How Your Childhood Influence The Way You Express Love (love styles)

Summary

This video explores five different love styles that stem from childhood experiences, as identified by Dr. Milan and Kay Yerkovich. The styles include the avoider, who is distant and avoids emotions; the vacillator, who is indecisive and fears abandonment; the controller, who seeks control to protect themselves from vulnerability; the pleaser, who prioritizes others' happiness to avoid conflict; and the victim, who struggles with low self-worth and often complies in relationships. The video highlights how these patterns are shaped by childhood environments and offers insights into how they affect adult relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Secure relationships in childhood tend to lead to healthier interpersonal relationships later in life.
• 😀 Insecure relationships in childhood can result in unhealthy behaviors and instability in future relationships.
• 😀 Dr. Milan and Kay Yerkovich identified five distinct love styles shaped by childhood experiences.
• 😀 The Avoider love style is characterized by emotional distance, a lack of engagement, and valuing personal space.
• 😀 Avoiders may have grown up in an environment that lacked affection and emphasized independence and self-reliance.
• 😀 The Vacillator love style involves idealizing new relationships but doubting them when others don't meet expectations.
• 😀 Vacillators may have experienced unpredictable parental behavior, leading to fear of abandonment and high sensitivity to emotional cues.
• 😀 The Controller love style stems from a need to control relationships to avoid vulnerability, often using anger to express emotions.
• 😀 Controllers may have grown up in a home where they felt unprotected and had to become emotionally tough to survive.
• 😀 The Pleaser love style focuses on making others happy at the expense of one's own needs, often resulting in anxiety and conflict avoidance.
• 😀 Pleasers may have grown up with overly critical or angry parents and learned to avoid negative responses by pleasing others.
• 😀 The Victim love style is marked by low self-worth, depression, and anxiety, often resulting in compliance and a tendency to gravitate toward controllers.
• 😀 Victims likely grew up in chaotic homes, learning to comply in order to avoid conflict or harm, often escaping through imagination.
• 😀 These five love styles provide insight into how childhood experiences shape negative behaviors and responses in relationships.
• 😀 Understanding these love styles can help individuals identify patterns and improve their relationship dynamics.

Q & A

What are the five different love styles identified by Dr. Milan and Kay Yerkovich?

The five different love styles are: 1. The avoider, 2. The vacillator, 3. The controller, 4. The pleaser, and 5. The victim.

How does a person's childhood affect their love style?

A person's childhood experiences significantly influence their love style. The way they were treated by their parents or caregivers shapes how they interact with others and handle emotions in relationships as adults.

What characteristics define the avoider love style?

The avoider love style is characterized by emotional distance, a lack of engagement, and a tendency to avoid feeling emotions. Avoiders prioritize personal space and independence, often due to a childhood where emotional comfort was lacking.

What is the primary fear of someone with the vacillator love style?

People with the vacillator love style fear abandonment. This stems from childhood experiences where their parents were unpredictable or distant, causing the person to become sensitive to any signs of distance in relationships.

How does the controller love style manifest in relationships?

A controller love style involves a strong desire for control in relationships to avoid vulnerability. People with this style often express anger rather than vulnerability and are typically emotionally tough due to a lack of protection during childhood.

Why do pleasers tend to sacrifice their own needs in relationships?

Pleasers tend to sacrifice their own needs to ensure the happiness of others. This behavior stems from childhood experiences with overly protective or critical parents, leading pleasers to avoid conflict and seek approval by meeting others' expectations.

How does the victim love style manifest in adult relationships?

The victim love style is characterized by a lack of self-worth, depression, and anxiety. Victims often gravitate toward controllers in relationships because they are accustomed to compliance from their chaotic childhood environments.

What type of childhood experience is associated with the avoider love style?

Children who grow up in homes with little affection or emotional support, where independence and self-reliance are prioritized, are more likely to develop the avoider love style.

How can a vacillator's idealization of new relationships impact them?

Vacillators often idealize new relationships, but if they perceive any unexpected behavior, they may begin to doubt the relationship and consider ending it. This is linked to a fear of abandonment rooted in childhood instability.

Why do victims often use their imagination to escape their reality?

Victims often use their imagination as a coping mechanism to escape the negativity and pain they experienced in their chaotic childhoods. Being fully present in their environment is too painful, so they turn to fantasy or distraction.