Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People (Here's Why)

Summary

This video explores the addictive nature of comparisons and their connection to the ego, or 'ahamkar,' through the lens of psychology and yogic philosophy. It explains how upward and downward comparisons are driven by emotions like insecurity, with the ego acting as a defense mechanism. Social media intensifies this tendency by creating false comparisons. To break the cycle, the video suggests focusing on internal emotional states rather than comparing ourselves to others, highlighting the importance of emotional acceptance and self-reflection in reducing the ego’s influence.

Takeaways

• 😀 Comparison is widespread and often addictive — people frequently compare themselves throughout the day, especially online.
• 🔼 Social comparison theory: upward comparisons (to people better than us) can provide a roadmap for improvement but can also destroy motivation if misused.
• 🔽 Downward comparisons (to people worse off) act as emotional coping strategies that make us feel better temporarily but don’t produce real progress.
• 🧠 Our brain picks comparison targets based on perceived 'league' membership (schoolmates, siblings, colleagues, friends), not random extremes like elephants or ants.
• 📱 Social media massively widens the pool of perceived comparison targets and tricks our brain into treating distant or curated lives as fair, direct comparisons.
• 🎭 We often compare to a curated version of someone’s life (what they show online), which produces unfair, one-sided comparisons and inevitable feelings of inferiority.
• 👥 Comparisons are not one-to-one: we tend to mix the best attributes from many people and measure them against ourselves, which is misleading and demoralizing.
• 🪞The ego (ahamkar) drives comparisons: it seeks conformity, justification, and protection from negative emotion — fueling both upward and downward comparisons.
• 💔 Negative emotions activate the ego; when we feel bad (e.g., after a breakup) we’re more likely to stalk others and reinforce our low self-view via comparisons.
• 🛠 To reduce comparisons, question why your brain chose that person as a fair comparison — inspect the unfair or incomplete aspects of the match-up.
• 🧘‍♂️ Target the underlying negative emotions instead of trying to directly suppress comparisons—process, accept, or let go of the emotion so the ego loses fuel.
• 🏁 When comparisons are controlled they can help (learning from others), but when unchecked they rob joy, lower motivation, or create false superiority without growth.
• 🔍 Practical rule: critically evaluate the fairness and completeness of any comparison and remember that content creators often have support and curation you don’t see.

Q & A

What is the primary cause behind people making upward and downward comparisons?

The primary cause behind making comparisons is the ego, or 'ahamkara,' which acts as a defense mechanism against negative emotions. When we feel bad about ourselves, the ego activates and leads us to make comparisons—either to feel superior (downward comparisons) or inferior (upward comparisons).

How does the ego influence our behavior when we make comparisons?

The ego influences our behavior by seeking validation and consistency. When we feel negatively about ourselves, the ego tries to justify those feelings by making comparisons, which validate our negative self-view, even though the process can ultimately make us feel worse.

Why do people tend to make more comparisons when feeling bad about themselves?

When people feel bad about themselves, the ego tries to protect them by searching for external validation or justification for their feelings. This is why comparisons—whether downward or upward—tend to occur more when a person is experiencing negative emotions.

What role does social media play in amplifying comparison behaviors?

Social media exacerbates comparison behaviors by constantly presenting curated images of other people's lives, making it easy to engage in both upward and downward comparisons. This reinforces the idea that comparing oneself to others is normal and acceptable, even though it rarely leads to personal growth.

What is the yogic perspective on why we make comparisons?

From a yogic perspective, comparisons are seen as a result of the ego's need to defend against negative emotions. The ego tries to protect the individual by either making them feel superior (through downward comparisons) or inferior (through upward comparisons), but neither serves to address the root cause of the negative emotions.

How can we stop making comparisons, according to the yogic philosophy?

The key to stopping comparisons is not focusing on the comparisons themselves, but on addressing the negative emotions that trigger the ego. By processing and accepting negative emotions instead of allowing the ego to activate, we can break the cycle of comparison.

Why do we sometimes continue comparing ourselves to others, even when it makes us feel worse?

This happens because comparison often becomes addictive. The ego finds validation in confirming our negative feelings, which makes it difficult to stop. For instance, stalking an ex's social media may reinforce feelings of inadequacy, but the ego feels validated by this confirmation of its negative emotions.

How does the concept of 'conformity' relate to comparisons?

The ego seeks conformity, which means it wants consistency between our inner beliefs and the external world. If we feel bad about ourselves, the ego tries to find external sources (such as comparisons) to validate those feelings, even though it may ultimately perpetuate a cycle of negative self-worth.

What is the downside of making upward comparisons in particular?

Upward comparisons can decrease motivation and lead to feelings of inadequacy or stagnation. Instead of using the comparison as inspiration to improve, individuals often feel stuck and demotivated because they focus on how far they are from the person they are comparing themselves to, rather than focusing on their own progress.

How can we dismantle the need to make comparisons?

To dismantle the need for comparison, we need to critically assess why we think a certain comparison is appropriate. By understanding the flawed justifications behind the comparison—such as feeling that we're 'in the same league' as someone—we can reduce the tendency to compare and focus more on personal growth and emotional processing.