Psychologist EXPLAINS Why Not EVERYBODY IS ATTRACTIVE

Summary

The transcript delves into the concept of Sexual Marketplace Value (SMV), highlighting its fluid and context-dependent nature. It explores how societal standards like appearance, height, and income shape perceptions of attractiveness. The discussion emphasizes that SMV is subjective and often realized in relationships, where true value becomes evident. The idea of 'contextual Alphas' is introduced, encouraging individuals to find environments where they can shine, even if they don't meet traditional standards. Ultimately, the video underscores that SMV isn't fixed, and one's worth can vary based on personal context and the people they engage with.

Takeaways

• 😀 Everyone is born beautiful, and there’s no need to rate or bring others down based on appearance.
• 😀 Beauty is subjective, and not everyone is equally attractive, but everyone has the potential to be beautiful.
• 😀 Sexual Marketplace Value (SMV) is based on cultural standards and how one measures up to societal expectations regarding attractiveness, age, and socioeconomic status.
• 😀 SMV can differ from person to person based on their specific preferences and what they find attractive, not just what culture dictates.
• 😀 You never truly know your SMV until you engage in a relationship, as attractiveness is based on mutual perceptions during interaction.
• 😀 Comparing someone's SMV to others, like a person's height or wealth, may not necessarily determine their attractiveness to a particular individual.
• 😀 A person's true value in the dating market can only be understood when transactions or relationships occur and are based on real interactions.
• 😀 A woman’s SMV can be determined by the type of men she attracts, while a man’s SMV can be gauged by the women he can get into relationships with.
• 😀 SMV concepts can apply to gay relationships as well, and lesbians may place a strong emphasis on commitment in their relationships.
• 😀 In high school and college, people may date those in similar social and financial contexts, so SMV is relative to the environment they are in.
• 😀 The importance of context in determining SMV means that someone’s attractiveness might depend on where they are, like a campus or social circle, rather than just a larger societal standard.

Q & A

What is Sexual Marketplace Value (SMV)?

Sexual Marketplace Value (SMV) is a concept that refers to an individual's perceived attractiveness, desirability, and social value in the dating or relationship market. It is influenced by various factors such as physical appearance, socioeconomic status, and other cultural standards of attractiveness.

How does the script define 'normalized SMV'?

Normalized SMV is a measure of how well an individual meets the cultural standards of attractiveness in their society. It is determined by factors like height, socioeconomic status for men, and physical appearance and age for women, as well as how these attributes are perceived by the opposite sex in the specific culture or society.

What is the significance of 'context' in determining SMV?

The context plays a significant role in determining SMV because individuals' attractiveness can vary depending on the specific social or cultural context. For example, in a high school setting, the 'Big Man on Campus' (like an athlete) may have a higher SMV, but this could change when the same person is compared to someone with a higher socioeconomic status in a different context.

Can SMV be fixed across all environments?

No, SMV is not fixed across all environments. It can fluctuate depending on the context, such as where an individual lives or the specific social group they are part of. For instance, someone who might be seen as less attractive in a larger societal setting might shine in a smaller, more specific context.

How do personal preferences influence SMV?

Personal preferences heavily influence SMV because different people are attracted to various traits that may not align with cultural standards. For example, someone might prefer 'cute nerds' over traditionally attractive people, which shows that individual attraction can defy cultural expectations.

What does the concept of 'contextual alpha' mean in the script?

'Contextual alpha' refers to someone whose SMV might be lower in a general context but is considered highly attractive or valuable in a specific situation or environment. For example, a short man might have a lower SMV in the broader dating pool but could be highly desirable in a smaller, particular context.

How is SMV related to socioeconomic status in dating?

In many cases, socioeconomic status, including wealth and career success, can be a significant factor in determining a man's SMV, especially in societies where financial security is highly valued. However, this may vary based on personal preferences, where some individuals might prioritize other factors such as personality or physical appearance.

What is the relationship between SMV and 'selling value' in relationships?

The relationship between SMV and selling value is likened to the price of an artwork. Just as the true value of a painting is realized only when someone is willing to pay for it, an individual's SMV is only truly determined through interactions and relationships, where others express their willingness to engage with them based on perceived value.

Can SMV be accurately assessed without being in a relationship?

No, SMV is difficult to assess accurately until someone engages in a relationship or interaction. As relationships are a form of transaction, they are the point where an individual's value is tested and reflected, and only then can the true worth in terms of SMV be understood.

How does SMV apply to same-sex relationships?

The script suggests that the concept of SMV can also apply to same-sex relationships, although the dynamics may differ. For example, in lesbian relationships, there is a noted emphasis on commitment, which may affect how SMV is evaluated compared to heterosexual relationships. SMV can still be contextual and based on the attributes individuals prioritize in these relationships.