Donald Trump: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Summary

Dieses Skript präsentiert eine scharfe Kritik an Donald Trumps Präsidentschaftskampagne. Es entlarvt seine inkonsistenten politischen Ansichten, seine geschäftlichen Misserfolge und seine Tendenz, mit Lawsuits zu drohen, ohne sie zu verfolgen. Der Vorwurf, dass Trump seine eigene Marke in Verruf bringt, wird durch die Darstellung seiner gescheiterten Projekte und der Ablehnung, Verantwortung zu übernehmen, untermauert. Der Fokus liegt auf der Herausforderung, zwischen Trump the Brand und Trump the Man zu unterscheiden und die Wichtigkeit, hinter dem berühmten Namen zu blicken.

Takeaways

• 😲 Donald Trump hat drei Staaten gewonnen und eine starke Chance auf die Nominierung seiner Partei, da jeder Kandidat, der bisher am meisten Staaten am Super Tuesday gewonnen hat, auch die Nominierung erhielt.
• 🤔 Die Unterstützung von Trump mag durch seine Unvorhersehbarkeit und Unterhaltungsqualität erklärbar sein, aber es gibt Gründe, die genauer betrachtet werden müssen.
• 📊 Die Website PolitiFact hat 76% der Aussagen Trumps als falsch oder variabel bewertet, was seine Glaubwürdigkeit in Frage stellt.
• 💰 Trump behauptet, seine Kampagne mit 20-25 Millionen Dollar zu finanzieren, aber tatsächlich hat er nur 250.000 Dollar gespendet und 17,5 Millionen Dollar als Kredit gegeben, was er später zurückbezahlen könnte.
• 👐 Trump ist für dunne Haut bekannt, obwohl er sich als harter Kerl darstellt, und reagiert heftig auf Kritik, wie etwa die Anmerkungen zu den Längen seiner Finger.
• 🚫 Er hat häufig mit Klagen gedroht, hat aber oft nicht durchgezogen, was seine Fähigkeit, durchsetzungsstarke Maßnahmen zu ergreifen, in Frage stellt.
• 💼 Trumps Erfolg und Reichtum sind ein Hauptargument für seine Unterstützung, aber seine finanzielle Leistung ist durch Verluste und Konkurse gemildert.
• 🔄 Trumps Meinungen zu politischen Fragen sind sehr inkonsistent, was seine Eignung als Präsidentenkandidat in Frage stellt.
• 🏢 Trumps Unternehmen haben oft schlechte Entscheidungen getroffen, einschließlich der Gründung einer Hypothekenbank kurz vor dem Zusammenbruch des Immobilienmarktes.
• 🏛 Trumps Name wird oft für Projekte lizenziert, die er nicht direkt baut, was zu Problemen für Investoren führen kann, wenn diese Projekte scheitern.
• 🎶 Der Sketch schlägt vor, Trump unter seinem alten Familiennamen 'Drump' zu betrachten, um seine wahren Eigenschaften zu sehen und nicht von seinem Markenimage beeinflusst zu werden.

Q & A

Was ist das Hauptthema der Sendung in diesem Skript?

Das Hauptthema ist die politische Karriere von Donald Trump, insbesondere seine Erfolge im Wahlkampf und die Auswirkungen seiner Kandidatur auf die amerikanische Politik.

Welche Bedeutung hat der 'Super Tuesday' im US-Präsidentschaftswahlkampf?

Der 'Super Tuesday' ist ein wichtiger Zeitpunkt im Wahlkampf, an dem viele Staaten gleichzeitig abstimmen. Traditionell gingen alle Kandidaten, die am 'Super Tuesday' die meisten Staaten gewonnen haben, später als Parteivorsitzende in den Wahlkampf.

Was ist eine der zentralen Kritikpunkte an Donald Trumps Rhetorik und Äußerungen?

Eine der zentralen Kritikpunkte ist, dass viele seiner Äußerungen als unwahr oder falsch bezeichnet werden können, was durch die Website PolitiFact überprüft wird, die 76% seiner Aussagen als unwahr einstuft.

Wie bezeichnet der Sprecher Donald Trumps wirtschaftlichen Erfolg?

Der Sprecher kritisiert, dass Trump oft seinen wirtschaftlichen Erfolg als Argument für seine Fähigkeiten als Präsidenten heranzieht, jedoch gibt es Berichte, dass er sowohl viel Geld verdient als auch Verluste gemacht hat, und dass seine Selbstbewertung stark von seinen 'Gefühlen' abhängt.

Was ist die Hintergrundgeschichte hinter dem Namen 'Trump'?

Der Name 'Trump' wurde von einem Vorfahren von Donald Trump geändert, der ursprünglich den Namen 'Drumpf' hatte. Der Sprecher des Skripts schlägt vor, stattdessen 'Drumpf' zu verwenden, um den Reiz des Namens 'Trump' abzuschwächen.

Welche Rolle spielt die Wahrheit für Donald Trump?

Laut dem Skript scheint Donald Trump die Wahrheit sehr flexibel zu interpretieren und zu verwenden, was durch verschiedene Beispiele, wie seine falschen Behauptungen über sein eigenes Fernsehprogramm und seine Hintergrundgeschichte, verdeutlicht wird.

Was ist das Problem mit der Selbstfinanzierung von Trumps Wahlkampf?

Trump behauptet, seinen Wahlkampf selbst zu finanzieren, was jedoch durch die Tatsache geschwächt wird, dass er lediglich 250.000 Dollar persönlich gespendet hat und den Rest seiner Kampagne als Darlehen gewährt hat, das er später zurückzahlen könnte.

Wie reagiert Donald Trump normalerweise auf Kritik und Herausforderungen?

Laut dem Skript reagiert Trump oft auf Kritik mit der Androhung von Klagen, verfolgt jedoch nicht immer diese Bedrohungen, was darauf hindeutet, dass seine Drohungen möglicherweise nur als rhetorische Figuren dienen.

Was ist die Haltung von Donald Trump zur Wahrheit und wie wird sie im Skript kritisiert?

Im Skript wird kritisiert, dass Trump die Wahrheit nicht als entscheidend ansieht und oft unklar bleibt, ob seine Äußerungen wahr sind oder nicht, was seine Glaubwürdigkeit in Frage stellt.

Was ist das Ziel des 'Make Donald Drump Again' - Skripts?

Das Ziel des Skripts ist es, die Wähler dazu zu ermutigen, die Person hinter dem Namen 'Trump' und nicht den Reiz des Namens selbst zu betrachten, indem sie ihn als 'Drumpf' bezeichnen und seine Vergangenheit und seine Inkonsistenzen in den Mittelpunkt stellen.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Donald Trumps unvermeidliche Aufmerksamkeit

Der erste Absatz des Skripts konzentriert sich auf die unvermeidliche Aufmerksamkeit, die Donald Trump in der Politik erhält. Obwohl er zuvor auf der Show weitestgehend ignoriert wurde, hat er drei Staaten gewonnen und die Unterstützung von Prominenten erhalten. Sein Erfolg bei Super Tuesday ist signifikant, da jeder Kandidat, der bisher die meisten Staaten gewonnen hat, sein Parteinominum wurde. Die Show stellt seine unvorhersehbaren und unterhaltsamen Eigenschaften hervor, die viele Wähler anziehen, und kritisiert gleichzeitig seine mangelnde Konsistenz in politischen Äußerungen und seine Lügen.

05:01

😡 Trumps Selbstfinanzierung und seine 'hartnäckige' Unwahrhaftigkeit

In diesem Absatz wird Trumps Behauptung, seine Kampagne selbst zu finanzieren, hinterfragt. Es wird aufgezeigt, dass er lediglich eine Million投入了自己的 Geld, während die restlichen 17,5 Millionen als Kredit an seine Kampagne gegangen sind. Des Weiteren wird seine Neigung, häufig unrichtige Aussagen zu machen, anhand verschiedener Beispiele und einer Studie, die 76% seiner Aussagen als falsch einstuft, aufgezeigt. Auch seine Reaktionen auf Herausforderungen und Kritik werden dargestellt, unter anderem seine Lüge darüber, niemals in die Show eingeladen worden zu sein.

10:03

😒 Trumps fragile Ego und seine 'harteren' Fälle

Der dritte Absatz beleuchtet Trumps empfindliches Selbstbild und seine Reaktionen auf Kritik, insbesondere seine Anfeindungen gegenüber Personen, die seine Fingerlänge in Frage stellen. Es wird auch auf seine Neigung hingewiesen, andere mit Klagen zu drohen, ohne diese jedoch zu verfolgen. Zudem wird seine Behauptung, ein harter Geschäftsmann zu sein, in Frage gestellt, da er in der Vergangenheit Milliarden verloren hat und seine sogenannten Erfolge oft nur auf der Grundlage seiner Marke beruhen, die er für 3 Milliarden Dollar schätzt.

15:03

🤔 Inconsistencies in Trumps Policies and His Evolving Stance

Dieser Absatz thematisiert die Inconsistenz in Trumps politischen Haltungen, die sich im Laufe der Zeit stark gewandelt haben. Er war beispielsweise sowohl pro- als auch anti-lebensrechtlich und hat sich in verschiedenen Fragen wie der Waffenkontrolle, der Einwanderung und der Behandlung von Terroristen unterschiedlich positioniert. Diese Unvorhersehbarkeit ist beunruhigend, besonders angesichts der Tatsache, dass seine Meinungen als Präsident Gewicht haben werden.

20:06

🎭 Trump the Brand vs. Trump the Man - Aufforderung zur Realität

Der letzte Absatz des Skripts ruft zur differenzierten Betrachtung Trumps auf. Anstatt von ihm als Markensymbol zu träumen, sollte man die Person hinter dem Namen betrachten. Die Show deutet darauf hin, dass Trump trotz seiner Popularität und seiner Fähigkeit, Menschen zu begeistern, eine Reihe von gescheiterten Unternehmen und rechtlichen Problemen hinter sich hat. Schließlich wird die Zuschauer aufgerufen, Trump nicht wegen seines Namens, sondern aufgrund seiner tatsächlichen Eigenschaften und seiner politischen Haltungen zu beurteilen.

🛸 Make Donald Drump Again - Eine humoristische Forderung

Zum Abschluss des Skripts wird humoristisch auf die Idee eingegangen, Trumps Familienname in 'Drump' zu ändern, um die Magie seines Namens zu entmystifizieren. Die Show hat tatsächlich eine商标注册申请 gestellt und bietet einen Browser-Erweiterung an, die den Namen 'Trump' durch 'Drump' ersetzt. Zudem werden 'Make Donald Drump Again'-Hüte verkauft, um den Wählern eine Alternative zum traditionellen Wahlkampf-Slogan zu bieten.

Keywords

💡Super Tuesday

Super Tuesday ist ein wichtiger Tag in den US-amerikanischen Präsidentschaftswahlen, an dem mehrere Staaten gleichzeitig ihre Vorwahlen abhalten. Im Video wird darauf hingewiesen, dass jeder Kandidat, der am Super Tuesday die meisten Staaten gewinnt, seit 1988 auch die Nominierung seiner Partei erhalten hat. Dies stellt einen zentralen Punkt im Video dar, da es um die Erfolge von Donald Trump und seine mögliche Nominierung als Kandidat der Republikanischen Partei geht.

💡Trump

Donald Trump ist der zentrale Charakter des Skripts und ein umstrittener Präsidentschaftskandidat. Im Video wird seine Popularität, seine politischen Ansichten und sein Verhalten kritisch hinterfragt. Sein Name wird sogar zu einem Meme in dem Video, das die Ablenkung von seinem tatsächlichen Charakter durch seinen berühmten Namen thematisiert.

💡Parteienestablishment

Das Parteienestablishment bezieht sich auf die traditionellen, einflussreichen und oft konservativen Führungsschichten innerhalb einer politischen Partei. Im Video wird darauf hingewiesen, dass Trump von einigen als Protestkandidat gegen das Establishment gesehen wird, was ein Schlüsselelement seiner Anziehungskraft ist.

💡Wahrheit

Die Wahrheit wird im Video als ein Konzept dargestellt, das von Trump scheinbar ignoriert wird. Es wird auf seine Tendenz hingewiesen, falsche Angaben zu machen und sich nicht an Fakten zu orientieren, was ein zentrales Thema im Video ist, das seine Glaubwürdigkeit in Frage stellt.

💡Selbstfinanzierung

Trump behauptet im Video, seine Kampagne sei selbstfinanziert, was darauf hindeutet, dass er keine Gelder aus externen Quellen annimmt. Dies wird jedoch im Video kritisiert, da die tatsächliche finanzierte Summe und die Art der Finanzierung in Frage gestellt werden, was zeigt, dass das Konzept der Selbstfinanzierung nicht so einfach ist, wie es auf den ersten Blick erscheint.

💡Unvorhersehbarkeit

Unvorhersehbarkeit ist ein Begriff, der in dem Video verwendet wird, um Trumps Verhalten und seine politischen Ansichten zu beschreiben. Es wird argumentiert, dass seine unvorhersehbaren Äußerungen und Handlungen Teil seiner Anziehungskraft sind, obwohl sie auch zu Besorgnis führen können.

💡Politische Unbedenklichkeit

Politische Unbedenklichkeit wird im Video als eine Eigenschaft von Trump dargestellt, die ihn von anderen Kandidaten unterscheidet. Er wird als jemand beschrieben, der 'wie es ist' spricht und keine Angst davor hat, kontroverse Äußerungen zu machen, was sowohl eine Stärke als auch eine Schwäche sein kann.

💡Kritik

Kritik ist ein zentrales Element des Skripts, in dem Trumps politische Laufbahn, seine Geschäftspraktiken und sein Charakter hinterfragt und kritisiert werden. Die Kritik zielt darauf ab, die Zuschauer auf die potenziellen Risiken hinzuweisen, die mit einer Unterstützung von Trump verbunden sein könnten.

💡Branding

Branding wird im Video als ein wichtiges Werkzeug von Trump verwendet, um seine öffentliche Wahrnehmung zu gestalten. Sein Name wird als ein Wertvollsteuer dargestellt, das ihm helfen soll, Vertrauen und Anziehungskraft zu erzeugen, auch wenn dies im Video infrage gestellt wird.

💡Populismus

Populismus wird impliziert, wenn es um Trumps Fähigkeit geht, die Unterstützung der Menschen zu gewinnen, indem er einfache, aber ansprechende Botschaften verbreitet. Im Video wird argumentiert, dass einige seiner Äußerungen populistische Elemente haben, die seine Wähler anziehen, auch wenn sie möglicherweise nicht in der Realität bestehen.

💡Konsequenzen

Konsequenzen sind im Video thematisiert, indem die möglichen Auswirkungen von Trumps Politik und seiner Person auf die USA und die Welt diskutiert werden. Die Diskussion um seine politischen Pläne und Ansichten betont die Bedeutung der Wahl und die langfristigen Folgen, die sie haben kann.

Highlights

Donald Trump's unexpected success in winning three states and endorsement by Chris Christie and Paul Ryan.

Historical data suggesting that the candidate who wins the most states on Super Tuesday typically becomes the party's nominee.

Comparison of Trump's popularity to an ignored back mole that has grown into a concerning issue.

Trump's appeal as an unpredictable and entertaining figure, as illustrated by his confrontation with Marco Rubio.

Analysis of Trump's claim to 'tell it like it is', countered by evidence of numerous false statements.

Critique of Trump's self-funding claim, revealing that he has loaned his campaign money which can be repaid.

Examination of Trump's sensitivity to criticism, exemplified by his response to being called a 'short-fingered vulgarian'.

Discussion of Trump's litigation habits, including his frequent but often unfulfilled threats to sue.

Contradiction between Trump's self-proclaimed success and his past financial losses and bankruptcies.

Critique of Trump's valuation of his own brand, with the claim that it is worth $3 billion.

Trump's inconsistent policy positions, such as his varying stances on abortion and gun control.

Trump's response to being endorsed by a former Ku Klux Klan leader, initially expressing ignorance of who David Duke is.

The potential danger of Trump's inconsistent views, especially when it comes to advocating a war crime against terrorists' families.

The power of Trump's name and its role in his brand, despite its original form being 'Drump'.

Introduction of a campaign to 'make Donald Drump again', including a website and a Chrome extension to replace 'Trump' with 'Drump'.

A satirical call to view Trump without the influence of his name, suggesting a clearer perspective on his qualifications for presidency.

Transcripts

our main story tonight and I cannot

believe I'm saying this is Donald Trump

and I say that I say that knowing that

every time his name is said out loud he

has a shattering orgasm and look look we

have mostly ignored Trump on this show

but he has now won three states has been

endorsed by Chris chrisy and Paul show

him leading most super Tuesday states

which is a big deal since 1988 every

candidate who's won the most States on

super Tuesday went on to become their

party's nominee so at this point Donald

Trump is America's back mole it it may

have seemed harmless a year ago but now

that it's gotten frighteningly bigger it

is no longer wise to ignore it and I do

understand why Trump supporters might

like him he's unpredictable and

entertaining ju just look how he went

after Marco Rubio on Friday did you ever

see a guy sweat like this it's Rubio

that's

what that's objectively

funny just as it was funny when a few

years ago he tweeted I would like to

extend my best wishes to all even the

haters and losers on this special date

September the 11th he wished haters and

losers a happy 911 there is a part of me

that even likes this guy it's a part of

me I hate but it is a part of me and if

you are someone who's sick of the party

establishment he might seem like a

protest candidate with some attractive

qualities we like him he tells it like

it is he says what he means I I honestly

believe he's telling the truth he's

funding his own campaign nobody owns him

he's aggressive and he's strong and he's

bold I think he's an incredible

businessman if he runs the country like

he runs his organization we would be in

good shape Donald Trump can seem

appealing until you take a closer look

much like the lunch buffet at a strip

club or the NFL or having a pet

chimpanzee sure it seems fun but someday

Coco is going to tear your limbs

off because let's look at each of those

qualities those people listed first he

tells it like it is does he because the

website polia checks 77 of his

statements and rated 76% of them them as

varying degrees of false and I've

witnessed this firsthand he wants

attacked my old boss by tweeting if John

Stewart is so above it all and legit why

did he change his name from Jonathan

lieberwitz he should be proud of his

Heritage and then two years later wrote

I never attacks Dopey John Stewart for

his phony last name would never do that

and then just last year he claimed

falsely to have turned down an invite to

appear on this very boring show and and

who's he trying to impress with that lie

our show's guests include sloths and

puppies we're basically a petting zoo

with a desk but but when we pointed out

that he had never been invited this is

how he responded all of a sudden I see

people saying that John Oliver and I'm

saying John Oliver and I checked with my

people he asked me to be on the show

four or five times and I I don't even

hardly know who he was I wouldn't know

what he looks like well look first first

I wouldn't expect him to know who I was

although for his inevitable angry tweet

about this segment I'll tell him what I

look like I look like a nearsighted

parrot who works at a bank but but

secondly secondly it was genuinely

destabilizing to be on the receiving end

of a lie that confidence I even checked

to make sure that no one had even

accidentally invited him and of course

they hadn't and and I'm not even sure he

knows he's lying I think he just doesn't

care about what the truth is Donald

Trump views the truth like this lemur

views the Supreme Court vacancy

I don't care about that in any way

please off I have a

banana so so let's move on let's move on

to his next selling point that he is

truly independent and not beholden to

anyone or as he puts it I'm self-funding

my campaign I tell the truth how much

have you spent so far probably 20 $25

million okay let's break that down first

I'm rich therefore I tell the truth has

the same internal logic as I'm a vegan

therefore I know karate there is no

cause and effect between those two and

the correlation usually goes the other

way and and while it is true that he

hasn't taken corporate money the

implication that he has personally spent

20 to $25 million is a bit of a stretch

because what he's actually done is

loaned his own campaign $17.5 million

and has just personally given just

$250,000 and that's important because up

until the convention he can pay himself

back for the loan with campaign funds

and if you don't think there's a

significant difference between a gift

and a loan try giving your spouse an

anniversary loan and see how that goes

and even he himself sometimes admits

that his campaign is by no means

completely self-funded I'm self-funding

my campaign other than the little tiny

ones where they send in you know women

send in we had a woman

$759 what do you do how can you send the

money back you know it's it's it's cute

it's beautiful they feel invested in

your campaign he makes it sound like

women are stuffing grimy dollar bills in

envelopes writing Donald Trump on the

front and he's just too kind to send

them back but he's taken in $7.5 million

do in individual contributions and if he

didn't want it maybe shouldn't have had

two donate buttons on his website

because money isn't unsolicited when you

have to ask for someone's credit card

expiration date to receive it okay so so

how about the claim that he is tough

well again I'm not sure about that

because for a tough guy he has

incredibly thin skin back in 1988 spy

magazine called him a short fingered

vulgarian and ever since the editor Gren

Carter says he receives envelopes from

Trump always with a photo on which he

circled his hand to highlight the length

of his fingers usually with a note

reading see not so short and look look

his fingers seem fine but the very fact

he's so sensitive about them is

absolutely hilarious as is the fact that

those notes were apparently written in

Gold Sharpie which is so

quintessentially Donald Trump something

that gives the passing appearance of

wealth but is actually just a cheap tool

now now Trump's Trump's signature tough

talk his signature tough talk often

involves lawsuits he loves to threaten

to sue people like he did with Rosie

O'Donnell she said I was bankrupt I

never went bankrupt so probably I'll sue

her because it would be fun I'd like to

take some money out of her fat ass

Pockets well look look look of course of

course he needs to take Rosio Donald to

court to take money out of her Pockets

because his tiny tiny fingers are too

short to reach into her wallet but but

he never sued her he never sued Rosio

donnald in fact he's repeatedly

threatened people with lawsuits and not

followed through including the rapper MC

Miller Lawrence o' Donnell uh Vanity

Fair and an activist who launched a

petition for Macy's uh to drop Trump's

products I'll sue you is Trump's version

of bazinga it doesn't really mean

anything but he says it all the time but

perhaps Trump's biggest selling point as

a candidate is his success and where

could people get that idea from I'm

really rich I actually think I have the

best temperament people love me and you

know what I've been very successful

everybody loves me I went to an Ivy

League school I'm very highly educated I

know words I have the best words

oh

please literally the biggest word in the

sentence I have the best words is the

word

words but it's worth noting while yes he

has made more money than most of us will

make in a lifetime not only did he get a

multi-million dollar inheritance from

his father but he's also lost a huge

amount and this is where we need to be

careful because as we've learned he will

he will threaten to sue your fat ass

Pockets with his cocktail sausage

fingers if you talk about his company's

bankruptcies so I will just let his own

daughter describe the state of his

finances at one point in his life I

remember once my father and I were

walking down Fifth Avenue and there was

a homeless person sitting um sitting

right outside of Trump Tower and I

remember my father pointing to him and

saying you know that guy has $8 billion

more than me because he was in such

extreme debt at that point you know and

that really shows you the indomitable

Spirit of Donald Trump to fall to his

lowest point and in that very moment

still find a way to be kind of a dick to

a homeless guy now now his campaign

claims his current worth is in excess of

10 billion dollar and they've written it

in all caps so it must be true but

others have disputed that figure in fact

a book once suggested that Trump might

be worth a mere 150 to $250 million

which Trump protested by suing the

writer for $5 billion which is a pretty

roundabout way of getting half the way

to 10 billion and you should know for

the record Trump lost that lawsuit twice

but I am glad that he sued if only

because during the deposition he

explained that his estimate of his net

worth fluctuates based on and I quote

feelings even my own feelings and that

can change rapidly from day to day think

about that he claimed that his net worth

changes depending on his mood which

makes absolutely no sense partly because

he always seems to be in the same mood

specifically smug yet

gassy and and interestingly

interestingly a significant portion of

his self valuation is

intangible his brand is what he values

uh very much and he on his his

disclosure form that he's released it's

about $3 billion that's what he values

his brand as exactly he values his own

name at $3 billion and I'm not saying a

name can't have value it's why people

will pay $120 for a plain white t-shirt

that is designed by Kanye West they

don't want just any white T-shirt they

want one designed by a board sociopath

with a finger free anus but but but $3

billion seems a bit High especially

because while Trump has said if I put my

name on something you know it's going to

be good over the years his name has been

on some things that have arguably been

very good including Trump shuttle uh

which no longer exists Trump vodka which

was discontinued Trump magazine which

folded Trump World magazine which also

folded Trump University over which he's

being sued and of course the travel

booking site go trump.com whose brief

existence was I imagine a real thorn in

the side of anyone hoping got rum.com

featured a single thing worth

masturbating to and that's not even

mentioning this when it comes to Great

Stakes

I've just raised the stakes Trump Stakes

are the world's greatest stakes and I

mean that in every sense of the word and

The Sharper Image is the only store

where you can buy

them and not only can you not buy those

steaks anymore but why did he sell them

at The Sharper Image that is a weird

choice I will take a massage chair an

indoor waterfall and 82b of the finest

meat in America and sure every business

business executive is bound to have a

few missteps but Trump's lack of sound

financial instincts is perhaps best

exemplified by the business that he put

his name on back in 2006 just before the

entire housing market collapsed I think

it's a great time to start a mortgage

company we're going to have a great

company it's Trump morgage and Trump

mortgage.com and it's going to be a

terrific company yeah it wasn't in fact

in fact starting a mortgage company in

2006 was one of the worst decisions you

could possibly make

but I guess you can convince yourself it

was a good idea when you say 30 words

and five of them are great great

terrific Trump and

Trump and you might say well never mind

side businesses what he really is is a

builder but a building with Trump

written on it is not necessarily owned

by him he may have just licensed his

name to them something he claims is

actually better than ownership you don't

put up money you don't put up anything

spoken like a true Builder and and some

of those licensed buildings sell his

reputation hard like the sales video for

the Trump Ocean Resort in northern

Mexico I'm very very proud of the fact

that when I build I have investors that

follow me all over people ask me what do

Trump stand for more than anything else

and if I use one word it's always

quality right but it's easy to throw

around the word quality have you ever

stayed at a quality in the pillows are

stuffed with hair they fished out out of

the bathtub drain he was never the

Builder for that project which was later

abandoned leaving would be condo buyers

like William Flint who lost

$168,000 feeling understandably betrayed

Donald Trump was an expert in in these

types of projects or so we thought in a

deposition for a lawsuit regarding the

property Trump's son Donald Trump Jr

conceded that the Trump brand could lead

people to think a project was a solid

investment there one of the things that

you've learned through this process is

the the Trump name brings stability and

or viability to the project I don't know

if it brings stability or viability but

I imagine certain people feel that and

that might actually be the most honest

slogan for the Trump campaign Trump 2016

I don't know if it brings stability or

viability but I imagine certain people

feel

that now not only not only did investors

in that property Sue Donald Trump they

also did in Trump Tower tamper another

project that never got off the ground

and in both cases Trump

characteristically deflected blame onto

the developers and you would think those

investors would be facing an up

impossible legal battle given Trump's

tough talk when I get sued I I take it

right all tits take it all the way you

know what happens if you settle suits

you get sued more it's true I don't

settle anything I don't settle guess

what he settled both those cases but the

problem is even when you can demonst

ably prove Trump to be wrong it somehow

never seems to matter you can hold his

feet to the fire but he'll just stand

there on the stumps bragging about his

fireproof foot skin and that may be

because he has spent decades turning his

own name into a brand synonymous with

success and quality and he's made

himself the mascot for that brand like

Ronald McDonald or Chef Boyard and that

is who we have seen in The Apprentice or

WrestleMania or home alone 2o but if

he's actually going to be the Republican

nominee it's time to stop thinking of

the mascot and start thinking of the man

because a candidate for president needs

a coherent set of policies whatever you

think about Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz at

least you basically know where they

stand but Trump's opinions have been

wildly inconsistent he's been pro-choice

and pro-life for and against assault

weapon bans in favor of both bringing in

Syrian refugees and deporting them out

of the country and that inconsistency

can be troubling just this morning for

instance he was asked about the fact

that David Juke former Grand wizard of

the Klux Clan had told supporters to

vote for him and this was his answer

will you unequivocally condemn David

Duke and say that you don't want his

Vote or that of other white supremacists

in this

election well just so you understand I

don't know anything about David Duke

okay I don't know anything about what

you're even talking about with the white

supremacy or white supremacist honestly

I don't know David Duke I don't believe

I've ever met him I pretty sure I didn't

meet him and I just don't know anything

about him really that's your best answer

there because you definitely know who he

is partly cuz you called him a bigot and

a racist in the past but that's not even

the point the point is with an

answer like that you are either racist

or you are pretending to be and at some

point there is no difference there and

sure he disavowed David Juke later in

the day but the scary thing is we have

no way of knowing which of his

inconsistent views he will hold in

office will he stand by a statement that

vaccines are linked to autism or his

belief that Mexico is sending us rapists

oh and what about that plan he had to

defeat Isis we're fighting a very

politically correct War the other thing

is with the terrorists you have to take

out their families when you get these

terrorists you have to take out their

families they they care about their

lives don't kid yourself but they say

they don't care about their lives you

have to take out their families that is

the front runner for the Republican

nomination advocating a war crime and he

might say he was joking or he's changed

his mind about any of these things and

private individuals are allowed to

change their minds we all do it but when

he sworn in as president on January 20th

2017 on that day his opinions are going

to matter and you will remember that

date because it's the one that time

travelers from the future will come back

to to try and stop the whole thing from

happening and listen I get get I get

that the character of Donald Trump is

entertaining and that he says things

that people want to hear and I know his

very name is powerful just listen to

this one supporter explain what it means

to her I was a little girl right I

didn't even know what Trump Towers were

but I knew that he was a wealthy

successful man somehow like there was a

even as a very young kid the word Trump

sort of meant Rich to it meant success

she's not even wrong Trump does sound

Rich it's almost onomic Trump it's the

sound produced when a mouthy servant is

slapped across the face with a W of

th000 bills Trump it's the sound of a

cork popping on a couple's champagne

adversary the DAT Renovations in the

wine seller were finally completed the

very name Trump is the Cornerstone of

his brand if only there were a way to

uncouple that magical word from the man

he really is well guess what there is

because it turns out the name Trump was

not always his family's name one

biographer found that a preent ancestor

had changed it from and this is true

drump yes fuing

drum and drunk is much less magical it's

the sound produced when a morbidly obese

pigeon flies into the window of a

foreclosed Old Navy drunk It's the sound

of a bottle of storebrand root beer

falling off the shelf in a gas station

miniart and it may seem weird to bring

up his ancestral name but to quote

Donald Trump he should be proud of his

Heritage because drunk is much more

reflective of who he actually is so if

you are thinking of voting for Donald

Trump the charismatic guy promising to

make America great again stop and take a

moment to imagine how you would feel if

you just met a guy named Donald

drump a litigious serial liar with a

string of broken business ventures and

the support of a former clan leader who

he can't decide whether or not to

condemn would you think he would make a

good president or is the spell now

somewhat broken and that is why tonight

I'm asking America to make Donald drump

again # make Donald drump again we've

actually filed paperwork to trademark

the name drump and incidentally when we

own it I will have the best

word and and if you go to Donald

jump.com which we own you can download a

drum anator Chrome extension which will

replace the word Trump with drump

wherever it appears in your browser and

you can also buy these make Donald drump

again hats which we are selling at cost

meaning we've chosen not to make a

profit a fact which will probably

irritate Mr drum more than anything else

I've said tonight and if you're thinking

well that's all great but I wish there

was a new campaign anthem for Donald

Trump well here it is now here it is

right now because listen we cannot keep

getting Blinded By The Magic of his name

we need to see him through fresh eyes so

please don't think of him as Donald

Trump think of him something

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else and don't vote for him cuz he tells

it like it is he's a

artist don't vote for him cuz he's tough

he's a baby with even smaller fingers

don't vote for him because he's a

builder he's more of a shitty Lifestyle

brand and that is our

show Mr drunk I await your lawsuit in

the morning I have no doubt the

complaints will be signed in Gold

Sharpie good night

[Applause]

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