bend more' approach.

The enduring impact of the speaker's mother's advice, which continues to guide him and Sindhu in their relationship.