Learning to Be Grateful Can Increase Happiness | Dr. Ike Shibley | TEDxPSUBerks

Summary

The video explores the concept of happiness, emphasizing the importance of gratitude. It delves into historical perspectives on happiness, such as Aristotle's views, and modern psychological insights from Dan Gilbert. The speaker discusses how people often mispredict what will make them happy and stresses the need to focus on present gratitude rather than future expectations. Practical advice is given through examples like building a treehouse and Mitch Albom's 'Tuesdays with Morrie,' illustrating how small daily gratitudes can enhance overall happiness. The talk concludes with a personal story about finding gratitude in everyday moments.

Takeaways

• 😊 Happiness is the one aim in life that doesn't need justification, as stated by Aristotle.
• 🤔 Humans are not good at predicting what will make them happy, according to cognitive psychologists like Dan Gilbert.
• 🏠 Material possessions, such as a big house, often come with unforeseen downsides that can lead to unhappiness.
• 🌞 True happiness should be pursued in the present moment, rather than waiting for future events or conditions to change.
• 🙏 Practicing gratitude involves appreciating what you have, rather than focusing on what you want.
• 😟 Acknowledging the real fears and anxieties we face is important, but so is balancing them with gratitude.
• 🌳 Optimism can take different forms, such as working towards building something (like a treehouse) rather than passively hoping for it.
• 📚 Small, everyday pleasures are significant and contribute to overall happiness, as illustrated in 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom.
• 📝 Creating a detailed gratitude list can enhance your appreciation for the little things in life.
• 🐕 Observing simple, joyful behaviors, like those of a dog, can help cultivate gratitude and happiness.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is happiness, specifically focusing on the concept of gratitude as a means to achieve happiness.

Who is Aristotle, and what is his view on happiness?

Aristotle is an ancient Greek philosopher who claimed that happiness is the one aim in life that doesn't need justification.

What does the speaker suggest about the human ability to predict happiness?

The speaker suggests that humans are not very good at predicting happiness, often misunderstanding what will truly make them happy.

Who is Dan Gilbert, and what is the premise of his book 'Stumbling on Happiness'?

Dan Gilbert is a cognitive psychologist who wrote 'Stumbling on Happiness,' with the premise that people often muddle through life, misjudging what will make them happy.

What is the connection between the song 'Soak Up the Sun' by Sheryl Crow and the concept of gratitude?

The song 'Soak Up the Sun' by Sheryl Crow is used as an example to illustrate the concept of gratitude, with the line 'it's not about getting what you want, it's about wanting what you've got.'

What did Franklin Delano Roosevelt say about fear in his inauguration speech?

Franklin Delano Roosevelt said in his inauguration speech that 'the only thing we have to fear is fear itself,' emphasizing the power of fear over our emotions.

What is the speaker's stance on dealing with anxiety and anger?

The speaker acknowledges that anxiety and anger are real emotions but suggests that cultivating gratitude can help manage these feelings while not ignoring the world's problems.

What is the book 'Tuesdays with Morrie' about and how does it relate to the script's theme?

'Tuesdays with Morrie' is a book about a writer named Mitch Albom reconnecting with his college professor, Morrie Schwartz, who is dying of ALS. The book resonates with the script's theme by teaching the importance of finding pleasure in the little things, which aligns with the concept of gratitude.

What is the example of a tree house used to illustrate in the script?

The tree house example is used to illustrate two forms of hopefulness: one where a child wishes for a tree house as a gift, and another where the child is hopeful about earning enough to build one, showing a proactive approach to happiness.

What is the speaker's suggestion for cultivating gratitude?

The speaker suggests making a gratitude list, being specific about what one is grateful for, and practicing gratitude daily as a way to enhance happiness.

How does the speaker describe the importance of the little things in life?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of the little things by sharing Morrie's response about what he would do if he had his health back for one day, highlighting the value of simple pleasures like watching the sunrise or having intimate conversations.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Happiness and Gratitude

The speaker begins by discussing happiness and gratitude, highlighting the historical perspective of Aristotle who viewed happiness as the ultimate goal in life. They delve into the flawed human ability to predict happiness, referencing Dan Gilbert's book 'Stumbling on Happiness'. The speaker points out that people often misjudge what will make them happy, such as a big house, and how these misconceptions can lead to unhappiness. They emphasize the importance of gratitude, citing Sheryl Crow's lyrics, and suggest that focusing on what we have rather than what we want can lead to greater happiness. The speaker also acknowledges the reality of fear and anxiety in life, rejecting the idea of ignoring problems and instead advocating for a balanced approach to cultivating gratitude amidst life's challenges.

05:02

🌳 Optimism and the Power of Gratitude

In this paragraph, the speaker uses the metaphor of a tree house to illustrate two types of hope: one where you wish for something to be given, and another where you actively work towards achieving it. They advocate for the latter, encouraging optimism in making things better. The speaker then references the book 'Tuesdays with Morrie', where the character Morrie teaches the importance of finding pleasure in simple daily activities. The speaker emphasizes the value of cultivating gratitude in everyday life, sharing a personal anecdote about a morning walk with his dog. They suggest creating a gratitude list, focusing on specific details to truly appreciate the blessings in life, and encourage the audience to practice gratitude daily, following Sheryl Crow's advice to appreciate what one already has.

10:03

🙏 Embracing Gratitude for a Happier Life

The speaker concludes by reinforcing the message of gratitude. They suggest that practicing gratitude can lead to a happier life, urging the audience to try it out. The speaker thanks the audience and ends the talk with applause, indicating a positive reception of the message shared. The emphasis is on the transformative power of gratitude and the speaker's belief in its ability to enhance one's happiness and overall well-being.

Keywords

💡Happiness

Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment. In the video, it is presented as the ultimate goal in life that doesn't require justification, as Aristotle claimed. The speaker uses the concept of happiness to explore how we often misunderstand what leads to it, such as the belief that material possessions or achievements will bring happiness, which is challenged by cognitive psychologists like Dan Gilbert.

💡Gratitude

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful and appreciating what one has. It is central to the video's theme, as the speaker suggests that cultivating gratitude can lead to happiness. The idea is supported by the song lyrics 'It's not about getting what you want, it's about wanting what you've got,' which emphasizes the importance of appreciating current circumstances.

💡Aristotle

Aristotle was an ancient Greek philosopher who is referenced in the video for his views on happiness. He believed that happiness was the one aim in life that didn't need a justification. This historical perspective serves as a foundation for the discussion on happiness and its pursuit in the video.

💡Cognitive Psychologists

Cognitive psychologists are experts in the study of mental processes such as perception, memory, and problem-solving. In the context of the video, they have explored the idea that humans are not very good at predicting what will make them happy, challenging the common belief that future achievements will lead to happiness.

💡Dan Gilbert

Dan Gilbert is a psychologist mentioned in the video for his book 'Stumbling on Happiness.' His premise is that people often misjudge what will make them happy, suggesting that our predictions about future happiness are often inaccurate, which is a key point in the discussion about the pursuit of happiness.

💡Stoicism

Stoicism is a school of philosophy that teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means to overcome destructive emotions. In the video, the speaker contrasts stoicism with the approach of cultivating gratitude and optimism, indicating that while stoicism may involve acceptance, the speaker advocates for a more active pursuit of happiness.

💡Optimism

Optimism is a hopeful and confident attitude towards the future. The video distinguishes between different forms of optimism, such as wishing for a tree house from Santa versus the practical optimism of working towards building one's own. The latter is the type of optimism that the speaker encourages as a means to happiness.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. The video acknowledges the reality of anxiety in people's lives, such as concerns about healthcare costs or natural disasters, and discusses the need to manage this emotion while still cultivating gratitude.

💡Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, often referred to as FDR, is mentioned in the video for his famous quote, 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' This quote is used to illustrate the idea that while fear is a real and powerful emotion, it should not be allowed to dominate our lives, which ties into the broader theme of finding happiness despite challenges.

💡Tree House

The tree house serves as a metaphor in the video for the different forms of hope and optimism. It is used to illustrate the difference between passive hope for something to be given (like a tree house from Santa) and active optimism in working towards a goal (earning money and building a tree house), which aligns with the video's message about taking action to cultivate happiness.

💡Gratitude List

A gratitude list is a tool for cultivating gratitude by consciously acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of one's life. In the video, the speaker provides an example of creating a gratitude list, detailing specific things they are grateful for during a morning walk with their dog, which serves to demonstrate the practice of gratitude in daily life.

Highlights

The talk focuses on happiness and gratitude, exploring their relationship and how cultivating gratitude can lead to happiness.

Aristotle's view that happiness is the ultimate aim in life that doesn't need justification is discussed.

The common logical chain of wanting material things to achieve happiness is critiqued, highlighting our poor ability to predict what will make us happy.

Dan Gilbert's book 'Stumbling on Happiness' is mentioned, which argues that people often misjudge what will make them happy.

The idea that happiness is not about getting what you want, but wanting what you have, is introduced using Sheryl Crow's lyrics.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of not ignoring real-world problems while cultivating gratitude.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt's famous quote about fear is referenced to discuss the reality of fear and anxiety in life.

The speaker argues against stoicism and instead encourages finding happiness by realizing what we have and being optimistic about our potential.

The concept of two types of optimism is introduced: hoping for things to be given and hoping to achieve things through effort.

The story of Mitch Albom's book 'Tuesdays with Morrie' is shared to illustrate finding pleasure in simple things.

Morrie's response to a question about what he would do if he had his health back for one day emphasizes the value of ordinary activities.

The idea that cultivating gratitude is a daily practice is introduced, with the speaker sharing their personal morning walk experience.

The speaker provides a detailed example of a gratitude list, encouraging specificity to truly appreciate what one has.

The importance of noticing and appreciating small details in life, like the changing of leaves in fall, is highlighted.

The speaker suggests that gratitude can be practiced mentally while engaging in everyday activities like walking.

The talk concludes with a call to action for the audience to reflect on what they are grateful for and incorporate gratitude into their daily lives.

The applause at the end signifies the positive reception of the talk and its message on happiness and gratitude.

Transcripts

[Music]

happiness that's what I'm here to talk

to you about we're gonna talk about

gratitude in ways that are maybe a

little different we're gonna talk about

a gratitude list I'm gonna give you a

little history of happiness so I'm in

academic we're gonna have to go back and

talk about Aristotle Aristotle claimed

when he thought about happiness that it

was the one aim in life that didn't need

a justification and sometimes in class

I'll have students think about why

they're actually attending class and

they usually say well it's because I

want to get a good grade in this course

and why do you want a good grade in this

course well I want to get a college

degree and why do you want a college

degree well I want to get a good job why

do you want a good job well I want to

make money and why do you make money

because I want to buy shiny things and

and why do you want shiny things because

they'll make me happy and why are you

happy oh I'm done the logical chain I'm

happy just being that's happiness the

problem is that as human beings were not

very good at predicting happiness

cognitive psychologists in the 20th and

21st century have explored this dan

Gilbert wrote a book called stumbling on

happiness and his premise was that we

just kind of muddle our way through we

think things like oh if I have a big

house I'll be happy but then we forget

that a big house if we want to buy it we

have to live further away from where we

work and now we're commuting and then we

come home and we're miserable in our big

house so we can't always think about

future predictiveness will say things

like I can't wait till winters over I'll

be happy then now I'll be happy when

this cough ends know where we want to be

happy now and we want to do that through

gratitude so I'll use a mod

philosopher Sheryl Crow cuz in soak up

the Sun she had the line it's not about

getting what you want it's about wanting

what you've got and that's gratitude the

problem is that we sometimes think that

there's a lot of mess in the world right

and so we have to cope with anxiety we

have to cope with anger at the beginning

of his administration Franklin Delano

Roosevelt gave his inauguration speech

with the famous line that the only thing

we have to fear is fear itself

but fear is real and I want to show you

that I'm not Pollyanna I'm not

encouraging you to just forget about all

the problems in the world because there

are some when you give your teenage

child the keys to a car it is the you

near impossible not to be anxious and

when a car cuts you off it's impossible

not to sometimes get angry we get upset

when we think about health care costs

and we get anxious when we think about

whether that cost is going to lead to

something more serious or that lump on

my neck is something more dangerous we

live with that anxiety so we have to

somehow keep that at bay while we're

cultivating gratitude but we talk about

health care costs and that leads us to

government and if you want to be anxious

or angry there are plenty of media

pundits who will be able to get you both

just turn on any kind of media source

and you'll be there we also worry about

whether this is Hurricane Ike 2008

hurricane we worry about when the next

hurricane might be but we also worry

about whether it's going to rain

on the picnic we have planned and we

worry when it snows and we worry about

the wildfires in California and the

tornadoes in the Midwest we worry about

a lot of things so I am NOT saying

there's nothing to worry about and I'm

also not encouraging you to do what the

Roman philosophers there's a school of

thought that says stoicism is the way to

handle these kind of problems where you

just learn to accept everything it's

okay that's not my argument either my

argument is that we need to try to be

happy by realizing we have a lot and

being optimistic about what we can

accomplish so let's use the example of a

tree house let's say a 12 13 year old

once once a tree house I'm gonna give

you two possibilities

one is the Christmas possibility please

Santa bring me a tree house I want to go

up on Christmas morning and look out and

see a tree house that's one form of

hopefulness the other form is I hope I

can make enough money on my lemonade

stand to buy the resources that I need I

hope I can understand the directions

when I find them and I hope I can corral

enough family and friends to help me

build this tree house that's a different

kind of optimism and that's the kind of

optimism that I'm encouraging so we're

grateful but we can still make things

better so I want to wrap up here with a

story about my dog and my wife but also

before I do that there's a book called

Tuesdays with Maurey about a writer

named Mitch Albom who was a sports

writer and he reconnected with his

college professor so this was a book

that resonated with me Morrie Schwartz

was dying of ALS amyotrophic lateral

sclerosis which is Lou Gehrig's disease

and he was bedridden and Mitch would

come and visit him and one of the

lessons that were

we tried to teach Mitch was that you can

find pleasure in a lot of little things

and so one of the times they're talking

Mitch asked Morrie if he could have his

health back for one day what would he do

and more he thought about it said he'd

have a nice big breakfast and then he'd

he'd go for a walk

he'd have lunch with just one or two

friends so they could have intimate

conversation he'd relax a little in the

afternoon he'd have a big dinner of

pasta and then he'd dance a niche

thought it's so mundane like don't you

have a bucket list don't you want to do

something exciting and then Mitch

realized what more he was trying to

teach him which is it's the little

things that matter like people often

come back from shore vacations and say

oh so relaxing I watch the Sun Rise the

Sun rises everywhere does it matter

where you are you can watch the Sun Rise

you don't need a vacation to do that

cultivating gratitude is kind of a daily

thing so what I want to do at the end

here is to just give you an example of

what a gratitude list might be like and

you can do this people do this with

collages people do it in their phone I

tend to do it in my mind while I'm

walking so I was up at 6 o'clock this

morning and this is the scene that I had

this is actually last year's photo but I

tried to find one that was gonna mirror

this morning's walk so I was with I was

with my dog my wife was sleeping but I

could say things like oh I'm grateful to

be married to my best friend and I'm

grateful to walk with my dog but that's

not enough for a gratitude list what you

want for a gratitude list is to get

specific so let me show you I'm grateful

for fall weather I'm grateful that

leaves change colors because my eyes

appreciate them I'm grateful that I can

sense the change

in temperature I love the way cool air

feels on my skin I'm grateful for the

Burks Conservancy for maintaining these

trails I'm grateful that I live only

five minutes away this is never sink

Mountain and I am grateful that most of

the people that walk on never sing are

incredibly respectful there's almost no

trash there's a really well marked trail

I'm grateful that I was able to train my

dog to stay off leash because I really

like walking her off leash she's very

well behaved but I also like that she's

always excited no matter what talk about

gratitude watch a dog and you'll see

gratitude that's that's the specifics

that we want to cultivate so I would

encourage you maybe after this is over

on your way home talk to people talk

about what you're grateful for think

about it and try to do it just a little

every day this isn't a big change in

your life it's just following Sheryl

Crow's advice right it's about getting

it's not about getting what you want

it's about wanting what you've got so

try gratitude I think you'll be happier

thanks

[Applause]