Emotionally Unavailable Men 101

Summary

This video discusses how to handle an emotionally unavailable man, particularly one who lets you chase him. It explains the dynamic of masculine and feminine energies in relationships and the frustration of pursuing someone who remains elusive. The advice given includes walking away from such situations, recognizing the fantasy versus reality, and focusing on self-love and emotional health. The video emphasizes that you cannot change an emotionally unavailable person and encourages viewers to seek genuine connections with those who reciprocate affection and commitment.

Takeaways

• 😀 Men who let women chase them often embody feminine energy in the relationship.
• 😀 A dynamic where the man is chased forces the woman into a traditionally masculine role.
• 😀 This type of man rarely makes the first move, instead trying to get women to pursue him.
• 😀 Women often feel like they are always chasing the man's commitment, attention, or affection.
• 😀 The best way to handle such a man is to not give in and remain stoic and immovable.
• 😀 Walking away without playing games is the healthiest option if you don't want to engage in this dynamic.
• 😀 Honest communication about feelings can help, but often, the best step is to move on.
• 😀 Many women struggle with letting go mentally after leaving such a relationship, clinging to fantasies of what could have been.
• 😀 Emotionally healthy women will not waste much time on such unavailable men.
• 😀 The phenomenon of longing for someone who doesn't reciprocate is often an emotional addiction to fantasy.
• 😀 Recognizing the unhealthy pattern can help women avoid getting caught up in it and seek healthier relationships.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video?

The main focus of the video is how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man, specifically the type who lets you chase him.

How does the speaker describe the dynamic between a man who lets you chase him and the person chasing?

The speaker describes it as a Yin Yang energy dynamic, where the man takes on the Yin energy by making the other person chase, forcing them into a masculine (Yang) role.

What behavior characterizes a man who lets you chase him?

A man who lets you chase him rarely makes the first move, instead he tries to get your attention and then turns away, creating a dynamic where you are always chasing his commitment, attention, or affection.

What are the two options given for dealing with a man who lets you chase him?

The two options are either to walk away or to give him a taste of his own medicine by not giving in and remaining stoic.

Why does the speaker suggest that telling the man how you feel may not be effective?

The speaker suggests that telling the man how you feel may not be effective because he is unlikely to reciprocate, and it is more about the person’s own state of mind to feel they have laid everything out.

What is the main message about playing games in this type of relationship?

The main message is that if you are involved in such a situation, you are already playing games, and the only way to stop is to walk away.

What does the speaker say about the emotional state of women who get caught up with unavailable men?

The speaker says that women who get caught up with unavailable men are temporarily emotionally unavailable themselves because they are indulging in the fantasy of what could be rather than accepting reality.

How does the speaker suggest one should view the fantasy of a relationship with an unavailable man?

The speaker suggests that one should recognize the fantasy for what it is, a dead-end, and understand that it is an emotional addiction to longing or pain.

What does the speaker mean by 'flee they follow, follow they flee'?

The phrase means that people often want what they can't have, and when someone pulls away, the other person tends to chase them more, creating a perpetual cycle.

What is the speaker’s advice for finding a healthier relationship dynamic?

The speaker advises working on self-love and releasing negative emotional addictions to attract and choose a partner who provides feelings of peace and love, rather than one who needs to be chased.

Outlines

00:00

💔 Understanding the Emotionally Unavailable Man

This paragraph discusses how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man, focusing on those who make you chase them. It explains the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies in relationships, describing how such a man adopts a feminine energy, making you chase him. The text emphasizes that the only way to regain control is to mirror his behavior and not play his game, ultimately advising to walk away if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

05:00

🌈 The Fantasy vs. Reality in Relationships

This paragraph delves into the concept of emotional addiction to longing and pain, explaining why people, especially women, get caught up with emotionally unavailable men. It highlights how fantasy can be more potent than reality, making people yearn for those who do not reciprocate their feelings. The text suggests recognizing this pattern to avoid getting entangled in such unproductive and emotionally draining relationships.

Keywords

💡Emotionally unavailable

This term refers to a person who is unable or unwilling to engage emotionally in a relationship. In the context of the video, it describes men who avoid commitment and genuine emotional connection, often leading women to chase after them in vain.

💡Yin and Yang

These are Chinese philosophical concepts that describe how seemingly opposite forces are interconnected and interdependent. In the video, they are used metaphorically to explain the dynamics between masculine and feminine energies in romantic relationships, with 'Yin' representing a passive or receptive energy and 'Yang' representing an active or assertive energy.

💡Chase dynamic

This term refers to a relationship pattern where one person is constantly pursuing the other, who remains elusive. The video discusses how some men encourage this chase to maintain control and how it often leads to an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship.

💡Masculine and feminine energies

These terms refer to traditional qualities associated with masculinity and femininity. In the video, they are used to explain behaviors in romantic relationships, with masculine energy being more proactive and feminine energy being more passive. The video argues that a man who makes a woman chase him is taking on a more feminine energy role.

💡Fantasy

This term refers to an imagined or idealized version of reality. The video emphasizes how women often get caught up in the fantasy of a perfect relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, rather than facing the reality of the situation and seeking a healthier connection.

💡Victim mentality

This concept involves perceiving oneself as a victim of circumstances or others' actions. The video discusses how women may fall into a victim mentality when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, feeling powerless and caught in a cycle of chasing without reward.

💡Vulnerability

This term refers to the willingness to show one's emotions and weaknesses. The video suggests that being honest and vulnerable can help break the cycle of chasing an emotionally unavailable man, as it allows for genuine communication and the possibility of moving on if the feelings are not reciprocated.

💡Stoic

This term describes a person who remains calm and unemotional, even in the face of adversity. The video advises women to adopt a stoic attitude in dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, suggesting that remaining unmoved by his actions can help regain control of the relationship dynamic.

💡Emotional addiction

This concept refers to a compulsive attachment to certain emotional states or relationships, even when they are harmful. The video explains that women may develop an emotional addiction to the fantasy of an unavailable man, which keeps them stuck in a cycle of longing and unfulfilled desire.

💡Reciprocate

This term means to return or respond to a gesture or feeling. The video highlights the importance of seeking relationships where feelings and efforts are reciprocated, as chasing someone who does not reciprocate one's feelings leads to an unbalanced and unhealthy dynamic.

Highlights

The video discusses strategies for dealing with emotionally unavailable men who entice women to chase them.

A romantic dynamic is composed of masculine and feminine energies creating a Yin Yang dynamic.

Men who let women chase them adopt a feminine energy, forcing women into a masculine, chasing role.

These men rarely initiate contact but instead seek attention and then withdraw, creating a cycle of pursuit.

Even if you 'win' such a man, the dynamic of chasing for commitment, attention, or affection persists.

The power dynamic can potentially be regained by not taking on the chasing role and remaining stoic.

Walking away from such a man without playing games is the best course of action.

Being honest and vulnerable about feelings can be beneficial for personal closure, even if not reciprocated.

Many women struggle with letting go mentally after ending a relationship with an unavailable man.

Getting involved with an unavailable man can make a woman emotionally unavailable herself.

A healthy, emotionally available woman would not entertain a non-committal situation for long.

The book 'Women Who Love Too Much' by Robin Norwood explains the emotional addiction to longing and pain.

Longing is more potent than having, which is why fantasies about unavailable men can be so enticing.

Being consciously aware of this pattern can help avoid getting caught up in unproductive fantasies.

The video clarifies that it does not offer ways to change an emotionally unavailable man, as change must come from within.

Self-love and releasing negative emotional addictions are key to attracting and choosing partners who treat you right.

People are not meant to be changed by others; it's important to accept them as they are.

The video suggests that a man who needs to be chased may miss out on the woman he wants because she won't chase him.

A healthy relationship involves mutual vulnerability and building a stronger connection, not one-sided chasing.

Transcripts

in this video I'm going to talk about

how to deal with an unavailable man and

there are several ways in which people

are unavailable emotionally or otherwise

but in this video we are going to focus

on the type of man who lets you chase

him any romantic dynamic between two

people will be made up of masculine and

feminine energies and behaviors which

will create a sort of Yin Yang energy

dynamic between the two and when a man

lets you or even entices you to chase

him he's essentially taking on the major

Yin of the exchange forcing you into a

position where you really only have two

options which is either to leave or to

take on the young of the dynamic meaning

chasing after him a man who lets you

chase him is a man who in his Dynamic

with you and probably romantically as a

whole is in his feminine energy if you

have ever actually been pursued by AI or

more accurately bend the pursua of a man

like this you know exactly what it feels

and looks like he is the man who will

rarely if ever actually make the first

move but instead repeatedly fan his tail

feathers at you hoping that you will do

it for him he's the type of man who will

drop in just to get your attention and

then turn away this is the man that even

if you win him over which you probably

won't because his whole Spiel is that

you will never catch him but if you do

you always feel like you're chasing him

in some way chasing his commitment

chasing his attention or chasing his

affection you're the reacher and he's

the settler he's the man that every time

you move one step closer to him he moves

one away and this Dynamic is likely

never going to change because how things

start they'll usually continue the only

way you can actually potentially win a

man like this over or regain control of

the power dynamic between the two of you

is to give him a taste of his own

medicine and then some which means to

never give in to not take on the young

of the dynamic to remain stoic and

immovable instead of becoming frustrated

and angry at him and before you say that

you don't like to play games if you are

involved in a situation like this you

are playing games you are just the loser

and you are kind of willingly playing

along too because not playing games

means walking away from the board

entirely when you are treated this way

so first and foremost if you truly don't

want to play any games with a man in

this situation then you're pissed off

just dropping him and walking away with

either a very short and matter of fact

statement saying that you're walking

away because you don't play games or

walking away with with no statement of

why you're doing so at all which in

these types of cases is the best thing

to do the next best thing would be to be

honest and vulnerable and tell them

about your feelings and then if he

doesn't reciprocate then you'll let it

go and move on but I'd argue that

they're telling him how you feel part is

only if you need it for your own state

of mind so you can feel like you've

truly lifted all out on the table when

you walk away and move on but I made

this video because I find that a lot of

women have a difficult time truly

walking away and moving on and if not

that then Letting Go mentally after the

fact letting go of the could have and

would-avs the what ifs and what is

essentially a fantasy of him and you and

what could have been so let me lovingly

shake you out of your fantasy when

dealing with an unavailable man many

women fail to realize that by getting

caught up with him they're essentially

at least temporarily emotionally

unavailable themselves we tend to

complain that men are emotionally

unavailable but when you are a healthy

self-assured emotionally available woman

met with the type of behavior that I'm

describing then you won't give a

situationship such as this much if any

time before moving on if you know what

you want in a relationship and it's not

this then this type of situation

shouldn't stay enticing for long and

even if you're not looking for a

relationship coming from a healthy

mindset you wouldn't want to be jerked

around regardless and in this case you

are being jerked around in one of my

favorite books women who love too much

by Robin Norwood she explains how people

but especially women get caught up in

situations with emotionally unavailable

men both short and long term so so that

they can feed off the fantasy of how

things could and would be in a perfect

fantasy world instead of accepting and

facing reality and finding someone who

they can actually accept for who they

are and what they offer and who may

actually provide a stable real

relationship it's essentially an

emotional addiction to longing or pain

this is one thing that may explain the

phenomenon of why when someone likes us

we don't want them back but when someone

doesn't want us we can yearn for them

for months or years real life could

never feel as potent as fantasy because

longing is a much more potent feeling

than having so we entertain the fantasy

of a man who is clearly messing around

because as long as he is a fantasy he

feeds the intense emotional longing we

experience and this is usually not the

start of something beautiful but if it

ever is because he actually turns around

and makes the change we've longed for

Robin Norwood explains how in actuality

the attraction we feel is then often

lost because we don't realize our inner

Matrix that we're actually living in the

fantasy of the could beasts you're

actually feeding off the fact that he's

not reciprocating and he's feeding off

of running from you and you're perfectly

matched in this knot together but if you

are or ever have been in this position

don't feel bad it is also just human

nature to want to change the attractive

thing that's running away flee they

follow follow they flee but being

consciously aware of this pattern may

help you recognize if and when it's

happening to you so that you can

actively try to meet someone who will

actually build a connection with you and

so you can see the fantasy for what it

is when it happens and recognize that

it's a dead end before you get caught up

in your head so does that then mean that

you should only go for a man who chases

you instead should you act like someone

like Jin Young from Singles Inferno

because you are the woman some women

seem to think that the idea that the man

does the pursuit and takes initiative

means that a man must drive the entire

connection while you just sit passively

on your throne but I just personally

don't think that's good either when

building a healthy relationship two

people give up a little vulnerability at

a time to build a stronger connection

with each other no one is supposed to

actually Chase anyone but I'll make

another video going into depth about

this specifically with this video you

may have come into it thinking or hoping

that it would offer you means to change

the emotionally unavailable man but

there are no one to change but self he

is not your problem you are work on

loving yourself first and on releasing

any negative emotional addictions such

as the one to the victim mentality so

that you will feel attracted to being

treated right and will choose a partner

who will bring you feelings of peace and

love a man who lets you chase him is a

man who wants to be chaste and when

people show you who they are you have to

believe them and accept it people are

not to be changed by us and I say this

with much love but there's a certain

pitiful almost arrogance to it when we

believe that someone should adhere to

our vision of them especially in the

early stages of Attraction and who you

should really pity is the man who needs

to be chased he may miss out on the

woman that he wants because the woman he

wants is the one he can't have and he

can't have her because she won't chase

him the thing is that even a man in his

quote-unquote feminine energy will often

be attracted to a woman in her feminine

energy in the same areas just like like

how women who are more in their

masculine energies still are attracted

to men in their masculine energy as well

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watch this video next for an example of

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