APRENDA A SE IMPOR - E FAÇA OS OUTROS RESPEITAREM O SEU ESPAÇO! | Marcos Lacerda, psicólogo

Summary

In this insightful video, psychologist Marcos Lacerda explains how to assert yourself effectively and avoid being metaphorically 'run over' by others. He emphasizes that self-assertion is not about being aggressive but communicating rationally and maturely. Lacerda outlines key steps, such as reacting in the moment, taking a brief pause to regain composure, and expressing your feelings without blaming others. He stresses the importance of private, present-focused resolution and setting clear boundaries. By following these strategies, individuals can confidently assert themselves and navigate challenging situations without resorting to impulsive or childish behavior.

Takeaways

• 😀 React immediately when you feel disrespected or 'run over' by someone to maintain the emotional impact of the situation.
• 😀 Take a brief moment to collect yourself before responding to avoid reacting impulsively out of anger or frustration.
• 😀 Focus on expressing your own feelings, not blaming the other person. Use phrases like 'I feel' rather than 'You did this'.
• 😀 Ask the other person questions like 'Are you sure that's what you think?' to make them pause and reflect on their words.
• 😀 After expressing your feelings, allow a moment of silence. This helps the other person internalize what they've just said and think more deeply.
• 😀 Use 'mirroring' to reflect back what the other person has said to you. This can make them realize the weight of their words.
• 😀 Always handle these discussions privately, face-to-face, and never publicly or over text, to avoid humiliation or unnecessary escalation.
• 😀 Focus on the present issue. Don’t bring up past grievances or pile up multiple problems into one conversation, as this dilutes the impact of your assertion.
• 😀 Maintain clarity and objectivity. Avoid bringing up unrelated past events or dragging out accusations during a confrontation.
• 😀 Setting boundaries is essential. Define your personal space and limits clearly, making sure others respect them without becoming defensive.

Q & A

What does the speaker mean by 'being run over' by others?

The speaker refers to 'being run over' metaphorically, meaning being overwhelmed or dominated by others, often due to a lack of assertiveness.

What is the significance of reacting immediately when feeling 'run over' by someone?

Reacting immediately helps prevent emotions from dissipating or becoming confused with other feelings. Delaying the reaction can lead to losing the emotional impact and clarity of the situation.

Why does the speaker suggest taking a few minutes to calm down before reacting?

Taking a few minutes helps prevent impulsive reactions driven by anger or frustration. It allows the person to respond rationally rather than emotionally.

What does the speaker mean by communicating one's feelings without saying 'you' statements?

The speaker advocates for using 'I' statements to express personal feelings rather than accusing the other person with 'you' statements, which can be confrontational and lead to defensive reactions.

Why is silence recommended after asking the other person if they are sure of what they said?

Silence allows the other person to reflect on their words. It creates a moment of cognitive dissonance, forcing them to reconsider their statement without the pressure of an immediate rebuttal.

What is the role of 'mirroring' in assertive communication?

Mirroring involves repeating what the other person said and adding a comment to reflect their words back to them. This technique disrupts their attempt to provoke and gives the person asserting themselves a chance to regain control of the conversation.

What does the speaker mean by 'avoid the piling effect' when asserting oneself?

The piling effect occurs when unresolved issues accumulate over time, causing a person to lash out or bring up multiple grievances at once. The speaker emphasizes addressing issues individually and in the present moment to avoid confusion and loss of clarity.

How does the speaker suggest handling situations where someone brings up past actions during a confrontation?

The speaker advises staying focused on the current issue and avoiding the temptation to dive into past events. It’s important to address only the present situation to maintain clarity and prevent escalating the conflict.

What does the speaker mean by 'setting boundaries' in communication?

Setting boundaries means defining one's personal space, both physically and emotionally, and communicating clearly what is acceptable and what is not. The speaker uses the metaphor of 'opening your arms for a hug' to explain this concept.

Why is it important to assert oneself privately rather than in public, according to the speaker?

The speaker stresses that assertive communication should take place privately to avoid humiliation, whether for oneself or the other person. Public confrontations can lead to unnecessary embarrassment and further conflict.