9 Habits That Are Destroying Your Confidence

Summary

In this Psych2Go video, Amanda identifies nine habits that undermine self-confidence. She explains the negative impact of caring too much about others' opinions, negative thinking, social media comparison, self-deprecation, blaming others, setting low expectations, undervaluing one's contributions, dismissing compliments, and ruminating on past mistakes. The video encourages viewers to recognize and change these habits to build a more positive mindset and strengthen their confidence.

Takeaways

• 😌 Confidence is a trait that varies among individuals and can be developed over time.
• 👀 Overvaluing others' opinions can undermine your self-confidence and it's crucial to prioritize your own thoughts and actions.
• 💭 Negative thinking can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, limiting your confidence by constantly reinforcing the belief that you're not good enough.
• 📱 Social media can distort reality and affect your confidence by making you compare your life with the often idealized portrayals of others.
• 🗣️ Self-deprecating talk can diminish your self-worth and value, impacting your confidence in both personal and professional settings.
• 🏃‍♂️ Blaming others for your dissatisfaction can erode your self-esteem and confidence in managing your situation, whereas taking ownership can boost your confidence.
• 🎯 Setting low expectations for yourself can inadvertently signal to others that you lack confidence in your abilities.
• 🗣️ Believing you have nothing meaningful to contribute to discussions can hinder your confidence in participating in conversations.
• 🙅‍♀️ Dismissing compliments can undermine your confidence by not allowing you to internalize positive feedback and reinforce your self-worth.
• 🤔 Ruminating on past mistakes or setbacks rather than focusing on solutions can damage your confidence by fixating on failures rather than learning from them.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video by Psych2Go?

The main topic of the video is about nine habits that are destroying one's confidence.

Why is it important to not care too much about what others think according to the video?

Caring too much about what others think can lead to changing one's behavior to fit others' expectations, which can harm one's self-confidence.

What is the impact of negative thinking on one's confidence as discussed in the video?

Negative thinking can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where a person believes they are not good enough, thus never achieving confidence.

How does social media affect one's confidence as mentioned in the video?

Social media can affect confidence by causing individuals to compare their lives with the often unrealistic portrayals of others' lives online.

What is the issue with self-deprecating talk as highlighted in the video?

Self-deprecating talk diminishes one's worth and value, leading to a decrease in self-confidence.

Why does the video suggest that playing the blame game is detrimental to self-confidence?

Blaming others for one's situation instead of taking ownership can destroy self-esteem and make a person feel less confident in managing their circumstances.

What is the effect of setting the bar low for oneself on confidence, according to the video?

Setting the bar low can make others question one's abilities and can naturally lower one's confidence and sense of value.

Why is it suggested in the video that not participating in discussions can harm one's confidence?

Not participating in discussions due to the belief that one has nothing meaningful to contribute can lead to a decrease in confidence.

What is the video's stance on accepting compliments and how does it relate to confidence?

The video suggests that accepting compliments graciously is important for developing confidence, rather than deflecting them out of embarrassment or disbelief.

How does ruminating, or repeatedly thinking over past mistakes, affect confidence as per the video?

Ruminating can negatively affect confidence by focusing on problems rather than solutions, which can make even the most confident people struggle.

What advice does the video give for individuals to improve their confidence?

The video advises using positive affirmations daily to remind oneself of strengths and areas for development, which can help improve confidence.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Overcoming Confidence-Damaging Habits

The video begins with Amanda addressing the audience about the varying degrees of confidence people possess and the common desire to improve it. She introduces nine habits that can undermine one's confidence. The first habit discussed is the excessive concern for others' opinions, which can lead to self-harm if one's actions are primarily driven by the desire to impress others. Negative thinking is the second habit, where persistent thoughts of inadequacy can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of low confidence. Social media comparison is the third habit, which can distort one's perception of reality and impact real-world confidence. Self-deprecating talk is the fourth habit, where undervaluing one's own achievements can erode self-worth. The blame game, setting low expectations for oneself, believing one has nothing valuable to contribute, and dismissing compliments are the subsequent habits that further damage confidence. Amanda encourages viewers to recognize and change these habits to bolster their self-esteem.

05:03

🔄 Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thought Patterns

In the second paragraph, Amanda continues the discussion on confidence-eroding habits, focusing on the importance of accepting compliments and the detrimental effects of rumination. She explains that deflecting compliments can undermine one's self-confidence and challenge the judgment of the person giving the compliment. Amanda emphasizes that graciously accepting compliments can aid in building confidence. Rumination, the act of repeatedly dwelling on past mistakes or unfavorable situations, is identified as the final habit. This behavior can hinder problem-solving and maintain a focus on problems rather than solutions. Amanda suggests using positive affirmations to counteract these negative thought patterns and encourages viewers to share their experiences and feedback in the comments. She concludes by inviting viewers to engage with the channel through likes, shares, and subscriptions for more content.

Keywords

💡Confidence

Confidence refers to a belief in one's own abilities, qualities, and judgments. In the video's context, it is the core theme, exploring how certain habits can either build or erode an individual's self-assurance. The script mentions that while some people are born with an innate confidence, others develop it over time. It also discusses the negative impact of various habits on one's confidence levels.

💡Innate

Innate means existing in someone from birth or existing in the mind or body of a living organism from its inception. In the script, 'innate' is used to describe the natural confidence some people possess, suggesting that it is a quality they have from the beginning of their lives.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the value or worth that a person assigns to themselves. The video discusses how habits like blaming others can destroy self-esteem, which in turn affects confidence. It is a crucial concept as it is directly tied to how individuals perceive their own worth and abilities.

💡Negative thinking

Negative thinking involves a pattern of thoughts that are pessimistic or focused on the negative aspects of things. The script uses this term to illustrate how consistently negative thoughts can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of inadequacy, thus undermining one's confidence.

💡Self-fulfilling prophecy

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a belief that, because it is held, causes behavior that ensures the belief will come true. The video explains that indulging in negative thoughts can lead to actions that confirm those negative beliefs, thereby damaging confidence.

💡Social media

Social media refers to websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or participate in social networking. The script discusses the impact of comparing oneself to the often idealized images on social media, which can lead to a distorted perception of reality and affect one's confidence.

💡Self-deprecating

Self-deprecating behavior involves making self-critical or belittling remarks about oneself. The video points out that such behavior can diminish one's self-confidence, as it communicates a lack of self-worth to others and reinforces negative self-perceptions.

💡Blame game

The 'blame game' is a situation where individuals avoid taking responsibility for their problems by attributing them to external factors or other people. In the video, it is mentioned as a habit that can erode confidence by fostering a sense of powerlessness and lack of control over one's circumstances.

💡Rumination

Rumination is the act of repeatedly thinking over the same thoughts, often about negative experiences or mistakes. The script describes how rumination can be detrimental to confidence, as it focuses on problems rather than solutions and can lead to a cycle of negative emotions.

💡Compliments

Compliments are expressions of praise or admiration. The video script notes that dismissing compliments can hinder the development of confidence, as it can prevent individuals from internalizing positive feedback and recognizing their own strengths.

💡Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are statements that can help overcome self-sabotage and negative thinking by encouraging a positive mindset. The video suggests using them to reinforce confidence by reminding individuals of their strengths and capabilities.

Highlights

Confidence can be innate or developed over time.

Caring too much about what others think can harm your self-confidence.

Negative thinking creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Social media comparisons can negatively impact real-world confidence.

Self-deprecating talk diminishes your worth and value.

Blaming others or external factors can destroy self-esteem.

Setting the bar low for yourself reassures you but lowers confidence.

Believing you have nothing to contribute to discussions harms your confidence.

Dismissing compliments sells yourself short and challenges the complimenter's judgment.

Rumination focuses on problems instead of solutions, affecting confidence.

Using positive affirmations daily can help develop confidence.

Confidence takes a knock sometimes, but it is common and manageable.

It's crucial to focus on what you can control to boost confidence.

Accepting compliments graciously does not make you an egomaniac.

You are unique with different skills, so use them to your advantage.

Transcripts

(cheerful upbeat music)

(bell chiming)

- [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers,

and welcome back to another video.

If you're a new here, welcome to Psych2Go.

Confidence, some people are born

with an innate streak of confidence,

whilst it takes a little time

for others to develop confidence

as they develop from children into adults.

But there will be times

when your confidence takes a knock, right?

It's common to feel like you wish

your confidence was better.

While other things that are out of control

may impact your confidence, such as other people,

it's important to know which things you are in control of

and how you can prevent yourself

from destroying your own confidence.

So here are nine habits that are destroying your confidence.

Number one, you care too much about what other people think.

How many times have you said to yourself:

- [Cartoon] "I don't care what other people think about me."

- [Amanda] Honestly, the tally

isn't quite encouraging, is it?

(Cartoon laughing) - [Cartoon] No.

- [Amanda] That's okay.

It's common to care about what other people think,

especially if we're trying to impress them.

As human beings, you want to be liked

and respected by others.

However, when you value other people's thinking

and opinion above your own

and change your behavior to reflect

what you think others want to see,

you're doing more harm than good for yourself.

Number two, negative thinking.

- [Cartoon] I'm not good enough.

I can't do this.

- [Amanda] You've had one too many

of those days, haven't you?

- [Cartoon] Uh-huh.

- [Amanda] You become what you think.

If you always think you're not good enough

then you'll never be confident.

Do you have thoughts that you can never get that promotion

even though you are qualified?

That's negative thinking.

Indulging in pessimism creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

- [Cartoon] Oh boy.

- [Amanda] Yeah, you're gradually destroying

your self-confidence with all of these thoughts.

Reframing those negative thoughts to say,

"I am good enough to get this job

"and I need to show my skills,"

can reinforce a more positive mindset.

It's crucial to focus on what you can do

instead of worrying about the outcomes

that you can't control.

Number three, social media living.

Do you compare your lifestyle

with your friends on social media?

Or how many times have you thought

that your social media life is better than your own life?

The pretty pictures people paint on social media,

as we know, are not always as they appear to be.

If you consistently find yourself

comparing yourself to others

and living in your own version of reality,

and only putting out what you want the world to see,

then you may notice

that this has an impact on your confidence

in the real world.

Once you start to understand

that this is not what everyday lives are like

then you should start to feel more grounded.

Number four, self-deprecating talk.

When you diminish what you do

you're taking shots at your self-confidence.

If every time you speak in a personal

or professional setting, and you say

that you're not that great,

you're diminishing your worth and value.

When you're constantly communicating

that you're not that great,

it's bound to make you feel less than confident.

Writer C.S. Lewis once said,

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself

"but it's thinking of yourself less."

So remember that and try not to confuse

humility with self-deprecation.

Number five, the blame game is your favorite sport.

When you find yourself in a situation

that you are not happy with,

such as the job that you hate,

do you tend to find excuses and blame everybody else

or everything else for what is happening?

This destroys your self-esteem

and you feel less confident

about being able to manage your situation.

You'll need to develop an exit plan for your self-esteem.

In his video, How To Beast explains this idea

of blaming acts as a defense mechanism.

So rather than pass the blame,

taking ownership of your situation

should jumpstart your confidence, fingers crossed.

Number six, you set the bar low for yourself.

When you disclaim, "I'm not very good at this,

"so don't have any expectations."

It immediately makes others question your ability.

Disqualifying yourself verbally reassures you

that others won't have high expectations from you

and won't be disappointed.

But by setting yourself at this level,

naturally your confidence is going to be low

as is your sense of value.

So when you put confidence on it

it instills confidence in others about you as well.

Number seven, thinking that you don't have anything to say

or contribute to a discussion.

Why don't you tend to get involved in conversations

at work or at social events?

Is it because you don't believe

that you have anything meaningful to add?

- Maybe.

- [Amanda] Well, this too is destroying your confidence,

as you may feel like people will be bored

of what you have to say

or that they'll think that you're not smart.

- Yeah, or they'll make fun of me.

- [Amanda] This is a story that you've told yourself

and you've started to believe that it's true.

It may be that the topic of conversation

is not something that you're particularly interested in

or know a lot about,

but it should not be allowed to cost you your confidence.

Okay, number eight.

You dismiss compliments.

Guilty as charged, right?

- [Cartoon] Mm-hmm.

- [Amanda] Yeah, me too.

We often receive compliments by deflecting

or shying away from accepting them

because we're embarrassed or we don't believe the comment.

By deflecting, we're not only selling ourselves short

but challenging the judgment of the person complimenting us.

- [Cartoon] Uh-oh.

- [Amanda] Accepting compliments graciously

doesn't make you an egomaniac.

We can accept compliments graciously

and take them on board when developing our confidence.

And number nine, ruminating.

Ever find yourself repeatedly going over

what you didn't get right

or situations you didn't like?

An example of this may be

that you continuously think about something

you said during a presentation to your work colleagues.

Rumination is taking thinking

to another dimension altogether.

Even though thinking is considered

necessary for problem-solving,

ruminating is focused on the problem

and not on finding the solution.

In her article for Forbes, Jamie Kaluga wrote that

"When you ruminate on your poor decisions

"or setbacks consistently, even the most confident people

"can struggle at times and it's perfectly normal."

You are unique individuals with different skills.

So use them to your advantage.

Using positive affirmations every day where possible

can help to remind you of your strengths

and what you want to develop.

Do any of these describe your experience?

Or did any of these points describe you?

If you have any comments or feedback regarding this video,

please leave them in the comment box below.

We love hearing back from our viewers

and your feedback is so important for us

when we're creating content at Psych2Go.

If you found this video helpful,

be sure to hit the like button

and share it with those out there

diminishing their confidence due to their own habits.

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As always, thanks for watching.

See you next time.