The Secret to Being Happy | Jaya Row | TEDxGatewaySalon

Summary

The video script explores the nature of happiness, challenging the notion that it comes from external objects. It suggests happiness is internal, linked to the fulfillment of desires versus the number of desires held. The speaker proposes a formula for happiness and emphasizes reducing desires to increase happiness, ultimately aiming for 'infinite happiness' by recognizing our inherent fullness. The script encourages viewers to upgrade their desires, find joy in the achievements of others, and contribute positively to society for true happiness.

Takeaways

• 😀 Happiness is not found in external objects but within the mind, as the same object can bring pleasure to one person and displeasure to another.
• 🌟 Our pursuit of happiness is often misguided, as we may be chasing after a mirage while the true source of happiness lies elsewhere within ourselves.
• 🍃 Happiness can be mathematically represented as the ratio of fulfilled desires to harbored desires, suggesting that we can increase happiness by either fulfilling more desires or reducing the number of desires we hold.
• 🔄 The paradox of indulgence is that the more we indulge in sense enjoyments, like eating mangoes, the less enjoyment we derive from them, indicating a diminishing return on pleasure.
• 💼 The purpose of work extends beyond profit or paycheck; true fulfillment in work comes from the joy found in the activity itself, as seen in the enthusiasm of athletes like Nadal.
• 👫 Relationships can provide intense happiness, as couples in love may not feel physical discomfort due to the emotional fulfillment they experience, but this too can shift to neurosis over time.
• 🎓 Intellectual pursuits, such as the desire for a PhD, can bring significant joy, but this happiness is not absolute and can be overshadowed by the desire for more.
• 💡 The key to happiness is to focus on reducing desires (the denominator in the happiness formula) rather than just fulfilling more desires (the numerator).
• 🧘‍♂️ True happiness is achieved when desires are reduced to zero, leading to a state of infinite happiness where external additions or subtractions have no impact.
• 🌱 Desires arise from a perceived emptiness in our lives, but this emptiness is not real; we are already 'full' and only need the knowledge of our inherent fullness to be content.
• 🌟 Our true nature is that of 'infinite-aires,' and by recognizing this, we can shift from seeking happiness externally to finding it within ourselves.
• 🤝 The ultimate path to happiness is through adding value to others and working to make others happy, which in turn brings us true fulfillment and joy.

Q & A

What is the central theme of the speech?

The central theme of the speech is the exploration of happiness and how it is not found in external objects but within the mind, and the concept that reducing desires can lead to increased happiness.

What is the analogy used to explain the intermittent nature of happiness?

The analogy of eating chocolate with foil is used to explain that happiness can be enjoyed but is periodically interrupted by bouts of sorrow, similar to the foil in the chocolate.

What is the main formula presented for achieving happiness?

The main formula presented for achieving happiness is Happiness = Number of desires fulfilled / Number of desires harbored.

How does the speaker suggest we can increase our happiness?

The speaker suggests that we can increase our happiness by either increasing the number of desires fulfilled or, more effectively, by decreasing the number of desires we harbor.

What are the four avenues through which people typically seek happiness according to the script?

The four avenues through which people typically seek happiness are sense enjoyment, action, relationships, and intellectual pursuits.

Why does the enjoyment from eating mangoes diminish over time?

The enjoyment from eating mangoes diminishes over time due to the law of diminishing returns, where the more you indulge, the less you enjoy.

What is the difference between the way people go to work on a Monday morning and how Nadal feels when he goes out to play?

The difference lies in the motivation and fulfillment behind their actions. People going to work may not look excited as they might be driven by profit or paycheck, while Nadal is ecstatic because he is doing what he loves and enjoys.

How do relationships contribute to the feeling of happiness as per the script?

Relationships contribute to happiness by providing emotional thrills that can make physical inconveniences seem insignificant, as illustrated by couples not feeling the heat or discomfort on Marine Drive because they are in love.

What is the concept of 'infinite-aires' mentioned in the script?

The concept of 'infinite-aires' refers to the idea that we are all inherently complete and full, but we are ignorant of this reality and instead go out seeking fulfillment from external objects.

How does the speaker suggest we reduce our desires?

The speaker suggests that we reduce our desires by picking a higher desire, as our desires naturally evolve and grow as we mature, leading to the abandonment of lesser desires.

What is the final piece of advice given by the speaker for achieving true happiness?

The final piece of advice given by the speaker is to upgrade our desires, identify with larger entities such as family or nation, and work to make others happy, as this is when we will truly be happy.

Outlines

00:00

😀 The Pursuit of Happiness and Its True Source

The first paragraph introduces the concept of happiness as a state of mind that is often interrupted by sorrow. It challenges the notion that happiness is found in external objects by illustrating the varying reactions to the same object, such as a cigarette. The speaker suggests that happiness lies within the mind and is linked to the fulfillment of desires. The audience is encouraged to reflect on whether they are chasing an illusion, with the promise of a method to achieve happiness by the end of the session. Four avenues for seeking happiness are introduced: sense enjoyment, action, relationships, and intellectual pursuits, with examples provided to illustrate how these avenues can lead to diminishing returns or dissatisfaction.

05:04

📊 The Formula for Enhancing Happiness

The second paragraph presents a formula for happiness, which is the ratio of desires fulfilled to desires harbored. It discusses the ineffectiveness of merely fulfilling desires in increasing happiness, as new desires are often created in the process. The speaker uses the analogy of shopping to explain how desires can multiply, leading to a net decrease in happiness. The solution proposed is to focus on reducing desires, which can exponentially increase happiness. The concept of 'infinite happiness' is introduced, where having no desires results in a state of constant happiness, unaffected by external circumstances. The speaker also touches on the idea that desires arise from a perceived emptiness in the mind, which is actually non-existent, and the importance of recognizing one's inherent fullness.

10:09

🌟 Upgrading Desires for Ultimate Happiness

The final paragraph emphasizes the importance of upgrading one's desires to achieve true happiness. It suggests moving beyond material and superficial desires to more profound and emotional ones, such as feeling a sense of unity with family or identifying with the nation's achievements. The speaker illustrates how this can amplify happiness significantly. The conclusion encourages the audience to add value to others and work towards making others happy, as this is the path to true personal happiness. The session ends with a call to action for the audience to reflect on their desires and to strive for a life of service and fulfillment for others.

Keywords

💡Happiness

Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment. In the video, happiness is portrayed as a subjective experience that is not inherently tied to external objects or events. It is discussed as something that can be intercepted by sorrow and is not always constant. The script uses the metaphor of eating chocolate with foil to illustrate how happiness can be interrupted, and later explains that happiness is in the mind, not in the object of desire.

💡Desire

Desire refers to a strong feeling of wanting something. The video script suggests that desires are the root of both unhappiness and happiness, depending on whether they are fulfilled or not. It is used to illustrate the concept that unfulfilled desires lead to agitation and unhappiness, while fulfilled desires bring temporary happiness. The script also discusses how desires can be a mirage, misleading us from true happiness.

💡Fulfillment

Fulfillment is the act of satisfying one's desires or expectations. The video emphasizes that the state of fulfillment is fleeting and often leads to a cessation of agitation in the mind, which is mistaken for happiness. It is contrasted with the continuous cycle of desire and dissatisfaction, suggesting that true happiness may lie beyond the fulfillment of desires.

💡Sense Enjoyment

Sense enjoyment pertains to the pleasure derived from the senses, such as taste, sight, or touch. The script uses the example of eating mangoes to illustrate how initial enjoyment can diminish over time with continued indulgence, leading to a decrease in happiness. This concept is part of the broader discussion on how happiness is sought and experienced.

💡Action

Action in this context refers to the act of doing or performing tasks, often for a purpose such as profit or paycheck. The video contrasts the common perception of work as a source of unhappiness with the idea that action can also be a source of joy, as seen in the example of Nadal who is ecstatic to play tennis, suggesting that the nature of action and its motivation can affect one's happiness.

💡Relationships

Relationships are the connections between people. The script mentions how being in love can make physical discomforts seem insignificant due to the emotional thrill it provides. However, it also points out the potential for relationships to turn from joy to neurosis, indicating the complexity and the double-edged nature of emotional connections in the pursuit of happiness.

💡Intellectual Pursuits

Intellectual pursuits are the endeavors related to the mind and intellect, such as education or knowledge acquisition. The video uses the example of a young girl pursuing a PhD from Harvard to illustrate how intellectual achievements can bring joy that surpasses physical and emotional pain. It questions, however, whether such achievements are enough to bring lasting happiness.

💡Satisfaction

Satisfaction is the feeling of contentment or the fulfillment of one's expectations. The script explores the elusive nature of satisfaction, suggesting that it is not solely dependent on the fulfillment of desires. It implies that true satisfaction may be found in a state beyond the constant pursuit of more.

💡Formula for Happiness

The script introduces a formula for happiness as the number of desires fulfilled divided by the number of desires harbored. This formula is used to illustrate the mathematical relationship between desires and happiness, suggesting that reducing the number of desires can exponentially increase happiness.

💡Desire Reduction

Desire reduction is the act of diminishing the number of desires one has. The video suggests that focusing on reducing desires, rather than fulfilling them, is a path to increased happiness. It uses the metaphor of growing out of the desire for toys to explain how higher desires can naturally reduce lower ones.

💡Fullness

Fullness in the context of the video refers to a state of completeness or wholeness within oneself, independent of external objects or achievements. The script argues that recognizing one's inherent fullness, rather than seeking to fill an emptiness with desires, is key to achieving true and lasting happiness.

💡Value Addition

Value addition is the concept of contributing positively to others' lives. The video concludes with the idea that finding happiness in making others happy is a powerful way to achieve one's own happiness, suggesting a selfless approach to life that can lead to a more profound sense of fulfillment.

Highlights

Happiness is not consistently present but is intermittently interrupted by sorrow.

The concept that happiness is not found in external objects but within the mind is introduced.

Desire fulfillment brings happiness, suggesting that happiness is linked to the mind's state, not the object itself.

The pursuit of happiness is often misguided, as people seek it outside themselves rather than within.

Happiness is sought through four avenues: sense enjoyment, action, relationships, and intellectual pursuits.

Sense enjoyment diminishes over time, suggesting that continuous indulgence leads to less enjoyment.

The difference between working for profit and working out of passion, as seen in the example of Nadal, is highlighted.

Emotional connections can override physical discomfort, as illustrated by couples on Marine Drive.

The transient nature of romantic bliss turning into neurosis is humorously discussed.

Intellectual pursuits, such as obtaining a PhD, can bring joy that surpasses physical and emotional pain.

The formula for happiness is presented as the number of desires fulfilled divided by the number of desires harbored.

The paradox that fulfilling desires may not necessarily increase happiness due to the rise in new desires is explained.

The strategy to increase happiness by focusing on reducing desires rather than fulfilling more desires is suggested.

Desire reduction leads to exponential happiness increase, culminating in infinite happiness when desires are zero.

The metaphor of being 'infinite-aires' ignorant of our true wealth is used to illustrate our inherent fullness.

The importance of recognizing and understanding our inherent fullness to achieve true happiness is emphasized.

The idea of upgrading desires to more profound and meaningful ones as a means to increase happiness is proposed.

The concept of finding happiness through adding value to others and making them happy is shared as the concluding advice.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Laeticia Halbedel Reviewer: Walaa Mohammed

Are you happy?

Yes, you're all looking happy and we all are happy. Sometimes.

What if you ate chocolate with the foil?

You would enjoy the chocolate but periodically have to spit out

the foil, right? Similarly,

our happiness is unnecessarily intercepted by bouts of sorrow.

Wouldn't it be great if we could just be happy without the intervening pain?

So. Where is happiness?

You believe it's out there in the world, right?

But consider this. You take a non-stop flight Mumbai to New York,

and as you exit the terminal building there,

a fellow passenger lights up a cigarette. He is happy.

But a non-smoker walks away.

The same object gives immense pleasure to one person,

intense displeasure to another. So is happiness in the object.

Then where is it?

Think.

As long as the desire for the cigarette was unfulfilled, the mind was agitated,

unhappy.

The moment the desire got fulfilled, the agitation ceased, you're happy.

So is happiness in the mind, and not in the object.

Are we chasing a mirage all our lives, when the oasis is elsewhere ?

By the end of the session,

you will have the power to be happy with or without objects.

Where do we seek happiness?

We look for happiness through four avenues.

Sense enjoyment.

Action.

Relationships.

and Intellectual pursuits.

Let's begin with sense enjoyment.

You eat the first mango of the season,

It's delicious. Right?

But you keep eating mangoes. The enjoyment diminishes.

The more you indulge, the less you enjoy. What's the way out?

Then, action.

Work. What are you working for? Profit ? Paycheck?

Watch the thousands of people go to work on a Monday morning.

Does anyone look excited?

(Laughter)

They all pull long faces. Nadal also works.

He is ecstatic every time he goes out to play. Haven't you noticed it?

What's the difference?

Next, relationships. Have you seen couples in the hot midday sun on Marine Drive?

They don't feel the heat or discomfort because they are in love.

Emotional thrills are so fulfilling that physical inconveniences don't bother you.

But then, the days of wine and roses

soon become days of wine and neurosis.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

You think the partner is at fault, but is he really to blame?

And now intellectual delights.

A young girl wanting a PhD from Harvard gives up the luxuries of a home

and walks away from her family.

Physical and emotional pain become insignificant

when compared to the joy of a doctorate.

But is that enough? You always want more.

So where does satisfaction lie? Is there a prescription for happiness?

Yes. Take a look.

Happiness equals number of desires fulfilled.

Divided by number of desires harbored.

(applause)

Using this simple formula. How can you enhance your happiness?

Either increase the numerator. Or decrease the denominator.

What are we all doing?

Fulfilling desires. You fulfil many desires. Has your happiness increased?

Not necessarily. Have you wondered why?

Let's say you need a pair of walking shoes.

As you enter the mall, someone offers you a perfume to sample.

A little ahead, you see a beautiful watch. And then the latest smartphone.

Finally, you buy the shoes. What have you done? You fulfilled one desire.

The numerator has gone up by one.

But without you realizing it, the denominator has gone up by three.

Perfume, Watch, Smartphone. This is one experience.

You can imagine what happens in an entire lifetime.

You want happiness, but only succeed in increasing desires.

So what do you do? Focus on the denominator.

As you bring down the desires, your happiness increases exponentially.

And when the desire has come down to zero. You get?

Infinite happiness. Spot on!

Thereafter. Anything added or taken away makes no difference

because you know it.

Infinite plus or minus anything is still infinite.

But the world is agog with objects.

And you are enticed to want more by more.

Do you succumb and sink in the quicksand of desire?

Or do you stand up and opt for happiness?

How do you reduce desires? You can't wish them away.

The only way is to pick a higher desire.

As a child, you were obsessed with toys, right? Do you hanker for them now?

Of course not.

Did you, at any stage, take a decision to give up desires for toys?

No. And how did they go? You just grew to more exciting stuff.

What is the cause of desire? Where does it come from?

When do you feel hungry? When your stomach is empty.

If you've just eaten all the goodies outside. You won't even think of food.

So desire comes from emptiness. Thoughts arise in your mind that go out to want.

Objects to fill that emptiness. You fulfilled many desires.

But that emptiness doesn't go.

Have you wondered why?

Because it's not real.

And this is the most important part which you need to think about.

Even as you feel this knowing sense of void, you are actually full.

Totally full.

You just don't know it.

When you don't know your full, you become a fool.

So. You don't need objects of the world to fill you.

You only need knowledge of your fullness.

A child gets separated from his family and grows up as a beggar in

the same area where his parents live. The father a millionaire.

continuously searches for the son.

And many years later realizes that the beggar is his long lost son.

The son now knows that all the years that he thought he was a beggar, he was,

in fact a millionaire.

We are not just millionaires friends. We are "infinite-aires".

Ignorant of our real world.

We go out as beggars asking for petty, paltry things.

Just wake up to the reality. Gain knowledge of your fullness.

And your life will change.

(Applause)

So where do you begin? Upgrade your desires.

For how long will you remain in the kindergarten of life?

Oblivious to the subtler joys you adhere to.

Pick an emotional desire and your happiness multiplies.

Feel one with the family. And when anyone does well, you rejoice.

Identify with the nation and you celebrate the achievement of all Indians.

Your happiness increases 1.3 billion times.

(Applause)

So as you walk out of here, friends, think of adding value to others.

Work to make others happy.

Only then, will you truly be happy.

Thank you.

(Applause)