Lecture 11 Listening

Summary

In this lecture, the distinction between hearing and listening is explored, emphasizing that while hearing is the physiological ability to identify sounds, listening involves actively paying attention to and understanding those sounds. The speaker discusses the importance of being a good listener in a world dominated by distractions and social media, highlighting the need to make a conscious choice to listen and overcome biases that may hinder effective communication. Strategies for active listening, such as setting listening goals and removing distractions, are also presented to enhance communication skills.

Takeaways

• 🔊 Listening vs. Hearing: The script emphasizes the difference between hearing, which is the ability to identify sounds, and listening, which involves paying attention to and understanding the information from those sounds.
• 👂 Active Engagement: Being a good listener means actively paying attention to what is being said, rather than just passively hearing sounds.
• 🤔 Choosing to Listen: Listening is a conscious choice; one must decide to focus on and engage with the speaker's message.
• 📱 Distractions: The script highlights the impact of distractions, such as social media and personal thoughts, on our ability to listen effectively.
• 💭 Inner Dialogue: Our own internal monologue or emotional state can act as a barrier to listening, and we must sometimes quiet our minds to focus on what is being communicated.
• 🌐 Selective Listening: We tend to selectively listen based on various biases, including the speaker's identity, our preconceived notions, and the content of the message.
• 📚 Academic Credibility: The script uses an anecdote to illustrate that a person's ability to teach a subject is not necessarily limited by their background or ethnicity.
• 👥 Cultural Sensitivity: Being a good listener includes overcoming cultural barriers, such as understanding and accommodating different accents and belief systems.
• 🚫 Avoiding Defensive Listening: It's important not to interrupt or preemptively judge what someone is going to say, as this can hinder true understanding and communication.
• 📝 Active Listening Techniques: The script suggests several techniques for active listening, such as setting listening goals, giving full attention, and taking notes.
• 🌐 Global Accent Awareness: Everyone has an accent from the perspective of another community, reminding us to be understanding and patient with different ways of speaking.

Q & A

What is the main difference between hearing and listening according to the lecture?

Hearing deals with our ability to identify sounds, while listening involves paying attention to those sounds and understanding the information coming from them.

Why is it important to distinguish between hearing and listening in communication?

It is important because you can hear a sound without understanding its meaning. Effective communication requires not just detecting sounds but also comprehending the message being conveyed.

What does the lecturer suggest is a common issue in today's mediated and social media-driven world?

The lecturer suggests that a common issue is the distraction caused by social media and other digital mediums, which can hinder active listening when someone is speaking to us.

What does the lecturer mean by 'listening is a choice'?

The lecturer means that we have to consciously decide to focus our attention on the speaker and the message they are conveying, rather than being passively exposed to sounds.

Can you provide an example from the script where the lecturer shares a personal anecdote about not being fully present during a conversation?

The lecturer shares an anecdote about being on their phone and mindlessly scrolling Facebook while their partner is speaking, which is a habit they are trying to improve.

What is 'selective listening' as discussed in the lecture?

Selective listening refers to the phenomenon where individuals choose to whom they listen based on various factors, such as personal biases, the speaker's identity, or the content of the message.

How does the lecturer use their academic background to explain the qualifications of a Japanese professor teaching African history?

The lecturer explains that the Japanese professor was educated by one of the top African history professors in the world, indicating that her academic lineage and training qualify her to teach the subject effectively.

What advice does the lecturer give for dealing with distractions when trying to be a better listener?

The lecturer advises to eliminate distractions, such as putting away the phone or pausing other activities, to focus fully on the speaker and the message being conveyed.

What is 'defensive listening' and why is it problematic according to the lecture?

Defensive listening is when a person listens not to understand but to prepare a response, often interrupting the speaker. It is problematic because it prevents genuine understanding and open communication.

How does the lecturer address the issue of cultural barriers in listening?

The lecturer discusses the importance of overcoming biases and barriers such as accents and different belief systems to ensure effective communication and understanding.

What is 'active listening' and what are some techniques mentioned in the lecture to engage in it?

Active listening is the process of fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and then remembering what is being said. Techniques mentioned include identifying listening needs, setting a listening goal, giving eye contact, taking notes, and removing distractions.

Outlines

00:00

🔊 Understanding the Difference Between Hearing and Listening

The lecturer begins by distinguishing between hearing and listening, emphasizing that hearing is the physiological ability to identify sounds, whereas listening involves paying attention to and understanding the information conveyed by those sounds. The speaker uses a personal anecdote about hearing voices outside but not being able to discern what was said, illustrating the lack of understanding without active listening. The lecture also touches on the psychological aspect of listening, which includes recognizing words, tone, and meaning, and contrasts it with the physiological process of hearing.

05:02

📱 The Importance of Choosing to Listen and Overcoming Distractions

The speaker discusses the concept of listening as a conscious choice, admitting personal struggles with distractions like social media. The importance of giving undivided attention to the speaker is highlighted, with examples from both personal life and classroom settings. The lecturer emphasizes the need to eliminate physical distractions and quiet one's mind to focus on the information being presented. The anecdote of a phone call that affected the speaker's emotions and the subsequent need to mentally prepare before recording the lecture serves to illustrate the internal struggle to focus and the necessity of choosing to listen.

10:04

🚫 Addressing Selective Listening and Biases in Communication

This section delves into selective listening, where individuals choose to whom and what they listen based on various biases. The lecturer recounts a story from a teaching experience where students were upset about a Japanese professor teaching African history, reflecting on how biases can affect the willingness to listen. The discussion leads to the broader point that we all have selective listening tendencies, influenced by factors such as political affiliation, race, gender, age, and religion. The story concludes with the students gaining a new perspective after understanding the professor's qualifications and background.

15:05

👂 Active Listening and Overcoming Barriers

The lecturer introduces the concept of active listening, which involves identifying one's listening needs, setting listening goals, and assessing whether those goals have been met. Techniques for active listening are presented, such as sitting on the edge of your seat, making eye contact, taking notes, and removing distractions. The importance of being open-minded and overcoming cultural barriers, including dealing with different accents and belief systems, is also discussed. The speaker encourages the audience to recognize that everyone has an accent and to practice grace and understanding in communication.

20:06

🤔 The Challenge of Defensive Listening and the Need for Open-Mindedness

The speaker addresses defensive listening, where individuals listen with the intent to respond rather than to understand, often due to preconceived notions about what the speaker will say. The importance of being open-minded and avoiding assumptions is highlighted through a personal story about a student who defied initial judgments. The lecture also touches on the need to recognize and work through cultural biases and the universality of accents, reminding the audience that everyone has an accent in some context.

25:07

📝 Strategies for Effective Active Listening

In the final paragraph, the lecturer summarizes strategies for effective active listening, including identifying listening needs, setting and assessing goals, and creating an environment conducive to focused listening. The importance of intention in listening is emphasized, with the suggestion to set specific goals for what one hopes to learn or achieve from a listening opportunity. The lecture concludes with a reminder to stay tuned for the next lecture in the series.

Keywords

💡Hearing

Hearing is defined in the script as the physiological ability to identify sounds. It is a basic sensory function that allows us to detect sounds around us. In the context of the video, the lecturer uses the concept of hearing to contrast it with listening, emphasizing that while hearing is passive, listening involves a more active engagement with the sounds we detect. An example from the script is when the lecturer mentions hearing voices outside but not being able to understand what was being said, illustrating the difference between simply hearing sounds and actively listening to them.

💡Listening

Listening is described as the act of paying attention to sounds and the information they convey. It goes beyond the mere detection of sound and involves understanding and interpreting the meaning behind those sounds. The video's theme revolves around the importance of listening as a more conscious and active process compared to hearing. The lecturer provides the example of hearing voices outside but not being able to make out the words, which shows that listening requires more than just the physical ability to detect sound; it requires attention and comprehension.

💡Selective Listening

Selective listening refers to the conscious choice of what and whom to listen to, and what to ignore. It is a concept that highlights our tendency to filter information based on our preferences, biases, or current mental state. In the script, the lecturer discusses how we choose to listen to certain people or information while disregarding others, which can affect our understanding and communication. The example given is about students who were upset because they felt a Japanese woman couldn't teach them African history, demonstrating how selective listening can be influenced by biases.

💡Attention

Attention, in the context of this video, is the focused mental effort given to understanding and processing the information being received through listening. It is a crucial aspect of active listening and is what differentiates hearing from listening. The lecturer emphasizes that to truly listen, one must pay attention to the sounds and the information they convey. An example from the script is the need to quiet one's mind and eliminate distractions to fully attend to the lecture or a conversation.

💡Understanding

Understanding is the comprehension of the meaning or message behind the sounds or words being heard. It is a key outcome of effective listening and is closely tied to the video's theme of the importance of engaging with what we hear. The lecturer explains that understanding is not just about hearing sounds but about making sense of them. An example is provided when the lecturer mentions hearing voices but not being able to understand the conversation due to inaudibility.

💡Distraction

Distraction refers to anything that diverts one's attention away from the task of listening. In the video, the lecturer discusses how distractions, such as social media or internal thoughts, can hinder our ability to listen effectively. The concept is used to illustrate the importance of focusing and being present in the moment of communication. The script mentions the lecturer's personal struggle with distractions like social media, which can prevent one from giving full attention to a speaker.

💡Bias

Bias, in the context of listening, is a preconceived opinion or preference that can influence how we choose to listen to others. The video discusses how biases can affect our selective listening, leading us to ignore certain speakers or information based on factors like race, gender, age, or political beliefs. The lecturer uses the example of students' bias against a Japanese professor teaching African history to illustrate how biases can cloud our judgment and affect our listening.

💡Cultural Barriers

Cultural barriers are the challenges that arise from differences in cultural backgrounds, beliefs, or communication styles, which can impede effective listening and understanding. The video emphasizes the need to overcome such barriers to truly listen and comprehend diverse perspectives. The lecturer mentions dealing with accents as an example of a cultural barrier that requires patience and understanding to ensure effective communication.

💡Active Listening

Active listening is a purposeful and engaged approach to listening that involves giving full attention to the speaker, asking questions, and providing feedback to ensure understanding. It is presented in the video as a set of skills that can be developed to improve listening effectiveness. The script outlines techniques of active listening, such as sitting on the edge of your seat, making eye contact, taking notes, and setting a listening goal, to demonstrate how one can actively engage with the speaker's message.

💡Accommodation

Accommodation, in the context of the video, refers to the adjustment or adaptation we make to understand and communicate effectively with others, especially when dealing with different accents or communication styles. The lecturer encourages viewers to recognize that everyone has an accent in some context and to practice grace and understanding when listening to others. The script uses the idea of everyone having an accent to promote empathy and open-mindedness in listening.

Highlights

The distinction between hearing and listening is introduced, with hearing defined as the ability to identify sounds and listening as paying attention to the information from those sounds.

The importance of not using the word itself to define it, such as not defining 'hearing' with the word 'hear'.

An anecdote is shared to illustrate the difference between hearing and listening, where the speaker could hear voices but could not understand what was being said.

Listening is described as recognizing words, tone, and meaning, which involves more than just hearing sounds.

The text differentiates between the physiological aspect of hearing and the psychological process of listening.

Being a good listener involves setting aside distractions and choosing to pay attention, which is sometimes challenging in a world dominated by social media.

The speaker admits to struggling with being fully present due to the influence of social media and the impact it has on listening.

Listening is a choice, and it's important to make a conscious decision to listen and give undivided attention.

In face-to-face classes, the requirement is to give undivided attention to classmates when they are presenting, without distractions.

The speaker shares a personal experience of having to manage emotions and mental noise to focus on delivering a lecture.

Selective listening is discussed, where people choose to whom they listen based on various factors, including biases.

An example of selective listening is given from the speaker's experience as a teaching assistant, dealing with students' biases against a professor's ethnicity.

The importance of being open-minded and overcoming biases to be a good listener is emphasized.

Cultural barriers in listening are discussed, including dealing with accents and different belief systems.

The concept of active listening is introduced, with tips on how to engage in it, such as setting listening goals and removing distractions.

The lecture concludes with a summary of the key points on listening and a teaser for the next lecture.

Transcripts

all right everybody I am back now for

lecture number 11. and right now we're

going to be talking about listening

so there is a difference between hearing

and listening and sometimes we know the

difference and sometimes we don't now if

we were together right now I would ask

by show of hands who here knows the

difference between hearing and listening

and buy a show of hands I imagine that

many of you would start to yell out

things and throw throw out your ideas

about the differences between hearing

and listening

now in order to define a word you cannot

Define a word with itself so if I ask

you to tell me what is hearing you can't

just say oh well that's when we hear

something you cannot use the word

hearing to try to explain to me or

Define for me what hearing means

conversely if I say well what does

listening mean you can't say oh that

means when we listen to stuff can again

you cannot use a word to Define itself

so just to say oh listening that's when

we listen or hearing that's when we hear

excuse me those would be inadequate to

explain to me what the two means so

here we go

caring very simply deals with our

ability to

identify sounds

very simply hearing deals with our

ability to identify Sam

that's it that's hearing

okay

now

listening however involves

paying attention to those sounds

paying attention to the information

that's coming from those sounds

that's the difference between hearing

and listening think about it you already

know this to be true there are times

when you can hear detect sound

but you can't actually you can actually

tell me what was being said right

sometimes I know last night I heard some

people outside in the parking lot

it was late it was if not midnight give

or take a few minutes okay and all of a

sudden I was watching TV and all of a

sudden there were these voices and and I

could hear two men two voices One Voice

Was kind of audible kind of clear I

could hear him telling the other man

come on come on

but the other man

while I could hear sound emanating from

him I could not make out what was being

said right

so I could hear him but I was not

listening in the sense that I could not

decipher what was being said I didn't

understand it there was no understanding

I was trying to pay attention because I

was trying to see if there was some

danger going on out there but I could

not make out any sound so therefore I

lacked understanding okay so in that

regard

you know I was listening but again I it

was just too inaudible for me to really

pick up what was saying at least by the

one gentleman and quite frankly I think

he was just groaning and grunting I

think he might have been drunk I don't

know

now

in listening we are recognizing not just

sound which is hearing but now we are

recognizing words tone meaning we are

putting it all together when we are

listening

okay

all right I hope you guys understand

that so far

let's continue okay and so remember

um that in your text you'll be reading

about this and it is going to talk about

hearing being the physiological thing

that happens right it's the thing that

happens because your uh senses are

working properly and so that's hearing

whereas listening I'm sorry whereas

listening

involves much more of psychological

um Peace and that pain attention and

being able to understand what's going on

there's some fly or something

Okay so

let's continue so

what does it mean to really be a good

listener

do you guys struggle with that I know I

do sometimes

and especially because now we live in

such a mediated social media world

I'm guilty and I don't say this with a

sense of Pride either but I'm guilty

sometimes that when my partner is

speaking

I'm mindlessly scrolling Facebook it's a

bad habit and I try to be mind-loving

and stop it

um

excuse me when it's happening or

if I'm doing something I'll try to say

to him Hey listen give me one second let

me finish this real quick what I'm doing

so that I can put the phone down and

give him my attention but I I don't

always do a good job of that don't tell

him I said that okay you guys don't

don't tell him here that I admitted that

to you guys but it's true and I and I am

trying to work to be better to be better

about it

so

the first thing is you have to know

rather the next things you have to know

is that

listening is a choice

listing is a choice we have to choose to

listen

it's just that simple we have to choose

to listen we have to make a choice to

listen

and sometimes we don't make a choice to

listen just like when I was describing

that when my partner is speaking I I

have to say Hey listen can you give me

one second when you finish this because

otherwise I am not making a choice to

listen which means I'm half listening to

him I'm not giving him the attention

that he deserves I'm playing on my phone

or I'm maybe sending legitimate work

related messages or doing other things I

have to choose to listen to him and

sometimes in making the choice to listen

to others we have to put away the other

distraction

in speech class in our face-to-face

classes I require that you listen to

your classmates

in our face-to-face classes you cannot

be on your phone when they're presenting

you cannot be working on your own speech

you can't be practicing your speech you

can't be working on writing your note

cards you can't be doing work for other

classes you can't be having side

conversations you cannot be on your

phone on social media and you most

definitely cannot be asleep in the

face-to-face class and face-to-face

classes you have to give your audience

your classmates your undivided attention

and by doing so they will then in turn

do the same for you when it's your turn

you have to choose to listen but

sometimes it's not just the physical

distractions around us it's not always

the side conversation with someone else

or picking up your phone getting on

social media sometimes it's quieting

your mind to choose to listen to the

information that's being presented

sometimes that's difficult

especially

um like for today for example

you'll notice that I've recorded a few

videos today you can always tell because

I have the same shirt on for several

videos right and so I've had this shirt

on for today's level of videos but you

guys I had a phone call this morning

that kind of rocked my world in a good

way

but it left me with a lot of

emotions that I wasn't prepared for

something that I kind of wanted

when I

was seeking to secure it and now I'm

this close to getting it

and my emotions are all over the place

so when I woke up this morning it was my

intention to record maybe four or five

videos today and do some other things I

mean I had a list of things to do you

know I've been gone for three weeks I'm

back in Houston now I've been gone for

three weeks I had a list of things to do

today but that phone call was the first

phone call that I had to well it was the

second phone call I had today

and it took me for a ride

so I've spent the majority of this

afternoon I've talked to my goddaughter

to help her to help me process what was

going on with me and

so I'm now recording a video again but

my point the point that I'm making to

you guys is that

I've had to kind of

work through those thoughts so that I

can focus on this thing for you guys if

it makes sense right so I had to choose

to kind of turn that off in my head so

that I could focus on the listening

lecture to be able to record it

it's not me on social media it's not me

playing with my friends it's not me

trying to catch up around the house for

three weeks it is me in my head the

conversations the self-talk that's going

on in my head having to quell that and

to quiet that down in order to get

focused enough to deliver this lecture

you have to choose to listen and to pay

attention

okay and sometimes it's easier than it

other times just you know just know that

okay it could also happen if you know

maybe you're excited remember we talked

about noise a few weeks I mean a few

lectures ago right uh distractions and

noise and that psychological noise

because you're thinking about something

else that's exactly what I'm talking

about that noise can prevent you from

paying attention to the speaker and

right by by extension as the speaker it

could prevent me from being able to stay

on track with my thoughts or to even get

the job done because psychologically I

am over here having all of this mental

stuff happen

because of the thoughts that are in my

head about this other thing

right so again you have to choose to

listen and choose to pay attention we

have something that is called selective

hearing

I mean selective listening I'm sorry

selective listening selective listening

again comes into play when we decide to

whom we are listening to what we are

listening what we want to listen to what

we want to not listen to and ignore Etc

true story yes you guys I'm gonna almost

always try to give you a story to bring

home the idea to make it jail a little

bit better selective listening

my very first teaching assignment I was

a teaching assistant with what we call a

TA in college I completed my bachelor's

and I was in graduate school earning my

Master's Degree okay and so I secured an

opportunity to be a TA at my undergrad

alma mater which I was also employed at

at this time so it's perfect I could

leave my building from my nine to five

job take my lunch break come down and

teach and then just go back to work

perfect perfect perfect and everybody

was on board my boss Supervisor was on

board one of my mentors in the

department where I graduated with my

undergrad was on board the graduate

school was on board everybody was on

board it worked out great

and so I'm so excited to be teaching

well this one day my students came in or

rather my professor students you know I

was just the assistant but they came in

it was my particular day to work with

them it was a day that I was going to be

lecturing and running the class that day

so several of them maybe about four or

five of them came in and they were

really unhappy they were angry

so I said well let's talk about that

because you guys are really up at Arms

about this thing what's going on and

let's see if we can attach it back to

communication let's see if I can make

this a teachable moment I'm pretty good

at doing things like that so

um they went on to tell me what the

problem was that they were having and so

apparently they were up in arms because

they were taking a black history course

an African history class

and the teacher in the class they said

we don't want her teaching us black

history

and the teacher that they had at the

time was a Japanese woman

now I didn't say anything I just let

them speak and let them vent and let

them get it all out

once they finished I challenged them to

ask them

are they saying that

the Japanese woman could not possibly

teach them black history

and they said no she can't teach us no

she can't teach us black history she's

not black she didn't live here she

couldn't teach us

and so I asked them

is it that she can't teach you black

history

which are factual things that occurred

or is it that she can't teach you how to

feel

black or what it means to be black

so it got them to thinking for a few

minutes right got them to thinking

they were open to hearing more of what I

had to say

so I went on to say you know to remind

them that history is a set of things

that have already occurred they're not

really up for debate right

um

a war started on this day

um a business opened on this day someone

was born on that day

this uh rocket went in space on this day

this rocket crash this day

I started a job on this day I bought a

car on this day you guys get what I mean

those things have already happened so

they're part of History they happen it's

not really up for debate if anybody

could come and recall that story or

recall those instances and those

experiences to you anyone could do that

with the proper information

they were saying however what they were

really trying to say is that she

couldn't teach them about the black

what it means to be black in this black

experience and I understood that portion

of their argument

but I also wanted to help them to

identify what their argument was versus

what they thought it was

now I kept listening to them and then

finally I said well listen you guys I

have to tell you something and so here

was the thing

the professor to whom they were

referring I knew her

how did I know her well this is how

she

she did get her degree in African

studies

she was educated by one of the top

African history professors in the world

at Temple University in Pennsylvania

her professor who was also her

dissertation chair for her doctorate is

today still

one of the top African scholars in the

entire world

now

here's the thing

her African studies Professor started

his academic career

and his professional academic career in

the field of communication

so my mentor he mentored My Mentor in

communication and he mentored my mentors

colleagues and friends in communication

in addition to that my African studies

Professor when I was an undergrad

student I was a black Studies major

before I was a speech major and I also

hold a degree in Black studies my first

degree was in Black studies

my mentor and professor in my black

studies program was part of the very

first set of students that this

world-renowned African scholar taught at

Temple University back in the day

he was my mentors mentor

okay so he's my mentors Mentor in Black

studies he's my mentors Mentor in

communication he is what one would call

my academic my scholarly grandfather

I say this to say

that that Japanese woman was taught by

one of the best in the field

I would trust her

by virtue of how she was raised up

academically to teach the course does

that make sense you guys

I would listen to her

despite the fact that she's Japanese

because I know that she's been taught

well by virtue whom she's been taught by

once I said this to my students

in all of this they had a different

perspective

we choose to whom we are going to listen

for a variety of reasons

conversely we choose who we are not

going to listen to for a variety of

reasons

there are people that we have already

dismissed we will not listen to anything

they say because they are this political

party versus this one yeah this race

versus that

this gender versus this one they either

identify as this way instead of this way

they're this age instead of that age

they're they're this religion instead of

that religion you guys get where you see

what I mean right

selectively for a variety of different

reasons we have determined to whom we're

going to listen and to whom we're going

to give the give the

we've already determined that for a

variety of different ways we all hold

selective listening at some point or

another

sometimes there are people with whom we

normally talk and communicate and listen

but maybe something happened recently

and now we've determined we're no longer

listen to that person or at least right

not not in this exact moment

there have been people who I who are in

my life if we have an argument

there's a point in the argument where I

may decide to stop listening

maybe they've done something that I find

wholly offensive maybe they've crossed a

boundary that we've talked about in the

past and at that point I decide to stop

listening because they have done

something that I find to be offensive

you guys got it

okay hold on one second I'm getting

alerts from

what's her name Alexa is all in my thing

dinging and dinging and dinging one

second you guys

he'd advised me yeah I know it's hot

all right so

as listeners we are selective and we

have to make a conscious choice to

listen to the speaker that's in front of

us

you guys have to make a conscious Choice

even to listen to me

um to pay attention in these lectures to

even watch the elections right

yeah

all right

you have to also recognize

um that you have other biases not just

about who the person is but you even of

course sometimes can have biases based

on the information that they are sharing

um

a couple of lectures ago I talked about

captive audiences and captivated audits

captives are the kinds that have to be

there because they don't have a choice

captivated are the ones who are really

engaged and interested in what you have

to say and you know if you're being

forced to attend a meeting that you'd

rather not attend if you are talking to

a loved one a spouse or parent a

supervisor and it's a meeting that you

really don't want to have it's content

you really don't want to discuss your

ability to listen to really focus and

listening is probably a little bit

challenged because you don't want to

hear it in the first place right and so

that's something that we have to be

mindful of and we have to again make a

conscious choice to listen sometimes it

may even take depending on the

circumstances sometimes it may even

simply take telling someone very

directly you are not in a position or

not in a mental space or place to really

fully listen to them at this time and

ask them if they could respectfully wait

till another time to have this

conversation

that deals with relationships more than

it deals with the public speaking

scenario but I want you to be able to

take real life tools away with you after

you leave this class not just as a

public speaker sometimes you have to be

responsible enough and own your own

stuff and ask someone to allow you a

space and to pause so that you can

listen at another time when you are more

open to listening to what they have to

say

responsible speakers know that

responsible listeners responsible

communicators know that and you have to

learn how to develop that muscle

sometimes you're going to have to ask

people to give you some time so that you

can fully listen and be present when

they want to have this discussion

I remember some years ago my last

relationship this is about maybe

12 years ago or so and my partner he

just refused to give me the space that I

needed he insisted that we talk right

now we hadn't spoken in two weeks we

were in the house together not speaking

to each other for two weeks if he

finally decided he was ready to talk but

I wasn't I was just trying to sleep

and so he insisted that I get up and

speak to him we were broken up by the

next morning officially and that he was

he had he moved out within the next two

weeks

so

he said you have to be happy all right

listening distraction one of the ways

that you can be a better listener like I

said at the start of the lecture is to

eliminate your distractions if you know

that now is not a good time simply ask

someone just to wait a minute and give

you a moment to finish what you're

working on and finish what you're doing

so that you can focus

sometimes it's not about that sometimes

it's just you know

especially now in this social media

World we're constantly with the tick

tock constantly with the Instagram

constantly with the reels constantly

with the Facebook constantly with um the

YouTube or whatever it is we are doing

it I don't think we're even thinking

about it I think we're just doing it

we're just doing it without even

thinking right and so again

we have to be mindful and to eliminate

our distractions

if we want to be good listeners really

and truly we have to know how and learn

how to eliminate our distractions

just really that simple

let's go on

let's see what else I want to talk about

that

um

okay we talked about multitasking not

doing multiple things and giving your

undivided attention to the speaker at

that moment

defensive listening

that's another one we have to discuss

it's in your chapter and really it deals

with like feeling like you already know

what they're going to say

have you ever even been in a

conversation and again this may not

happen as much in public speaking but

but it could actually it does

um

usually in a one-way Direction but it

does happen but let's take a

conversation for a moment in a

conversation have you ever been in

conversation with someone and somebody

it could be you or the other person

before that person can even get it get

going someone says oh I know exactly

what you're about to say

you're scripting how do you know what

they're about to say they didn't even

say it yeah maybe you do know maybe you

are in tune to that person and maybe you

do know what they're going to say but

don't they still have the right to say

it without interruption

don't they still have the right to

actually say it without being

interrupted to say it in their own

special and unique way yeah

defensive listening you already know

what they're going to say and you've

already determined this is where you are

in fact that happens frequently people

are instead of listening they are

listening not to hear or rather not to

understand but they are listening solely

to know their own response that is a

form of defensive listening you're not

hearing you're not listening in order to

get an understanding but rather you are

listening simply

to craft your next reply to craft your

response

people deserve your fool and undivided

attention without any barriers and

without any

um second guessing or defensiveness on

your part be open fully for real be open

and listen to what is being said without

thinking you already know what they're

going to say

years ago I had a student when I came

into the room

I saw him and I just knew who he was

I may have even told you guys the story

in a different lecture I can't remember

but I looked at him I sized him up and I

already made my assumptions about what

kind of person he was and what kind of

student he would be I was so wrong let's

you know long story short I was really

wrong

but that first day when he raised his

hand I didn't want to hear from him

because I already knew I knew what he

was going to say and again I was so

wrong so far from the truth

he wasn't anything like I thought

including what he had to offer and say

in the classroom

one it's a good lesson on not judging a

book by its cover and then additionally

it's also a good lesson to remind us be

open-minded that's one of the key

Hallmarks of being a good listener being

open-minded

also

learning to overcome cultural barriers

this could be

um

dealing with people with accents

which I'm going to come to in a moment

this could be dealing with uh people who

have different belief systems than your

own right in those cultural ways you

have to be willing to work through to

overcome those biases and those barriers

now here's a question for you guys I

wish we were together so we could

discuss it but here's a question

do you have an accent

better yet I want everyone who's

watching this video at this moment raise

your hand if you have an accent

if you're watching this video right now

right now at this moment if you have an

accent raise your hand

I hope that your hand is raised because

you indeed in fact do have an accent yes

you you you have an accident

now how do I know that's true

because we all have an accent

if you are amongst your family your

peers

your language sayings

of course you may not sound like someone

who has an accent

but if you any of you all of you move

outside of that community of speakers

you will now possess an accent to the

next community in which you find

yourself we all have an accent

everyone who's watching this video

should have their hand raised

remember that when you're talking about

those people with accents we all have

one

we all have an accident

and sometimes we need to learn how to

show Grace to others because to someone

else you sound funny

believe it or not to someone else you

sound fun

keep that in mind

and

active listening

so in order to once you have decided to

listen you have now moved into what we

call active listening and there are a

few ways that you can engage active

listening the book identifies a few okay

identify your listening needs identify

why listening will help you make an

action statement a goal a listening goal

and

assess your goal achievement have you

met that goal

how can you also develop active

listening sit on the edge of your seat

give eye contact Direct to the speaker

take notes

listen

remove distractions create a goal if

they don't tell you what you're going to

know by the end of that discussion or

what you should be able to do set that

goal for yourself

I want to leave out of here knowing

what bank I can go to for a loan I want

to leave out of here knowing what agency

to call to get my

business license

I want to leave out of here knowing more

about the culture of the new immigrants

who are who recently arrived in my area

I want to know that is your goal

and so the whole time that you're

listening you're listening with

intention so that you can gain the

information and the knowledge you need

to meet that particular goal that you

set for yourself in this listening

opportunity

yes all right I think that covers

everything that we need to cover for

listening

um that's it this has been lecture 11 on

listening and stay tuned because again

another lecture is coming I'll see you

soon