Want to be happy? Be grateful | David Steindl-Rast

Summary

The speaker explores the profound connection between happiness and gratefulness, challenging the common belief that happiness leads to gratitude. Instead, they argue that it is gratitude that fosters happiness. They introduce the concept of 'grateful living,' encouraging individuals to recognize every moment as a gift and to seize the opportunities it presents. The talk suggests a simple method—'stop, look, go'—to cultivate gratitude and joy in daily life. The speaker envisions a world transformed by gratefulness, where people act from abundance rather than scarcity, fostering a culture of respect and joy.

Takeaways

• 😀 All humans share a common desire to be happy, which is a fundamental aspect of our nature.
• 🤔 Gratefulness, not happiness, is the key to happiness. It's the act of being grateful that leads to happiness, not the other way around.
• 🎁 Gratefulness arises when we recognize the value of something and realize it has been freely given to us without any expectation in return.
• 🌟 Living gratefully means being aware that every moment is a gift, an opportunity that we haven't earned but have been given.
• 🔑 The concept of 'grateful living' suggests that we can cultivate an attitude of gratitude as a way of life, not just a fleeting emotion.
• 🚦 A simple method to live gratefully is to 'stop, look, and go', which involves pausing to appreciate, observing the opportunities around us, and then acting on them.
• 🚫 We cannot be grateful for everything, especially negative experiences like violence or loss, but we can be grateful for the opportunities these experiences provide for growth.
• 🌱 Gratitude can be cultivated by creating 'stop signs' in our lives, which are reminders to pause and appreciate the gifts we often take for granted.
• 🌐 Gratefulness has the power to transform society by reducing fear and violence, promoting a sense of abundance, and encouraging respect and equality among people.
• 🌟 The future of a grateful world is envisioned as a network of interconnected, smaller groups, rather than a traditional power pyramid, fostering a culture of joy and respect.

Q & A

What is the central theme of the speech?

The central theme of the speech is the concept of gratefulness and its profound connection to happiness. The speaker emphasizes that it is not happiness that leads to gratefulness, but rather, cultivating an attitude of gratefulness that can lead to happiness.

How does the speaker define 'gratefulness'?

The speaker defines 'gratefulness' as a spontaneous response that arises when one recognizes the value of something that has been freely given without any expectation of reciprocation or compensation.

What is the relationship between happiness and gratefulness as presented in the speech?

The speaker argues that the relationship between happiness and gratefulness is not a one-way street where happiness leads to gratitude. Instead, it is the practice of gratefulness that often leads to happiness, regardless of one's external circumstances.

How can one live a life of gratefulness according to the speech?

To live a life of gratefulness, one should recognize that every moment is a gift and an opportunity. The speaker suggests a method of 'stop, look, go' to cultivate this attitude, which involves stopping to appreciate the present moment, looking at the opportunities it presents, and then acting upon them.

What is the 'gift within the gift' mentioned in the speech?

The 'gift within the gift' refers to the opportunity that comes with every moment or experience. It is the chance to enjoy, learn, grow, or help others that makes the moment valuable, rather than the material or tangible aspects of the gift itself.

Why does the speaker suggest that we cannot be grateful for everything?

The speaker acknowledges that there are certain negative experiences, such as violence, war, oppression, and personal losses, for which gratitude would be inappropriate. Gratefulness is more about the opportunity each moment provides, rather than the specific events or circumstances.

How does the speaker propose we can harness the power of gratefulness?

The speaker suggests creating 'stop signs' in our lives to remind us to pause and appreciate the present moment. This can be done through simple reminders or rituals that help us stop, look, and then go, taking action based on the opportunities we recognize.

What is the significance of the 'stop, look, go' method mentioned in the speech?

The 'stop, look, go' method is a simple yet powerful tool for cultivating a grateful mindset. It encourages individuals to pause (stop), become aware of their surroundings and opportunities (look), and then take action (go) to make the most of those opportunities.

How does the speaker describe the future of a grateful world?

The speaker envisions a future where a grateful world is characterized by joyful people, a network of interconnected smaller groups, and a shift from a power pyramid to a more equal and respectful society. This future is built on the principles of nonviolence, sharing, and valuing differences.

What is the impact of gratefulness on a person's actions and attitudes according to the speech?

According to the speech, gratefulness leads to actions and attitudes that are non-violent, respectful, and sharing. It fosters a sense of abundance rather than scarcity, encourages the enjoyment of differences, and promotes equal respect among people.

How does the speaker conclude the speech and what is the call to action?

The speaker concludes the speech by emphasizing the potential for a grateful world to be a happy world and calls for action through the simple practice of 'stop, look, go'. The call to action is for individuals to transform the world into a happier place by adopting this practice in their daily lives.

Outlines

00:00

😄 Happiness and Gratefulness

The speaker begins by highlighting the universal desire for happiness and introduces the concept of gratefulness. They challenge the common belief that happiness leads to gratitude, instead arguing that it is gratitude that leads to happiness. The speaker explains that gratitude arises when we recognize the value of something freely given to us, and this realization can lead to a spontaneous feeling of happiness. The key message is that we can cultivate a grateful attitude by appreciating every moment as a gift, which contains opportunities for joy and action.

05:02

🌟 Living Gratefully and Seizing Opportunities

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of living gratefully by being aware of the opportunities each moment presents. They discuss how gratitude is not about being thankful for everything that happens, but rather for the opportunities that arise even in difficult situations. The speaker suggests a simple method to live gratefully: 'stop, look, go.' This involves stopping to appreciate the moment, looking with all senses to recognize the opportunities, and then going to act on them. The speaker also shares personal anecdotes about creating 'stop signs' in daily life to cultivate gratitude and encourages listeners to find their own methods.

10:03

🌈 The Impact of Gratefulness on Society

The final paragraph discusses the broader impact of gratefulness on society. The speaker suggests that a grateful mindset can lead to a more peaceful and respectful world, as it fosters a sense of abundance rather than scarcity, encouraging sharing and cooperation. They describe a shift in consciousness towards gratefulness, which is evident in various aspects of society, such as businesses and products adopting the theme of gratitude. The speaker envisions a future where the world is interconnected through networks of gratitude, leading to a joyful and harmonious global community. They conclude by encouraging listeners to adopt the 'stop, look, go' approach to transform the world into a happier place.

Keywords

💡Happiness

Happiness in the video is described as a universal desire, something that all humans seek. It is portrayed as a state of well-being and contentment, but the video emphasizes that happiness is not a given; it's something that can be cultivated through gratefulness. The speaker suggests that happiness is not just a result of external circumstances but an internal state that can be achieved by being grateful for what one has.

💡Gratefulness

Gratefulness is central to the video's message, defined as the feeling of appreciation for what one has received, often without having earned or deserved it. The speaker argues that it is not happiness that leads to gratefulness, but rather the other way around: gratefulness leads to happiness. The concept is illustrated through examples of people who, despite misfortune, are deeply happy because they are grateful.

💡Opportunity

Opportunity, as mentioned in the video, refers to the potential or chance for something to happen or be done. It is described as the 'gift within every gift,' suggesting that the most valuable aspect of any gift is the chance it provides to act, enjoy, or create. The speaker encourages viewers to recognize and seize the opportunities presented in each moment of life.

💡Grateful Living

Grateful living is a concept introduced in the video as a way of life where one consciously practices gratitude. It involves being aware of and thankful for the present moment and the opportunities it brings. The speaker suggests that by living gratefully, one can transform their experience of life and contribute to a more joyful and harmonious world.

💡Violence

Violence is mentioned in the context of what one should not be grateful for. The speaker makes a clear distinction that while gratefulness can be a powerful force for good, it does not extend to justifying or being grateful for negative actions such as violence, war, or oppression. This term is used to highlight the moral boundaries within which gratefulness operates.

💡Patience

Patience is discussed as a virtue that can be learned and is necessary for personal growth and peace. The speaker uses the metaphor of a marathon rather than a sprint to describe the journey towards peace, indicating that patience is required to endure and overcome life's challenges. It is presented as an opportunity that can be embraced through gratefulness.

💡Scarcity vs. Abundance

The video contrasts the mindset of scarcity, where one feels there is not enough, with that of abundance, where one feels there is more than enough. Gratitude is linked to the sense of abundance, as it encourages sharing and a lack of fear, which contrasts with the fearful and violent actions that can stem from a scarcity mindset.

💡Networking

Networking in the video refers to the formation of interconnected groups or communities that support and interact with each other. The speaker envisions a future world structured as a network rather than a pyramid, suggesting that a grateful world would be one where smaller, interconnected groups foster joy and respect, leading to a more harmonious global community.

💡Stop, Look, Go

This phrase is presented as a simple method for cultivating gratefulness. 'Stop' encourages pausing to be present, 'Look' suggests becoming aware of the opportunities around us, and 'Go' implies taking action based on that awareness. The speaker uses this method as a practical tool for individuals to live gratefully and contribute to a happier world.

💡Joy

Joy is described as a natural outcome of gratefulness. The video suggests that grateful people are joyful, and a world filled with joyful people is a happy world. The speaker implies that joy is not just an individual experience but can be shared and amplified, contributing to a collective sense of happiness.

Highlights

The universal desire for happiness is a common ground among all people.

Gratefulness, not happiness, is the key to happiness.

Gratefulness arises when we recognize the value of something freely given to us.

Living gratefully means being aware that every moment is a gift.

The true gift in every moment is the opportunity it contains.

Gratefulness is not about being thankful for everything, but for the opportunities in every moment.

Even in difficult situations, there are opportunities for growth and learning.

The method to live gratefully is as simple as 'stop, look, go'.

Creating 'stop signs' in our lives can help us pause and appreciate what we have.

Opening our senses and hearts to the opportunities around us enriches our lives.

Gratefulness leads to a sense of abundance rather than scarcity, promoting sharing and cooperation.

A grateful mindset fosters respect and equality among people.

The future of a grateful world is a network of interconnected, respectful communities.

Gratefulness can revolutionize our world by changing our approach to power and respect.

The 'stop, look, go' method is a potent seed for personal and global transformation.

The global network for grateful living has seen an exponential growth, indicating a shift in consciousness.

Lit candles as a symbol of gratefulness have reached 15 million in a decade, showcasing a collective awareness.

Gratefulness and joy are intrinsically linked, contributing to a happier world.

Transcripts

There is something you know about me,

something very personal,

and there is something I know about every one of you

and that's very central to your concerns.

There is something that we know

about everyone we meet anywhere in the world, on the street,

that is the very mainspring of whatever they do

and whatever they put up with.

And that is that all of us want to be happy.

In this, we are all together.

How we imagine our happiness, that differs from one another,

but it's already a lot that we have all in common,

that we want to be happy.

Now my topic is gratefulness.

What is the connection between happiness and gratefulness?

Many people would say, well, that's very easy.

When you are happy, you are grateful.

But think again.

Is it really the happy people that are grateful?

We all know quite a number of people

who have everything that it would take to be happy,

and they are not happy,

because they want something else or they want more of the same.

And we all know people who have lots of misfortune,

misfortune that we ourselves would not want to have,

and they are deeply happy.

They radiate happiness. You are surprised.

Why? Because they are grateful.

So it is not happiness that makes us grateful.

It's gratefulness that makes us happy.

If you think it's happiness that makes you grateful,

think again.

It's gratefulness that makes you happy.

Now, we can ask,

what do we really mean by gratefulness?

And how does it work?

I appeal to your own experience.

We all know from experience how it goes.

We experience something that's valuable to us.

Something is given to us that's valuable to us.

And it's really given.

These two things have to come together.

It has to be something valuable, and it's a real gift.

You haven't bought it. You haven't earned it.

You haven't traded it in. You haven't worked for it.

It's just given to you.

And when these two things come together,

something that's really valuable to me and I realize it's freely given,

then gratefulness spontaneously rises in my heart,

happiness spontaneously rises in my heart.

That's how gratefulness happens.

Now the key to all this

is that we cannot only experience this once in a while.

We cannot only have grateful experiences.

We can be people who live gratefully.

Grateful living, that is the thing.

And how can we live gratefully?

By experiencing, by becoming aware

that every moment is a given moment, as we say.

It's a gift. You haven't earned it.

You haven't brought it about in any way.

You have no way of assuring

that there will be another moment given to you,

and yet, that's the most valuable thing that can ever be given to us,

this moment, with all the opportunity that it contains.

If we didn't have this present moment,

we wouldn't have any opportunity to do anything

or experience anything,

and this moment is a gift.

It's a given moment, as we say.

Now, we say the gift within this gift is really the opportunity.

What you are really grateful for is the opportunity,

not the thing that is given to you,

because if that thing were somewhere else

and you didn't have the opportunity to enjoy it,

to do something with it,

you wouldn't be grateful for it.

Opportunity is the gift within every gift,

and we have this saying, opportunity knocks only once.

Well, think again.

Every moment is a new gift, over and over again,

and if you miss the opportunity of this moment,

another moment is given to us, and another moment.

We can avail ourselves of this opportunity,

or we can miss it,

and if we avail ourselves of the opportunity,

it is the key to happiness.

Behold the master key to our happiness

in our own hands.

Moment by moment, we can be grateful for this gift.

Does that mean

that we can be grateful for everything?

Certainly not.

We cannot be grateful for violence, for war,

for oppression, for exploitation.

On the personal level, we cannot be grateful

for the loss of a friend, for unfaithfulness,

for bereavement.

But I didn't say we can be grateful for everything.

I said we can be grateful in every given moment

for the opportunity,

and even when we are confronted with something that is terribly difficult,

we can rise to this occasion

and respond to the opportunity that is given to us.

It isn't as bad as it might seem.

Actually, when you look at it and experience it,

you find that most of the time,

what is given to us is the opportunity to enjoy,

and we only miss it because we are rushing through life

and we are not stopping to see the opportunity.

But once in a while,

something very difficult is given to us,

and when this difficult thing occurs to us,

it's a challenge to rise to that opportunity,

and we can rise to it by learning something

which is sometimes painful.

Learning patience, for instance.

We have been told that the road to peace

is not a sprint, but is more like a marathon.

That takes patience. That's difficult.

It may be to stand up for your opinion, to stand up for your conviction.

That's an opportunity that is given to us.

To learn, to suffer, to stand up,

all these opportunities are given to us,

but they are opportunities,

and those who avail themselves of those opportunities

are the ones that we admire.

They make something out of life.

And those who fail get another opportunity.

We always get another opportunity.

That's the wonderful richness of life.

So how can we find a method that will harness this?

How can each one of us find a method for living gratefully,

not just once in a while being grateful,

but moment by moment to be grateful.

How can we do it? It's a very simple method.

It's so simple that it's actually what we were told as children

when we learned to cross the street.

Stop.

Look.

Go.

That's all.

But how often do we stop?

We rush through life. We don't stop.

We miss the opportunity because we don't stop.

We have to stop.

We have to get quiet.

And we have to build stop signs into our lives.

When I was in Africa some years ago and then came back,

I noticed water.

In Africa where I was, I didn't have drinkable water.

Every time I turned on the faucet, I was overwhelmed.

Every time I clicked on the light, I was so grateful.

It made me so happy.

But after a while, this wears off.

So I put little stickers on the light switch

and on the water faucet,

and every time I turned it on, water.

So leave it up to your own imagination.

You can find whatever works best for you,

but you need stop signs in your life.

And when you stop,

then the next thing is to look.

You look. You open your eyes.

You open your ears. You open your nose.

You open all your senses

for this wonderful richness that is given to us.

There is no end to it, and that is what life is all about,

to enjoy, to enjoy what is given to us.

And then we can also open our hearts,

our hearts for the opportunities,

for the opportunities also to help others,

to make others happy,

because nothing makes us more happy than when all of us are happy.

And when we open our hearts to the opportunities,

the opportunities invite us to do something,

and that is the third.

Stop, look, and then go, and really do something.

And what we can do

is whatever life offers to you in that present moment.

Mostly it's the opportunity to enjoy,

but sometimes it's something more difficult.

But whatever it is, if we take this opportunity,

we go with it, we are creative, those are the creative people.

And that little stop, look, go,

is such a potent seed

that it can revolutionize our world.

Because we are at the present moment

in the middle of a change of consciousness,

and you will be surprised if you --

I am always surprised when I hear how many times

this word "gratefulness" and "gratitude" comes up.

Everywhere you find it,

a grateful airline, a restaurant gratefulness,

a café gratefulness, a wine that is gratefulness.

Yes, I have even come across a toilet paper

whose brand is called "Thank You."

(Laughter)

There is a wave of gratefulness

because people are becoming aware how important this is

and how this can change our world.

It can change our world in immensely important ways,

because if you're grateful, you're not fearful,

and if you're not fearful, you're not violent.

If you're grateful, you act out of a sense of enough

and not of a sense of scarcity,

and you are willing to share.

If you are grateful,

you are enjoying the differences between people,

and you are respectful to everybody,

and that changes this power pyramid under which we live.

And it doesn't make for equality, but it makes for equal respect,

and that is the important thing.

The future of the world will be a network,

not a pyramid turned upside down.

The revolution of which I am speaking is a nonviolent revolution,

and it's so revolutionary that it even revolutionizes

the very concept of a revolution,

because the normal revolution

is one where the power pyramid is turned upside down

and those who were on the bottom are now on the top

and are doing exactly the same thing that the ones before.

What we need is a networking of smaller groups,

smaller and smaller groups who know one another,

who interact with one another, and that is a grateful world.

A grateful world is a world of joyful people.

Grateful people are joyful people,

and joyful people --

the more and more joyful people there are,

the more and more we'll have a joyful world.

We have a network for grateful living, and it has mushroomed.

We couldn't understand why it mushroomed.

We have an opportunity for people to light a candle

when they are grateful for something.

And there have been 15 million candles lit in one decade.

People are becoming aware that a grateful world is a happy world,

and we all have the opportunity by the simple stop, look, go,

to transform the world, to make it a happy place.

And that is what I hope for us,

and if this has contributed a little to making you want to do the same,

stop, look, go.

Thank you.

(Applause)