Your Conversations Are Boring Because You Keep Doing THIS

Summary

In this video, the speaker shares a personal experience at a gym to illustrate the concept of 'word filtration' in social interactions. He explains how people often filter out the things they want to say due to fear or discomfort, leading to superficial conversations. Using his own encounter with a receptionist as an example, he encourages viewers to overcome this barrier by allowing themselves to express genuine thoughts and ask questions, which can lead to more meaningful connections and help in filtering out those who resonate with their authenticity.

Takeaways

• 😌 Overcoming social anxiety involves pushing oneself to engage in conversations that feel uncomfortable at first.
• 💡 The video shares a personal story of a gym visit where the narrator initially struggles with what to say to the receptionist.
• 👗 The narrator is captivated by the receptionist's appearance and contemplates complimenting her, highlighting the common hesitation in social interactions.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The gym visit serves as a backdrop for discussing social interactions, with the narrator's friend leaving early, prompting a solo exit.
• 🗣️ The narrator decides to compliment the receptionist on her outfit and eyes, illustrating the importance of taking the initiative in social encounters.
• 🤔 The script discusses the concept of 'word filtration', where people filter out much of what they want to say in social situations due to fear or anxiety.
• 🔍 The video suggests that reducing this filtration can lead to more authentic and engaging conversations.
• 💬 The narrator emphasizes the importance of going beyond basic pleasantries and adding personal comments or questions to enrich interactions.
• 🤝 Authenticity in communication can help filter out those who resonate with one's personality and beliefs, fostering meaningful connections.
• 📈 The video encourages viewers to practice this skill by noticing and complimenting qualities in others, and asking follow-up questions to extend the conversation.
• 📚 The narrator ends with a plug for a book and a service to improve charisma, persuasion, and influence, suggesting tools for further personal development.

Q & A

What is the main challenge the video aims to address?

The video aims to address the challenge of overcoming social anxiety and finding the energy to engage in social conversations, particularly for introverts.

What was the setting of the story shared in the video?

The setting of the story was a state-of-the-art gym where the narrator and his friend decided to work out.

Why did the narrator feel compelled to compliment the receptionist at the gym?

The narrator felt compelled to compliment the receptionist because he found her attractive and noticed how her outfit matched her eyes, which stood out to him.

What was the initial interaction like between the narrator and the receptionist?

The initial interaction was quite stale and professional, with the receptionist doing her job and the narrator being a customer.

Why did the narrator struggle to express his thoughts to the receptionist?

The narrator struggled because of an underlying fear or belief that prevented him from speaking his mind, which is a common issue when interacting with strangers.

What did the narrator eventually say to the receptionist as he was leaving the gym?

The narrator eventually told the receptionist that he liked how her outfit matched her eyes.

What realization did the narrator have about social interactions after his experience at the gym?

The narrator realized that the 'word filtration' of our own sentences often prevents us from expressing our true thoughts in social situations.

What is the 'word filtration' the narrator refers to in the script?

The 'word filtration' refers to the internal process where we filter out what we want to say, often due to fear or discomfort, resulting in minimal or no meaningful conversation.

How does the narrator suggest overcoming the 'word filtration' in social interactions?

The narrator suggests allowing oneself to say at least one more sentence than what is considered the bare minimum, to open up the conversation and create a connection.

What personal example does the narrator provide to illustrate overcoming 'word filtration'?

The narrator provides an example from his job as a cashier, where he complimented a customer with blue hair and initiated a full-blown conversation by doing so.

What advice does the narrator give to viewers who struggle with knowing what to say in social situations?

The narrator advises viewers to simply say what comes to their mind and to ask questions based on that thought, as most people seek connection and authenticity.

What is the final call to action the narrator gives to the viewers?

The final call to action is for viewers to go up to someone they admire in public and express their admiration, followed by asking questions related to it, to practice reducing their 'word filtration'.

Outlines

00:00

😅 Overcoming Social Anxiety at the Gym

The narrator shares an experience of visiting a new gym with a friend, highlighting the initial hesitation to compliment the receptionist on her appearance due to social anxiety. Despite the internal struggle, the narrator eventually compliments her on how her outfit matches her eyes, realizing that it was simpler than anticipated. The paragraph emphasizes the common issue of having a lot to say but only managing to utter basic pleasantries due to social constraints and suggests that overcoming this barrier can lead to more meaningful interactions.

05:01

🗣️ The Filter of Conversational Silence

This paragraph delves into the concept of a 'conversational filter' that prevents people from expressing their thoughts freely, especially with strangers. The narrator uses personal examples from working as a cashier to illustrate how most interactions are limited to the bare minimum. However, by allowing oneself to say 'one more thing' beyond the basic requirements, conversations can become more engaging and authentic. The paragraph encourages breaking the filter to foster deeper connections and to polarize and filter people based on shared or differing beliefs.

10:03

🤔 Expanding Conversations with Authenticity

The final paragraph focuses on the importance of authenticity in conversations and provides actionable advice on how to expand interactions beyond the mundane. It suggests that by acknowledging and complimenting something about another person, one can initiate a more meaningful dialogue. The narrator also emphasizes the importance of asking questions to sustain the conversation and suggests that ending the interaction gracefully with a simple farewell or a gesture of goodwill is straightforward. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for viewers to rate a book and offers a link for further personal development.

Keywords

💡Introvert

An introvert is someone who tends to be more focused on their own thoughts and feelings and may find social interactions draining. In the video, the speaker mentions introverts struggling with finding energy for social conversations, highlighting the theme of overcoming social challenges.

💡Social Anxiety

Social anxiety refers to the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. The script discusses how the video can help individuals with social anxiety, indicating that the content is geared towards improving social skills and reducing anxiety in social settings.

💡State-of-the-art

The term 'state-of-the-art' describes something that is at the highest level of development and incorporates the most advanced features. The video script uses this term to describe the gym, setting a scene that is modern and possibly intimidating, which could relate to the social challenges discussed.

💡Receptionist

A receptionist is an individual who works at the front desk of a business or institution, often greeting guests and providing information. In the script, the receptionist plays a central role in the speaker's narrative, serving as a catalyst for the discussion on overcoming social inhibitions.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity in this context refers to the quality of being genuine and not pretending to be anything other than what one truly is. The video emphasizes the importance of being authentic in social interactions, suggesting that it can lead to more meaningful connections.

💡Conversation Filter

The 'conversation filter' is a metaphor used in the script to describe the mental process where individuals prevent themselves from saying what they truly think or feel in social situations. The concept is central to the video's theme of overcoming social anxiety and improving communication skills.

💡Polarize

To polarize in this context means to cause people to have strongly contrasting opinions or feelings. The video suggests that being authentic can polarize people around you, helping to identify those who share similar beliefs and values.

💡Charisma

Charisma is a personal quality that makes someone able to attract and influence others. The speaker mentions improving charisma as a goal, which ties into the overall message of the video about enhancing social skills and personal presence.

💡Influence

Influence refers to the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. The video aims to help viewers increase their social influence by overcoming anxiety and expressing themselves more authentically.

💡Polarize and Filter

This phrase from the script combines the concepts of polarizing and filtering to describe how being authentic can help one to naturally separate and categorize people based on shared or contrasting beliefs, thus simplifying social interactions.

💡Action Step

An action step is a specific, actionable piece of advice or instruction given to encourage viewers to apply the concepts discussed in the video. In this case, the speaker advises viewers to approach people they admire and express their thoughts, as a way to practice reducing their conversation filter.

Highlights

Introverts and people with social anxiety can benefit from the tips in this video.

The narrator shares a personal experience at a gym to illustrate social interaction.

The gym visit involved an interaction with a receptionist that the narrator found attractive.

The narrator struggled with the decision to compliment the receptionist on her appearance.

A lesson on overcoming the fear of expressing genuine thoughts in social situations.

The concept of 'word filtration' in conversations is introduced.

The importance of authenticity in conversations for deeper connections.

The narrator's personal experience as a cashier to demonstrate the impact of adding an extra sentence.

The idea that being authentic can help filter and polarize people around you.

The suggestion to practice complimenting people in public to improve social skills.

Asking questions after making an initial compliment to extend the conversation.

The simplicity of ending a conversation gracefully with a handshake or a simple goodbye.

The narrator's personal rating of a book that influenced his perspective on social interactions.

An invitation for viewers to rate the book and share their thoughts in the comments.

A call to action for those wanting to improve charisma, persuasion, and influence.

The offer of a call with the narrator to discuss personal development strategies.

Transcripts

whether you're an introvert who

struggles finding energy to have social

conversations or you're just a guy or a

person in general that just has social

anxiety anyways this video is going to

help you out so about a few days ago me

and my friend decided to try out this

new gym and he already has a membership

there and the cost is around $120 a

month so this is like state-ofthe-art

right he has a guest p and he gives hens

it off to me and he's like okay AJ let's

go over to this gym and I'm like all

right cool let's do it I get there he

gets there I'm like all right cool we go

inside and the moment we take a step

inside I look at the person that's at

the register or at the receptionist is

that what you call it I look at her and

she's got a really big blue dress on

like that's really that fits her really

well and she's got nice blue eyes and

I'm thinking what the [ __ ] she's fine I

woke up to the reg the receptionist and

she's like hi let me get your pass ready

and I was like oh okay wait hang on and

he's like and every my friend that was

with me he was like oh yeah I already

got you all right cool and she was like

okay just tell me your name and she

looks at me with this like really nice

smile and I just couldn't help but

notice how her blue eyes were literally

just popping from the sunlight coming

behind and hitting her right there and

then I was thinking [ __ ] she does look

pretty good and I like how her outfit

matches her eyes I should say that as I

get that thought to say it though she's

going oh okay okay your name was AJ

right I'm like hey y y y last name I was

like all right got

you sending her my last name and she's

like okay okay let me look through and I

I still have the thought in my mind I

should tell her that she looks or her

outfit matches her eyes and I like that

I should tell her I should tell her I

should tell her uh oh there you go all

right cool you guys are ready to go and

I was

like okay thanks andever it's like yeah

okay let's go and I was thinking [ __ ] I

could have said something

bro but it's whatever right we finally

get to hitting our workout we're going

through the push our push routine and

around the end of it ever's like oh [ __ ]

I got to go to the I got to go to the

airport for something some sort of

flight that's coming within 2 hours and

I was like oh that's some really quick

timing like yep I got to get out of here

see you later agj we dab each other up

and I'm like all right cool I finish up

one last set of bicep curls or something

and I was thinking yeah I may as well

just leave right now as I go back

downstairs I realize oh I'm going to

pass by the receptionist again because

she's on the same way to exit and so I

thought to myself should I actually say

it though because I had all these

goddamn thoughts in my mind that were

telling me Oh might too it might be too

awkward oh what she says it like this or

what what if all these different things

might happen I was thinking shut up shut

up shut up shut up shut up just walk

down the stairs because this gym has

like multiple multiple levels walk down

the stairs as you're walking past her

just look at her and be like I like how

your outfit matches your eyes and then

leave that was my plan that was the

original not the original but the new

plan and so I did it walked down the

stairs walking past all the people that

were all scanning their phone membership

thingies and I finally looked at her as

I was about to open out the door I

looked at her and I said I like how your

outfit matches your eyes and she's like

oh thank you and I go yep see

you I [ __ ] I just open the door I'm

like man that was much easier than I

thought what the [ __ ]

jeez it was that simple huh so here's

something that I learned from that one

moment from that one little event and

it's that throughout the conversation or

throughout the initial conversation that

we did have between me and her like when

we first got into the gym it was pretty

stale pretty just you know the natural

oh yeah I'm doing what I have to do as a

receptionist and you're just chilling

out as a

customer had something in my mind that I

wanted to say but I just couldn't get

myself to actually say it in front of

her or to say it to her because of some

sort of underlying fear or some sort of

underlying belief about the world that

was n obviously true now the reason for

why we act like this for why we have all

these things that we want to say but we

don't actually end up saying them so

think about it like this big ass [ __ ]

I don't know net of words sentences that

you could be saying and then on the

other side it's literally just one

little thing one string that that ends

up coming out which is just hello

goodbye see you later what I like to

call this is the literal word

filtration of our own sentences and I I

drew this thing out here for you just to

understand it

so think about it like this all right

you have something that you want to say

in the conversation you have something

that you want to mention to the other

person but the thing is up here I have

what you want to say all these different

things your eyes are good how long have

you been working out here or where you

from I like how I don't know I like how

your outfit is where how much one your

shoes all these different things that

you want to say

right what actually ends up coming out

is just silence

hello or if you're working at a job and

you're up there at the aier OR at the

[ __ ] the place to pay for something

it's just literally the bare minimum

it's as silent as it can be and it's

only up to the point where the person

that's at the job has to say something

like why I have to mention that I don't

know this offers for this thing oh okay

conversational silence now again the

reason why we have this big ass filter

in the first place is because we're with

people that we're not used to so when

you're with your in friends or when

you're in online communities you don't

give a [ __ ] you'll just say anything

that comes to mind right there's

literally no filter the filter would

literally just be like I don't know

[ __ ] big ass Square here that what

you want to say ends up being almost

close to almost identical to what

actually comes out but that's only when

you're with your friends or that's only

when you're with someone that you're

comfortable with the problem is that

when you need to get uncomfortable when

you need to start talking to new people

that filter comes on and all of a sudden

it's like all these words that are up

here literally nothing coming out down

here that's why these conversations are

getting so boring that's why they don't

feel that opening up they don't feel

that closed so what we need to get this

[ __ ] right here fixed up is the

allowance to have at least one more

sentence come out that you would usually

think of so my own personal example I

work as a cashier at some random gas

station right when I'm up there at the

gas station I'll have some customers

that come up to me and they won't say a

single thing and I'll just scan their

food I'll say the bare minimum like I

have right here the bare minimum I'll

just say hello it'll say hello and then

I'll scan it Bo Bo and then I'll have to

say again bare minimum I'll have to say

thank you see you later that's literally

the bare minimum for my job whereas I'll

have other customers that come up and I

remember this one time specifically this

was like in my last shift about two days

ago this one girl comes up and she has

blue hair I say hello but I get the

thought in my mind I like her blue hair

I kind of like how it goes along with

her design and how it fits the rest of

her clothes so whilst I was scanning her

I looked up at her and I said I like how

your I like how your clothes match your

uh blue hair you going to change it soon

just a random ass question she was like

oh thank you and I'm not really sure

what I change it to maybe I'd go for red

maybe I'd go for purple and I was

thinking and I was like this is a

full-blown conversation now literally

all because I allowed myself to open up

this filter and say just one more thing

the filter went from this to this

that is huge progress so think about it

like this all right if you're someone

who just doesn't know exactly like how

not how to say it but doesn't know what

to say because all the things that come

to mind about what he could ask seem out

of question seem and I'm not really sure

if I should do that I think this is like

a perfect exercise you could be taking

One Singular sentence that you think of

literally just be like I'm going to say

that I'm going to say that I'm going to

ask a question and see how they respond

because more than likely what the other

person

wants it's just connection just

connection just

authenticity right I mean wouldn't you

want that too and besides the best part

about being authentic and be actually

revealing some sort of connection or

some sort of connection that could be

made is that you get to polarize and

filter these people out ironically by

you having less of a filter to your

words you polarize and you filter out

the people around you and you push them

into these sort of I guess we would have

to say buckets because what you

authentically think and believe it's

going to be different from what they

think and believe right obviously it is

not everyone can have the exact same

beliefs if that was

true the world will be a little bit

[ __ ] up so when you actually say what

you want to say and you think and you

get someone and go I don't really think

so that's that's huge you actually

you're making someone care about you

right we not care about well yeah we

could say that you're making someone

genuinely believe okay this guy's a

little bit different has more of an

altering opinion but at least it's

different at least it's not the exact

same or when you agree with someone

you're like [ __ ] I actually I [ __ ] with

that bro you just made some you just got

someone that respect you now there you

go it's like that so I honestly believe

that if this is one of your main

constraints whenever it comes to knowing

what to say because this is not an

excuse right I don't know what to say I

I couldn't figure out what I could

say no I genuinely I really don't think

that's an excuse you know what to say

the problem is that you just don't let

it come out what comes out is just the

[ __ ]

reduce this as much as possible try to

hang

on okay well never mind that kind of

looks like [ __ ] but you get the idea

right so your next action step right

after this video the next time you're

anywhere public or anywhere outside

where you can see other people and you

notice someone that has something

admirable about them you notice someone

that seems like they just seem like a

thought comes in your mind you just

think oh [ __ ] I like that quality about

that person here's something that you

can do go up to them and actually say it

and then whilst you're saying it ask

questions based around it because here's

another thing as well you may know like

exactly what you want to say or one

thing that can come to mind but after

that it's like well [ __ ] what now it's

really damn simple you can just ask

stupid ass questions directly after it

and when you're done with the

conversation or when you get to the

point where you feel yeah okay I should

move on or I should do this it's so

simple it's literally simple as just

saying all right bro well I got to keep

on going appreciate talking to you about

or handshake or fist bump whatever it is

any sort of in physical touch boom

you're gone just like that it is so

simple bro so simple getting rid of this

filter ASAP oh yeah and also W you ated

why don't you rate this book real quick

for me in the comments out of 10 like

what you thought about it who or the

author himself or how you use it in your

own little life because little life

because bro this book is honestly so

good I rate it a nine out of 10 yeah

perfect

nine but for the last part if you're

someone who wants to level up his

Charisma his persuasion is influence in

as little as much time as possible with

as much efficiency as you can get the

first link in the description book a

call with me and we'll figure out how we

can get this [ __ ]

going you know what to do don't be a

dummy bro