9 Habits That Are Destroying Your Confidence
Summary
TLDRIn this Psych2Go video, Amanda identifies nine habits that undermine self-confidence. She explains the negative impact of caring too much about others' opinions, negative thinking, social media comparison, self-deprecation, blaming others, setting low expectations, undervaluing one's contributions, dismissing compliments, and ruminating on past mistakes. The video encourages viewers to recognize and change these habits to build a more positive mindset and strengthen their confidence.
Takeaways
- 😌 Confidence is a trait that varies among individuals and can be developed over time.
- 👀 Overvaluing others' opinions can undermine your self-confidence and it's crucial to prioritize your own thoughts and actions.
- 💭 Negative thinking can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, limiting your confidence by constantly reinforcing the belief that you're not good enough.
- 📱 Social media can distort reality and affect your confidence by making you compare your life with the often idealized portrayals of others.
- 🗣️ Self-deprecating talk can diminish your self-worth and value, impacting your confidence in both personal and professional settings.
- 🏃♂️ Blaming others for your dissatisfaction can erode your self-esteem and confidence in managing your situation, whereas taking ownership can boost your confidence.
- 🎯 Setting low expectations for yourself can inadvertently signal to others that you lack confidence in your abilities.
- 🗣️ Believing you have nothing meaningful to contribute to discussions can hinder your confidence in participating in conversations.
- 🙅♀️ Dismissing compliments can undermine your confidence by not allowing you to internalize positive feedback and reinforce your self-worth.
- 🤔 Ruminating on past mistakes or setbacks rather than focusing on solutions can damage your confidence by fixating on failures rather than learning from them.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video by Psych2Go?
-The main topic of the video is about nine habits that are destroying one's confidence.
Why is it important to not care too much about what others think according to the video?
-Caring too much about what others think can lead to changing one's behavior to fit others' expectations, which can harm one's self-confidence.
What is the impact of negative thinking on one's confidence as discussed in the video?
-Negative thinking can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where a person believes they are not good enough, thus never achieving confidence.
How does social media affect one's confidence as mentioned in the video?
-Social media can affect confidence by causing individuals to compare their lives with the often unrealistic portrayals of others' lives online.
What is the issue with self-deprecating talk as highlighted in the video?
-Self-deprecating talk diminishes one's worth and value, leading to a decrease in self-confidence.
Why does the video suggest that playing the blame game is detrimental to self-confidence?
-Blaming others for one's situation instead of taking ownership can destroy self-esteem and make a person feel less confident in managing their circumstances.
What is the effect of setting the bar low for oneself on confidence, according to the video?
-Setting the bar low can make others question one's abilities and can naturally lower one's confidence and sense of value.
Why is it suggested in the video that not participating in discussions can harm one's confidence?
-Not participating in discussions due to the belief that one has nothing meaningful to contribute can lead to a decrease in confidence.
What is the video's stance on accepting compliments and how does it relate to confidence?
-The video suggests that accepting compliments graciously is important for developing confidence, rather than deflecting them out of embarrassment or disbelief.
How does ruminating, or repeatedly thinking over past mistakes, affect confidence as per the video?
-Ruminating can negatively affect confidence by focusing on problems rather than solutions, which can make even the most confident people struggle.
What advice does the video give for individuals to improve their confidence?
-The video advises using positive affirmations daily to remind oneself of strengths and areas for development, which can help improve confidence.
Outlines
🤔 Overcoming Confidence-Damaging Habits
The video begins with Amanda addressing the audience about the varying degrees of confidence people possess and the common desire to improve it. She introduces nine habits that can undermine one's confidence. The first habit discussed is the excessive concern for others' opinions, which can lead to self-harm if one's actions are primarily driven by the desire to impress others. Negative thinking is the second habit, where persistent thoughts of inadequacy can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of low confidence. Social media comparison is the third habit, which can distort one's perception of reality and impact real-world confidence. Self-deprecating talk is the fourth habit, where undervaluing one's own achievements can erode self-worth. The blame game, setting low expectations for oneself, believing one has nothing valuable to contribute, and dismissing compliments are the subsequent habits that further damage confidence. Amanda encourages viewers to recognize and change these habits to bolster their self-esteem.
🔄 Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thought Patterns
In the second paragraph, Amanda continues the discussion on confidence-eroding habits, focusing on the importance of accepting compliments and the detrimental effects of rumination. She explains that deflecting compliments can undermine one's self-confidence and challenge the judgment of the person giving the compliment. Amanda emphasizes that graciously accepting compliments can aid in building confidence. Rumination, the act of repeatedly dwelling on past mistakes or unfavorable situations, is identified as the final habit. This behavior can hinder problem-solving and maintain a focus on problems rather than solutions. Amanda suggests using positive affirmations to counteract these negative thought patterns and encourages viewers to share their experiences and feedback in the comments. She concludes by inviting viewers to engage with the channel through likes, shares, and subscriptions for more content.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Confidence
💡Innate
💡Self-esteem
💡Negative thinking
💡Self-fulfilling prophecy
💡Social media
💡Self-deprecating
💡Blame game
💡Rumination
💡Compliments
💡Positive affirmations
Highlights
Confidence can be innate or developed over time.
Caring too much about what others think can harm your self-confidence.
Negative thinking creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Social media comparisons can negatively impact real-world confidence.
Self-deprecating talk diminishes your worth and value.
Blaming others or external factors can destroy self-esteem.
Setting the bar low for yourself reassures you but lowers confidence.
Believing you have nothing to contribute to discussions harms your confidence.
Dismissing compliments sells yourself short and challenges the complimenter's judgment.
Rumination focuses on problems instead of solutions, affecting confidence.
Using positive affirmations daily can help develop confidence.
Confidence takes a knock sometimes, but it is common and manageable.
It's crucial to focus on what you can control to boost confidence.
Accepting compliments graciously does not make you an egomaniac.
You are unique with different skills, so use them to your advantage.
Transcripts
(cheerful upbeat music)
(bell chiming)
- [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers,
and welcome back to another video.
If you're a new here, welcome to Psych2Go.
Confidence, some people are born
with an innate streak of confidence,
whilst it takes a little time
for others to develop confidence
as they develop from children into adults.
But there will be times
when your confidence takes a knock, right?
It's common to feel like you wish
your confidence was better.
While other things that are out of control
may impact your confidence, such as other people,
it's important to know which things you are in control of
and how you can prevent yourself
from destroying your own confidence.
So here are nine habits that are destroying your confidence.
Number one, you care too much about what other people think.
How many times have you said to yourself:
- [Cartoon] "I don't care what other people think about me."
- [Amanda] Honestly, the tally
isn't quite encouraging, is it?
(Cartoon laughing) - [Cartoon] No.
- [Amanda] That's okay.
It's common to care about what other people think,
especially if we're trying to impress them.
As human beings, you want to be liked
and respected by others.
However, when you value other people's thinking
and opinion above your own
and change your behavior to reflect
what you think others want to see,
you're doing more harm than good for yourself.
Number two, negative thinking.
- [Cartoon] I'm not good enough.
I can't do this.
- [Amanda] You've had one too many
of those days, haven't you?
- [Cartoon] Uh-huh.
- [Amanda] You become what you think.
If you always think you're not good enough
then you'll never be confident.
Do you have thoughts that you can never get that promotion
even though you are qualified?
That's negative thinking.
Indulging in pessimism creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- [Cartoon] Oh boy.
- [Amanda] Yeah, you're gradually destroying
your self-confidence with all of these thoughts.
Reframing those negative thoughts to say,
"I am good enough to get this job
"and I need to show my skills,"
can reinforce a more positive mindset.
It's crucial to focus on what you can do
instead of worrying about the outcomes
that you can't control.
Number three, social media living.
Do you compare your lifestyle
with your friends on social media?
Or how many times have you thought
that your social media life is better than your own life?
The pretty pictures people paint on social media,
as we know, are not always as they appear to be.
If you consistently find yourself
comparing yourself to others
and living in your own version of reality,
and only putting out what you want the world to see,
then you may notice
that this has an impact on your confidence
in the real world.
Once you start to understand
that this is not what everyday lives are like
then you should start to feel more grounded.
Number four, self-deprecating talk.
When you diminish what you do
you're taking shots at your self-confidence.
If every time you speak in a personal
or professional setting, and you say
that you're not that great,
you're diminishing your worth and value.
When you're constantly communicating
that you're not that great,
it's bound to make you feel less than confident.
Writer C.S. Lewis once said,
"Humility is not thinking less of yourself
"but it's thinking of yourself less."
So remember that and try not to confuse
humility with self-deprecation.
Number five, the blame game is your favorite sport.
When you find yourself in a situation
that you are not happy with,
such as the job that you hate,
do you tend to find excuses and blame everybody else
or everything else for what is happening?
This destroys your self-esteem
and you feel less confident
about being able to manage your situation.
You'll need to develop an exit plan for your self-esteem.
In his video, How To Beast explains this idea
of blaming acts as a defense mechanism.
So rather than pass the blame,
taking ownership of your situation
should jumpstart your confidence, fingers crossed.
Number six, you set the bar low for yourself.
When you disclaim, "I'm not very good at this,
"so don't have any expectations."
It immediately makes others question your ability.
Disqualifying yourself verbally reassures you
that others won't have high expectations from you
and won't be disappointed.
But by setting yourself at this level,
naturally your confidence is going to be low
as is your sense of value.
So when you put confidence on it
it instills confidence in others about you as well.
Number seven, thinking that you don't have anything to say
or contribute to a discussion.
Why don't you tend to get involved in conversations
at work or at social events?
Is it because you don't believe
that you have anything meaningful to add?
- Maybe.
- [Amanda] Well, this too is destroying your confidence,
as you may feel like people will be bored
of what you have to say
or that they'll think that you're not smart.
- Yeah, or they'll make fun of me.
- [Amanda] This is a story that you've told yourself
and you've started to believe that it's true.
It may be that the topic of conversation
is not something that you're particularly interested in
or know a lot about,
but it should not be allowed to cost you your confidence.
Okay, number eight.
You dismiss compliments.
Guilty as charged, right?
- [Cartoon] Mm-hmm.
- [Amanda] Yeah, me too.
We often receive compliments by deflecting
or shying away from accepting them
because we're embarrassed or we don't believe the comment.
By deflecting, we're not only selling ourselves short
but challenging the judgment of the person complimenting us.
- [Cartoon] Uh-oh.
- [Amanda] Accepting compliments graciously
doesn't make you an egomaniac.
We can accept compliments graciously
and take them on board when developing our confidence.
And number nine, ruminating.
Ever find yourself repeatedly going over
what you didn't get right
or situations you didn't like?
An example of this may be
that you continuously think about something
you said during a presentation to your work colleagues.
Rumination is taking thinking
to another dimension altogether.
Even though thinking is considered
necessary for problem-solving,
ruminating is focused on the problem
and not on finding the solution.
In her article for Forbes, Jamie Kaluga wrote that
"When you ruminate on your poor decisions
"or setbacks consistently, even the most confident people
"can struggle at times and it's perfectly normal."
You are unique individuals with different skills.
So use them to your advantage.
Using positive affirmations every day where possible
can help to remind you of your strengths
and what you want to develop.
Do any of these describe your experience?
Or did any of these points describe you?
If you have any comments or feedback regarding this video,
please leave them in the comment box below.
We love hearing back from our viewers
and your feedback is so important for us
when we're creating content at Psych2Go.
If you found this video helpful,
be sure to hit the like button
and share it with those out there
diminishing their confidence due to their own habits.
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As always, thanks for watching.
See you next time.
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