How to deal with my abusive father Sheikh Assim Al Hakeem #fatwa #islamqa #HUDATV

Summary

In this video, the speaker offers advice to someone dealing with an abusive father and family conflicts. The key points include refraining from interfering in parental arguments, as it may escalate tensions, and acknowledging the mother's role in the situation. The speaker encourages emotional restraint by suggesting silence in the face of abuse, explaining that reacting only fuels the problem. The situation is framed as a test from Allah, urging the individual to be patient and diplomatic. The video highlights the importance of patience and perspective in overcoming familial difficulties.

Takeaways

• 😀 Interfering in arguments between parents is a delicate situation, as it may lead to resentment from one parent depending on which side is taken.
• 😀 When faced with abuse, especially verbal, it’s essential to avoid responding to insults or arguments to prevent further provocation.
• 😀 Silence in the face of abuse can make the abuser feel foolish, potentially reducing or stopping the abusive behavior over time.
• 😀 As a child, it's crucial to support the mother by advising her privately, not in front of the father, and to choose moments when the father is calm.
• 😀 It's important to recognize that parental conflict often involves both parties, and both the abuser's behavior and the conditions set by the other parent contribute to the situation.
• 😀 If the mother is in an abusive situation, she can seek help from her family, file for divorce, or take action to address the issue, but she must recognize and act upon the opportunity.
• 😀 Respect between spouses is fundamental to preventing ongoing conflict and abuse; the lack of mutual respect exacerbates the situation.
• 😀 This situation can be viewed as a test from Allah, and responding with patience and diplomacy is a righteous way to approach the challenge.
• 😀 The advice encourages considering alternative, more severe forms of suffering in the world, to gain perspective on one’s own situation and the value of patience.
• 😀 The speaker suggests that enduring this test with patience and finding ways to be diplomatic will lead to relief from the situation in due time, with Allah’s help.

Q & A

What is the main issue that Osama is dealing with in the script?

Osama is dealing with the abusive behavior of his father, who fights with his mother and curses the family. He feels conflicted about how to handle the situation, especially since he is advised not to interfere.

Why is it difficult for Osama to intervene in his parents' conflicts?

It is difficult for Osama to intervene because, if he takes sides, it may cause his parents to resent him. There is also the issue of interference being problematic, as people might tell him not to get involved.

What advice is given to Osama regarding his role in his parents' conflict?

The advice suggests that Osama should avoid interfering during arguments. Instead, he should choose a time when his parents are in a good mood to offer advice in a non-confrontational way.

What role does Osama’s mother play in the abusive situation?

Osama’s mother is seen as partially responsible for the abuse because, according to the script, she may know how to avoid the conflict but does not take action. Her lack of communication and respect towards her husband is also a contributing factor.

How should Osama respond to his father's abuse?

Osama should not respond to the abuse. By staying silent and not defending himself or arguing, he denies his father the negative reaction he seeks. This approach will likely cause the abuse to reduce over time.

What is suggested as the best course of action for Osama in dealing with his father?

The best course of action for Osama is to remain patient, stay away from direct involvement, and offer advice when his father is in a good mood. He is also advised to avoid arguing or defending himself against the abuse.

How is the concept of ‘test from Allah’ presented in the script?

The script explains that Osama's situation is a test from Allah. It encourages him to be patient and diplomatic, suggesting that his test is relatively minor compared to more severe trials others face, like those in war-torn areas or under extreme oppression.

What examples are given in the script to illustrate the severity of tests from Allah?

The script mentions the suffering of people in the Rohingya crisis, the violence in India, and the destruction in Syria as examples of extreme tests that others face. This comparison is used to help Osama put his own situation into perspective.

Why is it emphasized that Osama should choose the right time and place to give advice?

It is emphasized that Osama should wait for the right moment to offer advice because giving advice during a heated moment can make the situation worse. Choosing a calm time helps ensure that the advice is heard and accepted more effectively.

What is the underlying message about respect in the relationship between Osama’s parents?

The script points out a lack of respect between Osama's parents, which is a central issue contributing to the conflict. Both parents are said to lack respect for each other, which escalates the tension and makes the situation difficult to resolve.