How To Express Yourself Authentically without Hurting Others, Rehearsing & Losing Connection
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores the concept of authenticity and its impact on communication. It challenges the notion that being true to oneself necessarily involves expressing anger or beliefs without question. The speaker suggests a shift in perspective, visualizing others as teammates to foster a sense of shared vision and curiosity. This approach promotes connection, reduces defensiveness, and encourages open, compassionate dialogue. Authenticity is presented as a natural state of being, free from the need to protect one's self-image, allowing for genuine expression and the discovery of common ground.
Takeaways
- π Authenticity is about being real and true to your beliefs, but it's also important to question if those beliefs are based on truth or assumptions.
- π ββοΈ People often avoid expressing authenticity due to fear of conflict or disconnection, which can lead to pretending and lying.
- π€ Authenticity can be achieved by creating a safe space for connection, regardless of whether you like or dislike the other person.
- π΅οΈββοΈ A simple trick for authenticity is to visualize the other person as being on your team, facing the same situation together.
- π€ Approaching conversations with curiosity and a place of not knowing can help to reduce assumptions and foster authenticity.
- π When we believe our point of view needs defending, it can lead to conflict; authenticity comes from a place of openness and exploration.
- π Listening with genuine curiosity allows for a deeper understanding and response, which is key to authentic communication.
- π‘ Authenticity can unfold naturally when competition and the need to protect one's self-image disappear.
- π Even without formal communication training, being in a state of teamwork and common intention can lead to effective and authentic communication.
- π± Authenticity is a natural state that requires no effort; it is soft, loving, spacious, compassionate, and unhurried.
- π§ββοΈ Embracing authenticity involves being aware of one's stories, beliefs, and the imagination, allowing for a return to a blank state which is our true nature.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the video script?
-The main theme of the video script is about authenticity and how to be authentic in communication without fear of conflict, by viewing the other person as part of the same team and exploring the situation together with curiosity and openness.
Why might people avoid being authentic in their interactions?
-People might avoid being authentic due to past negative experiences where authenticity led to conflict or discomfort. Over time, they may decide that being authentic is not safe and choose to pretend to avoid trouble, thus losing their authentic expression.
What does the script suggest as a method to foster authenticity in communication?
-The script suggests a method of visualization where you imagine the person you are communicating with as being on your team, standing shoulder to shoulder, and looking at the situation together with a common vision, which fosters a sense of unity and reduces defensiveness.
What is the definition of authenticity mentioned in the script?
-The script mentions that authenticity is defined as being real and true to your beliefs.
How can our deeply held beliefs potentially hinder authenticity?
-Our deeply held beliefs can hinder authenticity if they are based on assumptions that we are not aware of. When we express these beliefs as absolute truths without questioning, it can lead to disconnection and conflict.
What is the role of curiosity in being authentic according to the script?
-Curiosity plays a significant role in authenticity as it allows us to approach situations without preconceived notions or defensiveness. It enables us to explore and understand the situation together with the other person, fostering a sense of teamwork and openness.
Why is it important to question the use of absolutes like 'always' and 'never'?
-Questioning the use of absolutes is important because they can limit our perspective and understanding of a situation. They may not accurately reflect reality and can prevent us from being authentic and open to different viewpoints.
How does viewing the other person as part of your team help in communication?
-Viewing the other person as part of your team helps in communication by creating a sense of unity and shared purpose. It reduces the likelihood of conflict and promotes a collaborative approach to understanding and resolving issues.
What is the benefit of approaching a situation with a 'detective-like' mindset?
-A 'detective-like' mindset encourages curiosity and a search for truth without preconceived notions. It allows for a more authentic expression of thoughts and feelings and can lead to deeper understanding and connection.
How can authenticity lead to more effective communication?
-Authenticity can lead to more effective communication by creating an environment of trust and openness. When people are not afraid to express their true thoughts and feelings, it fosters deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.
What is the final goal of authenticity as described in the script?
-The final goal of authenticity, as described in the script, is to embrace and be aware of what is happening within oneself, including the stories and beliefs, and to come from a blank state which is one's true nature, allowing for a soft, loving, spacious, compassionate, and unhurried approach to life.
Outlines
π The Challenge of Authentic Expression
The first paragraph discusses the struggle with being authentic due to past negative experiences that led to the belief that authenticity is unsafe. It suggests that people often hide their true selves to avoid conflict, which results in a loss of genuine connection. The speaker proposes a shift in perspective on authenticity, moving away from expressing anger or beliefs without questioning their validity. The goal is to find a safe space for authentic communication that fosters connection rather than division, even when expressing difficult truths.
π€ Embracing Teamwork in Authenticity
The second paragraph introduces a technique for authentic communication by visualizing the person you're communicating with as being on your team, facing the same direction. This approach encourages a shared vision and curiosity, reducing the defensive stance that often accompanies disagreements. By adopting a stance of not knowing and exploring the situation together like detectives, one can express oneself authentically without the fear of protecting personal viewpoints. This method promotes compassion, relaxation, and open listening, which can lead to a more profound understanding and potentially discovering shared intentions.
π§ββοΈ Authenticity as a Natural State
The final paragraph emphasizes that authenticity is a natural state that involves being aware of one's thoughts, emotions, and beliefs without being bound by them. It suggests that by recognizing and letting go of stories and beliefs about the past and future, one can return to a blank state that is inherently compassionate and spacious. Authenticity in this context means expressing feelings without blame, which is possible when both parties feel like they are on the same team. The speaker highlights that authenticity is not about rehearsing what to say but allowing words to flow naturally from a place of connection and curiosity.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Authenticity
π‘Connection
π‘Beliefs
π‘Assumptions
π‘Pretend
π‘Safe Space
π‘Curiosity
π‘Compassion
π‘Teamwork
π‘Creativity
π‘Awakening
Highlights
The importance of authenticity and its impact on connection with others, even if they are liked or disliked.
The idea that authenticity may be suppressed due to past negative experiences and the perception of safety.
Authenticity is defined as being real and true to one's beliefs, but the question is raised about the validity of those beliefs.
The potential disconnection that can occur when expressing authenticity based on unexamined beliefs.
The common tendency to lie or avoid expressing true feelings due to the fear of conflict.
The suggestion to approach authenticity by viewing the other person as being on the same team.
The visualization technique of standing shoulder to shoulder with the other person to foster a sense of unity.
The concept of finding a common vision to approach situations from a place of curiosity and not knowing.
The idea that authenticity can lead to a more relaxed, soft, and unhurried state of being.
The benefit of increased listening and responding authentically from a place of curiosity.
The notion that authenticity comes from a place of no fear and no need to protect one's point of view.
The potential for discovering important insights when approaching conversations with an open mind.
The idea that even without formal communication training, authenticity can naturally unfold when connected in the right way.
The emphasis on creativity and commitment to finding common ground and intentions in conversations.
The transformative power of authenticity in ending the need to protect one's self-image and identity.
The opportunity for authenticity to be expressed in every conversation, both internal and external.
The final message that authenticity is a natural state of being, characterized by softness, love, spaciousness, and compassion.
Transcripts
foreign
how to be authentic
how to be authentic
maybe you've tried it in the past and
things didn't go so well
maybe things got a little bit messy
and so
over time we decide
our authenticity
is not safe
and read better
pretend
to stay out of trouble
and so we lose that authentic expression
and today I want to share with you
not about
really techniques about authenticity and
how to say things and
some communication skills but simply
how to put yourself back into that safe
space
and that is
how to share or how to be authentic
so that connection with this other
person remains
and it doesn't matter if it's someone
you like or don't like
when something needs to be said
it can be said
and expressed in the way
that leads to more connection than
before
I looked up the definition of
authenticity
at some point
and it said
that it means to be real
and true
to your beliefs
and this is how most pre how most people
approach authenticity
it's like oh
I have the right to be angry and now I'm
gonna tell you all about it
but what if our beliefs
are not based on truth
what if our deeply held beliefs
are based on some assumptions
that we don't know they are assumptions
so we believe them hundred percent to be
true
and we have all the evidence in the
world
that shows us that we are truly
believing the right thing
it's just that when we express our
authenticity
it leads to disconnection
and so we continue to pretend
and lie
even though a lot of people don't want
to admit it
it's just those
how are you doing I'm fine those little
lies
even though you're feeling some
emotional or financial emergency
we say things like always and never
without questioning
really
is it really happening this way
or that way or is there at least one
exception in your life
but back to the trick a little trick
that you can do
to be authentic
and it has nothing to do with what you
say
so that means that you don't have to be
thinking about it and rehearsing it in
your mind
and of course then it doesn't come with
all that regular guilt tripping
afterwards which takes all of your time
it is a simple
way of looking at the situation from the
right perspective
and
it involves a little bit of a
visualization
to put ourselves in that right
perspective
and so imagine that you need to say
something to somebody and you know
that it might lead to conflict
and so you avoid it you'd rather not say
it you'd rather not express your desires
or your needs
or how you really feel about it
because you believe that not saying it
will somehow lead to more peace in the
future
and that's of course not the case
and so whenever you talk to somebody
and you need to be authentic in that
situation
which really why not all the time
imagine in your mind
that this person
is on your team
and you're standing together shoulder to
shoulder
and you are looking at the situation
both together
so you are essentially not facing each
other and trying to have this debate
back and forward
your standing shoulder to shoulder
and you have this one Vision in common
and I want you to find this common
Vision that you have both of you
and then
be simply looking at this situation from
this space
from this space of curiosity
from this place of not knowing
because when we think you know we have
so much assumptions
running in our heads and we think we are
right and we have all the evidence
and without it
there is this freshness unfolding
which allows us to be authentic
because the way we express ourselves
it doesn't come as a fight as a war it
doesn't come from a space from defending
my point of view because I don't know
what my point of view is
we are looking at this situation
together and we are exploring it like
two detectives like two professional
detectives we are exploring the
situation
and from that space
compassion
comes up
from that space you might notice that
you feel more relaxed and more soft
more unhurried
maybe you listen a bit more because you
are actually really curious what they
say
you're able to hear what they say so
you're able to respond
You're simply staying very open
and detective like
and you are also able
to express yourself authentically
because from this space anything that
you say is authentic because there is no
fear
of trying to protect my point of view
all the conflict comes from that from
trying to protect your self-image
but when there is nothing to protect
you're able to really see
and perhaps they have something to say
that you would completely Miss before
because of your story
and perhaps you discover something
that's
important for both of you
being on the same page
or negotiating from this place
and yes if you had some
communication workshops and I read a lot
of books about communication
oh this will come so handy at this point
because now you will know exactly what
to say and how to say it
but even without it
I know people who never studied any
communication
tips and skills and when they are
connected
in this way
I'm like
hey what you're saying is completely
just taking out of of a book
how do you do that and it's just
something that happens
it is something that unfolds when we are
from that space
when competition disappears
and when there is just a teamwork
because I guarantee you if you can be
creative enough you will find a common
ground you will find a common
intention
you will find that what you both truly
desire is actually the same
and the rest
it's just
the test
of your
creativity
and your commitment
to Awakening
which is the end of trying to protect
that falls
self-identity
that is so sneaky
and the opportunity is in every
conversation
whether it happens with the apparent
other
or if it just happens in your head
and it saves you time
because you never need to know what to
say in advance
it is a space for magic to unfold
let your own words surprise you
expressing yourself authentic
authentically
is
sharing your feelings
either with yourself or with them
without the blame
and that only happens
when you are on the same team no matter
of the situation
because when you are not on the same
team in your mind
and you are somehow a little bit
Superior to them or a little bit
inferior
what happens is that
all your great intentions
for peace
will only
bring
more suffering
and so
being authentic
is your nature
being authentic is really embracing and
being aware of
what's happening
not outside but also
in your imagination
of the stories
and beliefs
the past and the future
so you can eventually collapse it and
come from a blank state
which is
your true nature
you don't have to go very far
it requires no effort
it is soft
loving
spacious
compassionate
unharried
and allowing
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)