How To Make People Respect You In SECONDS... | Secret Agent Evy Poumpouras

Summary

In this insightful discussion, the speaker addresses the issue of disrespect in the workplace, offering advice on how to ensure one's voice is heard and respected. They emphasize the importance of setting clear expectations and boundaries from the outset, and the value of addressing conflicts directly and constructively. The speaker also shares personal experiences from boardrooms, highlighting the concept of a 'contribution score' and the impact of one's communication style on their influence in meetings. The conversation delves into strategies for dealing with interpersonal conflicts and maintaining a respectful work environment.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Communication is crucial; ensure your voice is heard by projecting your voice and using paralinguistics effectively.
• 🤔 Reflect on personal contributions; consider whether you have something valuable to add before speaking, to avoid talking just for the sake of it.
• 📊 Develop a 'contribution score' for meetings; be aware of the value of your input and how it's perceived by others.
• 🚫 Set clear boundaries early on; it's easier to be firm initially and then become more lenient than to try to enforce rules after becoming too lax.
• 👥 Understand the importance of respect; ensure that any perceived disrespect is not just a result of personal ego but a genuine issue.
• 💡 Value silence; being the 'dumbest person in the room' can be beneficial, as it allows for learning from others' expertise.
• 🔧 Address issues promptly; don't let small issues grow into resentment by failing to confront them early.
• 🤝 Conflict can be healthy; approach it constructively to resolve issues and maintain a positive working environment.
• 🔄 Recognize the impact of your actions; consider whether your behavior may have inadvertently allowed for disrespect or poor standards.
• 👂 Listen actively; sometimes the best contribution is to listen and learn from others, especially in situations where you're less knowledgeable.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the transcript related to workplace respect?

The main issue discussed is the lack of respect from managers, bosses, CEOs, or colleagues in the workplace and how to address it when it occurs.

How does the speaker suggest someone should respond when they feel not being listened to by colleagues?

The speaker suggests asking for specific examples of when they were not listened to and evaluating their own communication techniques, such as eye contact and projecting their voice.

What is 'paralinguistics' as mentioned in the transcript?

Paralinguistics refers to the aspects of communication that include tone, pitch, and the way a message is delivered, which can impact how well one is heard and understood.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of not just talking to talk in meetings?

The speaker emphasizes this to highlight the importance of making sure that contributions in meetings are valuable and beneficial, as opposed to speaking just for the sake of being heard.

What is a 'contribution score' as described in the transcript?

A 'contribution score' is a metaphorical term used to describe the perceived value of an individual's contributions in meetings or discussions based on their past input.

How does the speaker describe their observation of people's reactions to those with low contribution scores?

The speaker describes that people tend to dismiss the ideas of those with low contribution scores almost immediately, as they have a history of not providing valuable input.

What advice does the speaker give to their team regarding their communication in meetings?

The speaker advises their team to project their voice and ensure their contributions are valuable, and to not feel obligated to speak if they have nothing valuable to add.

How does the speaker feel when they are the 'dumbest person in the room'?

The speaker feels happy and appreciative when they are surrounded by smart people and have the opportunity to learn from them by listening.

What is the speaker's approach to conflict resolution when disrespect occurs in the workplace?

The speaker suggests addressing the issue immediately, considering whether one's own actions may have contributed to the situation, and having a respectful but firm conversation about the expectations and standards.

What does the speaker suggest as the first step when dealing with a disrespectful colleague?

The speaker suggests reflecting on one's own actions and standards to determine if they have inadvertently allowed such behavior, and then addressing the issue directly with the colleague.

Why does the speaker mention the importance of setting boundaries early in leadership roles?

The speaker mentions this to emphasize that it's easier to establish clear expectations and boundaries from the beginning rather than trying to enforce them after a lax environment has been established.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Asserting Voice and Respect in the Workplace

The speaker discusses the importance of being heard and respected in professional environments. They address the issue of colleagues or superiors not showing respect, suggesting that individuals should ensure they project their voice and use paralinguistics effectively to command attention. The speaker also emphasizes the value of speaking only when there is something beneficial to contribute, drawing from personal experiences in boardrooms and the concept of a 'contribution score' that reflects one's past input and its value to others. They advise on not speaking just for the sake of it and to be mindful of the impact of one's words in meetings.

05:01

🛡️ Setting Boundaries and Addressing Disrespect

This paragraph delves into conflict resolution and interpersonal issues within a professional setting. The speaker encourages leaders to set clear expectations and boundaries from the outset, rather than trying to enforce them later. They stress the importance of addressing disrespect or compromised boundaries immediately to prevent resentment and further issues. The speaker also highlights the need to evaluate one's own actions that may inadvertently allow others to disrespect them, advocating for a firm yet constructive approach to conflict that focuses on resolution and improvement.

10:01

📈 The Power of Influence and Respectful Communication

The content of this paragraph is not provided, thus no summary can be given. The title suggests a potential discussion on the dynamics of influence and the importance of maintaining respectful communication, but without the text, a detailed summary cannot be accurately formulated.

Keywords

💡respect

Respect in the context of the video refers to the recognition and consideration of an individual's worth and dignity. It is a core theme as the speaker discusses the importance of being respected in professional environments and how to handle situations where this respect is lacking. For example, the speaker mentions instances where a colleague or boss may not show respect, and how this can impact an individual's experience and performance at work.

💡paralinguistics

Paralinguistics is the study of the vocal aspects of communication that are not words, such as tone, pitch, and volume. The speaker uses this term to emphasize the importance of how one delivers their message, rather than just the content of the message itself. It is related to the theme of ensuring one's voice is heard and respected in professional settings, as the speaker suggests that projecting one's voice and using the right tone can help in being taken seriously.

💡contribution score

The term 'contribution score' is used metaphorically to describe the perceived value of an individual's input or contributions in a meeting or discussion. The speaker suggests that people have a mental scorecard for others based on their past contributions, which influences how seriously they take someone's input. This concept is tied to the video's theme of being respected and heard, as a high contribution score means one's voice is more likely to be respected and listened to.

💡communication

Communication is the act of conveying meaning through spoken or written language. The speaker highlights the importance of effective communication in ensuring that one's voice is heard and respected. The video discusses how not just talking for the sake of it, but ensuring that one's contributions are valuable and meaningful can lead to greater respect and recognition in professional interactions.

💡projecting

In the context of the video, 'projecting' refers to the act of making one's voice heard clearly and distinctly. The speaker advises that projecting one's voice is a simple yet effective way to ensure that people listen and respect what one has to say. This is directly related to the theme of gaining respect and being heard in professional settings.

💡boundaries

Boundaries are the limits or edges of an individual's sense of self, and in the video, they refer to the standards and expectations one sets for others in their professional interactions. The speaker discusses the importance of setting clear boundaries from the beginning to prevent disrespect and maintain a healthy work environment. This concept is integral to the video's theme of respect and conflict resolution.

💡confrontation

Confrontation is the act of facing or dealing with a difficult situation or person directly. The speaker addresses the fear of confrontation that some leaders may have and how avoiding it can lead to bigger problems. The video encourages addressing issues promptly and effectively as part of maintaining respect and resolving conflicts in the workplace.

💡ego

Ego refers to a person's sense of self-importance or self-esteem. The speaker mentions that sometimes what feels like disrespect might actually be one's ego feeling threatened. This concept is relevant to the video's theme as it distinguishes between genuine disrespect and personal insecurities, which is important for maintaining a balanced perspective in professional interactions.

💡conflict resolution

Conflict resolution is the process of addressing and resolving disagreements or conflicts. The speaker discusses the importance of resolving conflicts in a respectful and effective manner, rather than avoiding them. This is a key part of the video's message on maintaining a respectful work environment and dealing with situations where respect is compromised.

💡tone

Tone, in the context of the video, refers to the manner in which something is said, including the pitch, volume, and emotional quality of one's voice. The speaker emphasizes the importance of tone in communication, suggesting that it can significantly impact how one's message is received and whether one is respected. This is related to the video's theme of ensuring one's voice is heard and respected.

💡value

Value, in the video, refers to the worth or usefulness of one's contributions in a professional setting. The speaker encourages ensuring that one's voice is heard by making sure that what one says is valuable and beneficial. This concept is central to the video's theme of gaining respect and being taken seriously in the workplace.

Highlights

The importance of respect in the workplace and how it can affect an individual's performance and well-being.

Strategies for dealing with situations where respect is lacking, including self-reflection and addressing the issue directly.

The concept of 'paralinguistics' and how the way one speaks can impact how they are heard and respected.

The significance of projecting one's voice and using the right tone to ensure effective communication.

The idea of having a 'contribution score' based on the value of one's input in meetings and discussions.

Observations from boardrooms about how people's reactions to speakers can be influenced by their past contributions.

The impact of setting high standards for oneself and others in the workplace to foster an environment of respect and accountability.

The importance of not speaking just for the sake of it, and ensuring that one's contributions are valuable and meaningful.

The role of conflict resolution in maintaining respect and addressing issues of disrespect in the workplace.

The advice to reflect on one's own behavior to understand why others may disrespect or disregard one's boundaries.

The perspective that being the 'dumbest person in the room' can be a positive experience, as it allows for learning and growth.

The importance of being comfortable with conflict and using it as a tool for constructive dialogue and problem-solving.

The story of a former CIA Chief of Station on managing strong personalities and the importance of setting clear expectations early on.

The approach to addressing mistakes and misunderstandings in a respectful and solution-oriented manner.

The distinction between genuine disrespect and ego-driven perceptions of disrespect, and the importance of recognizing the difference.

The encouragement for viewers to subscribe to the channel to support its growth and help bring in bigger guests.

Transcripts

in those environments if someone's not

if you feel like your manager or your

your boss or your or the CEO or even

like a colleague isn't showing you

respect and I I I've read your story so

I know that this happened multiple times

in your life where there' be someone

around you that wasn't showing you the

respect you deserve um and I have a lot

of people that come up to me and they

say I'm struggling because my boss is

not showing me respect or my colleague

this colleague isn't listening to me or

all these kinds of things

where where does your mind default to

when I say that like where do you go to

in your mind what is your like action a

so with the last one you just said my my

colleagues don't listen to me I would

come back and I would say give me an

example of where they don't listen to

you right so I would say to you when you

do speak do you look at people when you

speak do you project your voice so it's

called paralinguistics everyone's so

focused on what they say like reading my

notes or reading my agenda they don't

think about the tone pitch of the voice

how Are you delivering this are you

projecting your voice or do you do you

talk like this when you speak I have a

question I just want to share

something people going to like glaze

over I have a question or or even just

the tone how you end hi am heav hi

mie feels different MH those are simple

things you can do to make sure people

hear you the other thing

is I say this a lot when I speak to

companies cuz communication a big thing

don't just talk to talk there's this

thing out there and especially with

women where it's like make sure they

hear you make sure your voice is heard

at the table I'm fine with that do you

have something beneficial to say or

value to say because if you don't don't

say anything half the meetings I go to I

don't speak because I maybe I have

nothing to say it's so interesting I am

from being in many boardrooms for many

many years probably 15 years being in

marketing boardrooms not 15 years about

10 years being in marketing boardrooms

with CEOs with my team with lots of

different people lots of different teams

I've had thousands and thousands of

meetings I eventually observe something

in myself which is a bit of a Prejudice

that I have which is the minute someone

speaks based on their contribution score

which is like a credit score based on

all of the contributions you made in the

past in those first couple of seconds if

their previous contributions were all

valuable everyone in the room would stop

and look and lean in but if they if they

developed a low contribution score

because they' continually talked for the

sake of talking i. they're just like

I'll give you an example um in my New

York office back in the day there was

this one one guy who we'd be in a

brainstorm trying to solve a problem and

he would start speaking and you you

you'd see by the way he started speaking

that had hadn't actually thought through

what he was going to say and he'd go

what about um if we put a I don't know

like a popup and uh like maybe you'll do

some Tik toks uh and so honestly what I

then observed from that individual is

every time they open their mouth people

would instantly basically like dismiss

the idea because they had such a low

contribution score and like we all have

a contribution score you have one I have

one based on the last 10 years of when

we've opened our mouth how valuable it

was to the people around us like that

individual whenever he spoke

I would see the person sat next to him

who I won't name almost like loky roll

their eyes in the first five seconds and

shut it down before he'd even got it out

and then there was this other guy called

in my UK office called Paul never spoke

like never really said anything super

mature super experienced guy the minute

he said anything because every time he

opened his mouth it was important and

valuable and considered everyone went he

could interrupt anyone the instant

silence everyone stares over at this guy

because when he contributed we all knew

that he had something valuable to add

and I so I would say to my team I said

this to this team that we're here with

us in New York like just make sure you

project your contribution score that is

that's such a brilliant way to say it

yes you're prob yes it's like it's your

score because people keep tabs on you

yeah they know Stephen's going to say

something he doesn't always speak but if

he's going to say something every time

he drops something he drops something of

value where people think like I have to

talk because everyone tells me I have to

talk make my voice heard no shut up and

if you're silent then you're not of

value that's what people think they

think you didn't add anything right well

you didn't take anything away either yes

I will tell you this too Stephen when I

go to meetings or sometimes I go to

meetings and if I'm the dumbest person

in the room I'm the happiest person MH

that's the one time where I'm happy

because I'm thinking wow look at all

these smart people around me and I get

to be part of this I get to listen I

love to sit back and listen there's

times I just had a meeting with like my

scripted agent Sylvie with my manager

about some TV project and I knew enough

to know to say I they're like hey eie

this and this and I said you know what

this is space I don't know I'm going to

follow your lead fill me in I'm taking a

seat back you guys do the talking what

about when someone compromises your

boundaries or disrespects you how do you

react to that because I think I have a

lot of um leaders around me in my

various businesses and I see sometimes

that some leaders struggle with

confrontation they struggle with you

know team member might disrespect them

in some way or might disregard might not

deliver work to the right standard

and they might struggle with like

pulling that person in knowing how to do

that and how to address that situation

and the avoidance of that conflict

obviously just causes a bigger future

problem because you're setting a new

you're setting a new boundary right

you've let

someone jeopardize or um cross a line

and if you don't I'm assuming that if in

the moment you don't address that

they're going to cross it again in the

future this is really about like

conflict resolution interpersonal

conflict resolution and when you've been

disrespected how do you deal with that

so the first I'm going to do is I'm

going to flip it back what have you done

to let people think that they can do

that to you that's the first thing I'm

going to say what standards have you

created or what things have you set up

to let people think I don't have to

deliver on time I can't be disrespectful

I can't show up late for work that's the

first thing I'm going to say so I would

Hazard a guess that I did I in the past

set a standard for this right in some

way that I showed up in the past that's

the first thing I'm going to do what is

there something I have done to create an

environment where a person thinks that

it is okay to do these things that's

first why do you go to I because I'm the

one who sets the tone for I I I I just

interviewed a chief of station former

Chief of station John franie he's former

CIA and he managed a lot of people and a

very strong a lot of strong

personalities because you got officers

and all these different people and he

said to me you know what I learned he

said it is easier to be more have

Bounder and be a little bit more sturdy

and more authoritative in the beginning

and then pull back then to be

everybody's friend and then try to put

those boundaries in place the lad

doesn't work he's like you do the first

you let people know what you expect of

them and then you can pull back a little

bit but you always have to tow that line

so that's what I'm going to say first

and he's right what tone have I set in

the environment that I'm working that

people think it's okay to do these

things that's one now let's say

sometimes I have an outlier I have a

person who does these things as soon as

it happens you have to address

it what people do is they don't address

things they let it go it's small and

then it happens again it's small then

again and then we become resentful we

become pissed why does this person keep

doing it why don't they self-correct

again it goes back to me why haven't I

addressed it people are afraid of

conflict conflict can be done in a great

way you have to think of conflict as

think of it as like I'm competing I'm I

can speak to you not raise my voice not

make it ugly and debate something with

you in the in the white house next to

the Oval Office was the cabinet room the

cabinet room is where the president

would sit with all his heads you know

Secretary of Treasury Secretary of

Homeland Security and they would discuss

and debate policies laws and they would

compete one person would say I don't

like this idea this is why another

person would say well this idea doesn't

work this is why you have to be

comfortable in doing that most people

are not they don't understand that you

can sit somebody down and say Hey you

know this happened can you tell me about

that I had someone who worked for me and

she had made a mistake on something and

so it was a pretty big mistake so I I

called her up and I said hey you know

what this and this happened you know

talk me through it and I let her explain

and you know she said you know I'm sorry

this and that uh there's a reason why

but the one thing I did is said because

I wanted to rectify it CU I didn't want

it to happen again I was like is there

anything I can do to help make your job

better so you can be more successful at

what you

do because I want to hear is there

something I'm doing or not doing that's

impacting her decision- making or the

way she sees things so it's a twofold

but you also to when it comes to respect

and this is a whole separate thing you

brought up with the respect part just

make sure people are truly disrespecting

you and that's not your ego that feels

disrespected cuz sometimes people can't

take somebody pushing back and if my

goal is to make a great product or

business deal or transaction then

everything we do should be in

furtherance of

that but what happens is Stephen people

are so afraid of hurting other people's

feelings or stepping on other people's

toes nobody says something and that's

worse if you love the dver CEO brand and

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