What Women Really Look for in a Partner | Sarah Hill
Summary
TLDRThe transcript explores the dynamics of success, attractiveness, and competition among men, particularly in high-end professions like law. It delves into the concept of using wealth as a marker for competence and generosity, which women find attractive. The discussion also touches on the evolutionary biology behind men's competitive nature, suggesting that it stems from hunting and the collective benefit of elevating skilled hunters or warriors. Additionally, it highlights the phenomenon of 'leking' behavior in humans, where men align with high-status individuals to indirectly attract mates, and the concept of 'mate choice copying', where women infer hidden qualities in men based on their companions.
Takeaways
- π Men often view success and attractiveness as linked, with success being a means to increase their attractiveness to women.
- πΌ High-end lawyers, particularly men, view bonuses not just as financial rewards, but as a way to keep score in the competition for reputation.
- π A stellar reputation is seen as more attractive to women than wealth alone, suggesting that women value competence and the ability to generate wealth.
- π€ The script challenges the notion that women are primarily attracted to wealth, instead suggesting that wealth is a marker for competence and generosity.
- πββοΈ Men compete among themselves for a reputation based on competence, which is seen as a collective and individual benefit in terms of reproductive fitness.
- π The script suggests that men value competence possibly as a result of evolutionary pressures from hunting, where collective success was more important than individual success.
- π¦ In hunter-gatherer societies, sharing the spoils of the hunt was crucial for establishing a reputation as a generous person, which in turn affected one's social standing.
- π€Ί The script discusses the evolutionary benefits of aligning oneself with powerful individuals, such as great hunters or warriors, for mutual benefit.
- πΈ The concept of 'lekking behavior' is introduced, where males gather to attract mates, and the loudest or most impressive male attracts the most females, a behavior mirrored in human social dynamics.
- π₯ The script also touches on 'mate copying' in humans, where women may infer hidden qualities in a man based on the attractiveness of his female partner, especially if there is a perceived gap in attractiveness.
Q & A
What is the relationship between success and attractiveness to women according to the transcript?
-The transcript suggests that men understand there is a relationship between their success and their attractiveness to women, with success often being a measure of competitiveness and reputation, which in turn makes them more attractive.
Why were the high-end lawyers interested in their year-end bonuses?
-The high-end lawyers were not primarily interested in the money from their year-end bonuses for personal gain, but rather as a means of keeping score in the competitive game of professional reputation.
What does the transcript suggest about women's perception of wealth in relation to attractiveness?
-The transcript suggests that women do not simply pursue wealth for its own sake, but rather use wealth as a marker for competence, which is a sign of the ability to generate wealth and share it generously.
How does the transcript explain the competitive nature of men in the context of evolution?
-The transcript proposes that men's competitive nature may have evolved from hunting, where collective success was more important than individual success, and interpersonal skills were crucial for establishing relationships within the group.
Why might men elevate a fellow hunter or warrior to a high status, even if it means he has an advantage in reproduction?
-Men might elevate a fellow hunter or warrior because it is in their collective and individual interest to be associated with the best provider, which could enhance their own reproductive fitness through the provision of food across hunts.
What is the concept of 'leking' as mentioned in the transcript?
-Leking is a behavior observed in some species where males gather in a specific area to attract mates through displays, such as croaking in the case of frogs, which attracts females to the most impressive display.
How does the transcript relate leking behavior to human social dynamics?
-The transcript suggests that human social dynamics share similarities with leking behavior, where men may align themselves with high-status individuals to benefit from the reflected glory and potentially attract mates.
What is 'mate choice copying' as discussed in the transcript?
-Mate choice copying is a phenomenon where females observe the mate choices of other females, assuming that if a high-status male is with a seemingly average partner, there must be hidden qualities that make him desirable.
How does the perceived gap in attractiveness between a couple influence mate choice copying?
-The transcript indicates that the larger the perceived gap in attractiveness between a couple, the more likely women are to assume that the male has hidden, stellar qualities that make him a desirable partner.
What strategy does the transcript humorously suggest for an 'under-endowed' male to improve his attractiveness?
-The transcript humorously suggests that an 'under-endowed' male could improve his attractiveness by aligning himself with a beautiful woman, which might lead others to assume he has hidden, amazing qualities.
How does the transcript describe the complexity of human mating strategies?
-The transcript describes human mating strategies as incredibly complex and comical, involving a mix of competition, cooperation, and the perception of hidden qualities in potential mates.
Outlines
πΌ The Competitive Nature of Men's Success and Attraction
This paragraph discusses the relationship between men's success and their attractiveness to women. It highlights that men view financial success, particularly bonuses, as a way to keep score in the competition for reputation. The speaker suggests that women are not primarily attracted to wealth itself but rather to the competence and generosity it signifies. The discussion also delves into the evolutionary biology perspective, suggesting that women use wealth as an indicator of a man's ability to generate wealth and share it generously. The speaker further explores why men compete for competence-based reputation, drawing parallels with hunting and combat scenarios where collective success is more important than individual success.
πΈ Lecking Behavior and Mate Attraction in Humans
This paragraph explores the concept of 'lecking' behavior, originally observed in non-human animals, where males gather to attract mates. The speaker compares this to human behavior, suggesting that men who align themselves with high-status individuals can indirectly attract women by association. The paragraph also touches on the idea of 'mate copying', where women may infer hidden qualities in a man based on his association with a beautiful woman. The speaker humorously suggests that an unattractive man could improve his chances of attracting a woman by being seen in the company of a beautiful woman, as it might lead others to believe he has exceptional, albeit hidden, qualities.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Success
π‘Attraction
π‘Competition
π‘Reputation
π‘Wealth
π‘Evolutionary Biology
π‘Hunting
π‘Generosity
π‘Interpersonal Skills
π‘Lecking Behavior
π‘Mate Choice Copying
Highlights
Men view success and attractiveness as interconnected, influencing their competitive behaviors.
High-end lawyers, both male and female, show distinct attitudes towards money as a competitive scorekeeper rather than a personal gain.
Men's motivation in competition is not just for status but for a stellar reputation, which makes them more attractive to women.
Wealth is considered by women as a marker for a man's competence and potential for generosity, not just for financial status.
Evolutionary biology suggests that women seek wealth as an indicator of a man's ability to provide and share resources.
Men compete for a competence-based reputation, which paradoxically can lead to elevating others for collective and individual benefits.
Ancient hunting practices may have influenced the value men place on competence and the benefits of aligning with skilled hunters.
The act of sharing spoils from hunts is crucial for establishing a reputation for generosity and ensuring reciprocity.
Men may elevate the best hunter or warrior for the collective benefits, even at the cost of individual reproductive success.
The concept of aligning with powerful individuals for mutual benefits is explored in the context of hunting and combat.
Lecking behavior in non-human animals is mirrored in human social dynamics, where males gather to attract mates.
Males may benefit from being associated with high-status individuals, gaining reflected glory and potential mating opportunities.
Women may perceive hidden qualities in men who are in the company of high-status males, suggesting a strategy for under-endowed males.
Mate choice copying is a phenomenon where women infer a man's worth based on the company he keeps, especially with attractive women.
The magnitude of the perceived gap between a woman's attractiveness and a man's appearance influences the perceived hidden qualities of the man.
The discussion humorously suggests that an under-endowed male could improve his attractiveness by being seen with a beautiful woman.
The complexity and humor of human mating strategies are highlighted, reflecting the intricate social dynamics at play.
Transcripts
men understand that there's a
relationship between how successful they
are and how attractive they are to women
like and and part of what they motivates
them is the game of that competition so
I worked with high-end lawyers for about
15 years both men and women and and
found some very interesting differences
in that but the men even regarded the
money they made in bonuses at the end of
the year for outstanding performance
they weren't so interested in the money
they were interested in the money as a
means of keeping score it was a means of
winning the competition and you might
say well competition for what and the
answer to that is well let's call it
competition not for status exactly but
for reputation but the consequence of a
stellar reputation is that and men who
have that are much more attractive to
women and you might say well women go
after wealth but I think that's nonsense
and I think that's also be lied by the
relevant evolutionary biology Theory
because what it shows and tell tell me
if I've got this wrong is that women use
wealth as a marker for attractiveness
because they use wealth as a marker for
competence and what they're after is the
ability to generate wealth and and and
to and to share it and to be generous
with it has to be both productivity and
generosity and a decent marker for the
capacity to generate wealth Is wealth
although it's not the only criteria so
women are looking for competence and Men
it's a very strange thing about men you
know they compete among themselves for
competence-based
reputation and now I've been trying to
figure out why because you can imagine a
like a a movie scenario where um you
know the quarterback of the football
team wins A major championship and all
the other men put him on his shoulders
and you know bring him out of the
stadium and he sleeps with the
cheerleader that night and you might ask
yourself well why in the world would the
men group together to elevate a given
man to that sort of status if it means
that he's going to be the one that
successfully reproduces and my suspicion
is that men learned to Value
competence probably as a consequence of
hunting
so any given Hunter no matter how good
he is at hunting is going to fail in
most hunts so now if Men band together
to hunt then the collective success is
much larger and so what that means is
that if you're going to be a hunter that
provides a cross- hunting bouts your
skill as a hunter is one determinant but
your interpersonal skill in negotiating
and establishing relationships with the
rest of the hunters is even more
important so among hunter gatherers for
example if you're the one who brings
down the animal it's incumbent on you to
downplay your contribution and to
distribute the best parts of the animal
to other people and you're doing that to
Foster your reputation as a generous
person and you're doing that in part to
ensure that there's reciprocity in food
distribution across multiple hunts now
the men are going to be willing to
elevate the highest Hunter to the
highest position because I think it's in
their Collective
interest it's in their Collective
interest and in their individual
interest to be the followers of the best
man and I think that's so important in
terms of their own reproductive Fitness
which would be tied to the provision of
food across hunts that they're willing
to take the reproductive hit that's what
would you say implicit in elevating any
given man among all other men you could
think about that in in terms of hunting
and you could think about that in terms
of combat too you know if you put the
most heroic Warrior on your shoulders
you give him an evolutionary Edge but if
you're in his group well then you've got
the benefits of being with The Greatest
Warrior and the greatest hunter and so I
don't know if the evolutionary
biologists have been able to calculate
out the relationship between
establishing a reciprocal relationship
with a great hunter or great warrior
versus the costs of men competing to
elevate a given man to the highest
possible position it's a very weird
thing that men do no I think that I
think you're I think you hit the nail in
the head though I mean I think that the
benefits of aligning yourself with
somebody who's very powerful that I mean
think about it if there's somebody and
like let's say that he's you know 1.0
and you're sort of 1
one um and so there's somebody who's
who's a better performer than you you
could get your ass kicked if you keep
trying to have to you know fight with
this guy so there's a big cost to you to
trying to to overturn this person and
there's a lot of benefits of aligning
with the person who's also really
competent it's especially true if it's a
Paro distribution in terms of competence
right because the really competent
person might be like a hundred times
more competent well right exactly and so
it's like I think that there's there's a
lot of benefits that come espec
especially to men because of the hunting
context of aligning with another man in
that context and there's also this um
tendency in other so this has been very
well studied in non-human animals um but
we see a very similar version of this in
humans but have you ever heard of leing
lecking behavior so a Le is a place
where males within a species will gather
um to attract mates it's almost like a
club it's like the like the frogs like
frogs for example are a leing species
and the males will all go to this
display area and they croak right and
and this is what attracts the females
and so the females will go toward where
they hear the loudest most impressive
croak because that male generally is
larger in body size and has higher
levels of testosterone and it will have
so the louder male attracts all the all
the females and so the males all want to
hang out with this guy because he's
attracting all the women and the same is
true if we if men align themselves
that's with um yeah with with you know
somebody who's really high perform I
mean if you go out for drinks with Tom
Brady it's not too bad to be Tom Brady
2.0 you know you're going to be able
bask in the reflective Glory bask in the
reflected Glory right well and then
women would also assume that if the
extraordinarily High status male is
hanging around with some character who
looks like a dweeb on the surface that
there might be hidden depths and utility
to his character or advantages in the
mere fact that he's proximal absolutely
so women use that a lot in fact some of
my very early research um this is like
this is going deep this is when I was in
graduate school I studied this
phenomenon in humans mate Choice copying
because this is another thing that you
see in females of other species but you
also see it in us and this is males tend
to be a somewhat ambiguous stimulus
package um because most males a lot of
the qualities that women are looking for
aren't immediately available just based
on physical appearance right so women
have to kind of sus out like what what
is there about this guy and so when
women see a beautiful woman with kind of
an average looking guy guy the first
thing they think is what he must be rich
um or he must have some really amazing
personality he must be really high in
status um and I wonder is that magnified
if he's unattractive because one of the
things you might suspect is that if a
very beautiful woman is with a man who's
very nondescript that there must be
something about him that's absolutely
Stellar absolutely Stellar yes and so
the magnitude of the gap between the the
woman how beautiful the woman is and
then the appearance of the man sort of
um is linked with the degree to which
women perceive that he has these amazing
hidden qualities that make him a
desirable partner the bigger the Gap the
more amazing the qualities the smaller
the Gap the less amazing the qualities
oh that's very funny I so the right the
proper mating strategy is if if you're a
spectacularly under endowed male is to
hire a beautiful wom woman to go to
clubs with you absolutely absolutely and
you would actually probably do better
than a a more attractive man with the
same woman people would think that you
must really have something going on to
have attracted her and look like that
right right oh that's insanely
complicated and that's insanely insanely
comp comical that's insanely comical
[Music]
yeah
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