Lecture 10 Building Your Confidence

Summary

In Lecture 10, the speaker delves into the importance of building confidence, a crucial aspect of success in public speaking and life. With a background in life coaching, the lecturer shares practical tips, such as thorough preparation, consistent practice, and positive self-talk, to foster self-assurance. The talk emphasizes the power of mindset, visualization, and affirmations in overcoming nervousness and achieving success, illustrated with anecdotes and personal experiences that resonate with the audience.

Takeaways

• 📚 Confidence is essential for success in all areas of life, not just public speaking.
• 🧘‍♂️ Building confidence involves both external actions like preparation and internal work on mindset and self-belief.
• 🎓 The lecturer is a certified life coach with a specialization in confidence and mindset coaching, in addition to being a college professor.
• 🔍 Preparation is key to building confidence; it involves thorough research and understanding of the topic to be presented.
• 🎯 Practice is crucial for feeling prepared and boosting confidence, even though 'practice makes perfect' is not a universally accepted concept.
• 🤔 The importance of positive self-talk and the impact of internal narratives on one's confidence and performance.
• 🚫 Negative self-talk can hinder success, and it's vital to replace it with positive affirmations and mental images of success.
• 🧘‍♀️ Visualization and quiet reflection, such as meditation or prayer, can help reinforce positive beliefs and build confidence.
• 🎵 Using music or rituals to psych oneself up before a speech can be an effective confidence-building tool.
• 🗣️ Viewing a speaking opportunity as a conversation rather than a formal speech can alleviate pressure and enhance confidence.
• 🔄 The need to reprogram negative beliefs into positive scripts that support success and focus on the possibility of achieving goals.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Lecture 10?

The main topic of Lecture 10 is building confidence, focusing on how to strengthen and fortify one's belief in oneself.

Why did the lecturer decide to become a life coach?

The lecturer decided to become a life coach due to their interest in confidence and mindset coaching, and their realization that as a professor, they had a unique opportunity to build up students' confidence in public speaking.

What is the lecturer's stance on the concept of 'practice makes perfect'?

The lecturer does not believe in the concept of 'practice makes perfect'. Instead, they believe that practice makes one feel prepared, which in turn boosts confidence.

What is the importance of minding one's thoughts and beliefs according to the lecturer?

Minding one's thoughts and beliefs is crucial because they greatly affect one's self-perception and performance. Negative self-talk can hinder success, while positive affirmations can boost confidence and performance.

What is the role of visualization in building confidence as discussed in the lecture?

Visualization plays a significant role in building confidence as it allows individuals to mentally rehearse success, which can help in overcoming fear, negativity, and self-doubt.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Building Confidence Through Preparation and Coaching

The speaker introduces Lecture 10, focusing on building confidence. They reflect on their journey as a life coach, specializing in confidence and mindset coaching, inspired by their experiences as a professor helping students with public speaking. The importance of being confident in various life aspects is emphasized, and the speaker shares personal anecdotes to engage the audience. The first step to building confidence is highlighted as proper preparation, which includes thorough research and practice to ensure a strong foundation of knowledge on the topic being discussed.

05:00

🎯 The Power of Positive Practice and Thought

Keywords

💡Confidence

Confidence refers to a belief in one's own abilities, qualities, and judgment. In the context of the video, it is central to the theme as the lecturer discusses various strategies to build and strengthen personal confidence, particularly in relation to public speaking and life coaching. The script emphasizes the importance of confidence for success in all areas of life, providing examples such as preparing and practicing speeches to feel more assured and capable.

💡Nervousness

Nervousness is a feeling of anxiety or apprehension, often in response to a stressful situation. The video script mentions the previous lecture's focus on nervousness, indicating that understanding and managing this emotion is a precursor to building confidence. The lecturer suggests that while dealing with nervousness is important, it is equally vital to cultivate confidence to overcome it.

💡Mindset Coaching

Mindset coaching involves guiding individuals to adopt positive mental attitudes and beliefs that support their goals. The lecturer identifies as a certified life coach with a specialization in mindset coaching, indicating that this concept is integral to the video's message. The script discusses how mindset coaching can help individuals, especially students and public speakers, to fortify their self-belief and enhance their confidence.

💡Preparation

Preparation is the act of making ready or setting things in order for use. The video script highlights the importance of proper preparation in building confidence, suggesting that knowing one's material thoroughly and being well-organized can significantly boost a person's self-assurance. The lecturer uses the metaphor 'dotting your i's and crossing your t's' to illustrate the thoroughness required in preparation.

💡Practice

Practice is the action of performing an activity or set of activities repeatedly to improve or maintain one's skill. The script emphasizes the value of practice in achieving a state of readiness and confidence. The lecturer refutes the notion that 'practice makes perfect,' but asserts that it makes one feel prepared, which in turn fosters confidence.

💡Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk is the habit of speaking to oneself in an encouraging and affirming manner. The video script discusses the impact of internal dialogue on one's confidence levels. It suggests that focusing on positive affirmations and avoiding negative self-criticism can help individuals to build a stronger belief in their capabilities, as illustrated by the story of the 'little engine who could.'

💡Visualization

Visualization is the process of creating mental images or scenarios to achieve a desired outcome. The lecturer in the script recommends visualization as a technique to build confidence, advising the audience to close their eyes and imagine themselves being successful. This concept is used to illustrate how mental rehearsal can reinforce confidence and positive expectations.

💡Affirmations

Affirmations are positive statements that individuals repeat to themselves to overcome self-doubt and cultivate a positive mindset. The video script mentions the use of affirmations as a tool for boosting confidence, suggesting that simple phrases like 'I can do all things' can help individuals to reprogram their thoughts and enhance their belief in their abilities.

💡The Biggest Loser

The Biggest Loser is a reality TV show mentioned in the script as an example to illustrate the consequences of negative self-belief. The lecturer recounts a story from the show where a contestant's focus on her perceived inability to succeed led to her failure and injury. This example underscores the video's theme that focusing on the possibility of success is crucial for building confidence.

💡Note Cards

Note cards are small pieces of paper used to record key points or prompts for reference during a speech or presentation. The script suggests that the use of note cards can alleviate the fear associated with memorization, allowing the speaker to focus on delivering the content confidently. This concept is tied to the video's theme of building confidence by reducing reliance on memory and increasing preparedness.

💡Conversation

In the context of the video, a conversation is presented as a less intimidating alternative to public speaking. The script advises envisioning a speaking opportunity as a conversation to reduce anxiety and build confidence. This approach is suggested as a way to make the speaking experience feel more natural and less like a formal presentation, thereby helping to normalize the interaction and ease nerves.

Highlights

Introduction to Lecture 10 focusing on building confidence, following the discussion on nervousness from Lecture 9.

The speaker's dual role as a college professor and a certified life coach, specializing in confidence and mindset coaching.

The importance of confidence in success across various life areas, not just public speaking.

The speaker's personal journey and motivation to become a life coach, inspired by their experience in San Diego.

Transcripts

hello everyone this is lecture 10.

welcome to lecture 10. and this lecture

we're going to be talking about how to

build your confidence now in our last

lecture lecture nine we talked about

nervousness and

why nervousness is and some of the ways

that you can deal with it but it's not

enough just to know how to deal with

nervousness you also know how to have

how to build your confidence how to

strengthen and fortify your belief in

yourself now some of this may sound a

little bit woo-woo and that's okay I'm

into woo-woo and maybe some of you are

also but let me just tell you this in

addition to

being a college professor and having my

my you know communication degrees I also

am a certified life coach and in that

confidence coaching and mindset coaching

is part of the thing that I also do in

that Realm

and I'll tell you the reason why

I even thought about it I mean I've been

thinking about it for years before was

even such a big bad or I don't want to

call it that before it was a trend okay

we'll say Trend because that's a little

bit more respectful before it was a

trend to go into life coaching I've been

coaching for decades in fact it was when

I lived in San Diego in my 20s that I

knew I wanted to be a life coach I don't

even think that was the term

for it then but that's something that I

wanted to do and so during or right

before the pandemic I started my

training to become a life coach and I I

was able to kind of focus or specialize

in some areas so I chose confidence and

mindset coaching and mindfulness the

reason why

is because I realized that in my role as

a professor I was constantly in the

position to encourage people and help

build up their confidence in fact I

think probably even more so than many

other professors we all do I think but

because it's speech and public speaking

I had a very unique opportunity to build

up confidence

uh

in a different kind of way than maybe

the math professor or the science

professor

and so I think it was just a natural fit

when I decided to become life coach

certified that I also focused on

confidence coaching as well so

again some of this may sound a little

bit woo-woo for some of you but just

indulge me a little bit okay because the

truth is is that being confident is so

important to your success not just as a

public speaker but in all areas of your

life you have to be confident

you guys are going to also just have to

forgive me all these yawnings I have no

idea

I know that I'm not boring I know that

I'm engaging and exciting and I know I

have a great personality I know that I

keep people's attention so I don't know

why I always start this journey when

it's time to do recording I don't yawn

as much in real class so again I I don't

know you guys

so we're going to talk about building up

our confidence

and there are a few things that we can

do in order to build confidence okay

now

as I mentioned previously preparing and

practicing is at the top of the list

you have to prepare properly

excuse me that means that you have to

have your stuff together

okay and you guys know if we were

friends you know I'd say that a

different way right we have to have our

stuff together that simply means that

you have to do your due diligence as the

speaker as the student preparing the

speeches in this class but also Beyond

class all this lateman and stuff 11th

Hour stuff that does not align well with

being prepared so you have to prepare

that means you have to dodge your eyes

cross your t's you have to know the

information you have to feel confident

in the information that you're providing

confident in your knowledge now don't

get me wrong you're not going to be a

subject matter expert

um over a topic after three days of

research

excuse me

however after three days of research and

three days of preparation and preparing

and practicing you should be able to

deliver the information that you found

the information that you have

brought together you should be able to

deliver that confidence right as an

expert if you will okay and so

practicing after we've prepared we

practice practice practice practice they

say practice makes perfect

I don't believe in that concept I don't

believe in the practice makes perfect

concept

but I do believe that practice makes you

feel prepared and the more practice you

do the more prepared you feel and the

more prepared you feel the better you

feel and the more confident you are see

it's a natural confidence booster so

prepare and practice

okay in addition to that and this is

where the rule is going to come in you

have to mind your thoughts and your

beliefs

mind your thoughts and your beliefs

what you think about yourself

what you think about your capabilities

what you think about your strengths your

weaknesses how you think about them and

then in turn how you speak about them

matter greatly

they make a difference

okay

you cannot speak negatively about

yourself and then somehow expect to do

well it just doesn't work like that

it just doesn't work like that so

what are the internal thoughts that

you're having what are the stories that

you're telling yourself remember that I

said a few lectures ago you never let

them see what I think it's a nervous and

selection never let them see you sweat

you never admit to being nervous you

don't stand there until your audience

I'm nervous I'm nervous you never do

that right that's not your job your job

is to speak up

positively for yourself about yourself I

can do this

remember that story of the little engine

who could

I may be dating myself and some of you

may be too young to have heard that but

I promise if you just Google it the

little engine who could and his his

famous line was I think I can I think I

can I think I can I think I can well

listen as cliche as it may sound and as

wool as you may think it to be that

works

the more you tell yourself you can do it

the more you begin to believe it and it

takes hold in the inside of you

conversely the more that you tell

yourself I can't do it I never could do

this I can't do it I'll never do good

I'm gonna fail I'm gonna mess up

you're going to do that as well

we get what we think about

what we focus on expand yeah there's

somewhere we will but it's true you guys

what we focus on expands the more that

you think about how angry you are the

more angrier you get

the more you think about them but just

let it go but just let that go and the

more you realize that you begin to do

what begin to Let It Go

and so it is not it cannot be said

enough that you have to mind your

thoughts so some things that you can do

of course you want to have

quiet time whatever that means to you

for some people that may be meditation

it might be chanting or prayer or what

have you but you want to have that quiet

time where you can reflect and you can

visualize in your mind's eye

yes close your eyes

and visualize yourself being successful

see yourself being successful

uh recently I was watching I started

watching Ugly Betty again I love that

series when it was out years ago and

some of you maybe before your time just

Google it go Ugly Betty and

when Betty gets to the office

or I think it's to do the interview or

maybe it's the first day of work she

says something like you're a beautiful

confident businesswoman

sometimes we have to tell ourselves

those things you're a beautiful

confident businesswoman you're a

handsome confident businessman you're an

excellent speaker you've got this you're

a well-prepared speaker I've got this

you sometimes have to literally talk

yourself into it and I bet some of you

who are athletes you know this and

you've done this before you hype

yourself up you give yourself a pep talk

a pep speech yes this is important even

when it comes to speech making you have

to do it if you don't already have it

you have to do this for yourself

so you want to visualize yourself being

successful you want to give yourself

positive messages you may even have to

say affirmations and um

and that could be as simple as I can do

all things I can do this I was made for

this

your affirmation you create it but again

you have to do what helps you to get

over the hump of fear the hump of

negativity the hump of self-doubt I want

to tell you a story again maybe before

some of your times but you're gonna

google it of course years ago there was

a TV show called The Biggest Loser some

of you may be familiar

and I love watching The Biggest Loser I

love competition well I shouldn't say

that I don't like all competition shows

I've never watched one episode of uh

Survivor or big brother because I saw

the previews and I didn't think it was

for me but but the biggest loser I like

that one and so I would watch it

frequently and there was this one season

where they were doing Pairs and all of

the contestants were there paired up

with a friend or family member spouse

parents sibling you know whoever and

they were there together to lose weight

to support each other on this journey of

losing weight and so this particular

season

there was uh this one team Maria and her

son now I don't recall her son's name

but I do recall the mom her name was

Maria and they were originally from

Chicago so of course you guys know I'm

from Chicago so you know I honed in on

that really quickly I was living in

Houston at the time when this particular

season was on so anyway Maria and her

son they're they're doing this one

challenge this one particular night okay

and it involved

them walking over

um

a pool

on a plank if I recall

but Maria was terrified and she was

saying I'll never do this I'm not gonna

make it I'm not gonna do this I'm not

gonna make it she was so focused on her

inability to get across that pool

she was not focused on getting across

the pool

she was not focused on winning the

challenge

she was not focused on the strength that

her body was gaining

um through the weight that she was

already losing she was not focused on

how this would benefit her son she was

not focused on how this would save them

from elimination later on or what have

you the only thing she could focus on is

her belief that she could not get across

that point

it does not take a rocket scientist to

know where I'm headed with this story

Maria took a few steps out onto the

plane

and she was still chanting like I can't

do it I can't do it I can't do it and

then eventually

you guessed it

Maria fell right into that water

and she actually hit her face her nose

as she fell and then she I don't know

remember she broke her nose I think she

broke her nose but there was blood

okay

and this derailed their progress for the

evening just set them back

and it wasn't just her setting herself

back because she did this it was the

hope it was the team she and her son

together as a team were Now set back

because she chose to focus on her fear

of being successful feared that she

would not be successful than focusing on

the possibility that she could be

successful and then she could make it

across the plank to the other side of

the pool

you guys

you have to focus on the possibility of

your success in order to be successful

let me say that again because that is

Google when it's good

you have to focus on the possibility of

your success in order to be successful

actually I'm going to put that on a

infographic and I'm gonna put that out

on Facebook and Instagram today you have

to focus on the possibility of your

success

in order to be successful

okay

all right so that's another way that you

can build confidence okay

and so then of course

the book tells us to identify your

negative self-talk right identify the

negative things that you're saying and

then you have to reprogram them into new

scripts that are positive and that uh

speak to your ability the possibility of

your success

okay also examine the beliefs that are

underlying the negative thoughts have

you already had a bad speech experience

is that why you're feeling this way you

already had a bad experience trying to

give a speech and you forgot your lines

you forgot what to say remember in this

class you're going to be using note

cards and I would suggest to you that

almost every circumstance that you find

yourself in you'll be able to use some

kind of note cards or manuscripts it's

very few things I think someone's going

to call on you to memorize

right world leaders use teleprompters

talk show hosts they use teleprompters

and cue cards you guys so I don't think

they're going to be very many instances

where you're going to need to speak from

memory so if you are scared and you

doubt yourself because of a previous

example a previous opportunity or

previous experience where you had to

memorize at least for the purpose of

this class put that out of your head

because you won't be doing that number

three replace negative self-talking

beliefs with positive statements and

mental images I've already told you

visualize yourself being successful give

yourself positive affirmations give

yourself a new script hype yourself up

one of the things that I do on the first

day of class every semester is that I

still have nerves in my in my stomach

right butterflies on the first day of

class

and

one of the things I do is that I listen

to music to get myself together there

are two songs I listen to and I've done

this for almost 20 years

almost 20 years I've done this one I

either listen to one or both it's

optimistic by Sounds of Blackness

or and or it is The Good Life by Kanye

West

yes yes yes

the lead singer of Sounds of Blackness

is born and raised in Chicago before she

went to Minneapolis and Kanye also is

from Chicago yes you guys I work hard

for my city

but the truth is is that what I play the

good life it reminds me that when I'm a

professor I get up I get a chance to get

up and do the work that I enjoy doing

all the time everyone doesn't get a

chance to get up and go to work that

they love some people have the jobs that

they have just so that they can take

care of themselves and their families

some of us like me get up and get to do

the job that they really desire to do

the good life

and optimistic just simply I pray that

play that so that I can remind myself to

always have optimism always think about

the positive even when things look like

they are

um

here to destroy you just know and even

the BS comes to serve you well it always

does and so if that's if you see it like

that then it's easier to always create a

positive script that you're writing for

and telling yourself

right and of course continue practicing

these steps until you feel confident

about your speech so you're going to

prepare properly you're going to

practice practice practice and then

you're going to write yourself a script

that you're going to say you're going to

do some kind of ritual some kind of

music prayer

um your favorite beverage or whatever

you're going to do those things to help

psych yourself up so that you can

develop a level of confidence that will

precede your success as a speech maker

that is how you develop confidence and

also

something that your book also mentions I

want to make sure I point out envision

your speaking opportunity as a

conversation if you think of it more as

a conversation where you're speaking to

others about this particular topic it

tends to take some of the weight off and

that in itself can help you to build

your confidence most people are not

scared to have conversation but many

people are scared to give speech

you see there many people are not scared

to give to have conversation

but many many many people are scared to

give public speeches yes all right so

these are the tips that I want to give

you in order for you to build your

confidence and I think that I'm going to

be able to show you that video of Maria

hold tight let's see if I can find it

so I hope that you could hear all of

that sometimes the audio messes up and

I'm not sure so I am going to include

the link in case anyone wanted to watch

that episode or to re-watch that portion

and I got it wrong I thought she

actually fell into the water that's what

I that's the way I remembered it but I

guess that that isn't quite how it

happened before she took that last step

she actually fell on the deck but as you

can see

she had real concerns don't get me wrong

she had real fears real concerns that

were present with her long before she

ever got into that competition right but

so much of our success you guys hand is

on what are we going to focus our

Attention our energy or our attention on

when we are faced with the challenge are

we focusing that attention on the

insurmountable impossible or are we

focusing that attention on the possible

that is not to make light of Maria's

case or her situation but it is to say

that we have to choose which part we're

going to focus on because if we focus on

the fear and if we focus on

um what we believe is our inability to

do the thing that thing gets greater and

greater and that is what we have happen

so I hope this has been a good lesson

for you to remember that you are

responsible for building your confidence

and that you have steps you have tools

at your disposal that you can use to

build that confidence all right you guys

this has been lecture 10. I'll see you

again soon for lecture 11. bye