The Surprising Traits Avoidant Partners Find Attractive

Summary

The video delves into the characteristics and challenges of avoidant attachment in relationships, explaining what traits avoidant partners find attractive and how they behave when in love. It explores the dynamics between anxious and avoidant partners, emphasizing the importance of communication and emotional expression. The speaker discusses the avoidant partner's need for independence and emotional strength while highlighting the growth potential in relationships with anxious partners. Practical tips and insights on improving communication and understanding in such relationships are provided, encouraging viewers to embrace their emotions and engage openly with their partners.

Takeaways

• 😀 Avoidant partners maintain emotional distance to preserve their independence, stemming from a fear of emotional manipulation or dependence.
• 😀 They often experienced early childhood environments that either dismissed emotions or involved emotional manipulation and inconsistency.
• 😀 Avoidant partners are attracted to traits such as independence, confidence, and direct communication, although they might struggle with these traits themselves.
• 😀 Emotional distance is a common sign of avoidant attachment, and they may avoid conflict and minimize emotional conversations to maintain a balanced sense of self.
• 😀 Avoidant partners often admire emotional strength in others, which helps navigate life's challenges with composure and without much turbulence.
• 😀 The 'anxious-avoidant trap' describes the dynamic where an avoidant partner is paired with an anxious partner, leading to a push-pull relationship dynamic.
• 😀 The emotional intensity of an anxious partner can be a gift to an avoidant partner, helping them see the value in opening up and experiencing deeper emotions.
• 😀 Effective communication is crucial in relationships involving avoidant partners, as it helps uncover true compatibility beneath defensive behaviors.
• 😀 Anxious partners should not suppress their emotions but learn to express them in a way that invites participation and connection from their avoidant partner.
• 😀 The Courageous Communicator course offers a three-step formula for improving communication in insecure relationships, helping partners connect more deeply and effectively.

Q & A

What is avoidant attachment and how does it manifest?

Avoidant attachment is a behavioral style where individuals maintain emotional distance to preserve their independence. It manifests as a coping mechanism born out of fear of being emotionally manipulated or dependent. People with avoidant attachment tend to avoid emotional closeness and intimacy, equating it with a loss of personal autonomy.

What are some common traits of people with avoidant attachment?

Common traits include maintaining emotional distance, hesitating to commit to future plans, keeping conversations surface-level, and dodging conflict or emotional conversations. These behaviors stem from a desire to avoid situations that could trigger fears of being smothered or controlled.

What do avoidant partners find attractive in others?

Avoidant partners are attracted to traits such as independence, confidence, self-sufficiency, direct communication, and emotional strength. These traits align with their need for personal autonomy and their avoidance of emotional turbulence.

Why do avoidant and anxious partners often attract each other?

Avoidant and anxious partners often attract each other due to a dynamic where each partner's traits complement the other's unmet needs. The avoidant partner's independence and emotional distance can appeal to the anxious partner's desire for stability, while the anxious partner's emotional intensity can be intriguing yet challenging for the avoidant partner.

How do avoidant partners typically act when they are in love?

When in love, avoidant partners may still exhibit signs of emotional distance, such as needing space to recharge and hesitating to make future commitments. However, they may also show deep affection through subtle actions that might be misunderstood, such as seeking quality time together or showing concern in their unique way.

What challenges might avoidant and anxious partners face in a relationship?

Challenges include navigating different needs for emotional closeness and space. Anxious partners may feel neglected when avoidant partners seek solitude, while avoidant partners may feel overwhelmed by the anxious partner's need for constant reassurance. Effective communication and understanding each other's attachment styles are crucial for growth.

Why is direct communication important for avoidant partners?

Avoidant partners appreciate direct communication because it eliminates ambiguity and unspoken expectations, reducing their fear of confrontation. Clear and transparent communication helps avoid misunderstandings and fosters a sense of security and autonomy in the relationship.

What are the 'shadow aspects' of avoidant attraction?

The 'shadow aspects' of avoidant attraction refer to the paradoxical nature of their attraction to emotionally intense partners. This attraction often highlights suppressed parts of themselves, offering opportunities for personal growth and deeper emotional connections despite initial fears.

How can emotional intensity be a gift to avoidant partners?

Emotional intensity can help avoidant partners open up and experience the full range of emotions. It challenges their coping mechanisms and provides evidence that emotional closeness can be rewarding. This intensity can catalyze growth and deepen the relationship if the avoidant partner is ready to receive it.

What steps can partners take to improve communication in relationships with avoidant individuals?

Partners can improve communication by expressing their feelings clearly and accurately, avoiding defensive language, and inviting open dialogue. Learning to center conversations on personal emotional experiences rather than evaluations of the other's behavior can foster mutual understanding and connection.

Outlines

00:00

🔎 Understanding Avoidant Attachment and Attraction

The first paragraph introduces the topic of avoidant attachment, explaining it as a coping mechanism to preserve independence due to a fear of emotional manipulation or dependence. It highlights the traits that avoidant partners might find attractive and the challenges they face in relationships with anxious partners. The paragraph also mentions signs of deep affection that may be misinterpreted. The speaker invites the audience to engage by taking notes and commenting, emphasizing the importance of understanding avoidant attachment to navigate relationships effectively.

05:00

💡 Attractive Traits and Communication in Avoidant Relationships

This paragraph delves into the specific traits that avoidant partners find attractive, such as independence, confidence, direct communication, and emotional strength. It discusses the dynamics of relationships involving avoidant and anxious partners, including the paradoxical nature of avoidant partners admiring directness in others while avoiding it themselves. The paragraph also touches on the 'anxious-avoidant trap,' where partners oscillate between chasing and withdrawing, often due to disorganized attachment or fearful avoidance.

10:01

🌪 The Paradox of Emotional Intensity for Avoidant Partners

The third paragraph explores the paradoxical attraction avoidant partners have towards emotional intensity. It suggests that the very intensity they fear is also what attracts them, as it represents a polarity they have suppressed. The speaker argues that emotional intensity is a gift from the anxious partner that can serve as a catalyst for growth in avoidant partners. The paragraph discusses the importance of not suppressing emotions and the role of pain in prompting change within the relationship.

15:03

🗣️ The Art of Communicating Emotions in Relationships

The final paragraph focuses on the importance of emotional communication within relationships, especially for anxious partners. It emphasizes the need to express feelings using language that centers the experience within oneself, avoiding evaluative terms that can put others on the defensive. The speaker provides an example of shifting from saying 'I feel abandoned' to describing the actual emotional experience, like feeling hollow or lonely. The paragraph concludes with a promotion of a course that teaches effective communication skills for insecure relationships and a reminder for the audience to engage with the content.

Keywords

💡Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment is a style of relating to others characterized by a tendency to avoid emotional closeness and maintain independence. In the video, it is described as a coping mechanism stemming from a fear of emotional manipulation or dependence. It is central to the theme as it explains the behavior of avoidant partners and their attraction to certain traits.

💡Emotional Distance

Emotional distance refers to the intentional psychological space created by an individual to protect their autonomy and avoid vulnerability. The script mentions that avoidant partners may be present physically but seem emotionally detached, which is a key aspect of their behavior in relationships.

💡Independence

Independence is a trait that avoidant partners find attractive, as it aligns with their value of self-reliance. The script explains that avoidant partners are drawn to individuals who have their own lives and passions, and are not seeking someone else to complete them.

💡Confidence

Confidence in the script is portrayed as an attractive quality to avoidant partners, as it represents self-assurance and a lack of need for external validation. It is related to the video's theme by illustrating the type of person who can appeal to an avoidant partner's desire for a partner who is self-sufficient.

💡Direct Communication

Direct communication is the act of expressing one's needs and wants clearly and without ambiguity. The video describes it as something avoidant partners admire, even though they themselves might avoid directness due to a fear of confrontation.

💡Emotional Strength

Emotional strength is defined in the script as the capacity to handle life's challenges with composure and without causing undue turbulence in a relationship. Avoidant partners are attracted to this because they generally avoid conflict and prefer a stable emotional environment.

💡Anxious Avoidant Trap

The anxious avoidant trap is a term used in the script to describe the dynamic where avoidant and anxious partners are attracted to each other, often leading to a cycle of one partner chasing and the other retreating. It is a central concept in understanding the complex dynamics between avoidant and anxious partners.

💡Polarity

Polarity, in the context of the video, refers to the opposing yet complementary traits between partners, such as emotional intensity and avoidance. It is used to explain why avoidant partners may be both scared by and attracted to emotional intensity, as it represents a suppressed aspect of themselves.

💡Catalyzing Gift

A catalyzing gift, as mentioned in the script, is the potential for emotional intensity to spur growth and change in an avoidant partner. It suggests that the emotional expression of the more anxious partner can serve as a catalyst for the avoidant partner to confront and overcome their avoidance tendencies.

💡Communication

Communication is highlighted in the script as a crucial factor in navigating relationships, especially insecure ones. It is described as a skill that needs to be learned and applied effectively to express feelings and needs, and to invite the partner into a shared emotional experience.

💡Courageous Communicator

The Courageous Communicator is a course mentioned in the script designed to help individuals improve their communication skills, particularly in the context of insecure relationships. It symbolizes the need for assertiveness and clarity in expressing one's emotions and needs to foster deeper connection and understanding.

Highlights

Avoidant partners maintain emotional distance to preserve independence, stemming from a fear of emotional manipulation or dependence.

Avoidant attachment is a coping mechanism born out of a fundamental fear, with a high value placed on self-reliance.

People with avoidant attachment equate emotional closeness with a loss of personal autonomy, avoiding situations that could trigger their fears.

Dismissive avoidant individuals may have been raised in an environment where emotions were deemed unacceptable or only certain emotions were acceptable.

Fearful avoidant individuals may have experienced unpredictable and inconsistent shows of affection in their early life, possibly linked to trauma.

Signs of avoidant attachment include emotional distance, hesitance to commit, and keeping conversations at a surface level.

Avoidant partners may dodge conflict or minimize emotional conversations to maintain a carefully balanced sense of self.

Avoidant partners are often deeply sensitive, which is why they react strongly to emotional intensity and seek space.

Avoidant partners are attracted to independence, confidence, direct communication, and emotional strength in a partner.

Anxiety and avoidance can create a paradoxical attraction, with avoidant partners drawn to the emotional intensity they also fear.

The 'anxious-avoidant trap' describes a dynamic where one partner chases while the other retreats, potentially leading to role reversal.

Avoidant partners may unconsciously seek out emotionally intense partners as a means to confront and integrate repressed aspects of themselves.

Emotional intensity can be a gift to an avoidant partner, challenging them to face their fears and open up.

Avoidant partners may need to learn to participate in emotional processing, which can be a growth challenge.

Communication is key to understanding compatibility in relationships involving avoidant partners.

Expressing emotions effectively is crucial for both partners to avoid defensive communication patterns.

The 'Courageous Communicator' course offers a three-step communication formula for navigating insecure relationships.

Transcripts

- What do avoidant partners find attractive

and how do they act when they're in love?

Why is it that anxious

and avoidant partners attract each other?

Okay, so to answer this question,

I wanna briefly review the

definition of avoidant attachment.

We're gonna take a look at some traits

that they may find attractive.

We're also gonna talk about what are some challenges

that they might face in a relationship

with an anxious partner that in order to grow

and also how they might act when they're in love.

There are also a few signs

that are probably a little bit surprising

that are indications that they have deep affection for you,

but you might read them as the opposite of that.

So I'd invite you to grab a pen and paper,

'cause you're gonna wanna stick with me until the end.

And also make sure that you leave some comments

and questions as I go through just to let me know

that you are connecting with this.

So first let's just do a brief synopsis.

You know, what is avoidant detachment style?

So avoidant detachment is a behavioral style

where individuals maintain a degree of,

let's call it emotional distance,

because they are hoping to preserve their independence.

And so at its core, this pattern is a coping mechanism

that's born out of a fundamental fear

of being emotionally manipulated or dependent upon.

And there's a high value placed on things like

self-reliance as a result.

So psychologically speaking, people

with avoidant attachment styles tend to equate

emotional closeness

and intimacy with a loss of personal autonomy.

And so they wind up steering clear of situations

that could stimulate these deeply ingrained fears of being

smothered or controlled or subsumed.

Okay? And that's usually

because in their past they experienced some degree of either

for dismissive avoidance, they were, it was modeled for them

that emotions were either unacceptable

or only certain emotions were acceptable.

And so there wasn't a lot of modeling

or education around how to connect to your feelings,

and in fact, disconnecting from them was preferable.

So that tends to be more of a dismissive avoidant story.

We have the fearful avoidance story,

and this is more where there's the manipulation of emotions,

unpredictable, inconsistent,

and unpredictable shows

of affection than being withdrawn due

to conditions of worth, right?

Conditions of love.

So there were more mixed signals involved in the early

childhood experience

and there may have also been some trauma connected to that.

Now, some signs of avoidant attachment are things such

as the emotional distance that I described.

So they might be with you,

but you might feel like they're not fully there.

They may hesitate to commit to things like future plans,

even if they tend seem to like to talk about it

or fantasize about it,

they may not actually take action towards that thing.

They may tend to keep conversations at

kind of a surface level.

Now, it's not that they are, they are fundamentally

unemotional or uncaring, it's just

that they're really careful about allowing people

to get too close to their emotional core.

So they may dodge things like conflict

or minimize emotional conversations

because sometimes those things disrupt a very carefully

balanced sense of self.

And this can be held together by rigid,

but they're truly fragile boundaries, right?

Because if you are worried about creating space, because

unless your partner gives you space you can't find your own

emotional equilibrium,

then you're not really emotionally free.

And there's a fragility in that.

So this is why there's that misconception

that avoidant partners are uncaring.

On the contrary, they're usually deeply sensitive

individuals, which is why they are so reactive, okay?

And because they are sensitive to other people's energy,

this is why they usually ask for space

or they, they shy away from things like emotional

intensity, okay?

And oftentimes it's because they don't realize it's

because they're very sensitive.

So the other question,

what are avoidant partners attracted to?

I'm gonna offer you five traits

that avoidant partners find attractive.

And I might argue, you know, even secure

and anxious partners would likely

find these things attractive.

So the first one is independence, right?

And that's probably not a surprise.

They tend to gravitate towards people

who have their own lives, have their own passions,

and seem to be seeking a partnership that is made

of two holes, two interdependent holes, not two halves.

Okay? So they might say something like,

I love our time together, but I also want solo weakens so

that I can recharge right

now in an anxious avoidance situation, that idea

that I need a solo weekend to recharge,

it could trigger an anxious partner to say, why do you need

to get away from me to recharge?

Why isn't that it that spending time together

supports you and recharges you?

And that is because for the anxious partner, in contrast,

they their time with you,

their time together is recharging for them.

Okay? So it's important to understand there's a little bit

of a nuanced difference there.

At the same time, avoidant

or anxious partners can appreciate the independent nature

of the avoidant partner because it

may be something that they admire.

'cause they feel like they lack that sense

of independence within themselves.

Okay? We're gonna talk more about that in just a second.

The second thing is confidence partners who carry themselves

with assurance that they're not looking for someone

or something else to complete them.

Okay, I'm happy with who I am

and I don't need someone to validate

my feelings or my needs.

This is a level of confidence

that sometimes our open hearts are seeking, right?

That they're struggling with self-sufficiency.

So someone who can manage their own affairs

for avoidant partners,

they feel like it alleviates the pressure to have

to be responsible for somebody else.

And they may take pride in things like managing their own

finances or managing their own schedules

because they feel like it allows them

to express their autonomy.

Of course, the shadow aspect of this is they may not know

how to invite their partners into a conversation about

something that actually affects both of them.

Especially because if one person's making independent

decisions that affect the relationship,

then it's not just affecting them,

it's also affect affecting their partner.

So learning how to open up

and invite co-creative solutions, invite a dialogue

around what's gonna be useful for each one individually

and the relationship together is really important.

And that's a growth challenge.

And this might be surprising,

but they also appreciate direct communication.

Someone who expresses what they need and want plainly

and avoids that dance of ambiguity or unspoken expectations.

Even though sometimes avoidant partners themselves shy away

from being direct 'cause they have a fear of confrontation,

but they tend to admire it in others.

And so there can be a paradoxical presentation here in their

attraction, right?

They like someone who's direct and upfront and plain

and transparent, but then at the same time,

they themselves are not always so plain and transparent.

That's one of the paradoxical aspects of attraction.

And again, we're gonna talk about this in just

more deeply in just a sec.

The last thing is emotional strength.

What do I mean by emotional strength?

This is someone who has the capacity to navigate, let's say,

the rollercoasters of life with composure.

They are able to process their own emotions

independently enough so

that the relationship doesn't suffer a lot of turbulence.

Okay? Avoid partners tend to avoid conflict.

They don't usually like a lot

of emotional turbulence in a relationship.

And so they may be drawn to someone who can be

somewhat self-contained in terms of

how they're processing their emotions, which isn't right

or wrong, it's just one way of moving through the world.

Whereas sometimes our open hearts,

and even to some degree, our fearful avoidant ice wipers,

they tend to need and want a partner

to assist in the emotional processing,

or at least to be a participant in the emotional processing.

And so if an avoidant partner is paired with an anxious one,

they will have to learn to some degree to participate in

that activity because this is one of the gifts

that the anxious partner has to give them, right?

Learning about how we can contribute

to each other's emotional experiences doesn't have

to be this parallel play all the time.

Right? Now, in speaking about the paradoxes around

what attracts them, I do wanna talk a little bit about the

shadow aspect of avoidant attraction, okay?

And this is, this speaks to what I have referred to

as the anxious avoidant trap.

That situation where we tend

to find avoidant partners paired with an anxious partner,

or it could be a fearful avoidant partner paired

with an anxious or avoidant partner

because the spice of life

or the fearful avoidant encompass embodies both avoidant

and anxious tendencies.

So for example, if we have a fearful avoidant paired

with an anxious partner, the anxious partner is usually

gonna polarize the fearful avoidant to become more avoidant.

If the fearful avoidant is paired with an avoidant partner,

then the avoidant partner is gonna polarize the fearful

avoidant or the disorganized partner

to become increasingly anxious.

Okay? So when we sit, when I say the anxious boy

and trap, I'm talking about a situation

where in the relationship it either there's someone

who is always chasing the other

and the other's always running away,

or there's a circumstance where one chases the other

until this person finally turns around

and starts to reciprocate,

and all of a sudden the chaser becomes the runner.

And it's this sort of back and forth that starts to occur.

Okay? When that happens, usually one

or both of them actually has disorganized attachment

or fearful avoidance going on.

I wanna talk about this in terms of what I'm gonna refer to

as the shadow aspect of attraction.

Meaning why these relationships can be so catalytic

because they are demonstrating to us an aspect of ourselves

that we have repressed or buried or denied for some reason.

And we are intensely drawn to this person

because they serve as some kind of focal point, conduit,

or container for us to realize those suppressed parts

and access them for ourselves.

And so we feel tremendously enlivened in their presence

because in being, in their presence,

they call up feelings parts of ourselves

that we hadn't allowed ourselves

to experience or express before.

So I wanna talk about this in the context of our questions.

Why is it that an avoidant partner

for all these other traits that we mentioned

and some of the paradoxical presentations

of those attractive traits, why is it

that emotional intensity may scare them off,

but also be the thing that attracts them?

Well, because it is the polarity that emotional intensity

represents the polarity that they have often suppressed

within themselves or cut themselves off from internally.

So this is why a lot

of avoidant partners may not consciously say

that they want emo an emotionally intense partner,

but then they usually wind up attracting them

and then experiencing significant chemistry with them.

So I would argue this is their spiritual assignment

for growth, right?

And you, if you are the anxious partner or the,

or the more anxious partner,

then your emotional intensity is really the greatest gift

that you can afford this partner.

So do not hide it. Do not walk on eggshells.

Do not try to suppress that, okay?

Now you might say, well,

I thought I was supposed to give them space.

So stick with me for a second

because I wanna offer you three reasons why this emotional

intensity is a gift to your partner.

So the first thing, avoid and partners close up,

because that was the safest way to find relief from fear

and anxiety in their experience to the threat

to their attachment relationships.

And it it, they were right.

They've developed this coping mechanism

because it was the most functional way

to survive in the environments in which they grew up,

or in the, the social structures in which they grew up.

But in doing so, they also learned

to shut out all the good feelings,

shut out all the bad feelings,

but also shut out all the good feelings.

And so they haven't seen

or experienced proof enough proof in their life

that the pain, if they were

to allow in the pain is worth

the pleasure that might come with it.

And so your emotions can be evidence, the evidence

that they need to see the value in opening up, right?

Secondly, if you are the partner

that is walking on eggshells, when you do this,

you accommodate and perpetuate those coping

- Mechanisms.

You allow that partner to hide from you,

and then you wind up hiding from them, right?

Because when you're, when you allow them to hide from you,

you clam up, you walk on eggshells,

you don't wanna push too hard

'cause you don't wanna seem like a burden.

All of a sudden you're doing the same thing, aren't you?

You are hiding from them.

And so now it's a cycle

where both partners are losing out on the depth

of connection and understanding

that could be exchanged in this relationship.

So your emotions, if you are the anxious partner

or the more anxious partner, is really a potent energy

that can catalyze both of you out of hiding, right?

And sometimes the relationships becomes so tumultuous

because it does, you both feel really exposed

and now all your defense mechanisms are in an uproar

because you don't know what to do with that exposure.

Now, number three, your pain.

If you are experiencing pain in this kind

of tumultuous situation,

the pain is a consequence of avoiding pain.

Let's call that a behavior that was functional

and now is dysfunctional

because they're in a new situation where love is trying

to come in and they're not allowing it in.

And so unless we express how we feel

and we are withholding the consequence of

that dysfunctional behavior,

we're not giving our partners any reason to change.

We wanna curl up like a little crab and pull in

and you wanna tighten up and,

and you, you wanna just wait for the storm to pass.

Okay? I'll just let you do that.

There's no impetus to change, right?

'cause they haven't seen the proof of changing as yet,

and you're just letting that happen.

So there's no reason for them to change simultaneously.

If you do that now you're keeping yourself stagnant,

not truly knowing if the two of you are compatible.

It's really just defensive communication now

and defensive patterning

and coping mechanisms that are going on between you.

It's all this goop layered on top of

what is the real connection here, okay?

So unless you're willing to work through communication,

which is why I believe communication is the rule out factor

to find out if you really are compatible,

unless you're willing to work through that communication,

you're never gonna know if you really are compatible,

because maybe beneath all of that triggering goop,

you really do have the same values, priorities,

and vision for the future, right?

But if you're too worried about coming from a place of fear

and self-protection, then you're never gonna find out if

it's possible to explore those things together, right?

And that's why our emotions are a catalyzing gift

for change in an avoidant partner is if they're ready

to receive it right now, they have

to be ready to receive it.

They need to be willing to step up to the plate

so you can do your due diligence.

Meaning, you know, learning how to express your feelings

to a partner can be somewhat of a fine art

because it is important what you say

and how you say it, especially to an avoidant partner.

I would argue that many

of us in Western culture at least have been taught

terrible communication skills.

And oftentimes I'll encounter clients who say, well,

I am being honest about how I feel, but they're not.

They're using language that they were taught to.

This is how you express how you feel.

But it's actually defensive language

that puts people on the defense.

So for example, well, I told them how I felt.

I told them I felt abandoned.

Abandoned is not a feeling word.

Abandoned is an evaluation of what they are doing.

It's still decentering you. Okay?

Because there's an invisible

by you at the end of that sentence.

I feel abandoned by you.

And so you're still criticizing, evaluating

what the other person is or is not doing.

You're still assessing what is my proximity

to them in this relationship and so on.

So how do we shift that language?

Well, we center it back inside the body,

and we notice that feelings are

energy moving through your body.

So when you feel abandoned, what is

that energy moving through your body?

How does that feel? Hollow, heavy, lonely,

detached, and so on.

Maybe angry, frustrated, helpless, right?

So these are words that are closer

to the energetic emotional experience that you're having.

And the closer we can express ourselves an approximation

to the truth of what we're experiencing, the more,

the less time you spend trying to fill up the space

between you and someone on someone else out of fear.

And the more time you spend sucking

that right back into your own centered, grounded energy,

holding that center line

and saying, this is what I'm feeling, what's going on inside

of me, and I'm gonna extend the invitation

because I wanna connect with you.

I wanna invite you into being a contributor

to my emotional experience.

And if you decline to participate in that experience, then

that's really good information for me.

That lets me know our degree of compatibility. Okay?

So if you wanna learn more about how

to avoid walking on eggshells

and trying to, let's say step out of your center through,

things like that, encourage you.

I'm gonna leave a link in the caption of this video

or in the replay that will give you a link to my course,

the Courageous Communicator, which is available now,

and it's gonna walk you through my three step hip

communication formula and how

to do this particularly in insecure relationships.

Okay? So just an aside about that, also remember

to subscribe and ring the bell for notifications.

I put out videos once a week

and I wouldn't want you to miss out.