Women Want You When You STOP Chasing (Backed By Psychology)

Summary

In this video, Courtney Ryan explores the psychology behind why moving on can be more attractive than chasing someone. She explains how scarcity, uncertainty, confidence, and self-growth can trigger curiosity and respect in others. The key takeaway is that when you focus on your own goals, respect your own value, and stop chasing someone who isn’t reciprocating, you naturally become more attractive. By investing in yourself and your growth, you become the person others want to be with, without needing to chase validation.

Takeaways

• 😀 Scarcity increases value: People find things more desirable when they are less available, and this applies to romantic attention as well.
• 😀 Authenticity is key: Scarcity only works when it's genuine, not forced or manipulative.
• 😀 Focus on self-worth: Redirecting your energy toward your own life, goals, and self-respect makes you more attractive without being needy.
• 😀 Uncertainty creates curiosity: A little emotional space and pacing can spark curiosity, making someone more invested in you.
• 😀 Emotional pacing is important: Give things time to develop naturally and avoid rushing into a relationship to maintain interest and attraction.
• 😀 Confidence is in walking away: Real confidence is about choosing yourself, even when you're not chosen by someone else.
• 😀 Self-respect over desperation: Pursuing someone who isn't interested can come off as insecure, while walking away shows self-respect and healthy boundaries.
• 😀 Chasing shifts the dynamic: Constantly chasing someone can push them away, especially if they have an avoidant attachment style.
• 😀 Healthy relationships require mutual effort: When you stop chasing and let things develop naturally, the other person will meet you halfway if they are truly interested.
• 😀 Growth is magnetic: Focusing on personal growth and self-improvement makes you more attractive, and can lead to others noticing you in a new light.

Q & A

Why does a girl often show interest only after a guy stops chasing her?

The science behind this is related to the scarcity principle. When someone is less available, their attention becomes more desirable. If a guy constantly chases, the attention starts to feel expected, and it can be taken for granted. By stepping back, the guy makes his presence more valuable and intriguing.

What is the scarcity principle, and how does it apply to romantic relationships?

The scarcity principle suggests that when something is less available, people tend to view it as more valuable. In relationships, when you’re always available, your attention is taken for granted. When you redirect your focus on yourself, you create a sense of scarcity, making your attention more meaningful.

How does uncertainty impact attraction?

Uncertainty increases attraction because our brains are wired to focus on things that are unpredictable or uncertain. When a person is unsure of how much you like them, it creates curiosity and emotional investment, which can increase attraction.

What is the role of emotional pacing in relationships?

Emotional pacing, or giving space early in a relationship, allows curiosity to build naturally. Constantly overpursuing or revealing too much too soon can remove emotional momentum and tension, making the relationship feel flat.

What does real confidence look like in relationships?

Real confidence is about knowing your worth and walking away from situations or people who don’t choose you. It shows self-respect and an ability to stand firm without bitterness or drama.

How does chasing impact the dynamic between two people?

Chasing often shifts the dynamic in favor of the person doing all the work while the other person barely tries. In cases where the other person has an avoidant attachment style, chasing can make them feel pressured and lead them to pull away.

What is the difference between healthy self-worth and insecurity in relationships?

Healthy self-worth is reflected in the ability to walk away gracefully from someone who isn’t choosing you. In contrast, insecurity is shown by relentlessly chasing someone who has shown disinterest, which signals that your self-worth depends on their approval.

Why is growth considered magnetic in relationships?

Growth is magnetic because people are naturally drawn to those who are evolving. Being around someone who is focused on personal growth can inspire others to grow as well, creating a deeper connection and attraction.

What is self-expansion theory, and how does it relate to attraction?

Self-expansion theory suggests that people are attracted to others who help expand their sense of possibility. When you focus on your growth, others are more likely to be drawn to you because they feel that being close to you will lead to their own personal development.

What is the main takeaway from the concept of moving on in relationships?

Moving on is not about being cold or manipulative. It's about knowing your worth and protecting your energy. When you stop chasing someone who isn’t choosing you, you focus on your growth, which can make you more attractive and shift the dynamic of the relationship.