Why I Gave My Teenage Daughter a Vibrator | Robin Buckley | TED

Summary

In this candid talk, the speaker shares her experience of buying a vibrator for her teenage daughter to spark a conversation about female empowerment and sexual education. She challenges societal discomfort with female pleasure and highlights the importance of open dialogue, self-exploration, and understanding one's body for health and autonomy. The speaker emphasizes the need for girls to be educated about their bodies, not just for sexual health but to foster self-confidence and assertiveness in all aspects of life.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker initiated a conversation about female pleasure and the societal discomfort around it, challenging the audience to consider why we are more comfortable discussing female pain than pleasure.
• 🛍️ The speaker's decision to buy a vibrator for her daughter was a catalyst for discussions about female empowerment and body ownership.
• 👧 The importance of educating teenage girls about their bodies is emphasized, including the right to pleasure, which is often overlooked in traditional sex education.
• 📱 The script highlights the prevalence of pornography as a source of sex education for teenagers, which can lead to misconceptions about sex and female anatomy.
• 🤔 The need for open and honest conversations about sex with teenagers is stressed, as they are likely to be exposed to sexual content and need guidance to navigate it.
• 🚫 The societal double standards that make it difficult to discuss teenage girls' sexual experiences are acknowledged, pointing out the need to challenge these norms.
• 👩‍⚕️ The benefits of girls being familiar with their bodies are outlined, including health benefits such as stress reduction and early detection of health issues.
• 💡 The script suggests that understanding one's body and sexual pleasure can lead to better self-advocacy and healthier relationships.
• 🌟 The empowerment of girls through sexual education extends beyond their teenage years, affecting their self-esteem and life perspectives as they mature.
• 👵 The benefits of embracing sexual pleasure are not limited to the young; the speaker shares a story of a 65-year-old woman who found new confidence and purpose in life after exploring her sexuality.
• 💪 The overarching message is one of empowerment, encouraging the audience to support girls in becoming strong, self-assured women who understand and advocate for their own needs and desires.

Q & A

Why did the speaker buy a vibrator for her 13-year-old daughter?

The speaker bought a vibrator for her daughter to support her in the safe exploration of her body and to empower her with knowledge and ownership of her body, including embracing her right to pleasure.

What issue does the speaker highlight regarding societal comfort with female pain versus female pleasure?

The speaker points out that society is more comfortable discussing female pain, such as period cramps and birthing pains, than female pleasure, questioning why a vibrator makes people uncomfortable while Viagra does not.

Why is it important to talk about sex with teenage daughters according to the speaker?

It is important because girls typically develop a desire for sexual contact between the ages of 11 and 14, and many have been exposed to pornography which can provide misleading information about sex. The speaker emphasizes the need for open conversations to provide accurate information and support.

What percentage of teenagers between the ages of 15 and 19 have had vaginal and/or oral sex?

According to the script, 42 percent of teenagers between the ages of 15 and 19 have had vaginal and/or oral sex.

How prevalent is the观看 of pornography among teenagers, and what are the implications?

57 percent of girls and 84 percent of boys between the ages of 14 and 18 have watched pornography. This suggests that many teenagers are learning about sex from porn, which can lead to misconceptions about what is normal in sexual relationships.

What misconception about sex did the 14-year-old girl in the speaker's story have, and how was it corrected?

The 14-year-old girl mistakenly believed that 'second base' referred to anal sex, a misconception she got from watching porn clips. It was corrected through a trusting relationship with the speaker, who was able to provide accurate information and involve the girl's mother in the conversation.

Why did the speaker's daughter feel comfortable discussing her masturbation habits with her mother?

The daughter felt comfortable discussing her habits because the speaker had cultivated a trusting relationship with her daughters, where they knew they could ask questions and receive straightforward answers.

How does the speaker suggest that girls knowing and exploring their bodies can lead to better health?

The speaker suggests that girls who explore their bodies through masturbation can reduce stress, ease headaches, and alleviate menstrual cramps. They also learn what is normal for their bodies, which can help them recognize changes and potential health problems.

What is the significance of the speaker's client, a 65-year-old woman, achieving her goal of experiencing an orgasm?

The significance lies in the fact that it led to a broader empowerment in her life. After learning about her body and sexual pleasure, the client stopped referring to herself as old, accepted a board position, and even created an online dating profile, demonstrating that embracing one's sexuality can have positive effects on self-perception and life choices.

What message does the speaker want to convey to parents about their daughters' sexual education?

The speaker wants to convey that parents should become trusted resources for their children, being comfortable discussing sex and providing accurate information. They should also support their daughters in understanding and owning their bodies, which includes understanding their sexual pleasure.

How does the speaker's younger daughter demonstrate her empowerment and understanding of her own needs?

The younger daughter demonstrates her empowerment by confidently asking her mother to buy her a new vibrator when hers broke, and by responding to her friends' surprise with the belief that all mothers should empower their daughters in this way.