Six behaviors to increase your confidence | Emily Jaenson | TEDxReno

Summary

In this inspiring talk, the speaker shares her journey from shyness to becoming the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years. She attributes her success to adopting six confidence-building behaviors: counting oneself in, giving oneself 20 seconds of courage, taking a seat at the table, cheering for others' success, leveraging past achievements, and celebrating constantly. These strategies helped her navigate the male-dominated sports industry and host a successful podcast, 'Leadership is Female,' where she interviews other female executives. The speaker encourages everyone to embrace these behaviors to boost their confidence and achieve their dreams.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Confidence is a key attribute for success, especially in male-dominated industries like sports management.
• 🔄 To instill confidence, it's important to start with behaviors rather than attitudes, as changed behaviors can lead to altered attitudes.
• 🤔 Self-reflection on 'Who am I?', 'Who do I want to become?', and 'How does this person behave?' is crucial for personal growth and confidence building.
• 🏆 The speaker's journey from shyness to becoming the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years illustrates the power of behavioral change.
• 🎙️ The 'Leadership is Female' podcast highlights the importance of confidence in the advancement of female executives in the sports industry.
• 📝 Six behaviors are suggested to increase confidence: counting yourself in, giving yourself 20 seconds of courage, taking a seat at the table, cheering for others' success, leveraging past successes, and celebrating constantly.
• 🗣️ Counting down can be a powerful technique to initiate action and build momentum, especially in high-pressure situations.
• ⏱️ Sometimes, bravery only needs to last for 20 seconds to make a significant impact, such as publishing a podcast or making a difficult decision.
• 🪑 Taking a literal seat at the table is a metaphor for actively participating and asserting oneself in important discussions and decisions.
• 🎉 Celebrating others' success can foster a supportive environment and is a behavior of confident individuals who are not threatened by the achievements of their peers.
• 🏅 Using past successes as a springboard can bolster confidence for new challenges and is a strategy that has proven effective for career advancement.
• 🎉 Constant celebration of achievements, both big and small, helps to reinforce the behaviors that led to success and builds a positive association with accomplishment.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial behavior when asked to order a pizza for her family?

The speaker was too shy to talk to a stranger, so she looked up the number in the phone book and handed the phone to her older brother to place the call.

How did the speaker feel during her first few weeks at the University of Illinois?

The speaker felt homesick and cried in her dorm room, too upset to participate in freshman parties, and was disappointed by the one frat party she attended.

What was the speaker's realization about her behaviors in relation to her goals?

The speaker realized her behaviors, such as crying in her dorm room, avoiding social engagement, and not attending class due to fear, were not going to help her achieve her goal of becoming a sports executive.

What does research suggest is the best way to initiate change in people?

Research suggests that to initiate change in people, one should start with the behaviors associated with the desired attitudes, not the attitudes themselves. When people see themselves behaving differently, they begin to act differently.

What were the three questions the speaker asked herself to understand her desired behavior?

The speaker asked herself 'Who am I?', 'Who do I want to become?', and 'How does this person I want to become behave?'

What career did the speaker aspire to, and how did she start acting to achieve it?

The speaker aspired to a career as a sports executive. She began to act more confidently, which eventually led her to become the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years.

What is the 'Leadership is Female' podcast about, and who has the speaker interviewed on it?

The 'Leadership is Female' podcast is about interviewing female executives in sports, an industry that is over 80% male at management level and above. The speaker has interviewed over 90 female executives on the podcast.

What is the number one skill that the interviewed female executives in sports have improved to earn their spot at the top, according to the speaker?

The number one skill that the interviewed female executives have improved to earn their spot at the top is confidence.

What are the six behaviors the speaker suggests to increase confidence, and why are they important?

The six behaviors are: 1) Count yourself in, 2) Give yourself 20 seconds of courage, 3) Take a seat at the table, 4) Cheer for other people's success, 5) Bolster your confidence for a new activity through your already great performance in another, and 6) Celebrate constantly. These behaviors are important because they help individuals to act with more confidence, which can lead to achieving greater success in their personal and professional lives.

How did the speaker use the 'count yourself in' technique to handle an uncomfortable situation?

The speaker used the 'count yourself in' technique when she had to confront the opposing manager about his team wearing the wrong color uniform. She counted down from three in her mind to start the conversation and gain momentum.

What is the significance of giving oneself 20 seconds of courage, as suggested by the speaker?

The significance of giving oneself 20 seconds of courage is that it can help individuals overcome the fear of taking action, such as publishing a podcast or making a difficult decision. It provides a short burst of bravery to initiate the action and then the momentum to continue.

Why is it important to take a seat at the table, and what did the speaker learn from a woman in baseball?

It is important to take a seat at the table because it symbolizes taking part in important discussions and decisions. The speaker learned from a woman in baseball that women often wait around the edges of the room, but to become more confident, one must actively participate by sitting down and speaking up.

How does cheering for other people's success contribute to one's own confidence?

Cheering for other people's success contributes to one's own confidence by fostering a supportive environment and reducing feelings of jealousy or threat. It helps individuals to celebrate the achievements of others without feeling diminished themselves, and it builds a network of support for when their own time comes.

What is the connection between prior success and bolstering confidence for a new activity, as explained by the speaker?

The connection is that reflecting on prior success can provide a boost of confidence for new activities or challenges. By recognizing one's achievements and capabilities, individuals can draw from that confidence to tackle new tasks and believe in their ability to succeed.

Why is it important to celebrate constantly, and how can it help in reinforcing successful behaviors?

It is important to celebrate constantly because it helps to create a positive association with success and reinforces the behaviors that led to that success. By finding meaningful ways to celebrate achievements, individuals can create markers in their brain that help them remember and build upon their successes.

How has the speaker's journey from being unable to order a pizza to becoming a confident leader reflect her growth in confidence?

The speaker's journey reflects her growth in confidence through her decision to change her behaviors and attitudes. She went from being too shy to order a pizza to becoming the general manager of a minor league baseball team, starting a podcast, and delivering a TEDx talk, showcasing her transformation into a more confident person.

Outlines

00:00

🚀 Overcoming Shyness to Achieve Career Success

The speaker recounts her journey from being too shy to order a pizza in high school to becoming the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years. She emphasizes the importance of changing behaviors to align with desired attitudes, specifically confidence, which she identifies as a crucial skill for success in her industry. The speaker shares her experience at the University of Illinois, where she was initially homesick and lacked the confidence to engage socially. However, she realized the need for change and began to act more confidently, eventually leading to her career as a sports executive. She also mentions hosting the 'Leadership is Female' podcast, where she interviewed female executives who stressed the importance of confidence in their professional advancement.

05:02

🌟 Six Confidence-Boosting Behaviors for Personal Growth

The speaker outlines six behaviors to increase personal confidence, starting with counting oneself in and using the technique of counting down to initiate action, which she applied in a challenging situation at a baseball game. The second behavior is to give oneself 20 seconds of courage, as she did when publishing her podcast. Thirdly, she advises taking a literal seat at the table to be part of important discussions. Fourth, she encourages cheering for others' success, which fosters a supportive environment and builds confidence. The fifth behavior is leveraging past successes to bolster confidence in new endeavors, as demonstrated by a woman who reviewed her accomplishments before pitching for a promotion. Lastly, she stresses the importance of celebrating achievements to reinforce the behaviors that led to success. The speaker concludes by reflecting on her personal transformation and encouraging the audience to consider how much further they could go with increased confidence.

10:02

🎉 Celebrating Achievements and Embracing Confidence

The final paragraph of the script is a celebration of the speaker's achievements and an affirmation of the journey towards becoming a more confident person. It includes applause and cheers from the audience, symbolizing their appreciation and support for the speaker's message and accomplishments. The speaker's story serves as an inspiration for others to embrace confidence and to celebrate their own successes along the way.

Keywords

💡Confidence

Confidence refers to a belief in one's own abilities and the assurance that one can successfully handle situations or accomplish goals. In the video's theme, confidence is portrayed as a critical skill that can significantly impact one's career progression, particularly in male-dominated industries like sports. The speaker shares her personal journey of building confidence from being too shy to order a pizza to becoming a general manager of a baseball team. The video emphasizes the importance of developing confidence through various behaviors to achieve one's aspirations.

💡Behaviors

Behaviors are the actions or reactions of individuals in response to situations. The script highlights that changing one's behaviors can lead to a change in attitudes, specifically confidence. The speaker suggests that by adopting certain behaviors, such as counting oneself in or giving oneself 20 seconds of courage, individuals can begin to act more confidently, which in turn can lead to personal and professional growth.

💡Leadership

Leadership is the ability to guide, influence, and inspire others towards achieving goals. The video discusses leadership in the context of the sports industry, where the speaker interviews female executives and discovers that confidence is a key skill for leadership positions. The speaker herself becomes a leader by hosting a podcast and sharing insights on confidence and leadership with others.

💡General Manager

A General Manager is a senior executive responsible for managing or overseeing the operations of an organization or team. In the script, the speaker's achievement of becoming the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years exemplifies her growth in confidence and her journey to a leadership role.

💡Podcast

A podcast is a digital audio program that is available for download or streaming on the internet. The speaker mentions hosting the 'Leadership is Female' podcast, where she interviews over 90 female executives in sports. This serves as an example of how she leverages her confidence and leadership skills to share knowledge and inspire others.

💡Courage

Courage is the ability to face difficulty, danger, or opposition with bravery and determination. The video script uses the concept of '20 seconds of courage' as a behavior to overcome fear and take action, such as publishing a podcast or confronting uncomfortable situations.

💡Social Engagement

Social engagement refers to the act of participating in social activities or interactions. In the video, the speaker initially struggles with social engagement due to homesickness and shyness, which contrasts with the confident behaviors she later adopts to advance her career.

💡Success

Success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. The video emphasizes celebrating one's own and others' success as a behavior that builds confidence. It suggests that confident individuals are not threatened by the success of others but instead celebrate and support it.

💡Accomplishments

Accomplishments are achievements or things done successfully. The script encourages reflecting on past accomplishments as a source of confidence, using them to build momentum for future success. This is exemplified by a woman who reviews her achievements before pitching for a promotion.

💡Celebration

Celebration is the act of acknowledging and commemorating an achievement or important event. The video suggests that celebrating one's successes is crucial for reinforcing confidence and recognizing personal growth. It provides examples such as creating a highlight reel or treating oneself after achieving a goal.

💡Career

A career is a professional occupation or the general progression of one's professional life. The speaker's story in the video revolves around her desire for a successful career in sports management, which she achieves by building her confidence and adopting behaviors that align with her career aspirations.

Highlights

The speaker overcame shyness and homesickness to pursue a career in sports management.

Research suggests changing behaviors leads to changes in attitudes, not the other way around.

The speaker aimed to become a sports executive and started acting more confidently to achieve this goal.

Becoming the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years.

Hosting the 'Leadership is Female' podcast, interviewing over 90 female executives in sports.

Confidence is the number one skill improved by female executives in a male-dominated sports industry.

Six behaviors to increase confidence are shared in the talk.

The importance of increasing confidence is questioned, prompting the audience to consider their potential.

Behavior one: Count yourself in and use counting as a technique to start actions.

Behavior two: Give yourself 20 seconds of courage to overcome initial hesitation.

Behavior three: Take a seat at the table to actively participate in discussions.

Behavior four: Cheer for others' success to foster a supportive environment.

Behavior five: Use your past success to bolster confidence in new activities.

Behavior six: Celebrate constantly to reinforce the behaviors that led to success.

The speaker's personal journey from shyness to delivering a TEDx talk and becoming a GM.

The potential of scoring more 'runs' in life with increased confidence.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Glenny Lapaix Reviewer: Vivian Lim

When I was in high school,

my mom asked me to order a pizza for the family on a Friday night.

I looked up the number in the phone book

and promptly handed the phone to my older brother to place the call.

I was too shy to talk to a stranger.

Fast-forward to college at the University of Illinois,

my first time away from my small town.

I spent the first several weeks crying in my dorm room,

too homesick to partake in early freshman partying.

The one frat party I did attend was so disappointing;

I wanted to trade in my books, abandon my major

and head back home to my small town.

The confident behaviors I needed to pursue this dream

were not yet available.

And when I looked around at the confident students

walking around me on campus,

heads held high, pursuing a dream that they had set out to achieve,

I wanted that kind of confidence too.

But my behaviors did not align with these confident attitudes.

Crying in my dorm room, shying away from social engagement,

not showing up for class

because I was worried others were smarter than me -

these were not going to lead me to achieve my goal.

So all I knew was that I needed to change.

Research tells us that in order to get people to change,

you need to not start with the attitudes,

but with the behaviors associated with those attitudes.

When people can see themselves behaving differently,

they then begin to act differently.

So the questions for me were,

“Who am I?”

“Who do I want to become?”

and “How does this person I want to become behave?”

The answers were that I wanted a successful career,

one that meant something, allowed me to contribute.

And for me, that was defined as a career as a sports executive.

In order to achieve this goal, I needed to begin to act more confidently.

And I did.

Because 13 years later, I became the first female general manager

of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years.

(Cheers)

Thank you.

(Applause)

I also went on to host the “Leadership is Female” podcast,

where I’ve interviewed over 90 female executives in sports,

an industry that’s over 80% male at management level and above.

And time after time, these women have told me

that the number one skill they’ve improved

in order to earn their spot at the top of the sports industry

is confidence.

They, like me, did not possess this confidence necessary

to increase their level in their career from the get-go.

They had to work on the behaviors associated with this attitude

in order to propel their career forward.

So I’m here today to share with you

six behaviors you can start today to increase your confidence.

Why is it important to increase our confidence?

Well, think of this:

How would you behave or what could you achieve

if you were 10 times more confident?

Number one, count yourself in.

I spoke with a woman about her first time doing sideline reporting

at a nationally televised basketball game.

She was shaking in her heels, standing courtside,

nerves overtaking her until she heard something familiar in her headset.

“We’ll be on in five, and three, two, one, you’re live.”

And she performed with excellence.

The nerves melted away.

She’s an athlete, a former basketball player used to performing on the court

by the clock.

And the tactic remained true.

Counting will get you started, and momentum will keep you going.

I have used this technique.

I’ve had more uncomfortable conversations than I care to recall,

but one I’ll share with you today.

I vividly remember standing on the warning track of the baseball field

45 minutes before game time,

looking at the opposing manager and his team wearing

the wrong color uniform.

I wanted to turn and run back up to my office and hide.

But instead, faced him head-on,

and I said in my mind, “Three, two, one, go.”

And I started walking towards him.

And when I arrived, we had a very uncomfortable conversation

about his team wearing the wrong color uniform.

Yes, I had to ask these grown men to change their clothes.

It was so awkward.

But when I asked myself, “Who am I? And how do I behave?”

The answer was that I’m a person who’s not too shy to stand up

for what I believe, what is right and stand up to conflict.

Counting got me started, and momentum kept me going.

Number two, what if you only had to be brave for a total of 20 seconds?

Give yourself 20 seconds of courage.

This behavior helped me enormously

when I published my podcast “Leadership is Female,”

bold title and all,

for all the world to see, hear, critique and have their opinions.

I vividly remember sitting on the carpet of my closet floor,

holding my computer, looking at the “Upload” button,

thinking to myself,

“Does it need any more edits? Should I listen to it one more time?”

And I told myself, “Emily, give yourself 20 seconds of courage.”

And I hit “Publish,” and it was done.

And guess what?

I kept breathing, and the world kept turning.

And the podcast grew into what it was meant to be.

All because of 20 seconds of courage.

Number three, take a seat at the table.

Not metaphorically speaking;

actually, take a seat at the table.

I spoke with a woman who represents some of the biggest names in baseball,

and she told me a story about taking a seat at the table.

She noticed women waiting around the edges of the room,

waiting for the seats to be filled.

And worse yet, she was doing it too.

In order to become the more confident woman that she envisioned herself to be,

she needed to go in, sit down, speak her mind and get the deal done.

That started with one simple action:

Taking a seat at the table.

Number four, cheer for other people’s success.

They say that women will pull up the ladder behind them.

What if you didn’t?

What if you extended a hand back to lead her forward?

What if you celebrated the success of a colleague

rather than feeling sorry for yourself that it was not you

accepting the accolades?

Confident people celebrate the success of others rather than feeling threatened.

Think of this great quote from Amy Poehler:

“Good for her,

not for me.”

It turns that pit in your stomach of “Oh, she did that? And I’m still here.”

into “Yes! Good for her! Not for me.”

This is her celebration, not mine.

And when my time comes,

isn’t it going to be great to have the support of so many people around me?

Wins are so much better celebrated together.

Join in; cheer someone else on.

Here’s number four in action:

Recently, a woman was promoted to chief marketing officer

of a major sports league.

The offer to interview and ultimately land the job

came after her public celebration and sincere congratulatory outreach

to the newly named female league president.

Confident people support those around them.

Cheer for someone else’s success.

Number five, bolster your confidence for a new activity

through your already great performance in another.

What are you really good at?

What is easier today than it was one year ago?

What is your most proud accomplishment?

Answer those questions. Think about those answers.

Those answers are where your confidence is born.

Confidence is born in all we’ve already done

and already achieved.

Recently, a woman I interviewed on the “Leadership is Female” podcast

was going after a big, big promotion at a top team.

Before she went in to pitch to her boss,

she reviewed her current job description,

made notes of her accolades in all areas mentioned,

and then was prepared with examples and the confidence

of the success she had in the past.

She got the promotion.

Use your prior success to propel yourself forward.

And number six, celebrate constantly.

How often do we reach our goals and then just immediately move on?

When we do this, the recollection of that success is diminished.

How can we confidently move forward if we can’t remember what we achieved,

or worse yet,

link that accomplishment to stress?

Find ways to celebrate that are meaningful to you,

like creating a highlight reel on your cell phone

of your most proud accomplishments.

Take your team out for celebratory drinks when you close the big deal.

Buy yourself a massage or maybe order a pizza

when you reach your personal goals.

It doesn’t matter how you celebrate; it matters that you do.

This will create a marker in your brain to rewire and reinforce the behaviors

that led to success in the first place.

I’ve come a long way from the girl who couldn’t order a pizza

to the woman who became GM of a minor league baseball team,

started a podcast and delivered a TEDx talk.

All because I made the decision to become a more confident person.

And I hope you do too.

Because how many runs could you score if you were 10 times more confident?

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)