How to BE PRESENT. How to let go of the Past & how to live in the Present

Summary

The speaker discusses the importance of embracing solitude and separation from the world as a foundational step in spiritual growth, drawing on teachings from Saint John of the Ladder. They relate this concept to various life situations, including monastic life, marriage, and singlehood, emphasizing the need to focus on the present reality of one's 'cell' or life context. The discussion also touches on the dangers of allowing past experiences to distort our perception and interactions, advocating for a grounded, authentic approach to spiritual practices like prayer and fasting.

Takeaways

• 🌙 The speaker intended to record a video on prayer at night but was unable to due to a migraine, which paradoxically provided a fitting introduction to the topic.
• 🛌 Migraine and pandemic lockdowns have forced people to stay inside, mirroring the spiritual concept of separation from the world for focused growth.
• 🌿 Saint John of the Ladder emphasizes that spiritual growth begins with separation from the world, a principle applicable to all Christians, not just monastics.
• 🏠 The concept of 'aloneness' or separation from the world is interpreted differently by various individuals, such as hermits, monastics, married people, and singles.
• 🔑 Our vows before God define our 'aloneness' and what constitutes our 'world', which we must leave behind to be alone with Him in our spiritual journey.
• 📚 The story of a disciple unable to pray, keep vigil, or fast illustrates the importance of staying within one's 'cell' or personal spiritual space to learn and grow.
• 🧘‍♂️ The speaker suggests that being confined within our 'cells'—be it a family, monastery, or single life—can be seen as an opportunity for spiritual growth rather than a limitation.
• 🤔 The speaker warns against allowing past experiences to distort our present reality, which can lead to misjudgments and emotional reactions based on false perceptions.
• 💔 The pain of past hurts can be a barrier to genuine interaction and spiritual growth if we allow it to cloud our perception of current relationships.
• 🛡️ The speaker argues that grounding ourselves in the present reality of our lives, rather than the fantasy of our past, is essential for true spiritual growth.
• ✝️ The ultimate goal is to stay present in our 'cells', allowing the reality of our lives to teach us how to pray, fast, and keep vigil in a genuine and meaningful way.

Q & A

Why did the speaker postpone the recording of the video?

The speaker postponed the recording due to a migraine that prevented them from working the previous night.

What is the main theme of the small booklet being discussed in the video?

The main theme of the booklet is prayer at night.

How does the speaker relate their personal experience with migraines to the broader spiritual message?

The speaker uses their migraines as a metaphor for being confined and the opportunity it presents for spiritual growth, similar to how people might feel during a pandemic lockdown.

According to Saint John of the Ladder, what is the first step in spiritual growth?

Saint John of the Ladder defines separation from the world as the first step in spiritual growth.

How does the speaker suggest that different life situations can be seen as a form of separation from the world?

The speaker suggests that whether one is a hermit, a monastic, a married person, or single, each has a unique way of leaving the world behind and being alone with God, such as living in a desert, within monastery walls, in a marriage, or embracing single life as a cross.

What advice does the speaker give for those who feel they cannot pray, keep vigil, or fast?

The speaker advises that if one cannot pray, keep vigil, or fast, they should go into their 'cell', lock the door, and stay inside, where their cell will teach them everything.

What does the speaker mean by 'cell' in the context of the video?

In this context, 'cell' refers to the personal space or state of being where one is separated from the world to focus on their spiritual growth, which could be a literal cell, a family for a married person, a monastery for a monastic, or the Church and friends for a single person.

Why is it important to stay in the reality of our 'cell' according to the speaker?

Staying in the reality of our 'cell' is important because it is the foundation for real spiritual growth, allowing us to interact with the world and people around us without the distortions of past experiences and fantasies.

How does the speaker describe the danger of allowing the fantasy world of our past to influence our present?

The speaker describes it as a form of idolatry, where we allow false criteria and virtues created from our past to judge the world and people around us, instead of responding according to the commandments of Christ.

What is the speaker's view on the relationship between our past experiences and our ability to grow spiritually?

The speaker believes that our past experiences, if not properly managed, can hinder our spiritual growth by creating a fantasy world that distorts our perception of reality and leads us away from genuine interaction with the present.

What blessing does the speaker hope for their audience at the end of the video?

The speaker hopes for God to bless every pore of their hearts and bodies and for everyone to be saved by the prayer of all the Saints and the Theotokos.

Outlines

00:00

🌙 Embracing Solitude for Spiritual Growth

The speaker begins by expressing their desire to record a video on prayer at night but was unable to do so due to a migraine. They reflect on the irony of their situation, as they are creating a booklet on night prayer, and draw a parallel to the current times of pandemic lockdowns. The speaker suggests that periods of isolation, whether due to illness or external circumstances, are not wasted moments but opportunities for spiritual growth. They reference Saint John of the Ladder, who posits that solitude and separation from the world are the foundational steps in spiritual development. The speaker emphasizes that this principle applies to all Christians, regardless of their lifestyle, and that embracing aloneness is crucial for spiritual advancement.

05:00

🛕 The Sacred Cell: A Sanctuary for Spiritual Development

Continuing the discussion on solitude, the speaker delves into the concept of the 'cell' as a metaphor for the personal space where one can focus on spiritual growth. They explain that for different individuals, the 'cell' could be a physical place like a monastery or a more abstract concept like marriage or single life. The speaker uses the story of a disciple who struggled to perform spiritual practices and received the advice to retreat to his cell, where he would learn everything. This advice is applicable to modern times, suggesting that staying within one's 'cell' can be a powerful tool for spiritual learning and growth, regardless of external circumstances.

10:02

🏠 The Reality of Relationships within Our 'Cell'

The speaker explores the dynamics of relationships within the confines of one's 'cell,' using marriage as an example. They discuss the importance of staying present and real within the context of marriage, focusing on the current reality rather than being influenced by past experiences or fantasies. The speaker advises that when conflicts arise, it is essential to address them within the reality of the marriage, without the distortion of past emotions or traumas. This approach allows for a more authentic and less harmful interaction with one's spouse, fostering a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

15:08

📚 The Illusion of Past Experiences in Our Lives

Building on the previous discussion, the speaker addresses the impact of past experiences on our present interactions. They argue that our minds often create a 'bibliography' of past references that can distort our perception of current events and people. This can be particularly problematic in monastic life, where individuals with rich life experiences may struggle to separate their past from their present interactions within the monastery. The speaker warns against allowing these past experiences to deform our reality and instead encourages staying grounded in the present moment.

20:12

🚫 The Dangers of Living in a Fantasy World

The speaker warns of the tragic consequences of living in a fantasy world created by our past experiences. They explain that when we allow our past to influence our present, we risk perceiving people as fantasy beings rather than their true selves. This can lead to easier judgments, hatred, and rejection, as it is simpler to react negatively to an imagined version of someone than to their reality. The speaker emphasizes the importance of staying present and engaged with the reality of our lives, particularly within our 'cells,' to avoid these pitfalls.

25:13

🙏 The Path to Genuine Prayer and Fasting

In the final paragraph, the speaker connects the themes of solitude, reality, and spiritual practices like prayer and fasting. They suggest that genuine prayer and fasting cannot occur without first being fully present and engaged with one's real self within the reality of one's 'cell.' The speaker encourages staying in the present moment, forgetting past fantasies, and allowing the pain and love perceived in real people to guide one's spiritual practices. They conclude with a blessing, hoping for salvation through the prayers of the saints and the Theotokos.

Keywords

💡Migraine

A migraine is a severe headache characterized by intense pulsing or throbbing pain, often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, and extreme sensitivity to light and sound. In the script, the speaker mentions having a migraine as a reason for postponing the recording, illustrating the debilitating effect of the condition on daily activities and spiritual practice.

💡Pandemic

A pandemic refers to an outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area and affects an exceptionally high proportion of the population. The script uses the pandemic as a metaphor for the feeling of isolation and confinement, drawing parallels between the enforced lockdowns and the voluntary separation from the world as a step towards spiritual growth.

💡Spiritual Growth

Spiritual growth is a process of personal development that involves a journey towards a deeper understanding of one's spiritual beliefs, values, and purpose. The video's theme centers on the idea that moments of isolation, such as those experienced during a migraine or pandemic, can be opportunities for spiritual growth and returning to the foundational aspects of one's spiritual life.

💡Saint John of the Ladder

Saint John of the Ladder, also known as John Climacus, is a 7th-century Christian monk known for his book 'The Ladder of Divine Ascent', which outlines a path of spiritual development. In the script, his teachings are referenced to emphasize the importance of separation from the world as the first step in spiritual growth.

💡Aloneness

Aloneness, as discussed in the script, is the state of being separated from the world and is considered the initial phase of spiritual growth according to Saint John of the Ladder. It is not merely physical solitude but a state of mind that allows for deeper introspection and connection with the divine.

💡Monastic

A monastic is a person who lives as a member of a religious community, typically under a vow of poverty, chastity, and obedience. The script uses monastic life as an example of a lifestyle that embodies the principle of separation from the world, highlighting the universality of this concept for all Christians, regardless of their vocation.

💡Vows

Vows are solemn promises or commitments, often made to a deity or as part of a religious practice. In the context of the script, vows are the personal dedications individuals make before God, defining their 'aloneness' and setting the boundaries of their spiritual journey, whether in marriage, monastic life, or singlehood.

💡Cell

In the script, 'cell' metaphorically represents the personal space or context within which an individual pursues spiritual growth. For a married person, the 'cell' is the family; for a monastic, it is the monastery; and for a single person, it is the Church and community. The cell is where one's spiritual battles and victories occur.

💡Fantasy World

The 'fantasy world' in the script refers to the mental constructs formed by past experiences and emotions, which can distort one's perception of reality. It is contrasted with the 'cell' or the present reality, where true spiritual growth is to be found by engaging with the authentic experiences and people within one's life.

💡Idolatry

Idolatry is the worship of idols or false gods. In the video, it is used metaphorically to describe the danger of allowing past experiences and fantasies to become the criteria by which one judges the world and others, instead of viewing life through the lens of Christ's teachings, which emphasize love and non-judgment.

💡Prayer

Prayer, in the context of the script, is not just a religious ritual but a deep, personal communication with God. It is suggested that true prayer can only occur when one is fully present in their 'cell' or current reality, engaged with their authentic self and the people around them.

Highlights

The speaker discusses the importance of prayer at night and its role in spiritual growth.

Migraines and pandemic lockdowns are used as metaphors for the isolation that can foster spiritual development.

Saint John of the Ladder's teachings on the necessity of separation from the world for spiritual growth are highlighted.

The concept of 'aloneness' as the first step in spiritual development is introduced.

The speaker emphasizes that Saint John's teachings apply to all Christians, not just monastics.

Different forms of 'leaving the world behind' are described, such as monastic life, marriage, or single life.

The idea that our vows before God define our 'aloneness' and 'world' is presented.

The speaker suggests that being confined can be an opportunity for spiritual reflection and growth.

A story about a disciple who could not pray, keep vigil, or fast, leading to the advice to stay in one's cell, is shared.

The importance of staying within the 'cell' of our life, be it family, monastery, or church, is emphasized.

The speaker warns against letting the fantasy world of our past experiences interfere with our current reality.

Examples are given to illustrate the importance of staying grounded in the reality of our current life situations.

The concept of how past experiences can distort our perception and reactions to the present is explored.

The speaker explains how our past can lead to idolatry, where we judge the world through a lens of false virtues.

The tragic consequences of allowing our past to dictate our present actions and judgments are discussed.

The necessity of staying in the present moment and the reality of our 'cell' for true spiritual growth is underscored.

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of engaging with our real self in the reality of our 'cell' for genuine prayer.

Transcripts

Hello everyone! This is not where I wanted to record today and

not even the time when I wanted to record. I would have

liked to record this video at night, because

we are working now on a small booklet about prayer at night,

and I wanted to discuss certain aspects of prayer at night with all of you,

but I woke up last night, as I often do lately, with a horrible migraine

and there was no way I could have done any work,

so I had to postpone recording until today, and then this morning I realized

that what had happened last night was in fact

the perfect beginning for

this small series of recordings on prayer at night.

You see, lately, for the last eight months or nine months

or so, I have almost daily migraines, and I

often get caught up in my room, and migraines

simply prohibit me from leaving my room, and

we've just gone through a pandemic that has kept many of us inside our

rooms, and it is a possibility that

those lockdowns will come back to us and we'll have to re-experience

that feeling of being closed inside and not being able to communicate with

the outside world, and often also many of us, all of us at

some point or another in our lives, simply due to illness or weakness or

just sadness are unable to leave our beds or our rooms and we just

lie down all alone, and it is a very tempting thought

that these alone times, these moments when we are

stuck inside are moments which are wasted somehow in our spiritual growth,

when in fact these are the moments we should look upon with great

courage and great hope, because these are the opportunities for all of us to

go back to the very beginning of real growth in our spiritual life, to

go back to the basics, the foundation of our

spiritual life. Saint John of the Ladder, the wonderful

teacher for monastics and all Christians

concerning the spiritual life and our growth from

one virtue to another, Saint John of the Ladder defines

aloneness, defines separation from the world, our being stuck

somewhere apart from the world as the very first step on which

we have to climb in order to begin our real growth.

Real growth, according to Saint John of the Ladder,

begins with separation from the world; and it is tempting to

think that Saint John was only speaking

for monastics, and indeed he was addressing specifically monastics, but

his teaching, the essence of his teaching is

applicable to all Christians, no matter of the sort of life that

they live. He speaks to monastics because he was a monastic himself

and because those were the people he was concerned with,

but growth follows more or less the same pattern

for all of us, and separation from the world

applies to married people or people who are single in the world

as much as for monastics. A hermit will leave the world behind by going to

live his life in the desert or in a place

where there is no one else. A monastic will leave the world behind

by closing himself or herself in within the walls of his or her monastery.

A married person will leave the world

behind by dedicating himself or herself

exclusively to the person with whom they are married now. A person who is single

in the world will leave the world by assuming

this state of being single as their cross, their offering before the

Lord, and by separating themselves from the

idea of marriage or the idea of a monastic

community. These are our vows before God,

we define before God where is our aloneness

and what constitutes our world, and then we leave

the world behind in order to be alone with Him,

alone with Him in our desert, in our monastery,

in our marriage or in our single life. This is only the beginning,

this separation from the world simply marks the beginning of our spiritual

growth, and every time I find myself caught

in my room because of a migraine and every time we go through

a situation such as this pandemic and the lockdown that followed,

we could look at this, if we are willing to see the positive in things and if we

are willing to constantly grow in our spiritual life, we

can look at this as an opportunity

to go back to the beginning, to go back to that foundation of all spiritual

growth, our separation from the world and our

focus on who we are before Christ our God. This

advice of separating ourselves from the world

is particularly, particularly important for our generation because,

because of this story: There is a story that

one of the disciples of one of the Holy Elders of the desert

failed to do anything good, and he ended up going to the Elder and

confessed to the Elder that he cannot do anything.

When the Elder would advise him to pray, that poor disciple answered 'I cannot

pray, I try but I cannot pray'. 'If you cannot pray,'

the Abba said, 'then at least keep vigil at night'.

And the disciple said, 'I cannot keep vigil either'. So the Elder would say,

'If you cannot pray and you cannot keep vigil, then at least

fast'. And the disciple would say, 'I cannot even fast, Elder'.

So eventually the Elder answered him--- and I think his answer applies to us

perfectly today---'If you cannot fast, if you cannot do prostrations,

if you cannot keep vigil, if you cannot pray,

then go into your cell, lock the door behind you,

and stay inside, and your cell will teach you everything'.

And it may seem different from what Saint John of the Ladder has taught us,

but staying inside, keeping yourself, with everything that

you are as a complex human being, inside

your cell is the same as leaving the world behind,

and they both, in fact, are reduced to keeping oneself

in the reality of life, keeping yourself real,

in the reality of the given context of your life. If

you are married, then your cell is your family, and you have to keep

yourself, with everything that you are---your body

and your mind and your words and your heart---within

your family. If you are a monastic then your cell is your cell, your actual

monastery with those people who live there with you, your brothers and your

sisters in the monastic life. If you are a single

person, your cell, your monastery is the Church

and your friends. This is the vow that we make before Him, the tool

we give Him so He can work our salvation. We are the

ones who define and decide what this

saving tool is. If you are married and you keep yourself within the

confinement of your sacrament, the confinement of

your cell, your marriage, then Christ will know

that He can use your marriage, with its joys and its accomplishments as well

as with its difficulties and its sadness, to work everything that is necessary

for your salvation; and similarly for a single person or a monastic person.

These are our monasteries, these are our cells,

and we need to keep ourselves in the reality of that

present, of those people and of the behaviours

that we encounter. This is in fact a battle to keep our minds

and our hearts within the reality that is before our eyes and away,

separated from the world, of a fantasy world which we create

ourselves based on our past and its experiences. All of this may

sound theoretical, all of this may sound like

it's lacking any sort of practical importance, but trust

Saint John of the Ladder and trust the Elders

of the Egyptian desert, separating ourselves

from the fantasy world of our past and grounding our life in the reality of

the here and now, the cell of our monastery, single life or marriage,

is the beginning and the condition, the absolute condition for real growth

in the spiritual life. Let me give you a few examples and maybe that will help us

understand why this is absolutely vital: In a marriage for instance, when your

spouse, your wife for example, says

something that hurts you and then you get

trapped in this never-ending circle of remembering those words

and getting angry and then remembering those words

with the weight of your new anger which makes them sound even worse and then you

get even more angry, and then you remember them again and

they become increasingly annoying and increasingly hurtful,

and every time you remember them you accumulate more and more

anger, it is worth remembering that you are interacting with a person

who is real, this is your wife, this is the person whom you

loved enough to make a vow before God that you would

spend your entire life with this person, that you would become

one with this person before God, this is

not a previous person with whom you've had a previous relationship,

the hurt that she has made you feel has nothing to do with the echoes

of the hurt which other people from your past

have made you feel; if you keep your mind and you bring your emotions within the

confinement, the limits of your cell, of the reality

of your life, the reality of your marriage, and if you

remember simply those words as they were said,

not as you hear them now being influenced by your past emotions

and your past traumas; if you just look at the reality

of that behaviour, the reality of those words, and the reality of

this particular human being whom you loved

so much that you gave yourself to her before God, then within

the reality of that small space and without the influences of your past

fantasy world, you will discover that nothing is as

hurtful or as traumatic as it sounded only a few minutes before.

And the same applies to monastic life: Very frequently people who

have lived more in the world and who have accumulated a lot of experience,

either by being married before, or having tried to live in

other monasteries before they joined a particular community,

or simply people who go into a monastery later in their lives; they've accumulated

so much experience that

everything that they hear, every behaviour that they encounter,

every person with whom they interact is in fact so much more

than those words, that behaviour, and that person,

because every word that you hear has an entire

bibliography behind it, every behaviour that you encounter

has an entire bibliography of references from your past, these references

being nothing else but your past experiences;

and so although the person in front of you, your monastic brother

or your monastic sister, or your friend, or your spouse

has no intention to hurt you, maybe they've just said something that

sounded hurtful because you are going through a bad mood

that particular moment or maybe they are going through a bad mood that particular

moment, or maybe it was just the way that both

of you interacted that morning---it doesn't

matter, the point is that instead of interacting

with the reality of yourself,

the simple, naked reality of that person, those words,

that behaviour, within the reality of your cell,

you have allowed your mind to access the outside world, you have allowed your

mind to access this deep,

endless bibliography of past traumas and past experiences which

inform now---I'd better say deform now the reality of your life;

and I say deform because even what we call the wisdom of our past

experiences, things we learn based on our past,

even that is not much more than fantasy, because we rewrite

our past, we constantly, unwillingly, without knowing most of the

time, we reassess what happened, we renegotiate

what that person has said and how he answered,

and in doing that, we rewrite our past; we learn from a past

that actually was never real. Instead of interacting with the

practical, real realness

of our cells; instead of keeping ourselves

within the walls of our monastery, our friendships, our church, and our

marriage, our minds interact

and react to our past which is all fake, all rewritten

in a way that serves us best. If you think about a temptation,

to give you another example, if you think about the way in which

many of us react to a temptation, if you think about

anger, because we've used anger before, but you can think about anything else:

lust or greed or any other temptation--- if you think about the way in which we

are tempted and then we get to a point where we recognize a pattern

and we know, 'Oh! This has happened not once before, not ten times before, but

hundreds of times before, and every time I got to this point I failed',

and that's the moment when you've actually abandoned, that's the moment

when you've just allowed the enemy, you've allowed that

temptation to take over you, and you've done that because of the same

thing, because instead of keeping yourself

grounded as a soldier of Christ, fighting

till the last breath against that particular temptation, you've allowed

this reality of the temptation, of the

here and now to disappear, and instead of fighting in the here and

now, you've allowed the fantasy world of your

past to take over and to defeat you,

and we do that of course because it's so much more comfortable

than to keep on fighting every time, it's so much more comfortable,

but it is in fact a tragedy, it is a tragedy for at least two reasons---

first, abandoning the reality of yourself and

allowing yourself, allowing your feelings and your mind and your body

to respond to the fantasy world of your past, of the outside world,

is to fail to do anything real, because the people with whom you

interact now, although they are made of flesh and

bones, in your mind and in your heart they are no longer

those real people, they are the fantasy people which your

past has shaped for you; you no longer respond

to the reality of that spouse of yours, or that brother or sister in the

monastic life of yours, you respond to a human

being which was created in your mind, and that

is a tragedy because it is so much easier

to hate, to judge, to condemn,

and to reject a fantasy being than the reality

of your spouse and of your brother. And even

more tragic than this is the fact that when we begin to act that way,

we allow our past, we allow the world, these fantasies which

we have created, we allow them to act as the lens

through which we perceive the world, we allow

this fantasy world and its virtues, which are all false because

we have created them, we have rewritten them,

but we allow them to be the judges of our current real life,

and we end up judging and condemning people

based on the criteria of a fantasy world instead of seeing them for who

they are, and you know why this is the greatest tragedy of all,

because that is idolatry, that is the moment when instead of

allowing Christ to step in in the reality of our present,

and instead of allowing Him to be the lens

through which we perceive the world and the people within our cell,

we allow our past, we allow the inventions,

the false criteria, the false virtues, the false idols, which we created

from the outside world, from our past, to be these lenses,

and instead of responding according to the commandments of the reality of

Christ, which is never to judge, always to love,

to put yourself on a cross in order to save yourself and

every single other human being ever created,

we allow these idols of ours to judge the world and to condemn the

world, and we end up thinking that we serve

God while we butcher our neighbour, we end up believing

that we serve Christ, who is God, God who is Love, when in fact

we butcher spiritually, and sometimes physically, our brothers

and our sisters.

The beginning of any growth in our spiritual life, the beginning

of our spiritual life per se, is to leave the world

behind and to stay in our cell. If you cannot

pray, stay in your cell, and your cell, the reality

of your life, will teach you how to pray. The reality of your marriage, or your

single life, or your monastic life will teach

you how to pray, how to really pray. If you cannot

fast, stay in your cell, forget all about your past, forget all

about the fantasies of that outside

world, of not the now and not the here, the then and the there,

stay in the here, stay in the now, and the pain that you see in the real

people in the here and the now of your life,

that pain, that sin that you will perceive

in them will teach you how to fast for them; the love

which Christ will inspire your heart here and now to feel will teach you,

will force you to fast, will teach you, will force you to pray and to keep vigil,

because your heart will have no rest as long as you perceive a drop of pain

in this reality of your cell. Don't allow the fantasy

of a world which we imagine by projecting,

projecting the experiences of our past onto the reality of our present,

don't allow that fantasy world to compromise our only

hope of salvation, which is to be real and present

in the reality of your cell, whatever that cell may be.

I wanted to record this at night time, because I wanted

to start working on our booklet on prayer by night;

but I couldn't because of my migraine, but in a way

this has also been a blessing and an opportunity,

because this is the beginning of that booklet.

There is no way you can engage with real prayer until you engage

with your real self, alive, existing

in the reality of your real cell.

May God bless every pore of your hearts and of your bodies,

dear ones; and may we all be saved by the prayer of all the Saints

and of the Theotokos.

Amen.