10 Behaviors that Destroy Relationships

Summary

In this Psych2Go video, Amanda discusses 10 behaviors that can damage relationships, such as stonewalling, being too distracted, getting defensive, excessive criticism, idealizing a partner, ignoring past issues, misleading, creating competition, shaming, and expecting too much. The video emphasizes the importance of addressing these issues to maintain a healthy and trusting relationship.

Takeaways

• 💬 Communication is crucial in relationships, and avoiding difficult conversations, known as stonewalling, can lead to unresolved issues.
• 📱 Being too distracted during quality time with your partner can make them feel unimportant and neglected.
• 🛡 Defensiveness during communication can stop you from listening to your partner's concerns and may lead to ignoring the real problem.
• 🗣️ Excessive criticism can create a negative dynamic in a relationship and cause frustration for your partner.
• 🏰 Idealizing your partner by holding them to high, unrealistic standards can damage the relationship by not appreciating them for who they truly are.
• 🔍 Ignoring your past, both good and bad, can overlook significant moments in your relationship and hinder growth.
• 🤥 Misleading or deceiving your partner can destroy trust, which is a fundamental aspect of a relationship.
• 🏁 Creating competition within a relationship can lead to tension, stress, and resentment instead of fostering a supportive environment.
• 😳 Shaming your partner in public can be damaging to the relationship and put your partner in an uncomfortable situation.
• 🤔 Expecting too much from your partner, such as mind-reading, is unfair and can lead to misunderstandings and relationship strain.
• 🗣️ Expressing your needs and desires is essential; relying on your partner to guess your thoughts can cause frustration and a breakdown in communication.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is the behaviors that can damage relationships and the importance of addressing these behaviors to maintain a healthy relationship.

What is the first behavior mentioned in the script that can damage a relationship?

The first behavior mentioned is stonewalling, which involves avoiding difficult questions and conversations with your partner.

Why is it important to avoid stonewalling in a relationship?

Avoiding stonewalling is important because it prevents the harboring of unresolved issues, which are crucial for the health of a relationship.

How does being too distracted affect a relationship?

Being too distracted can make your partner feel ignored or neglected, as they may not feel like they have your undivided attention during quality time together.

What is the impact of defensiveness on communication within a relationship?

Defensiveness can be destructive to a relationship as it stops one from listening to their partner's concerns and instead focuses on self-protection, often leading to arguments or ignoring the real problem.

Why is excessive criticism harmful to a relationship?

Excessive criticism can create a negative dynamic in a relationship, making it difficult to focus on the positive aspects and driving a wedge between partners.

What does the script suggest about idealizing your partner?

The script suggests that idealizing your partner, or holding them to a high standard that may not be realistic, can damage the relationship by projecting your own preferences onto them rather than accepting them as they are.

Why is it important to acknowledge both the good and bad history of a relationship?

Acknowledging the history of a relationship, including its bumps and rough patches, is important because it shapes the way partners feel about each other and helps to understand the present state of the relationship.

What is the harm in misleading your partner?

Misleading your partner through lies and manipulation can destroy trust, which is a fundamental aspect of any relationship.

How does creating competition in a relationship affect its health?

Creating competition in a relationship can lead to tension, stress, and resentment, as partners may focus on proving each other wrong rather than working together to find solutions and compromises.

What is the potential damage of shaming your partner in public?

Shaming your partner in public can damage the relationship by making your partner feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, which is different from playful teasing in private.

Why is it unfair to expect your partner to know what you want without expressing it?

It is unfair because it places an unrealistic burden on your partner to read your mind. Communication is key in a relationship, and expressing your needs and thoughts is essential for mutual understanding.

What does the script suggest as a way to improve relationship communication?

The script suggests that instead of being defensive or critical, one should focus on active listening, expressing concerns openly, and working towards compromise to improve relationship communication.

How can the behaviors listed in the script be addressed to prevent relationship damage?

The behaviors can be addressed by being self-aware, engaging in open and honest communication, and taking responsibility for one's actions to foster a healthier and more understanding relationship.

Outlines

00:00

💔 Top 10 Behaviors That Damage Relationships

Amanda from Psych2Go discusses the common behaviors that can lead to the deterioration of relationships. She emphasizes the importance of addressing issues directly rather than avoiding them, as stonewalling can lead to unresolved problems. Being too distracted during quality time with a partner can make them feel unimportant or neglected. Defensiveness during communication can halt the listening process and prevent the resolution of issues. Excessive criticism can create a negative environment and overshadow the positive aspects of a partner. Idealizing a partner by holding them to unrealistic standards can also be harmful. Ignoring past relationship issues can prevent learning and growth. Misleading or deceiving a partner can erode trust, which is fundamental to a relationship. Creating competition within the relationship can lead to tension and resentment. Shaming a partner, especially in public, can be damaging to their self-esteem and the relationship. Lastly, expecting a partner to know one's thoughts and desires without communication can set the relationship up for misunderstandings and disappointment.

05:02

🗣️ Communication and Expectations in Relationships

The second paragraph continues the discussion on relationship dynamics, focusing on the importance of clear communication and reasonable expectations. It points out the unfairness of expecting a partner to intuitively know one's desires or thoughts, stressing that it is the individual's responsibility to express their needs. The paragraph advises against placing an unrealistic burden on partners to 'read minds,' as this can lead to the gradual collapse of a relationship. It invites viewers to share their experiences with these behaviors in the comments and encourages engagement with the Psych2Go channel for more psychological insights.

Keywords

💡Stonewalling

Stonewalling refers to the act of avoiding difficult questions and conversations, especially in a relationship. It is a form of defensive behavior where an individual actively evades addressing painful or emotional subjects. In the video, stonewalling is highlighted as a destructive habit that can harbor unresolved issues within a relationship, thus damaging its health by avoiding necessary discussions.

💡Undivided Attention

Undivided attention is the concept of giving one's full focus to a person or task at hand, without being distracted by other activities or thoughts. The script emphasizes the importance of this in relationships, where a partner should feel valued and important during the time spent together. Being too distracted, such as texting others while together, can lead to feelings of being ignored or neglected, negatively impacting the relationship.

💡Defensiveness

Defensiveness is a reaction where an individual becomes protective of themselves in response to criticism or perceived attacks. In the context of the video, it is portrayed as a barrier to effective communication within a relationship. When a person becomes defensive, they may stop listening to their partner's concerns and instead focus on self-protection, which can lead to arguments and a lack of understanding of the real issues at hand.

💡Criticism

Criticism is the act of expressing disapproval or pointing out faults. The video script discusses how excessive criticism can create a negative dynamic in a relationship, leading to frustration and a loss of focus on the positive aspects of one's partner. It suggests that while constructive feedback is important, an overemphasis on criticism can drive a wedge between partners.

💡Idealizing

Idealizing in a relationship context involves holding an unrealistically high standard or expectation of one's partner. The script points out that while it may stem from love, idealizing a partner can be harmful because it involves projecting one's own preferences and desires onto them, rather than accepting and loving them for who they truly are.

💡Ignoring the Past

Ignoring the past refers to disregarding or overlooking the history of a relationship, both the good and the bad experiences. The video emphasizes that one's history shapes their current feelings and behaviors within a relationship. By ignoring the past, significant moments and lessons that could contribute to overcoming future struggles are overlooked, which can be detrimental to the relationship's growth and stability.

💡Misleading

Misleading is the act of giving false or misleading information, often with the intent to deceive. In the video, it is mentioned as a behavior that can easily destroy trust in a relationship. Honesty is highlighted as a crucial element, and any form of deception, such as lying or manipulation, can provide a partner with reasons to doubt, leading to the erosion of trust.

💡Competition

Competition in a relationship refers to a dynamic where partners keep score or try to prove each other wrong. The script warns against this behavior, stating that it creates tension, stress, and resentment. Instead, it advocates for a cooperative approach where both partners work towards solutions that satisfy both parties, fostering a healthier and more harmonious relationship.

💡Shaming

Shaming is the act of publicly humiliating or criticizing someone for their mistakes or shortcomings. The video script differentiates between playful teasing in private and shaming in public, with the latter being harmful to a relationship. It suggests that shaming can put a partner in an uncomfortable situation and damage the relationship by undermining their dignity and self-esteem.

💡Expectations

Expectations in the context of the video refer to the assumptions or beliefs about what one's partner should know or do without being explicitly told. The script points out that having unrealistic expectations, such as expecting a partner to read one's mind, is unfair and can lead to frustration and misunderstandings. It emphasizes the importance of clear communication of desires and needs to maintain a healthy relationship.

Highlights

Ongoing support from viewers helps make psychology and mental health more accessible.

Relationships can be complicated and fragile, with small mistakes capable of destroying years of love, passion, and trust.

Stonewalling, or avoiding difficult questions and conversations, can harbor unresolved issues in a relationship.

Quality time is essential; partners should feel important and not be ignored or neglected.

Communication is key, and defensiveness when receiving negative feedback can be destructive to a relationship.

Excess criticism can create a negative dynamic and cause partners to lose sight of their love for each other.

Idealizing a partner by projecting preferences onto them can damage the relationship.

Ignoring a troubled past can destroy a relationship, as history shapes feelings and understanding between partners.

Deception and dishonesty can ruin the trust built in a relationship.

Healthy relationships do not involve keeping score or creating competition, which leads to tension and resentment.

Publicly shaming a partner can damage a relationship, contrasting with playful teasing in private.

Expecting too much from a partner, such as mind-reading, is unfair and can lead to relationship deterioration.

It's crucial to vocalize desires and not rely on partners to magically know what is wrong.

The video invites viewers to share their experiences with destructive behaviors in the comments section.

Psych2Go encourages viewers to like and subscribe for more psychology content.

Transcripts

(bright acoustic music)

- [Amanda] Hello, Psych2Goers,

and welcome back to our channel.

We wanted to let you know

that it is your ongoing support

that helps us make psychology and mental health

more accessible to everyone.

Thank you so very much for all of your support.

Now, let's continue.

Why do relationships fall apart?

Relationships are complicated as they are fragile.

Small mistakes can destroy years of love, passion and trust,

but you may not realize what you're doing wrong.

So here are 10 behaviors that can damage any relationship

and may be affecting yours too.

Number one, you stonewall your partner.

Do you avoid difficult questions and conversations?

This bad habit is called stonewalling.

When you stonewall your partner,

you're actively avoiding painful or emotional subjects,

but those subjects are important

to the health of your relationship.

By avoiding difficult conversations,

you're harboring unresolved issues with your partner.

It's okay to table a hard conversation every once in awhile

but ignoring an issue doesn't make it go away.

Number two, you're too distracted.

Do you give your partner your undivided attention?

Do you text other people when you're together?

Never underestimate the value of quality time.

When you're together, your partner wants to feel important.

They need to know that you enjoy spending time with them.

But if you're distracted,

your partner may feel ignored or neglected,

and your relationship may suffer.

Number three, you get defensive.

Few things are as important as communication.

But what if your partner tells you something

you don't wanna hear?

Your partner may, for example,

think they're doing all the work in your relationship.

No one likes to hear negative feedback.

So how should you react

when your partner tells you something is wrong?

Defensiveness can be destructive to any relationship.

When you become defensive,

you stop listening to your partner's concerns.

Instead, you try to protect yourself.

You may argue with them or turn the tables on your partner,

either way, you're ignoring the real problem

and your partner doesn't feel heard.

Number four, you criticize too often.

How often do you criticize your partner?

Even if you mean well,

critical behavior can drive a wedge in your relationship.

Not only is it frustrating for your partner,

excess criticism also creates a negative dynamic

in your relationship.

You lose track of why you love your partner

because you're too focused on their mistakes.

Number five, you idealize your partner.

Do you put your partner on a pedestal?

You love your partner,

so you may hold them to a high standard,

but idealizing your partner can damage your relationship.

When you idealize your partner,

you're projecting your own preferences onto them.

You love your partner for the person they could be

not who they actually are.

Number six, you ignore your past.

No one is perfect.

Every relationship has bumps and rough patches,

but ignoring your troubled past

could destroy your relationship.

Your history, good and bad,

is the reason you are where you are today.

It has shaped the way you feel about your partner

and the way your partner feels about you.

By ignoring your past,

you're overlooking significant moments in your relationship

and rejecting the struggles

your relationship has yet to overcome.

Number seven, you mislead your partner.

Have you ever told your partner something you didn't mean?

Deception can easily destroy a relationship.

Lies and manipulation ruin the most important thing

you and your partner have built together, trust.

When you stop being honest,

you give your partner a reason to doubt you.

Honesty isn't always easy

and some things are better left unsaid,

but you should never try to deceive your partner,

no matter what,

this kind of behavior will destroy your relationship.

Number eight, you create competition.

In a healthy relationship, partners don't keep score.

They don't care who's right and who's wrong

because competition creates tension, stress and resentment.

If you're always trying to prove your partner wrong,

sooner or later, you're going to drive them away.

Instead, by finding a solution

that makes both of you happy and learning how to compromise,

you can create a healthier relationship in the long run.

Number nine, you shame your partner.

Do you pick on your partner?

Many couples playfully tease each other in private.

But making fun of your partner in public

can damage your relationship.

Instead of a playful back and forth,

you're openly shaming your partner for their mistakes

and placing them in a very uncomfortable situation.

And number 10, you expect too much.

Do you get angry when your partner can't read your mind?

You expect your partner to know what you want

and what you're thinking all the time,

but that's entirely unfair to them.

It's your responsibility to vocalize the things you want.

If you don't express yourself,

your partner will never know anything is wrong.

If you expect your partner to magically know

all the answers, your relationship may slowly fall apart.

Do you struggle with any of these destructive behaviors?

Has your partner done things

that have damaged your relationship?

Tell us about your experiences

in the comment section below.

Don't forget to click the like button

and subscribe to Psych2Go for more psychology content,

and as always, thanks for watching.