How to Read Japanese People's True Feelings (Honne/Tatemae Interview)

Summary

This video explores the complex dynamics between 'tatemae' (public facade) and 'honne' (true feelings) in Japanese social interactions. The participants discuss how they navigate these concepts in both personal and professional settings, such as at work or in casual conversations. They share examples of using tatemae to maintain politeness or avoid awkward situations, while honne comes out in more intimate relationships. The conversation highlights the balance between sincerity and social expectations, offering insights into the subtle art of communication in Japanese culture.

Takeaways

• 😀 The concept of 'tatemae' (public facade) vs. 'honne' (true feelings) is central in Japanese communication, with 'tatemae' being used in public settings and 'honne' shared in close relationships.
• 😀 In professional and formal contexts, people often use 'tatemae' to maintain harmony, even if they don't truly feel that way.
• 😀 In casual relationships, once trust is built, people are more likely to express 'honne' as opposed to 'tatemae'.
• 😀 'Tatemae' can include polite compliments or neutral responses, such as feigning interest or praising someone's appearance, even when the true feelings are different.
• 😀 The importance of 'tatemae' is particularly highlighted in business settings, where it helps maintain smooth relationships and avoid conflict.
• 😀 Despite the use of 'tatemae' in business, it is suggested that more honest communication ('honne') can lead to better relationships with friends or people one is truly close to.
• 😀 People often rely on body language and eye movements to distinguish whether someone is expressing 'tatemae' or 'honne'.
• 😀 The speaker reflects that while they use 'tatemae' in many situations, they wish they could be more open with their true feelings.
• 😀 The concept of 'tatemae' is also present in casual social situations, such as in a group setting or when dealing with people of higher authority.
• 😀 The speaker emphasizes that while 'honne' can strengthen close relationships, excessive use of it can also cause friction, so a balance is necessary.
• 😀 The use of 'tatemae' allows people to avoid uncomfortable situations, such as lying about their true feelings to maintain social harmony.

Q & A

What are the main differences between 'tatemae' and 'honne' in the Japanese context?

'Tatemae' refers to the outward behavior or social facade a person puts on in public, often shaped by social expectations, while 'honne' represents a person's true feelings or thoughts, which might be hidden or suppressed in certain social situations.

How does 'tatemae' influence social interactions in a professional environment?

In a professional setting, 'tatemae' is often used to maintain harmony and show respect to superiors or colleagues, even if the individual does not fully agree or feel as they express. It's a way to navigate social and hierarchical structures without creating conflict.

Can 'tatemae' be considered manipulative, or is it simply part of maintaining social harmony?

While 'tatemae' might seem manipulative in some cases, it is generally seen as a social tool used to maintain politeness and avoid awkwardness or conflict. It isn't necessarily about deception but more about maintaining smooth relationships.

How does the use of 'tatemae' affect personal relationships between close friends?

In close personal relationships, such as with friends, 'tatemae' is usually less prevalent, and individuals are more likely to express their true feelings ('honne'). However, some level of 'tatemae' may still exist in order to avoid hurting feelings or creating discomfort.

Why do people often use 'tatemae' when talking to someone they don't know well or when in large groups?

'Tatemae' is more commonly used with people one does not know well or in large groups because it helps avoid uncomfortable situations and allows individuals to maintain a polite and socially acceptable image without getting too personal.

What role does 'tatemae' play in business settings, and how is it perceived?

In business settings, 'tatemae' is crucial for creating a professional image and fostering smooth working relationships. It is perceived as a necessary part of maintaining professional decorum, especially when dealing with superiors or clients.

How can one differentiate between 'tatemae' and 'honne' through non-verbal cues?

Non-verbal cues such as facial expressions, eye contact, and body language can reveal whether someone is being genuine or adhering to 'tatemae.' For instance, if a person avoids eye contact or appears insincere, it may indicate they are not expressing their true thoughts ('honne').

How do people navigate between using 'tatemae' and 'honne' in intercultural communication, particularly between Japanese people and foreigners?

When interacting with foreigners, Japanese people may rely more heavily on 'tatemae' to avoid offending or misunderstanding cultural differences. Over time, as the relationship develops and trust is built, 'honne' may emerge more often, especially if the person feels more comfortable.

In what situations would it be better to use 'honne' rather than 'tatemae'?

'Honne' is more appropriate in intimate relationships, where honesty and directness are valued. For example, with close friends or in situations requiring authentic feedback, expressing one's true feelings is important for deeper connections and mutual understanding.

Does the frequent use of 'tatemae' lead to any negative consequences in relationships?

Excessive use of 'tatemae' can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation, mistrust, or superficial relationships, as it prevents individuals from expressing their true thoughts and emotions. Over time, this might affect the depth of relationships, especially if people feel that they are not being understood.