The Secret to Getting Anything You Want in Life given by Jennifer Cohen | Jen Cohen | TEDxBuckhead

Summary

The speaker discusses the secret to success, emphasizing boldness over intelligence. Self-doubt and fear often hold people back from achieving their goals. The speaker shares a personal story about boldly pursuing a dream job by involving Keanu Reeves, highlighting the importance of asking for what you want and taking action. The '10% target' strategy is introduced, encouraging people to make ten attempts at their goals, becoming comfortable with failure and developing resilience. Ultimately, the message is to chase what you want rather than settling for what's convenient.

Takeaways

• 😨 Fear and self-doubt are often the barriers to achieving our desires, stemming from a belief that we are not capable or deserving.
• 🧠 Boldness is more indicative of success than intelligence, as it drives action and overcomes the paralysis of negative prediction.
• 🎯 The speaker's personal story illustrates the power of boldness and persistence in pursuing a dream, even if it doesn't lead to the expected outcome.
• 📞 Taking action, such as asking for what you want, is crucial to success, as demonstrated by the story of attempting to get Keanu Reeves on a demo tape.
• 🤔 The importance of asking for what you want is emphasized, as many people fail to do so, missing opportunities for success or advancement.
• 💡 The '10% target' mindset is introduced as a strategy to become comfortable with failure and to build resilience through repeated attempts.
• 📈 Boldness is a skill that can be developed and improved with practice, contrary to the belief that it is an innate trait.
• 🍽️ An analogy is made to ordering off-menu at a restaurant to illustrate the concept of being bold and asking for what you specifically want.
• 📝 The speaker suggests an action item: write down what you want most and make ten attempts to achieve it, embracing the possibility of failure.
• 🚀 The message is that by chasing what you want and not settling for what's easily available, you increase your chances of happiness and satisfaction.
• 🏆 The speaker's own success as a best-selling author and entrepreneur is attributed to adopting the '10% target' and learning from repeated failures.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the video script?

The main theme of the video script is overcoming self-doubt and the importance of boldness in achieving one's goals in life.

Why does the speaker believe self-doubt is a significant barrier to achieving what we want?

The speaker believes self-doubt is a barrier because it stems from a story we tell ourselves that we can't achieve something, leading to fear of failure and rejection, which prevents us from taking action.

What is the speaker's view on the relationship between intelligence and success?

The speaker suggests that while intelligence is valuable, boldness is a stronger indicator of success because smart people often predict negative outcomes and hesitate to take action, whereas bold people focus on positive possibilities.

What was the speaker's big dream when she was 18 years old?

The speaker's big dream at 18 was to become a VJ for MuchMusic, which was like MTV in Canada.

How did the speaker attempt to make her dream job a reality?

The speaker attempted to make her dream job a reality by creating a demo tape and boldly approaching Keanu Reeves to be part of it, which eventually led to him participating in her tape.

What was the outcome of the speaker's bold attempt to get a job at MuchMusic?

Despite getting an audition, the speaker did not get the job at MuchMusic, but the experience taught her a valuable lesson about the importance of asking for what you want.

What is the '10% target' mindset that the speaker developed?

The '10% target' mindset is the idea of making ten attempts at whatever you want most in life, with the understanding that you may fail 90% of the time but will still achieve success or learn something valuable.

Why is the speaker advocating for making ten attempts instead of just one?

The speaker advocates for ten attempts to build resilience, comfort with failure, and to increase the likelihood of success, as most people don't even attempt once due to fear.

What is the speaker's advice on how to practice and improve boldness?

The speaker advises practicing boldness by making attempts at asking for what you want, even in small things, to build the habit and confidence to do so in larger, more significant matters.

How does the speaker define success in the context of the '10% target'?

In the context of the '10% target', success is defined as either achieving the desired outcome or gaining something unexpected that you were meant to do, through the process of making multiple attempts.

What is the speaker's personal testimony regarding the effectiveness of the '10% target'?

The speaker's personal testimony is that by failing 90% of the time and continuously chasing what she wanted, she became a best-selling author, successful entrepreneur, and co-founder of a charity, proving that the '10% target' works.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Overcoming Self-Doubt and the Power of Boldness

The speaker begins by discussing the universal fear and self-doubt that prevent people from achieving their goals. They explain that self-doubt is a narrative we tell ourselves about our inability to succeed, leading to a lack of action. The talk highlights the importance of boldness over intelligence, as smart people often predict negative outcomes and hesitate to act. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about trying to get a job as a VJ by creating a demo tape featuring Keanu Reeves, showcasing the boldness needed to overcome self-doubt and take action towards one's dreams.

05:02

📞 The Unexpected Call: Persistence and Opportunity

In this paragraph, the speaker recounts the surprising turn of events when Keanu Reeves actually called them back after being persistently pursued for a demo tape. The story illustrates the power of asking for what you want, even in the face of skepticism and ridicule. Despite not getting the job at MuchMusic, the experience taught the speaker a valuable lesson about the importance of taking action and not just planning or deliberating. The narrative emphasizes the idea that success often comes from boldness and the willingness to take risks.

10:05

🎯 The 10% Target: Embracing Failure as a Path to Success

The speaker introduces the concept of the '10% Target,' a mindset that encourages making ten attempts at achieving what you want in life, with the acceptance that nine out of ten may fail. This approach is designed to normalize failure and build resilience. The speaker argues that most people do not even attempt to ask for what they want, using the example of people not asking for a raise despite believing they deserve one. The '10% Target' is presented as a practice to become comfortable with the idea of failing most of the time, which in turn can lead to success.

15:09

🏆 Success Through Failure: Lessons from Personal Experience

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on their journey to becoming a best-selling author and entrepreneur, attributing their success to the willingness to fail 90% of the time. They emphasize that success is not about being the fastest, prettiest, or smartest, but about the courage to chase what you want and not settle for what is easily available. The speaker concludes with an action item for the audience: to write down what they want most and make ten attempts to achieve it, embracing the '10% Target' and the potential for success through failure.

Keywords

💡Fear

Fear in the video is described as an obstacle that prevents individuals from achieving their goals. It is multifaceted, encompassing fear of failure, rejection, and not being good enough. The speaker emphasizes that these fears originate from self-doubt, which is a key theme of the video. An example from the script is the fear of not getting the desired job or body due to self-doubt.

💡Self-doubt

Self-doubt is portrayed as a narrative individuals create in their minds, convincing themselves that they are incapable or that success is unattainable. It is the root cause of not taking action and is directly linked to the video's message about the importance of overcoming internal barriers to achieve one's desires.

💡Boldness

Boldness is presented as a critical trait for success, one that is more indicative of achieving goals than intelligence. It is the act of taking risks and pursuing what one wants despite the possibility of failure. The video uses the story of the speaker's interaction with Keanu Reeves to illustrate the boldness required to take action towards one's dreams.

💡Intelligence

While intelligence is recognized as valuable, the video suggests that it can sometimes hinder action due to overthinking potential negative outcomes. It contrasts intelligence with boldness, suggesting that the latter is more directly linked to achieving success.

💡Action

Action is the act of taking steps towards one's goals. The video emphasizes that smart people often fail to act due to their ability to predict negative outcomes, whereas bold individuals are more likely to take action and thus succeed.

💡10% Target

The 10% Target is a mindset developed by the speaker, which encourages making ten attempts at achieving something one wants in life. The concept is introduced to normalize failure and to build resilience, with the expectation that at least one attempt will be successful. It is a practical strategy to embody boldness.

💡Failure

Failure is redefined in the video as a necessary part of the journey to success. It is something to be embraced rather than feared, as it builds the skill and resilience needed to eventually succeed. The speaker's own experiences with failure leading to success underscore this point.

💡Success

Success in the video is not just the attainment of a goal but also the process of pursuing it. It is linked to the concept of boldness and taking action, rather than being a passive recipient of opportunities. The video suggests that true success comes from actively chasing what one wants.

💡Asking

Asking is highlighted as a fundamental action for achieving one's desires. The video suggests that many people do not get what they want because they do not ask for it, using the example of people not asking for a raise despite believing they deserve one.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. In the context of the video, it is developed through the practice of the 10% Target, learning to be comfortable with the majority of attempts not succeeding, and persisting in the pursuit of one's goals.

💡Default

Default in the video refers to the tendency to settle for what is easily available or convenient rather than actively pursuing what one truly wants. It is contrasted with the boldness of asking for and going after one's desires.

Highlights

The secret to getting anything in life is overcoming self-doubt, which is the root of fear and failure.

Self-doubt is a narrative we create that convinces us we can't achieve our goals.

Intelligent people often fail due to their ability to predict negative outcomes, preventing them from taking action.

Boldness is a stronger indicator of success than intelligence and is the key to overcoming self-doubt.

The speaker's 18-year-old dream was to become a VJ for MuchMusic, like the female Carson Daly.

To stand out, the speaker sought to include Keanu Reeves in her demo tape to achieve her dream job.

Despite being laughed at, the speaker was determined to get Keanu Reeves' attention for her demo tape.

Persistence paid off as Keanu Reeves called the speaker back, leading to an opportunity for her demo tape.

Although the speaker didn't get the job, the experience taught her the importance of asking for what you want.

The 'squeaky wheel gets the grease' adage emphasizes the need to voice your desires to achieve success.

Boldness is a skill that can be developed through practice, contrary to the belief that it's innate.

The 10% target mindset involves making ten attempts at what you want most in life.

Most people fail to attempt what they truly want, settling for what is easily available.

The 10% target helps in becoming comfortable with failing 90% of the time, which is essential for success.

Practicing boldness in small aspects of life builds the confidence to ask for bigger things.

The speaker's success as a best-selling author and entrepreneur was built on a foundation of repeated failure.

The 10% target guarantees either achieving your goal or discovering an unexpected opportunity.

The action item is to write down what you want most and commit to making ten attempts to achieve it.

Embracing the 10% target means chasing what you want instead of settling for what you can get.

Transcripts

[Music]

so I know the secret to getting anything

you want in life but before I share it

with you let's talk about why we don't

get what we want we all have fear fear

of failure fear of rejection fear fear

of not being good enough but all of

those things stem from one core place

and that self-doubt self-doubt is why we

get a crappy job it's why we don't get

the body we want or make the money we

deserve and stay in relationships much

longer than we know we should self-doubt

is why we never change and we don't take

action so then what is self-doubt

self-doubt is a story we tell ourselves

that we can't do something and that it's

not possible how we'll get rejected and

fail which is why it's oftentimes smart

people often fail when you're really

smart

you're really good at predicting all the

possible negative outcomes so you never

take action that's why it's my belief

that boldness is a stronger indicator of

success than intelligence smart people

think of all the negative things that

will happen when things go wrong but

bold people think of all the good things

that will happen when things go right

now I'm not saying that smart people

can't be bold and that bold people can't

be smart but it's boldness that's the

secret sauce boldness is what put you on

the path to success mmm I need some

water so when I was 18 years old I had a

really big dream I'm from a little small

town in Canada

called Winnipeg and my big dream in life

was to be a VJ for muchmusic do you guys

know what that is that's like MTV for

you guys so I I wanted to be like the

female Carson Daly I mean I'm kind of

dating myself but you guys got got the

point right

so I knew the job was super competitive

so I knew I thought to myself okay I

need to make a killer killer demo tape

and that demo tape will get me the job

cut to Keanu Reeves Keanu Reeves was the

biggest movie star of all time and

unbeknownst to me he always wanted to be

in Shakespeare right and he just

finished speed the movie and he thought

what a better time and place than to go

to Winnipeg Manitoba where it's minus 40

and perform Hamlet so I thought to

myself that's a great moment I'm gonna

get Keanu Reeves to be on my demo tape

for muchmusic and I'm gonna get my dream

job so I told my family I told my

friends and of course everyone just

laughed at me

the next day when I knew he was in town

I went to the theater where he was

performing stood in the back and waited

now ten minutes turned into 20 20 turned

into 30 30 turned into over an hour and

now I'm frostbitten my friend I took

with me went home long ago and yet I was

still determined five minutes later

there he comes walking out of the back

of the theater I boldly walk through the

all the girls and all the media and all

the cameras and I tap him on the

shoulder and I say Keanu you're gonna be

my ticket to my dream job and he of

course looks at me dumbfounded and says

how would I just give you an autograph

and I said autograph why do I want your

autograph that doesn't help me at all I

need you to get me my dream job so

determined he of course tries to blow me

off and says give me your phone number

and I will call you when I have a couple

minutes so

I grabbed some girl who I don't know and

she had an eyeliner in her purse I took

the eyeliner I took my gum wrapper in my

in my pocket wrote my number I wrote my

name and I handed it to him and I ran

away I go to school the next day I tell

my friends before I tell my family and

everyone laughs at me and teases me day

two same thing happens but now more kids

know and now everyone's teasing me like

oh ho yeah do Keanu call you like ha ha

like what a loser you are of course no

call and same thing happened day three

but I go home on that third day my mom

says did you hear the answering machine

I'm like no and at the time of course

I'm dating myself an answering machine

we didn't have voicemails back then okay

just letting you know so then I go press

play and what do I hear I hear a man's

voice saying on the phone with my mom

picking up is Jennifer there my mother

then says who is this and I hear this is

Keanu calling for Jennifer she home my

mother says she's at school call back

and hangs up on him so I was like oh my

god the next message same thing but it's

kion who's saying hi this is Jennifer

this is my phone number

you were saying something to me about

something and I wasn't sure what you

were saying but call me back I was

freaking out

right freaking so once I got my

composure I called him back explained to

him very boldly what I was talking about

and the next thing you know two days

later he's sitting on my parents sofa in

our living room with my three friends

holding amateur camcorders and someone

holding a boom hitting him in the face

and I had my Oprah moment all right I

got that demo tape now look

now did I get the greatest demo tape of

all time you bet I did did I get the job

interview at MuchMusic I sure did did I

get the audition yes I did you're right

you're right did I get the job

hell no I did not get the job so why am

I even telling you this story and the

reason why I'm telling you this story is

that was a very pivotal moment for me in

my life it taught me a real big truth

about success which is you need to ask

for what you want period you need to ask

you know that saying is the squeaky

wheel that gets the grease it's actually

quite true in a time now we are

bombarded with information overload from

every influence or expert telling you

how to be successful do this do that do

the other thing when it's really the

most basic simple thing you can do you

need to stop deliberating stop planning

stop creating flowcharts and just act

now in the words of another fellow

Canadian you miss a hundred percent of

the shots that you don't take so when

you think to yourself what does boldness

really mean it basically comes down to

this you chase what you want and you

don't take what you can get the problem

is most of us live on default we default

to what's convenient we take what's

available and we acquiesce to what's in

front of us now what I've realized is

that there is a really big misconception

of what boldness really is

people assume that boldness is something

you're either born with or you're not

but that's actually quite not sure

that's quite that's not quite true

boldness is a skill like anything else

you need to practice it you need to

harness it to get better and better at

it there is a mindset that I developed

and it's called a 10% target and what

that is is basically very simple the

idea is that you whatever you want most

in life

you make ten attempts the problem is

most people don't make ten attempts the

truth is most people don't even make one

attempt

they call themselves out before they

even try and the purpose of the 10%

target is to get very comfortable at

failing 90% of the time now I guarantee

if you make 10 attempts at anything one

will be successful because here's what I

know

either one you'll get the thing you want

or two you will get something that you

never even knew available I want to take

one step back because this is what

normally happens what most people do is

the reason why most people don't get the

job they want is because they don't

actually go for the job they want they

see what's available on monster.com or

LinkedIn and then the reason why most

people don't get the money they want is

guess what they don't ask for the money

that they want

actually a survey was taken of over a

hundred and sixty thousand people who

actually really believed that they

deserve to make more money and

two-thirds of those people never even

asked for a raise but the seventy

percent the people who did ask for a

raise

got it what does that tell you now I

want to go back because I was making

another point about the ten percent

target the ten percent target like I was

saying does two things number one it

makes you comfortable with failing

ninety percent of the time

number two it gives you the resilience

and a skill that's the wrong slide let's

go back to be comfortable another

example when you go to a restaurant most

of us what we do is we order what's off

on the menu but really what being bold

means is ordering from off the menu

because well because I'll tell you when

I go to a restaurant what I do is I see

a flood of ingredients and then I

typically kind of like make my own

mish-mosh now I think that's being very

bold however I'm sure the server thinks

it's very very annoying and possibly

more at times than not my food will be

spat in but I get what I want and they

ask very nicely but the reason for that

is when you are comfortable with asking

for the small things in life it gives

you this the skills the habit and the

confidence to ask for the big things in

life so how do you practice failing 9

out of 10 times or how do you get

comfortable

Baili 9 out of 10 times

and the answer is practice the more you

do something over and over and over

again that becomes your new normal just

how you would train your body to be

strong you train your brain to be bold

ha ha

see your brain now is bold with this

beautiful picture thank you so I have

one action item here for everybody here

which is write down anything you want

most in life and then make ten attempts

at it and it has to be ten attempts you

have to embrace the 10% target you have

to commit to making 10 attempts because

that's how the idea is you are basically

chasing what you want and not just

taking what you can get

now I had a whole section here about all

of my colossal failures and how they led

to a million successes and I took it out

because we've all had that we've all had

failures we've all had successes and the

truth is it doesn't really matter what

matters is I'm living proof that when

you chase what you want and don't just

take what you can get you were

exponentially half more happy and more

satisfied with your life the one thing

that I know for sure about the ten

percent target is that it works a

hundred percent of the time because you

either get the one thing you want or you

get the thing that you were meant to do

now I wasn't the fastest athlete I

wasn't the prettiest girl or the

smartest in the class by far but

I still became a best-selling author an

entrepreneur who sold companies for

millions of dollars co-founder of a

breast cancer charity that raises

thousands of dollars a year after year

all by failing 90% of the time and you

can too you could fail to succeed by

failing you can be fail you can fail to

become successful by just chasing what

you want and not taking what you get

thank you

[Applause]

you