My stroke of insight | Jill Bolte Taylor | TED

Summary

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor shares her profound experience of a stroke that left her brain's left hemisphere impaired, offering her unique insights into the distinct functions of the brain's two hemispheres. Her personal journey from a neuroscientist to a patient provides a deep dive into the human mind, illustrating the dichotomy between the analytical left brain and the holistic right brain, and the potential for inner peace and unity with the world.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's personal journey into brain research was inspired by her brother's diagnosis with schizophrenia, aiming to understand the differences in brain function between healthy individuals and those with mental disorders.
• 🔍 Her work focused on mapping the microcircuitry of the brain, examining how different cells communicate with each other using chemicals and the quantities involved.
• 🌟 Dr. Taylor's life took a dramatic turn when she suffered a stroke that affected the left hemisphere of her brain, leading to a profound personal experience of the brain's capabilities and limitations.
• 🤯 The stroke caused her to lose the ability to walk, talk, read, write, and recall her life, essentially reducing her cognitive abilities to that of an infant.
• 💡 She provides a unique perspective on the brain's dual nature, describing the right hemisphere as being present-focused, sensory, and connected to the energy around it, while the left hemisphere is analytical, language-based, and future-oriented.
• 🌐 Dr. Taylor's experience with her stroke allowed her to perceive the world without the 'brain chatter' of the left hemisphere, leading to a sense of oneness and expansiveness.
• 🆘 Despite the initial euphoria of her experience, Dr. Taylor recognized the need for help and had to navigate the challenge of communicating while her language centers were impaired.
• 🚑 Her recovery process was long and arduous, taking eight years to fully regain her cognitive abilities after the stroke.
• 🌈 The experience motivated Dr. Taylor to spread the message that everyone has the capacity to access a state of inner peace and that choosing to do so can contribute to a more peaceful world.
• 🔑 She emphasizes the power of choice in determining our mental state, suggesting that we can consciously decide to engage with either the right or left hemisphere's perspective.
• 🌻 Dr. Taylor's story is a testament to resilience and the profound insights that can be gained from personal experiences with the intricacies of the human brain.

Q & A

What motivated Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor to study the brain?

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor was motivated to study the brain due to her brother's diagnosis with schizophrenia, and her desire to understand the differences in brain function that allow her to connect her dreams to reality while her brother experiences delusions.

What was Dr. Taylor's initial professional focus before her stroke?

Dr. Taylor's initial professional focus was on researching severe mental illnesses, specifically looking for biological differences between the brains of individuals diagnosed as normal control and those diagnosed with schizophrenia, schizoaffective, or bipolar disorder.

What does the term 'microcircuitry of the brain' refer to in the script?

The term 'microcircuitry of the brain' refers to the intricate network of connections between brain cells, including which cells communicate with each other, the chemicals they use for communication, and the quantities of those chemicals.

How did Dr. Taylor's personal experience of a stroke affect her understanding of brain function?

Dr. Taylor's personal experience of a stroke provided her with a unique perspective on brain function, allowing her to study her own brain from the inside out and experience firsthand the differences in consciousness between the left and right hemispheres.

What is the primary function of the corpus callosum according to the script?

The corpus callosum is responsible for communication between the two hemispheres of the brain, and it is made up of approximately 300 million axonal fibers.

How does Dr. Taylor describe the right hemisphere's approach to processing information?

Dr. Taylor describes the right hemisphere as processing information in the present moment, thinking in pictures, and learning kinesthetically through the movement of the body, creating an enormous collage of the current sensory experience.

What does Dr. Taylor suggest about the nature of the self after her stroke experience?

Dr. Taylor suggests that the self is not a fixed entity but rather a construct of the left hemisphere that can be altered. When the left hemisphere's function is impaired, as in her stroke, the sense of self can expand to feel at one with the universe.

What was Dr. Taylor's initial reaction to experiencing her stroke?

Dr. Taylor's initial reaction was one of curiosity and fascination with the changes in her perception and consciousness, even describing the experience as 'cool' and a unique opportunity for a brain scientist to study their own brain.

How did Dr. Taylor's perception of time and self change during her stroke?

During her stroke, Dr. Taylor's perception of time seemed to slow down, and her sense of self expanded to feel connected to the energy around her, rather than being a separate individual.

What challenges did Dr. Taylor face in seeking help after her stroke?

Dr. Taylor faced challenges such as paralysis in her right arm, difficulty recognizing objects and numbers, and an inability to speak or understand language, which made it hard for her to communicate her need for help.

What was the significance of Dr. Taylor's recovery process in her life and career?

Dr. Taylor's recovery process was significant as it took eight years and allowed her to experience a profound shift in consciousness, leading her to believe in the potential for individuals to find inner peace and live more compassionate lives.

How does Dr. Taylor suggest we can find inner peace and Nirvana?

Dr. Taylor suggests that we can find inner peace and Nirvana by choosing to step into the consciousness of our right hemispheres, where we can experience a sense of oneness with the universe and let go of the stressors of the external world.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Journey into Brain Research and Personal Stroke Experience

The speaker, a neuroscientist, shares her motivation to study the brain due to her brother's schizophrenia. She worked in Dr. Francine Benes' lab at Harvard, researching the biological differences in the brains of individuals with mental illnesses. Her life took a dramatic turn when she suffered a stroke, which she describes as watching her brain deteriorate in real-time, leaving her with the cognitive abilities of an infant. She introduces a real human brain to illustrate the distinct functions of the brain's hemispheres.

05:01

🌟 The Dichotomy of Brain Hemispheres and Stroke Revelations

The speaker delves into the contrasting functions of the brain's left and right hemispheres. The right hemisphere is associated with the present moment, thinking in pictures, and perceiving the world through a collage of sensory inputs. The left hemisphere, in contrast, is analytical, focused on the past and future, and processes information linearly. The speaker's stroke affected her left hemisphere, leading to an altered state of consciousness where she felt at one with the universe, devoid of personal identity and external stressors.

10:03

🛑 The Stroke's Impact and the Quest for Help

The speaker recounts the physical and cognitive challenges she faced during her stroke, including paralysis and an inability to understand or produce language. Despite these impairments, she describes an internal sense of calm and detachment from the chaos around her. Her struggle to call for help involved matching shapes on a business card to a telephone keypad, a task made arduous by her fluctuating clarity. The stroke provided her with a unique perspective as a brain scientist observing her own brain in crisis.

15:09

🌈 Discovering Inner Peace and the Path to Recovery

After the stroke, the speaker found herself in a state of 'Nirvana,' experiencing profound peace and unity with the universe. She envisioned a world where people could access this state of inner peace at will, leading to a more compassionate and harmonious society. This realization motivated her to recover, which took eight years. The speaker concludes by emphasizing the power of choice in determining our cognitive state and the potential for peace that lies within each of us.

Keywords

💡Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a chronic mental disorder characterized by a range of different symptoms, including delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech and behavior, and impaired cognitive ability. In the video, the narrator's brother is diagnosed with schizophrenia, which motivates her to study the brain and understand why her brother cannot connect his dreams to a shared reality, leading to delusions.

💡Microcircuitry

Microcircuitry refers to the small-scale neural circuits within the brain, which involve specific cells communicating with each other using chemical signals. The video discusses mapping the microcircuitry to understand the biological differences between normal brains and those with mental disorders like schizophrenia, aiming to identify how cells interact and the chemicals involved in these communications.

💡Hemorrhage

A hemorrhage is a medical term for bleeding that occurs within the body, often in the brain or other vital organs. In the script, the narrator describes waking up to discover she had a brain hemorrhage, where a blood vessel exploded in the left half of her brain, leading to a rapid deterioration in her cognitive abilities.

💡Cerebral Cortices

The cerebral cortices are the outer layers of the brain hemispheres, responsible for higher brain functions, including thought, perception, and decision-making. The video script mentions that the two cerebral cortices are separate, highlighting the distinct functions and processing styles of the left and right hemispheres.

💡Corpus Callosum

The corpus callosum is a band of nerve fibers that connects the two cerebral hemispheres, allowing them to communicate. In the video, the narrator explains that the two hemispheres of the brain communicate through the corpus callosum, which is significant in understanding how the brain integrates information from both sides.

💡Kinesthetic

Kinesthetic refers to the sense of the position and movement of the body. The narrator describes the right hemisphere as learning kinesthetically, through the movement of the body, emphasizing the non-verbal, sensory nature of this part of the brain's processing.

💡Stroke

A stroke occurs when the blood supply to part of the brain is interrupted or reduced, depriving brain tissue of oxygen and nutrients. The narrator's personal experience of having a stroke is central to the video, as it provides her with a unique perspective on brain function and consciousness.

💡Euphoria

Euphoria is a feeling of intense happiness or excitement. The script describes the narrator's experience of euphoria following her stroke, as she loses the burden of emotional baggage and feels a sense of peace and oneness with the world.

💡Nirvana

Nirvana, in the context of the video, represents a state of perfect happiness, peace, and tranquility. The narrator uses the term to describe the profound sense of well-being and unity she experiences during her stroke, which motivates her to help others find this state of mind.

💡Cognitive Minds

Cognitive minds refer to the mental processes involved in acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience, and the senses. The video discusses the duality of the cognitive minds within the brain, highlighting the different ways the left and right hemispheres process information and perceive reality.

💡Neuroanatomist

A neuroanatomist is a scientist who studies the anatomy of the nervous system, particularly the brain. The narrator identifies herself as Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, an intellectual neuroanatomist, emphasizing her professional expertise and her unique personal experience with brain function.

Highlights

The speaker's motivation to study the brain stems from her brother's diagnosis with schizophrenia.

She investigates the difference in brain connectivity between individuals with and without severe mental illnesses.

The speaker's work involves mapping the brain's microcircuitry to understand cell communication and chemical exchange.

She advocates for mental health awareness as part of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

On December 10, 1996, the speaker experienced a stroke that affected her left brain hemisphere.

The stroke led to the loss of her ability to walk, talk, read, write, and recall memories.

The human brain's two hemispheres process information differently and have distinct personalities.

The right hemisphere is associated with the present moment and thinking in pictures.

The left hemisphere is responsible for linear and methodical thinking, as well as language processing.

The speaker's stroke resulted in a unique first-person perspective on brain function and recovery.

During the stroke, she experienced a disconnection from her body and a sense of oneness with the universe.

The speaker describes a state of 'La La Land' where she felt peaceful and free from external stressors.

She realized the potential for individuals to access a state of inner peace and Nirvana at will.

The experience motivated her to recover and reintegrate into society with a new perspective on life.

After a significant recovery period, the speaker reflects on the duality of human consciousness.

She emphasizes the choice between embracing the collective consciousness of the right hemisphere or the individuality of the left.

The speaker concludes with the idea that nurturing inner peace can lead to a more peaceful world.

Transcripts

I grew up to study the brain

because I have a brother who has been diagnosed

with a brain disorder, schizophrenia.

And as a sister and later, as a scientist,

I wanted to understand, why is it that I can take my dreams,

I can connect them to my reality,

and I can make my dreams come true?

What is it about my brother's brain and his schizophrenia

that he cannot connect his dreams to a common and shared reality,

so they instead become delusion?

So I dedicated my career to research into the severe mental illnesses.

And I moved from my home state of Indiana to Boston,

where I was working in the lab of Dr. Francine Benes,

in the Harvard Department of Psychiatry.

And in the lab, we were asking the question,

"What are the biological differences

between the brains of individuals who would be diagnosed as normal control,

as compared with the brains of individuals

diagnosed with schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"

So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry of the brain:

which cells are communicating with which cells,

with which chemicals,

and then in what quantities of those chemicals?

So there was a lot of meaning in my life

because I was performing this type of research during the day,

but then in the evenings and on the weekends,

I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

But on the morning of December 10, 1996,

I woke up to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.

A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.

And in the course of four hours,

I watched my brain completely deteriorate

in its ability to process all information.

On the morning of the hemorrhage,

I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.

I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.

If you've ever seen a human brain,

it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.

And I have brought for you a real human brain.

(Groaning, laughter)

So this is a real human brain.

This is the front of the brain,

the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,

and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.

And when you look at the brain,

it's obvious that the two cerebral cortices

are completely separate from one another.

For those of you who understand computers,

our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,

while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.

The two hemispheres do communicate with one another

through the corpus callosum,

which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.

But other than that,

the two hemispheres are completely separate.

Because they process information differently,

each of our hemispheres think about different things,

they care about different things, and, dare I say,

they have very different personalities.

Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy.

Assistant: It has been.

(Laughter)

Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment.

It's all about "right here, right now."

Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures

and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.

Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously

through all of our sensory systems

and then it explodes into this enormous collage

of what this present moment looks like,

what this present moment smells like and tastes like,

what it feels like and what it sounds like.

I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me

through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.

We are energy-beings connected to one another

through the consciousness of our right hemispheres

as one human family.

And right here, right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,

here to make the world a better place.

And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.

My left hemisphere, our left hemisphere, is a very different place.

Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.

Our left hemisphere is all about the past and it's all about the future.

Our left hemisphere is designed to take

that enormous collage of the present moment

and start picking out details, and more details about those details.

It then categorizes and organizes all that information,

associates it with everything in the past we've ever learned,

and projects into the future all of our possibilities.

And our left hemisphere thinks in language.

It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my internal world

to my external world.

It's that little voice that says to me,

"Hey, you've got to remember to pick up bananas on your way home.

I need them in the morning."

It's that calculating intelligence

that reminds me when I have to do my laundry.

But perhaps most important, it's that little voice that says to me,

"I am. I am."

And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"

I become separate.

I become a single solid individual,

separate from the energy flow around me

and separate from you.

And this was the portion of my brain that I lost on the morning of my stroke.

On the morning of the stroke,

I woke up to a pounding pain behind my left eye.

And it was the kind of caustic pain that you get when you bite into ice cream.

And it just gripped me --

and then it released me.

And then it just gripped me --

and then it released me.

And it was very unusual for me to ever experience any kind of pain,

so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."

So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,

which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.

And I'm jamming away on this thing,

and I'm realizing that my hands look like primitive claws

grasping onto the bar.

And I thought, "That's very peculiar."

And I looked down at my body

and I thought, "Whoa, I'm a weird-looking thing."

And it was as though my consciousness had shifted away

from my normal perception of reality,

where I'm the person on the machine having the experience,

to some esoteric space

where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.

And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was just getting worse.

So I get off the machine,

and I'm walking across my living room floor,

and I realize that everything inside of my body has slowed way down.

And every step is very rigid and very deliberate.

There's no fluidity to my pace,

and there's this constriction in my area of perception,

so I'm just focused on internal systems.

And I'm standing in my bathroom

getting ready to step into the shower,

and I could actually hear the dialogue inside of my body.

I heard a little voice saying, "OK. You muscles, you've got to contract.

You muscles, you relax."

And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.

And I look down at my arm

and I realize that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.

I can't define where I begin and where I end,

because the atoms and the molecules of my arm

blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.

And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.

And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?

What is going on?"

And in that moment, my left hemisphere brain chatter went totally silent.

Just like someone took a remote control and pushed the mute button.

Total silence.

And at first I was shocked to find myself inside of a silent mind.

But then I was immediately captivated

by the magnificence of the energy around me.

And because I could no longer identify the boundaries of my body,

I felt enormous and expansive.

I felt at one with all the energy that was,

and it was beautiful there.

Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back online

and it says to me, "Hey! We've got a problem!

We've got to get some help."

And I'm going, "Ahh! I've got a problem!"

(Laughter)

So it's like, "OK, I've got a problem."

But then I immediately drifted right back out into the consciousness --

and I affectionately refer to this space as La La Land.

But it was beautiful there.

Imagine what it would be like to be totally disconnected

from your brain chatter that connects you to the external world.

So here I am in this space,

and my job, and any stress related to my job -- it was gone.

And I felt lighter in my body.

And imagine all of the relationships in the external world

and any stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.

And I felt this sense of peacefulness.

And imagine what it would feel like to lose

37 years of emotional baggage!

(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --

euphoria.

It was beautiful.

And again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,

"Hey! You've got to pay attention.

We've got to get help."

And I'm thinking, "I've got to get help. I've got to focus."

So I get out of the shower and I mechanically dress

and I'm walking around my apartment,

and I'm thinking, "I've got to get to work. Can I drive?"

And in that moment,

my right arm went totally paralyzed by my side.

Then I realized, "Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke!"

And the next thing my brain says to me is,

Wow! This is so cool!

(Laughter)

This is so cool!

How many brain scientists have the opportunity

to study their own brain from the inside out?"

(Laughter)

And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!"

(Laughter)

"I don't have time for a stroke!"

So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,

so I'll do this for a week or two, and then I'll get back to my routine. OK.

So I've got to call help. I've got to call work."

I couldn't remember the number at work,

so I remembered, in my office I had a business card with my number.

So I go into my business room, I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.

And I'm looking at the card on top

and even though I could see clearly in my mind's eye

what my business card looked like,

I couldn't tell if this was my card or not,

because all I could see were pixels.

And the pixels of the words blended with the pixels of the background

and the pixels of the symbols, and I just couldn't tell.

And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.

And in that moment, I would be able to reattach to normal reality

and I could tell that's not the card... that's not the card.

It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down inside of that stack of cards.

In the meantime, for 45 minutes,

the hemorrhage is getting bigger in my left hemisphere.

I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone,

but it's the only plan I have.

So I take the phone pad and I put it right here.

I take the business card, I put it right here,

and I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card

to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.

But then I would drift back out into La La Land,

and not remember when I came back if I'd already dialed those numbers.

So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump

and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed them,

so that as I would come back to normal reality,

I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."

Eventually, the whole number gets dialed and I'm listening to the phone,

and my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,

"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter)

(Laughter)

And I think to myself,

"Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"

(Laughter)

And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:

"This is Jill! I need help!"

And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo."

I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."

So I couldn't know -- I didn't know

that I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.

So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.

And a little while later, I am riding in an ambulance

from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.

And I curl up into a little fetal ball.

And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,

just right out of the balloon,

I just felt my energy lift and just I felt my spirit surrender.

And in that moment, I knew that I was no longer the choreographer of my life.

And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a second chance at life,

or this was perhaps my moment of transition.

When I woke later that afternoon,

I was shocked to discover that I was still alive.

When I felt my spirit surrender, I said goodbye to my life.

And my mind was now suspended

between two very opposite planes of reality.

Stimulation coming in through my sensory systems

felt like pure pain.

Light burned my brain like wildfire,

and sounds were so loud and chaotic

that I could not pick a voice out from the background noise,

and I just wanted to escape.

Because I could not identify the position of my body in space,

I felt enormous and expansive,

like a genie just liberated from her bottle.

And my spirit soared free,

like a great whale gliding through the sea of silent euphoria.

Nirvana.

I found Nirvana.

And I remember thinking,

there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself

back inside this tiny little body.

But then I realized, "But I'm still alive!

I'm still alive, and I have found Nirvana.

And if I have found Nirvana and I'm still alive,

then everyone who is alive can find Nirvana."

And I pictured a world

filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate, loving people

who knew that they could come to this space at any time.

And that they could purposely choose

to step to the right of their left hemispheres --

and find this peace.

And then I realized

what a tremendous gift this experience could be,

what a stroke of insight this could be to how we live our lives.

And it motivated me to recover.

Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the surgeons went in,

and they removed a blood clot the size of a golf ball

that was pushing on my language centers.

Here I am with my mama,

who is a true angel in my life.

It took me eight years to completely recover.

So who are we?

We are the life-force power of the universe,

with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.

And we have the power to choose, moment by moment,

who and how we want to be in the world.

Right here, right now,

I can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.

I am the life-force power of the universe.

I am the life-force power

of the 50 trillion beautiful molecular geniuses that make up my form,

at one with all that is.

Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of my left hemisphere,

where I become a single individual, a solid.

Separate from the flow, separate from you.

I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:

intellectual, neuroanatomist.

These are the "we" inside of me.

Which would you choose?

Which do you choose?

And when?

I believe that the more time we spend

choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry

of our right hemispheres,

the more peace we will project into the world,

and the more peaceful our planet will be.

And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.

Thank you.

(Applause)