"Everything happens for a reason" -- and other lies I've loved | Kate Bowler | TED

Summary

In this deeply personal narrative, the speaker recounts her unexpected diagnosis of stage IV cancer at 35, shattering her belief in the 'prosperity gospel' that good things happen to good people. As a historian and mother, she grapples with the irony of her situation, the pain, and the profound love and connection she feels despite her illness. The speech explores the human quest for meaning in suffering and the resilience of love and community in the face of life's uncertainties.

Takeaways

• 😢 The speaker received life-altering news of stage IV cancer at the age of 35, shattering her sense of security and well-being.
• 👨‍👩‍👦 She had a loving family, a dream job, and had just overcome infertility, embodying the 'American Dream' narrative.
• 📚 As a historian, she was an expert in the 'prosperity gospel', a belief system that equates virtue with success and happiness.
• 🤔 Despite her professional detachment, she realized she had internalized the prosperity gospel's promise of reward for the good and faithful.
• 💔 The diagnosis forced her to confront the failure of her personal prosperity gospel, as her virtues did not shield her from hardship.
• 🤝 She experienced an outpouring of love and support from her community, which helped her feel connected and less alone in her struggle.
• 🌊 The feeling of love she felt during her near-death experience was profound, offering a sense of peace amidst her suffering.
• 🔍 She questioned the need for reasons and formulas to explain away the bad things that happen in life, challenging the 'prosperity gospel' mindset.
• 📨 The public's response to her story revealed a deep-seated desire for explanations and a resistance to accepting life's unpredictability.
• 💔 The harsh reality of her illness underscored the fragility of life and the ephemeral nature of our existence.
• 🌈 She learned to appreciate the beauty and love in life, even in the face of great adversity, without seeking guarantees or reasons.

Q & A

What was the unexpected news the speaker received three years ago?

The speaker received a call with the test results of a recent scan, revealing that she had stage IV cancer.

What significant life events had recently occurred for the speaker before her diagnosis?

The speaker had married her high school sweetheart, became pregnant after years of infertility, and had a one-year-old son named Zach. She also got her dream job in academia.

What was the speaker's profession and area of expertise before her diagnosis?

The speaker was a historian and an expert in the prosperity gospel, a form of Christianity that promises God wants you to prosper.

What is the prosperity gospel, and how does it relate to the American Dream?

The prosperity gospel is a form of Christianity that believes God rewards those with the right kind of faith with health, wealth, and happiness. It has become intertwined with the American Dream, which promises that hard work and moral fiber lead to success.

How did the speaker's personal beliefs align with the prosperity gospel before her diagnosis?

The speaker did not consider herself a follower of the prosperity gospel but was deeply invested in the idea that good things happen to good people, which is a core belief of the prosperity gospel.

What was the speaker's reaction to her diagnosis, and how did it challenge her beliefs?

The speaker was shocked and initially struggled to reconcile her diagnosis with her belief in the prosperity gospel. She questioned why this was happening to her, given her good deeds and life achievements.

How did the speaker's experience with cancer change her perspective on life and the prosperity gospel?

The speaker realized that her life, like everyone else's, is fragile and that there is no guaranteed correlation between virtue and success. She learned to live and love without needing reasons or assurances.

What was the speaker's response to the thousands of letters and emails she received after writing an op-ed about her experience?

The speaker acknowledged that many people wanted to find a reason or a hidden logic behind her diagnosis, but she could not provide them with a five-step plan to divine health or magical floating feelings.

What did the speaker learn about love and connection during her experience with stage IV cancer?

The speaker learned that even in the face of adversity and suffering, she felt an overwhelming sense of love and connection from the people around her, which she found to be a profound and surreal experience.

What is the one kind of prosperity gospel the speaker now believes in, and why?

The speaker now believes in a prosperity gospel that emphasizes the presence of beauty and love even in the darkest times, as she experienced during her battle with cancer.

What is the speaker's current health status, and what hopes does she have for the future?

The speaker is doing quite well, with immunotherapy drugs appearing to be effective. She hopes to live long enough to see her son grow up and to watch her husband age gracefully.