How to Get People to Listen to You | The Harvard Business Review Guide

Harvard Business Review

25 Apr 202410:12

Summary

TLDRThe video script emphasizes the importance of being heard in the workplace, which significantly impacts one's perceived competence, credit for work, and job effectiveness. To achieve this, the speaker suggests a strategic approach over simply raising one's voice. Key strategies include active listening, laying groundwork by requesting attention and putting important points in writing, and building personal relationships for credibility. The speaker also advises on choosing words carefully, especially in emotionally charged situations, using 'I' statements to express opinions without accusations, avoiding phrases that apologize for feelings, and using 'and' instead of 'but' to foster collaboration. Repetition is highlighted as a method to capture attention, and changing the conversation's tenor is recommended when discussions become unproductive. Nonverbal communication is also crucial, with the acronym CENTER (Core posture, Eye contact, Natural gestures, Tone, Tempo, Timing, Expressions, and Regions and territory) providing a framework for confident body language. The script concludes by urging managers to be aware of communication biases and to ensure all employees have equal opportunities to be heard.

Takeaways

👂 Active Listening: Demonstrating active and engaged listening is crucial before expecting others to listen to you.
💡 Lay Groundwork: Increase your chances of being heard by encouraging focus and acknowledging potential distractions.
📝 Put in Writing: Writing down important points helps increase retention and understanding.
🤝 Build Relationships: Developing personal relationships can earn you credibility and make others more likely to listen.
⏰ Be Concise: Capture attention quickly by getting to the point and providing only necessary context.
🔑 Choose Words Carefully: Use simple, clear, direct, and neutral language, especially in emotionally charged situations.
🙋‍♀️ Own Your Perspective: Start with 'I' to express your opinion without making the listener feel accused.
🚫 Avoid Apologizing for Feelings: Focus on the issue, not on how difficult it is to express your feelings.
➕ Use 'And': Instead of 'but', use 'and' to foster collaboration and keep the listener engaged.
🔄 Repetition: Repeating key messages can help them sink in and capture attention.
🧍‍♂️ Body Language: Pay attention to your own and others' nonverbal cues to enhance communication.
🔄 Change Conversation Tenor: If discussions become unproductive, shift the approach to regain focus on the issue.

Q & A

What is the main issue Amy Gallo addresses in the video?
-Amy Gallo addresses the issue of not being heard in the workplace and its impact on being seen as competent, getting credit for work, and completing tasks effectively.
What is the first strategy Amy suggests to improve the chances of being heard at work?
-The first strategy is to listen well. Active, engaged listening is a prerequisite to being heard and involves understanding and demonstrating attentiveness to the speaker's points.
How can you lay the groundwork to be heard more effectively?
-You can lay the groundwork by encouraging your counterparts to focus, putting important things in writing to aid retention, and building relationships with people around you to earn credibility and respect.
Why is it important to get to the point quickly when speaking to your boss or colleague?
-It's important because they likely spend a significant portion of their day listening to others, so you have a limited time to capture their attention. Being concise helps ensure your message is heard.
What does Holly Weeks suggest regarding the language to use in emotionally charged situations?
-Holly Weeks suggests using simple, clear, direct, and neutral language. She also advises starting sentences with 'I' instead of 'you' to avoid making the listener feel accused and to show acknowledgment of one's role in the situation.
How can using 'and' instead of 'but' improve communication?
-Using 'and' instead of 'but' can engage the listener in collaborative problem-solving without making them feel defensive. 'But' is a naturally combative word that might cause the listener to stop listening.
What does Ben Parr suggest about the use of repetition in communication?
-Ben Parr suggests that repetition is key to capturing people's attention and can help them embrace an idea they may have been predisposed to ignore.
How can changing the tenor of the conversation help when things get heated?
-Changing the tenor of the conversation can help by shifting the focus from a power struggle to discussing the process itself, allowing for a more productive dialogue and a return to the substance of the matter.
What does the acronym CENTER stand for and how can it help with nonverbal communication?
-CENTER stands for Core posture, Eye contact, Natural gestures, Tone, tempo, timing, Expressions of the face, and Regions and territory. It helps to remember key aspects of nonverbal communication that can convey confidence and keep the listener engaged.
Why is it important for managers to be aware of their own biases?
-It's important for managers to be aware of their biases to ensure that all employees, regardless of their communication style, are given equal opportunities to be heard and credited for their ideas.
What does Amy Gallo encourage viewers to do after presenting her strategies?
-Amy Gallo encourages viewers to share any advice they might have on improving their chances of being heard or to suggest other topics they would like her to cover, by commenting below the video.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Effective Communication Strategies for Being Heard

The first paragraph emphasizes the importance of being heard in the workplace, which is crucial for being recognized as competent, receiving credit for work, and accomplishing tasks. Amy Gallo shares tips for improving one's chances of being heard without raising their voice. Active listening is highlighted as a prerequisite, with a suggestion to watch another video for more details. Strategies include laying groundwork by requesting attention, putting important information in writing, and building relationships for credibility. The paragraph also advises on being concise, choosing words carefully, and using 'I' statements to express opinions without accusations. It suggests avoiding apologies that might distract from the issue and using 'and' instead of 'but' to foster collaboration. The use of hypotheticals is encouraged to stimulate imaginative discussions.

05:02

🔄 The Power of Repetition and Adaptability in Conversations

The second paragraph discusses the significance of repetition in securing attention and changing the tone of the conversation when necessary. It suggests not panicking when conversations deviate from the plan and instead taking a step back to assess the situation objectively. Observing and stating what is happening can help in suggesting a different approach, which shifts the conversation towards a more productive process. The paragraph provides alternate phrasings to facilitate productive dialogue. Body language is also a key component, with the acronym CENTER introduced to remember key aspects of nonverbal communication: core posture, eye contact, natural gestures, tone/tempo/timing, facial expressions, and regions/territory. Managers are advised to be aware of their biases and ensure all employees have equal opportunities to be heard.

10:03

📢 Final Thoughts on Being Heard and Engagement

The final paragraph invites viewers to share their advice on being heard or suggest other topics they'd like covered. It serves as a call-to-action for engagement and emphasizes the importance of viewer participation in the discussion.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Active Listening

Active listening is the process of fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and then remembering what is being said. It's a critical skill in communication that involves not just hearing the words, but also interpreting the meaning behind them. In the video, it's emphasized as a prerequisite to being heard, as it demonstrates engagement and the ability to process the speaker's points attentively.

💡Strategic Communication

Strategic communication involves the thoughtful planning and execution of messages to effectively convey information or ideas. The video suggests that getting heard in the workplace is less about raising one's voice and more about using strategic communication methods, such as laying the groundwork for conversations and choosing words carefully.

💡Competing for Attention

In the context of the video, competing for attention refers to the challenge of capturing the focus of others, especially in a busy workplace environment. The script mentions that colleagues may be distracted by emails, upcoming meetings, or the general pace of modern life. To overcome this, one can request full attention or opt to communicate important points in writing.

💡Credibility

Credibility in communication is the trustworthiness or believability of a speaker. Building relationships and earning credibility with colleagues is highlighted as a long-term strategy for being heard. When people respect you on a personal level, they are more likely to listen and take your words seriously, as indicated by the advice to 'build relationships with people around you.'

💡Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions and the emotions of others. The video touches on this concept when discussing how to handle heated situations. It advises using 'I' statements to express one's perspective without making the listener feel accused, which is a technique that requires emotional intelligence to navigate conversations effectively.

💡Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication encompasses body language, facial expressions, eye contact, and other visual cues that convey messages alongside or instead of verbal communication. The video emphasizes the importance of being aware of one's own nonverbal cues, such as posture and gestures, which can either support or contradict the verbal message. The acronym CENTER is introduced to help remember key aspects of nonverbal communication.

💡Repetition

Repetition is the act of repeating something to reinforce its importance or to ensure it is understood. The video suggests that repeating a message can help capture people's attention and allow the idea to sink in, especially if the message is one that the audience may initially be inclined to ignore.

💡Hypotheticals

Hypotheticals are statements or questions that present a hypothetical situation to stimulate discussion or thought. In the video, the use of hypotheticals is recommended as a way to start an imaginative discussion that is more engaging than one where everyone is simply defending their points. An example from the script is, 'I wonder, if we could do that by starting with B. What would that look like?'

💡Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to express one's thoughts, feelings, and needs in an open, honest, and direct way while respecting the rights of others. The video provides tips on how to assert oneself to increase the chances of being heard, such as owning one's perspective and using 'I' statements to express feelings without making others feel defensive.

💡Bias Awareness

Bias awareness refers to the recognition and understanding of one's own biases, which can influence communication and decision-making. The video calls on managers to be hyper-aware of their biases, such as cultural or gender-based ones, that may favor certain communication styles over others. It's important to ensure that everyone in an organization has an equal opportunity to be heard.

💡Inclusivity

Inclusivity is the practice of including people who might otherwise be excluded from a particular group or activity. It's related to the video's theme of being heard, as it addresses the need for managers to create an environment where both introverts and extroverts have equal opportunities to contribute their ideas and be recognized.

Highlights

Being heard in the workplace is crucial for being seen as competent, getting credit for your work, and completing your job effectively.

Listening well to others is a prerequisite for being heard yourself; it involves active and engaged listening.

To capture attention, request full attention respectfully and acknowledge potential distractions.

Putting important information in writing can improve the chances of being remembered, as people often forget most of what they hear.

Building relationships and credibility with colleagues can increase the likelihood of being heard and taken seriously.

Concisely get to the point and provide only necessary context to capture the attention of busy colleagues.

Using 'I' statements can help convey your perspective without making the listener feel accused.

Avoiding phrases that apologize for your feelings keeps the focus on the issue rather than on emotions.

Using 'and' instead of 'but' can promote a collaborative discussion rather than a confrontational one.

Presenting hypothetical situations can stimulate imaginative and engaging discussions.

Repetition can be a powerful tool to capture attention and help ideas sink in.

If conversations become heated, take a step back, observe objectively, and then suggest a different approach.

Pay attention to both your own and the listener's body language, as nonverbal cues can significantly impact communication.

Confidence in body language, such as posture and eye contact, can draw people in and encourage them to listen.

Use the CENTER acronym to remember key aspects of nonverbal communication: Core posture, Eye contact, Natural gestures, Tone, Tempo, Timing, Expressions, and Regions/Territory.

Managers should be aware of their biases and ensure all employees, regardless of communication style, have equal opportunities to be heard.

Assertiveness and the application of these communication strategies can improve the chances of being heard and respected.