How to Date 9s and 10s
Summary
TLDRIn this video, the speaker shares his journey from social anxiety to dating confidence, emphasizing the importance of improving one's sexual market value (SMV) through various aspects like physical appearance, lifestyle, and social skills. He discusses the differences between men's and women's SMV and stresses the need for a holistic approach to self-improvement. The speaker provides actionable advice on enhancing looks, game, and lifestyle to attract and maintain relationships with higher caliber women.
Takeaways
- 🚹 The speaker emphasizes that men often aspire to be with more attractive women and shares his personal journey from low self-confidence to feeling entitled to date higher caliber women.
- 💪 The importance of improving one's physique is acknowledged, but it's also highlighted that physical fitness alone is not sufficient to attract a 'dream girl'.
- 💰 The speaker clarifies that while money and status matter, they are not the sole determinants of one's sexual market value (SMV); it's the lifestyle they enable that's more significant.
- 🧠 A shift in mindset is necessary for men to improve their dating life, and the speaker outlines the need to develop multiple qualities to enhance one's SMV.
- 👥 For men, SMV is not just about looks but also involves factors like confidence, charisma, and the ability to create attraction and seduction.
- 📈 The speaker shares his own experiences with improving his appearance, including regular grooming, fashion, and fitness routines.
- 🌐 The environment and the lifestyle one leads play a crucial role in meeting and dating higher caliber women.
- 🗣️ 'Game' is highlighted as an essential component of dating success, which includes confidence, charisma, and the ability to create emotional experiences during interactions.
- 🔍 The speaker suggests that men should evaluate their current SMV and work on the areas that need improvement, such as looks, game, and lifestyle.
- 📈 The process of improving one's dating life is incremental and requires consistent effort and daily habits to build character and SMV.
- 🌟 The speaker concludes by encouraging men to work their way up the dating ladder, starting with accepting their current SMV and making a long-term commitment to self-improvement.
Q & A
What was the speaker's situation 10 years ago regarding his dating life?
-Ten years ago, the speaker was at rock bottom with his social confidence and dating life. He felt anxious and afraid to approach women he found attractive, believing they were out of his league.
What does the speaker suggest is not enough to attract a 'dream girl'?
-The speaker suggests that just having a good physique, or 'hitting the gym', is not enough to attract a 'dream girl'. He emphasizes that multiple qualities need to be developed collectively.
What is the term used to describe one's overall attractiveness in the dating market according to the speaker?
-The term used is 'Sexual Market Value' or 'SMV', which refers to the overall attractiveness of an individual in the dating market.
How does the speaker differentiate between a woman's SMV and a man's SMV?
-The speaker differentiates by stating that a woman's SMV is primarily made up of her physical look, while a man's SMV includes not only physical appearance but also survival mechanisms, which can be reflected in lifestyle, status, and social skills.
What are the key pillars the speaker identifies for improving one's SMV?
-The key pillars identified are looks, lifestyle, and game (social confidence, charisma, and ability to create attraction).
Why is 'lifestyle' considered more important than just 'money' or 'status' according to the speaker?
-The speaker considers 'lifestyle' more important because it encompasses how one lives, including the environment one is in, which can affect the opportunities to interact with attractive women, rather than just focusing on financial status or fame.
What does the speaker suggest about the importance of 'game' in relation to physical attractiveness and wealth?
-The speaker suggests that even if a man is physically attractive and wealthy, without 'game' (the ability to communicate, flirt, and create attraction), he will not be able to maintain the interest and attraction of a woman.
What is the speaker's advice on how to improve one's physical appearance?
-The speaker advises on improving physical appearance by working out with progressive overload, maintaining a low body fat percentage, grooming, fashion, and taking care of one's face and teeth.
How does the speaker recommend practicing and improving 'game'?
-The speaker recommends practicing 'game' by interacting with strangers, cold approaching, and analyzing one's communication to optimize it. He also suggests going on dates to practice flirting, creating attraction, and leading a woman.
What is the process the speaker outlines for someone to date higher caliber women?
-The process outlined is to first evaluate oneself honestly, work on the pillars of looks, lifestyle, and game, and then slowly work one's way up to dating higher caliber women by accepting one's current level and improving it step by step.
What is the time frame the speaker suggests for someone to see significant improvements in their dating life?
-The speaker suggests that significant improvements in one's dating life can be achieved within 1 to 2 years of focused work on the mentioned pillars.
Outlines
🚀 Transformation to Confidence in Dating
The speaker reflects on his journey from social and dating life insecurity at age 24 to a state of confidence and entitlement to date women he once considered out of his league. He shares his past anxiety about approaching attractive women and his belief that a combination of mindset shifts and practical actions can elevate one's dating life. He emphasizes that improving one's physique, while beneficial, is not the sole solution to attracting a partner. The speaker introduces the concept of Sexual Market Value (SMV), explaining that for men, it encompasses more than just physical appearance and includes lifestyle, status, and 'game' (social skills and charisma). He also points out the differences between men's and women's SMV, noting that while a woman's SMV is largely based on physical attractiveness, a man's SMV is a composite of various qualities.
💪 The Importance of Physical Appearance and Grooming
The speaker discusses the significance of physical appearance in dating, advocating for a comprehensive approach that goes beyond just working out at the gym. He stresses the importance of progressive overload in exercise, maintaining a low body fat percentage, and regular grooming. The speaker shares personal grooming habits, such as frequent haircuts, skincare, beard maintenance, and dental care, including a hair transplant and orthodontic treatments. He also highlights the role of well-fitted clothing in enhancing one's physique and encourages the audience to identify and improve upon their own appearance-related shortcomings.
🗣️ Developing 'Game' and Social Confidence
The speaker emphasizes the importance of 'game,' which includes communication skills, charisma, and the ability to create attraction and seduction. He acknowledges his own initial lack of social confidence and shares how he improved by practicing cold approaches, which helped him overcome social fears, make good first impressions, and become a better conversationalist. The speaker suggests that recording and analyzing one's own communication can help identify areas for improvement. He also stresses the need to practice flirting, leading, and maintaining attraction in interactions with women, even if they are not one's top choice, as a way to build skills that will be useful when dating higher caliber women.
🌆 Lifestyle and Its Impact on Dating
The speaker argues that lifestyle plays a crucial role in one's ability to attract and interact with high-caliber women. He contrasts two hypothetical scenarios to illustrate how a man's environment and daily activities can significantly impact his opportunities for meeting attractive women, regardless of his looks or 'game.' The speaker suggests that living in a lively area, frequenting popular spots, and engaging in social activities can increase the chances of meeting desirable partners. He concludes by advising men to evaluate their current SMV and to work proactively on improving their appearance, game, and lifestyle to gradually attract higher caliber women, emphasizing that this is a long-term process that requires patience and consistent effort.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Confidence
💡Sexual Market Value (SMV)
💡Game
💡Physical Appearance
💡Lifestyle
💡Progressive Overload
💡Grooming
💡Cold Approach
💡Status
💡Entitlement
Highlights
Men desire to be with more attractive, higher caliber women.
The speaker's personal transformation from social anxiety to confidence in dating.
Importance of mindset shifts and practical actions to improve dating life.
The speaker's past struggles with confidence and dating at age 24.
The misconception that improving one's physique alone can attract a partner.
The concept of Sexual Market Value (SMV) and its components for men.
Differences in SMV between men and women.
The multifaceted nature of SMV for men, including looks, money, status, and game.
The necessity of building multiple qualities to increase SMV.
The speaker's journey in enhancing each SMV pillar.
The significance of optimizing one's appearance beyond just physical fitness.
The importance of grooming, fashion, and overall appearance in attraction.
The role of game in creating attraction and maintaining interest.
Practical steps to improve social confidence and communication skills.
The impact of lifestyle on meeting and dating higher caliber women.
The necessity of being in environments where one can interact with desired partners.
The process of gradually increasing one's SMV to attract higher caliber women.
The importance of accepting one's current SMV level and working upwards.
The long-term benefits of consistently working on self-improvement.
The speaker's offer of help through his community for those seeking to accelerate their progress.
Transcripts
almost every man I know wants to be with
more attractive higher caliber women and
10 years ago when I was 24 years old I
was at rock bottom with my social
confidence in my dating life and after
going through all the concepts that I
want to discuss with you guys in this
video I can honestly say now I'm at a
point where I feel very confident but
more importantly entitled I feel very
entitled to actually be with the girls
that previously I genuinely felt like
were out of my league I had anxiety I
was afraid to approach these girls
there's no way in hell I would be able
to actually date one of these girls and
feel secure being with one of these
women so I want to show you guys how I
made that transformation and more
importantly how you guys could do the
same to start leveling up your dating
life so I want to talk about some
mindset shifts that you're going to need
to go through as well as what are the
things you could start working on today
to start getting results and I also want
to just lay out the path that you're
going to need to go down to really get
your dream dating life so let's rewind
10 years ago when my first girlfriend
left me for another dude on my birthday
it was my 24th birthday I was at rock
bottom I didn't know what to do to
actually increase my dating life and at
the time all I thought was let's hit the
gym and I think that's what most dudes
are probably thinking let's hit the gym
let's hit the dating apps and let's go
out to the nightclubs and probably end
up like getting drunk now obviously I am
a big advocate for working on your
physique but understand guys like
getting jacked alone is not going to get
you your dream girl and in fact that's
going to be a recurring theme in this
video there is no one thing that you
could do that's going to land you your
dream 10 cuz cuz a lot of dudes will ask
me Kyle is it looks money status or game
which one is it and honestly it doesn't
matter which one you focus on it's not
any one element that's going to get you
the girl instead what you're going to
need to do is actually build up multiple
qualities of yourself that collectively
raise your sexual market value AKA your
smv Now understand guys a woman's smv
versus a dude's smv are not the same
thing and that's why a lot of dudes are
fixated on the idea of just work on your
look because as a dude when we look at a
woman her smv actually is primarily made
up of her physical look if you saw your
complete dream 10 and she was exactly
the way you like a girl you would be
extremely excited you wouldn't be
thinking I wonder what her personality
is like no you would pretty much be sold
right on the fact of just seeing that
woman because from the dude's
perspective a lot of women's value
actually comes from her ability to
replicate now for a man it's not exactly
the same although replication is a part
of it there's also a lot of survival
mechanisms that come into place when
we're talking about sexual market value
and that's why for a dude it is not just
about looks and it's also not just about
money there are several factors and I
want to go into them in this video about
how I actually went through each one of
these things and how you could do the
same so yes guys your look is important
it's not the end all Beall but it does
matter money I don't think that the
actual number in your bank account
matters that much in fact most women
aren't even going to know that number
until you guys have been dating for a
very long time so instead of instead of
money I want you to look at it more of
like the lifestyle that you could live
as a means of having money and then when
it comes to status I don't want you to
think just about being a celebrity or
having massive clout status is actually
environmental so status online can be
one form of Fame but status can also be
within a job environment within a
fitness environment within a club
environment the way that you communicate
can actually convey certain levels of
status or actually low levels of status
depending on how you're interacting so
instead of money and stat St I want you
guys to think more about lifestyle as a
whole and then the last part of this is
game and yes game is important too that
would be your confidence your charisma
your ability to flirt create attraction
seduction being able to create emotions
within the woman that she could
experience when she's interacting with
you because a dude who has looks and
money if he can't interact with the girl
a certain way to create emotions within
her then he's not going to actually be
able to get that girl he's not going to
be able to arouse her or seduce her and
ultimately date that woman so yes guys
you're looking is important money and
Status ultimately create a lifestyle for
you and yes your game is very important
too so now that we understand these
pillars I want to talk to you guys about
how I went through each one of these
pillars and what I'm currently doing to
try to Max these out because if you're
talking to a woman and she genuinely
thinks that she's a nine even though I
don't like to play the numbers game of
nines and tens but for the sake of this
video and the title of it let's just use
subjective numbers right so if she
thinks she's a nine she needs to
genuinely believe your sexual market
value also equates to at least a nine
maybe even higher than her girls are not
going to be drawn to a dude who they
genuinely believe is lower level than
them unless they're just trying to take
advantage of that dude and you as a man
you want to attract a quality partner
who genuinely looks up to you who will
follow you and support you and admire
you and that's why you're going to need
to put in the work that I'm about to
explain in this video so let's talk
about the look itself I have worked a
lot on my look over the years I'll throw
some pictures up on the screen you guys
can see how I used to look I'm 34 years
old now and I actually take pride in my
look at this point I have a lot of
people that are in disbelief about my
age and I will continue to maintain a
healthy youthful appearance as I age
into my late 30s into my 40s and even
into my 50s and Beyond and most dudes
when they think about their look I think
the main concept that they believe is
just let's hit the gym understand that
is just one element of your look hitting
the gym alone is Not By Any Means
optimizing your look I see a lot of
dudes who hit the gym but they're not
actually doing a progressive Overload at
the gym they're not triggering to their
body that they need to build more muscle
to get through their workouts they're
also not calculating their calories and
being in a deficit and maintaining a low
body fat percentage I think personally
myself I'm way more attractive at about
a 10% body fat than I am at 13 or even
15% I'll throw some pictures up on the
screen you guys could see this is me at
a variety of different body fat
percentages I promise you the dude
that's at this lower body fat is a way
more attractive dude and I also just
feel more physically attractive I feel
more confident I feel more sexy when I'm
walking around at this body fat versus
the chubby fat dude over here it just
says something about yourself if you
want to FastTrack these elements you
could actually click the link below get
into the lower tier Community I have
daily live coaching calls going on in
there all the content is nice and
structured out and you get an initial
one-on-one call with me where I will lay
out what you need to start doing this
week to start leveling up your dating
life and your social confidence you also
want to work on your grooming your
fashion your face your appearance as a
whole so I get a haircut every one to
two weeks I make sure I get a nice skin
fade I personally line up my beard every
couple of days I've gotten a hair
transplant I also am on hair medication
to make sure I maintain my hair I've
gotten Invisalign I've gotten my teeth
whitened and then I even more recently
got my teeth done to really perfect my
smile and then I also make sure I have
well-fitting clothes that hug my body
that accentuate my physical features to
really optimize my look as a whole you
need to figure out which one of these
attributes in terms of your appearance
are you lacking and start being more
proactive with optimizing your look as a
whole now let's move into your game okay
your communication your Vibe your
charisma your social confidence all of
these factors are extremely important
too I have a whole channel that I've
built up that teaches these elements so
I'm not going to nerd out for an hour on
these Concepts in this video but watch
the the videos on my channel so you get
a better understanding of those things
you need to have some level of of social
confidence that way you could go up and
actually interact with your dream girl
when you see her if you can't hold eye
contact or your communication's whack
you can't create the right emotions in a
conversation how are you going to
attract that girl and keep her engaged
and wanting to see you over time it just
doesn't work like that the idea of just
focus on yourself and your business and
work on your look those are great things
to build but I do think simultaneously
you need to be working on your game my
social comments was at a very low level
the first thing that I started to do was
go out and interact with strangers on a
daily basis I would practice cold
approach because it forced me to face my
fear socially it forced me to learn how
to properly communicate to somebody to
make a really good first impression it
also taught me how to be an amazing
conversationalist I was putting into
these situations over and over and over
again so I learned how to carry a
conversation in an engaging way how to
inject teasing and flirtatiousness into
an interaction to keep people engaged
and how to carry that conversation all
the way to get a phone number to set up
a date to actually run a date and
ultimately create attraction and seduce
a girl long term and understanding cold
approach alone is not the end all be all
I am not saying just go all in on cold
approach it's a great tool that you
could practice on a daily basis by just
putting in a couple minutes while you're
going about your day and then also
another element of game is just your
communication and your Vibe there's a
lot of dudes I talk to they're
good-looking dudes they're in
environments where they can meet women
but they talk like emotionless they
don't have expression or animation in
their face and the way that they
communicate is very stale and boring and
monotone understand guys it's going to
be very hard to create emotions with
somebody you're interacting with when
your communication is at a very low
Bland level so what I recommend doing is
analyze your communication record
yourself on video record yourself in an
interaction pay attention to the
elements of your own communication that
are lacking and be more proactive with
tweaking your communication to optimize
it and start interacting with women yes
start interacting with women you need to
consistently get into conversations with
girls you're attracted to I would also
recommend you start going on dates with
women even if it's not the top tier that
you want you need to start practicing
flirting creating attraction being able
to smoothly escalate being able to lead
a woman properly being able to hold
frame with a woman these are important
factors that will ultimately lead to you
having more confidence when it comes to
dating higher caliber women and they
noticed this [ __ ] man I promise you if
you go up and you interact with a very
high level girl she's unconsciously
going to scan you she's going to know
your your nervous mandar isms your
failure to hold eye contact or the
conversation just goes still cuz you
can't make it fun and emotional and
teasy and flirty to get her aroused and
intrigued to want to get to know you on
a deeper level so yes these elements are
crucial if you really want to get higher
level women in your life now that we
understand looks and game I want to get
into lifestyle itself and then I'll show
you guys the process that you could go
through to really Max all of these out I
want to just show you an extreme example
that will highlight these Concepts
because let's say we take two of the
same dude the first dude he's pretty
good-look and he has a decent level of
game maybe it's not maxed out but
they're pretty good now let's say that
dude was never in environments where
there's attractive women around right he
wakes up he does his his morning walk on
his treadmill in his apartment he does
his grocery shopping at the corner store
Bodega where there's low-level people
like crackheads hanging around out side
and then he goes to the gym at the
bodybuilder gym where there's just a
couple Jack dudes and there's no women
there and then he works remote at home
and then he also on the weekends if he
were to go out he just goes to the
corner little Pub to shoot pool with his
boys and nobody's really there and
that's his week that dude even though
he's goodlooking even though he has a
decent level of game how many women that
are attractive is he actually
interacting with on a daily basis or
weekly basis it's pretty much zero and
that's what I see with a lot of dudes
like they're not living the lifestyle
where they could actually interact with
the caliber of women they want now let's
just say for extreme example purposes I
take that same dude I make him slightly
more ugly and he actually has a lower
level of game but that dude now when he
does his morning walk he actually walks
through the busy downtown area of a
major city right and then when he goes
to go grocery shopping he goes to the
popular Whole Foods that's right in the
middle of that City and then instead of
working at home remote half of his day
he actually goes to the Busy Cafe and
works remote at that cafe Cafe shop and
then instead of working out at the
bodybuilder gym where there's the two
Jack dudes he goes to the the really
busy Equinox and then one to two times a
week he actually goes to the high-end
restaurant that turns into a a little
lounge or like Club later on so he eats
dinner there and then he mingles for one
or two hours on like a Friday evening or
Saturday evening and then over the
weekend he casually walks through the
downtown area again now this dude even
though his looks and his game are at a
lower level than the first example this
man will have a much higher chance of
Landing his dream partner simply because
of his lifestyle and that's what I was
saying earlier guys it doesn't
necessarily matter about the number in
your bank account because that first
dude could actually be a
multi-millionaire but he's just not
interacting with the attractive women
the second guy could have less money but
he paid a little bit extra to go to the
gym that's at the highend spot he pays a
little bit extra rent to live in The
Busy area he pays a little bit extra to
shop at Whole Foods pays a little bit
extra to go out on the evenings and and
walk around the busy places where he
could interact with High Caliber women
that is half the battle right there so
each one of these pillars is going to
ultimately dictate your sexual market
value and the people that you have
opportunities to interact with on a
daily and weekly basis a good-looking
dude who also lives the lifestyle he's
going to get attention from women and
get into interactions but if he has zero
game he's not going to be able to create
attraction or he might get a phone
number and then the girl ends up
ghosting him later on good-looking dude
with game but no environment to be in
well he's not going to really get that
much attention from nines and T because
there aren't any of of them around so
he's just getting attention from the
sixes sevens 7.5 that are at his gym or
he might encounter a couple of these
type of girls throughout his day-to-day
dude who doesn't look that good and
doesn't have game but is in the
environments he might actually clean up
a little bit just because he's in these
environments but still it's going to be
very hard to keep those girls attraction
long term because of his lack of
physical attraction and his lack of
understanding of how to keep the
attraction through game and confidence
and for that reason all three of these
pillars are very important so now that
we understand those do an evaluation of
yourself guys because I talk to a lot of
dudes on my consultation calls and with
every guy that I talk to they're missing
one or two of these pillars they have
some of them like they're not bad
looking their game's okay but then they
never get out the house to to actually
interact with their dream growth or
they're in these environments and they
look okay but then their communication
and their confidence is just whack so
figure out which parts of your own
character is lacking and you want to
start to be more proactive with building
those things and that comes down to the
Daily actions the daily habits you're
doing every single day to build the
character the final part I want to
discuss with you guys is you need to
start to work your way up to dating
higher caliber women you're not just
going to go today from the S you watch
this video and suddenly you're dating a
10 it just doesn't work that way you
need to accept and be real with yourself
about where you're at on this scale
there's nothing worse than a picky ass
dude who's a six or a seven and he feels
entitled to having the eight the nine or
the 10 and I'm looking at the dude and
I'm like why do you feel entitled to get
this woman you don't look up to par your
confidence isn't that high you just make
some money so you think you're the [ __ ]
but you haven't put in in the work on
these other areas so accept wherever
you're at take an unbiased look at your
life based on the experiences the work
you've put in the way you look and your
environment figure out where you're at
right now and now we need to start to be
proactive to slowly work your way up if
your sexual market value collectively as
a whole is a seven you are not ready to
go out and get a 9 or 10 even if you got
a 10 from that girl you're not going to
be able to keep her you're going to be
freaking the [ __ ] out you don't feel
entitled you have no evidence supporting
the fact that you should be with a woman
like that and that's honestly why a lot
of dudes fly to third world countries
because the Dude who's like a seven in
the USA a white dude if he's in [ __ ]
Colombia suddenly he's one to two points
higher and now he gets attention from
those kind of women that's why a lot of
dudes are trying to go with passport
Bros to like go around the idea of
putting in the [ __ ] work to really
level up your character it doesn't need
to take 10 years all right you could
achieve most of the things I'm talking
about in 1 to 2 years and honestly would
you really want it any other way
honestly like if you really want to be
with your dream partner the girl that
you are so attracted to and she looks up
to you and she idolizes you and admires
you for the man that you've become and
wants to be with you long term dude
that's going to take a little bit of
time go in with the right mindset that
this may take a little bit of time but
it's extremely fruitful every step of
the way because as you start to level up
you're going to you're going to get more
bought into the idea of optimizing your
look you're going to enjoy hitting the
gym you're going to enjoy putting in the
hard work on a daily basis cuz it's
fulfilling you feel good at the end of
the day you feel proud you feel excited
and ambitious as a man that's growing
and expanding and that's ultimately what
attracts these people into your life
more to make you feel entitled enough to
be to be around hot women and to be with
highlevel dudes okay so work your way up
slowly understand it's a long-term play
but it's really fulfilling when you
start to get to higher and higher and
higher levels if you want help with this
if you want to FasTrack your results
with this guys click the link below
check out the video inside of the lower
tier Community it's extremely affordable
for a couple dollars a day you could
really accelerate this process click the
button below right now that's all for
this video Let's level the [ __ ] up
fellas see you in the next one peace out
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