Raised Without Gender

Summary

This script explores gender norms in Sweden through the lens of a family raising their children without gender binary constraints. The family uses gender-neutral language, avoids gendered toys and clothing, and encourages free expression. The video delves into the impact of this approach on the children, societal reactions, and debates surrounding gender-neutral education. It highlights the progressive Swedish kindergartens and the challenges faced by gender-nonconforming individuals, offering a nuanced view of a society in transition.

Takeaways

• 🌍 Sweden is recognized globally for its progressive views on gender, with the use of the gender-neutral pronoun 'hen' being common among Swedes.
• 🏡 The family in Örebro, Sweden, aims to raise their children free from gender norms, avoiding gendered toys, colors, and clothing to allow their children to express themselves freely.
• 👦👧 Both of Del's children, Mika and Niko, were assigned male at birth, but their family does not let their sex assignment dictate their gender identity, supporting a fluid expression of gender.
• 👗 Mika's preference for wearing dresses and having long hair often leads people to perceive them as female, but the family does not correct these assumptions, aligning with Swedish gender-neutral values.
• 📚 The Swedish Government School Plan, in place since 1998, prohibits the enforcement of gender stereotypes in education, promoting an environment that is open to diverse gender expressions.
• 🏫 Egalia, the first gender-neutral kindergarten in Sweden, emphasizes democracy and anti-discrimination, allowing children to express their identities without the constraints of traditional gender roles.
• 🤔 Despite progressive policies, there is criticism of Sweden's approach to gender in education, with some arguing that it overlooks biological sex differences and may be detrimental to boys.
• 👨‍👧‍👦 Del, an intersex individual, and their family navigate public spaces with resilience, sometimes facing stares and judgments due to their non-conforming appearance.
• 👶 The children's understanding of gender is still developing, as seen in their interactions and questions about gender roles and expressions among their peers.
• 🏢 As Mika prepares to transition to a new school, Del is proactive in ensuring the educational environment will be understanding and supportive of their gender expression.
• 🌈 The script highlights the ongoing conversation and evolving understanding of gender in Sweden, with a focus on individual expression over traditional norms.

Q & A

What is the gender-neutral pronoun 'hen' and why is it significant in Sweden?

The pronoun 'hen' is a gender-neutral term used in Sweden, reflecting the country's progressive stance on gender identity. It is significant as it allows individuals to be referred to without being assigned a specific gender, which aligns with the country's efforts to challenge traditional gender norms.

What is the controversy surrounding government-funded gender-neutral kindergartens in Sweden?

The controversy stems from the perception that these kindergartens are attempting to erase traditional gender roles and identities. Critics argue that this approach could be confusing for children and may not align with the natural development of gender identity.

How does the family in Örebro approach raising their children without gender norms?

The family avoids gendering toys, colors, and clothing, allowing their children to explore their interests freely without being constrained by societal expectations of what is appropriate for their assigned sex at birth.

What is the role of Del in the family and their perspective on gendering?

Del is an American photographer and a parent in the family. They are intersex and identify as non-binary, using 'mapa' as a term of endearment. Del shares the family's values that gendering is harmful and supports raising the children free from gender norms.

How does the family handle situations where others may assume a gender for their children based on appearance?

The family does not correct people who assume a gender for their children. They allow their children to be referred to by various pronouns, including 'she' or the gender-neutral 'hen' in Swedish.

What is the Swedish Government School Plan's stance on enforcing gender stereotypes?

The Swedish Government School Plan, established in 1998, forbids enforcing gender stereotypes in educational settings, promoting an environment where children can explore their identities without being confined by traditional gender roles.

How does the kindergarten teacher Johanna approach questions about a child's gender?

Johanna does not impose a gender identity on children. She allows them to express their gender as they feel comfortable, avoiding direct answers to questions about a child's gender to prevent reinforcing stereotypes.

What is the criticism against the Swedish approach to gender-neutral education by Dr. Eberhard?

Dr. Eberhard criticizes the approach as damaging, arguing that it is a brainwashing strategy that erases sex differences and leads to problems for boys in particular, such as lower academic performance and higher suicide rates.

How do the children at Mika's kindergarten perceive gender and their peers?

The children seem to have a more fluid understanding of gender, not necessarily adhering to traditional binary concepts. They are open to playing with children of different gender expressions and do not appear to be limited by gender stereotypes in their play.

What challenges does Del face as a gender-non-conforming individual in public spaces?

Del experiences stares and judgment from others due to their gender-non-conforming appearance. They describe feeling like a micro-activist when they go out in public, challenging societal norms and expectations.

How does the family plan to navigate the transition from kindergarten to a more traditional school environment?

The family seeks out progressive schools that align with their values, such as Steiner schools, which focus on creativity and playing without imposing gender norms. They also prepare to educate other parents about their family's unique structure and values.

Outlines

00:00

🌈 Exploring Gender-Neutral Parenting in Sweden

The script introduces the concept of gender-neutral parenting in Sweden, where the family avoids gender norms and uses the pronoun 'hen'. The narrator meets Amelia and Del, an intersex 'mapa', and their children Mika and Niko, who are free to express themselves without gender constraints. The family discusses their approach to toys, clothing, and language, aiming to raise their children without the traditional gender binary.

05:03

🏫 Gender-Neutral Education in Swedish Kindergartens

This paragraph delves into the Swedish government's stance on gender-neutral education, which has been in place since 1998. It explores the experiences of a family with their children at a gender-neutral kindergarten, Egalia, where toys and activities are not gendered. The founder, Lotta Rajalin, emphasizes the importance of allowing children to express themselves freely, regardless of gender, class, or sexuality.

10:06

🤔 Criticisms and Challenges of Gender-Neutral Parenting

The script presents the viewpoint of Dr. Eberhard, a critic of gender-neutral parenting, who argues that it is damaging and a form of brainwashing that erases sex differences. He suggests that the approach is causing problems for boys in Sweden, such as lower academic performance and higher suicide rates. The critic advocates for allowing children to express themselves naturally without government intervention.

15:08

👗 Navigating Public Spaces with Gender-Non-Conforming Children

The narrative shifts to the experiences of Del and the children in public spaces, where they face stares and curiosity from others due to their non-traditional family structure and gender expressions. Del discusses the challenges of being intersex and the importance of being a role model for the children, emphasizing the need for societal acceptance and understanding of diverse gender identities.

20:41

💇‍♂️ Mika's Haircut and the Complexity of Gender Identity

The script follows Mika to a haircut appointment, where the hairdresser's use of 'she' prompts a discussion about pronoun preferences. It highlights the fluidity of Mika's gender identity and the family's approach to allowing Mika to explore without forcing a choice. The paragraph also touches on the social implications and potential challenges Mika may face due to their gender expression.

25:45

🏡 Preparing for School and the Future

As Mika is about to leave kindergarten, the family seeks an understanding school that will support their gender expression. They visit a Steiner school known for its progressive values. The family also contemplates how to communicate Mika's gender identity to other parents and the potential for bullying, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe and accepting environment for their child.

🌟 The Impact of Privilege and the Hope for Social Progress

The final paragraph reflects on the family's awareness of their children's privileges and their intention to raise them with an understanding of social issues. Del acknowledges the potential for their children to face discomfort due to their family's non-normative structure but sees it as a small price for social progress. The script concludes with a hopeful outlook on the possibility of a more fluid and accepted understanding of gender identity in the future.

Keywords

💡Gender-neutral pronoun

A gender-neutral pronoun is a pronoun that does not associate a person with a specific gender. In the script, 'hen' is mentioned as a gender-neutral pronoun used in Sweden, reflecting the country's progressive stance on gender identity. It is used to refer to individuals without imposing gender norms, as seen when discussing how Mika identifies or is referred to.

💡Gender binary

The gender binary is a concept that classifies gender into two opposing forms: male and female. The script challenges this norm by exploring how a family in Sweden is raising their children without imposing these traditional categories. The family's approach to toys, clothing, and language use exemplifies their rejection of the gender binary.

💡Intersex

Intersex is a term used to describe individuals who are born with a variety of physical characteristics that do not fit typical definitions of male or female. In the script, Del identifies as intersex, which means they have characteristics of both sexes. This personal revelation highlights the diversity of human biology and challenges the traditional understanding of gender.

💡Trans rights movement

The trans rights movement advocates for the rights and recognition of transgender individuals. The script mentions recent victories for this movement, indicating a broader societal shift towards recognizing and respecting diverse gender identities beyond the binary, which is relevant to the family's approach to raising their children.

💡Gender expression

Gender expression refers to the way individuals present their gender to the world, which may include clothing, hairstyles, and mannerisms. The script discusses how Mika's gender expression is neither enforced nor limited by traditional gender norms, allowing them to wear dresses and have long hair, which challenges societal expectations.

💡Gender norms

Gender norms are societal expectations and rules about how individuals of a certain gender should behave or present themselves. The video's theme revolves around challenging these norms, as the family in the script avoids gendering toys, colors, and pronouns to give their children the freedom to explore their own identities.

💡Non-binary

Non-binary is a term used to describe a gender identity that doesn't fit within the binary of male or female. Del identifies as non-binary and uses the term 'mapa' to represent this identity. The script shows how non-binary identities are recognized and respected within the family dynamic.

💡Rainbow families

Rainbow families, also known as diverse families, include those with same-sex parents, single parents, or parents with non-traditional gender identities. The script features a rainbow family with a non-binary 'mapa' and a 'mama,' illustrating the diversity of family structures and the acceptance of different gender expressions.

💡Gender creative

Gender creative refers to individuals who express their gender in non-traditional ways or outside societal expectations. The script describes the children in the video as gender creative, as they are allowed to engage with toys, clothing, and activities without restrictions based on gender norms.

💡Trans-Masculine Spectrum

The Trans-Masculine Spectrum encompasses identities that are more masculine than the individual's assigned gender at birth, which can include transgender men, non-binary individuals, and others. Del identifies within this spectrum, as mentioned in the script, and it reflects the complexity and diversity of gender identities beyond the binary.

💡Privilege

Privilege refers to unearned advantages or rights that some individuals have due to their social group's status. In the script, Del acknowledges the children's white, able-bodied, and male-assigned-at-birth privileges, and discusses the intention to raise them with awareness of these advantages to counteract potential negative impacts of privilege.

Highlights

Sweden is leading the world in questioning gender norms with the use of the gender-neutral pronoun 'hen'.

Government-funded gender-neutral kindergartens in Sweden are sparking international controversy.

The rise of young people identifying outside the traditional male and female binary is noted.

Amelia's visit to Örebro, Sweden, to explore a family raising children free from gender norms.

Introduction to the family with intersex 'mapa' (father) Del, and partner Matilda who gave birth.

Del's photography work focusing on queer identities and challenging gender norms for over three decades.

The family's approach to avoiding gendered toys, colors, and clothing for their children, Mika and Niko.

Mika's preference for wearing dresses and long hair, leading to public assumptions of femininity.

The family's decision not to correct people's assumptions about Mika's gender.

The use of the Swedish gender-neutral pronoun 'hen' for Mika.

The family's method of avoiding gendered language in children's books by changing pronouns.

Grandma Margaret's perspective on the new and challenging aspects of gender-neutral parenting.

The Swedish Government School Plan's prohibition of enforcing gender stereotypes since 1998.

Lotta Rajalin's influence as the founder of Sweden's first gender-neutral kindergarten, Egalia.

Egalia's approach to teaching without reinforcing gender norms or stereotypes.

Criticism of Sweden's gender-neutral approach by Dr. Eberhard, focusing on the impact on boys.

The challenge of explaining gender-neutral concepts to other parents and society at large.

Del's concerns about the impact of societal norms on the family and the children's future.

The family's preparation for Mika's transition to school and the importance of an understanding environment.

The exploration of the children's own understanding and expression of gender at their age.

Transcripts

Sweden is the most forward-thinking country in the world when it comes to questioning gender

The gender-neutral pronoun 'hen' is now commonly used by most Swedes

and government funded gender-neutral kindergartens often spark controversy in the foreign press.

With recent victories for the trans rights movement

and more young people defining as something other than male and female than ever before

I'm curious to find out what it's like to grow up without the gender binary.

So, I've just arrived in Örebro in Sweden

and I'm about to get me a family here attempting to bring up their kids free from all gender norms.

Amelia: Hello. Amelia. Nice to meet you. Del: Nice to meet you Amelia: How are you?

Niko: Del: This is Niko.

Hello!

This is Margaretta and this is Mika

Margaretta is my partner's mother.

And where is your partner? (Del: At work) Okay.

Yeah, somebody's got to bring home the veggie bacon

So this is our humble abode

I love the artwork.

Yeah, this is Mika and Niko's artwork.

Mama is that your partner?

Yeah, my partner goes by Matilda and Matt, but is also the one who gave birth, and I'm mapa

It's just was felt right to me because I'm intersex; I was born with

characteristics of both male and female.

Even though my body didn't develop along more masculine lines until puberty.

and so yeah my partner is not

Trans

strictly trans, but we share the same

values that gendering is harmful .

Del is an American photographer who moved to Sweden for love

Their work has, for over three decades,

focused on queer identities and challenging gender norms.

Let me show you around the house (Amelia: Yes please) you can see the kids' bedrooms.

This is Niko's room.

and how old is Niko?

Niko is two and a half. (Amelia: And Mika is?)

Almost five and a half.

Mika and Niko were both assigned male at birth

but in this family the sexy were born with does not dictate your gender identity.

We don't gender toys. We don't gender colors.

So whatever they're interested in--

it's like they can just play with whatever toys they want and you would never dictate what those toys were.

No, no absolutely not.

So they both have a lot of cars

and they both have dolls

And what about with clothing?

Right now Mika is, for the past

two months has worn a dress every day just about.

When Mika is wearing dresses, and because Mika has very very long hair

most people assume that

Mika is female.

If someone called Mika 'female' in front of Mika would you correct them or intervene?

No, no, we've never we've never corrected anybody.

In fact if people call Mika 'she' we might go with that, too.

We use 'he' for them, sometimes it's mixed and it depends, you know, because in Sweden

we have 'hen', the gender-neutral pronoun in Swedish.

I think Mika has always said, when I've asked, it's been 'she' or 'hen'

Confused about what pronoun to use, I decide to call Mika and Niko by their names.

Did you hurt yourself my love?

CRYING: I got a boo-boo.

Did you get a boo-boo?

Should I kiss it?

Blow on it?

CRYING: Blow on it.

Okay.

Is that better now?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so, too.

How do you avoid gendering your children?

We didn't choose anything but gender-neutral names we chose not to know what sex

they would be assigned when they were born.

Not answering the question "is it a boy or a girl?"

to avoid the b-word and the g-word.

Changing pronouns in books

instead of it always being Mama we say Mama and Mapa

"What's the matter sweetie?" asked mapa.

"It's so dark!"

"Don't be afraid," says mapa. "I'll call the lantern fish"

"sleep tight little rainbow fish"

This is good. I got it fifty per-cent off,

so, yes.

Are you going to share? (Amelia: Thank you!) with Amelia?

That's nice. (Amelia: Delicious!)

I want to know how grandma Margaret feels about how her grandchildren are being raised.

Margaret and Del, do you think that you have similar or different

parenting methods?

I can understand that there may be some things that are

(Margaret: New) new and harder to understand.

What do you think those things are, like, the specifically.

Well, specifically to do things like gender.

I mean, the reason I like Margaretta so much is because she thinks I'm a great mapa, right?

Yes, is very much. Yeah.

Niko

What's your spoon for?

When I first arrived it didn't feel that strange that the kids were wearing dresses and stuff

'cuz kids are kids and like kids like to play dress up

And they are smart, funny, joyous kids to be around.

The next morning I help Del get Mika and Niko ready for Kindergarten.

Ready?

There we go.

You want to wear?

this one or

this one

You want this one, okay? We're going to go with the red and black theme today, then. Good idea.

That's not something I always have to say, but it would be good to know today for the film

Just Mika okay. Let's go

Mika seems like neither a boy nor a girl

just non-binary

and when you ask Mika about Mika's gender Mika just doesn't really want to talk about it

At home the kids can be as gender creative as they please, but now it's time for kindergarten.

Mika hug and kiss

I wonder what the other children make Mika's gender expression.

Hey, how would you describe Mika?

What is 'hen'?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

A builder? What do you want to build?

A house?

What kind of children are you going to have?

That's nice. I don't care how my children look like either.

The Swedish Government School Plan forbids enforcing gender stereotypes and has done since 1998

What are some of the ways in which you avoid gender norms when you are teaching?

And what does this say?

So these pictures are basically breaking down the boundaries of different stereotypes

This is like a soft father figure.

Sleeping beauty says 'no'

Lesbian mums.

When it comes to gender creative teaching the most influential person in Sweden is

Lotta Rajalin who started the country's first gender-neutral kindergarten

So welcome into Egalia

How would you describe Egalia?

It's all about democracy

for children to have their right to be what they are

what they feel like they are, regardless of gender

class, sexuality.

It's about anti-discrimination.

Do these dolls have a gender?

No. Not what we can tell.

But the children they play-- they never ask. It's not important for the children.

Here's the office

and I'm going to show you what we call the whole life spectrum.

We tend to divide this life spectra into two

pieces one for boys and one for girls

More often pink is for girls and blue is for boys

And we call a body cool and strong

and to girls we more often say that they should be helpful, nice, cute

We have different expectations

we take away this border and

we don't separate it in boyish and girlish and we give the whole life spectra to everyone

So we are not limiting, we are just adding. We are not changing the children. We are changing our

own thoughts.

While a more gender-neutral focus in kindergartens is fully adopted by the swedish government

Even in liberal Sweden, there's no shortage of critics

Dr. Eberhard has written books on raising kids,

and a recent article he wrote heavily criticized attitudes to gender in Swedish kindergartens.

Why do you disagree with the Swedish government's recommendation that schools do not reinforce gender norms?

I think it's damaging because it tells us that

behaviors that are typical for boys, typical for girls

is problematic.

It's a brainwashing strategy that you are

eradicating sex differences, which I do oppose.

The major problem in Sweden, I would say, is that our boys fail in school, not the girls.

Our boys are committing suicide, not the girls.

So, the problem today in Sweden is with the boys

If you have this law that you should treat boys like hens

It implies that you should not behave like the boy you were born to be

It should not be the government to tell our kids how they should react it should be up to them

and I would like our kids to be kids.

That's what the gender-neutral kindergarten said, too.

So in that sense we do agree, but the means of making this happen we disagree.

In your mind, what would be a better way of doing things?

You cannot solve a problem by doing totally the opposite way

I think then you create new problems.

Think I was expecting him to be a bit more hardline

In a weird way he kind of seemed to agree with some of the values of the gender-neutral kindergarten

that it should be out the individual

except he doesn't think we should erase boys and girls as categories.

While adults will clearly disagree on how to teach kids about gender. It's ultimately the children who are affected.

I want to see how genderless teaching has influenced the kids at Mika's kindergarten.

What are you doing? Are you climbing?

They've got a good tree

This is an easy tree

That might be as high as I can go

What do you think about gender?

Are boys and girls equally good at climbing?

What's your favorite game?

Do you play catch with girls as well?

Can I come play with you guys?

What's your favorite thing about kindergarten?

I think what I've learned here is that they're not trying to erase gender.

They're just trying to take out the discrepancies

It seems a lot less sexist than other schools,

and it seems really open to the idea of same-sex parents

same-sex relationships with children that might not conform really tightly to male or female

And I think that's going to have a positive effect overall on the children

Swedish kindergartens seem accommodating to rainbow families like Del's,

but I wonder if ordinary Swedish society is as open-minded

Del takes Mika and Niko shopping.

As soon as we enter people start staring.

Do people normally stare?

Yeah. I'm so used to it, I sort-of block it out,

but sometimes I notice, and then sometimes I stare back at them

It's like, what the hell are you looking at? You think you look so good compared to me? I don't think so.

Oh what's beautiful? What is that?

Maybe this is something for Mika.

They may be a little big for you, but I don't know.

Wow, check this out.

Go ask mama what she thinks.

When I go swimming with the kids it's not easy for me

I go to the male changing rooms and

my body without clothes does not really pass

Puberty I started growing a beard, one breasts developed one did not, my genitals were a bit different

I still thought I was female, but I plucked my beard in secret for years and years

And I did have shame, so I think every time I go out

looking gender-non-conforming, you could say

I think that does something

it's like a way of being micro-activist

They bump into a family they know

Hey Core, hey Magnus.

Good to see you

Core is actually the only other kid we know in Örebro

Who was assigned male at birth who also has long hair and wears dresses.

I would say nearly 99% of all the people that we meet say that

that he is a girl.

Do you let Core choose their clothes

and how they have their hair

We let him choose in the way that is practical for us.

Now he has started to say that he's a girl

The other day he's a boy and sometimes he's a cat.

It's good for him . It's a part of his childhood

he can be whatever he wants, or dress however he wants, for that short time, because

society will have its toll on him anyway.

Core has been invited to play later, but first Mika has an appointment at the hairdresser's.

How are you going to have your hair cut?

I'll never forget my most pivotal haircut when I was about Mika's age a bowl cut like this

Do you like that haircut on me?

Why didn't I?

Because the hairdresser just cut it all off

Would you like to have her that short?

No. Why not?

What do you think Mika?

Good.

The hairdresser had called Mika 'she', so I asked Del how to address Mika today.

So you know there was a question, that question you don't like so much.

What?

They wanted to know if you, we wanted,

if they should call you hon, han, or hen.

Hen

hen

You want them to call you hen?

Like you, yes.

Like me? Okay.

Hey, Nika. Why don't you like it when people ask

Hen

Hon, han, hen?

Just don't like it.

When you ask Mika about gender, Mika doesn't always seem to want to talk about it.

Do you, why do you think that is?

I don't want Mika to be forced to choose

Hoh, han, or hen

I mean I think you've heard that Mika will say hen because I say hen

I think Mika does and probably will model themselves more on me

I try not to put my obsessions onto Mika,

but I do believe that Mika has the ability to choose

You know if Mika decides to be a dude

Then, great, that's fine. I will love Mika no less.

Mika wants to wear something nice to match the new haircut before Core arrives

When you change, you put that on?

Hey good. You're getting inside

Core wants to have just the same as me.

What are your favourite clothes?

My dress, that I have on right now.

Do kids ever ask you if you're a boy or a girl?

How do you feel about that?

Grandma Margarette arrives to take Niko to the park

She didn't seem convinced about the gender aspect of Del's parenting

so I want to find out how she really feels

Niko had told me today

I'm a boy

So I think he really knows what he is, and I hope

that when Mika feels that he is really a man, later

that he has no problem to be a man, then.

You said when Mika feels that he is a man, do you think

when Mika is older Mika will feel that they are a man?

I don't know.

He likes flowers, and he likes pink, but he is always playing with cars

if you give him a doll is not so interested.

but he does like wearing dresses. So maybe he'll always like both?

Do you think that could create any problems?

That's a question.

Does he like to wear dresses?

Or does Del like that he wears dresses?

So that Del has always said, "hey, look I have both a nice dress for you. Won't you try one today?" I don't know.

Sometimes you are worried about how will it be in school for Mika,

when he comes with dresses and long hair and

would you get one on his nose from the other children?

Of course I'm worried about that.

Mika is leaving kindergarten soon

and Del wants to find an understanding school for Mika.

They've been invited to spend the morning at a nearby Steiner school.

Here, Steiner schools are progressive and focus mainly on playing creativity

I take Mika outside, so Del can chat to the teacher, Johanna

If a child would come to you with the question about

what is Mika, a boy or girl? How would you answer that?

So, you didn't answer them.

but interesting also that that was the first question they, I mean

people get trained so early to

It's like we don't know how to act with you if we don't know if you're a boy or a girl

Maybe you haven't had a circumstance

where kids might be bullying another kid or or

policing them and saying, "but you have a penis, so you shouldn't have long hair"

Tell me about the meeting you had with the teacher just now.

Johanna, I thought was really nice.

I was really happy because

they're coming from a place, it seems, of, like, not wanting to impose anything on kids

Next week there's a parents meeting

so I will get to meet the parents of the kids who Mika will be going to school with

and it's very important to me that they understand

when their kid comes and says, "Mika has a MApa. What's a mapa?"

and they say, "No, no, that's Mika's PApa."

I don't want them to do that. So I have to write a letter

Dear

parents

Mika, our soon-to-be six year old child has a varied gender

expression and two parents.

A Mama and

a Mapa

We are non-binary part of the larger

Trans-Masculine Spectrum

see the problem with this is I doubt that they even know what any of this means?

I don't even really know what Trans-Masculine Spectrum is.

Del: Oh really? Amelia: And I'm supposed to know about these things.

K. Let me explain further.

You can hyperlink out.

What I really want y'all to know is that I promise not to discriminate against you on the basis of either your

sexuality or your cis-gender.

Your heterosexuality.

You may not have ever

heard about

Mapas

but, now you have

While the language around gender-identity has evolved to include more people,

to those unfamiliar with these terms it can be difficult to grasp

How do you feel about them

leaving the environment that you've quite carefully created for them.

There is a big bad world out there and the prospect of

Mika in particular being bullied because of their gender expression

Of course, I don't want them bullied, and of course it scares the hell out of me

But I think that they have the tools to deal with it, and we talked about it

My job is to create the framework from which they feel safe and they can go out from

but a lot of people would say you're deliberately bringing up your child to not fit in with the norm

and that could be dangerous for them. What would you say to that?

Would say, "you're absolutely right."

People raise their children to be just like them. So we're doing nothing different.

We're absolutely ordinary in that way.

Let me just say

They are both assigned male at birth. They're both white.

They're both able bodied. They're intelligent.

They've got a full knapsack of privileges.

So if they have to deal with a little bit of discomfort because they have a mapa

or because their gender expression doesn't match what other people think it should be

Gender confusion is a small price to pay for social progress.

It sounds like from some of what you said you're kind of

trying to bring them up

with an antidote for the amount of privilege they've been born with

I don't want to strip them of their unearned privilege

I think a lot of the social problems we have in the world are down to

the streaming that we force boys this way and girls this way

Some of us have escaped those systems of regulation

after my time in Sweden

I found that while adults have strong ideas about gender

Mika and kids their age but still working out what gender means to them

The norms we have about the binary won't change overnight

But if kids would truly be given room to explore gender on their own terms

Maybe a more fluid gender identity would gradually become more acceptable.

Wow!

What about this?

Wheeee!

It's exhausting.

Faster