It Doesn't Matter How You Feel

Summary

The speaker reflects on the enduring impact of music on personal memories, drawing parallels to the emotional responses elicited by songs from their past. They recount a recent experience playing 'Heroes of the Storm' and feeling an inexplicable sadness when a certain song played, despite no impending end to their current situation. The narrative delves into the idea that individual feelings, while significant to the person experiencing them, may not align with reality or the perceptions of others. Citing Jerry Garcia's perspective on the disconnect between his emotions and the actual performance, the speaker emphasizes the importance of separating personal feelings from broader impacts, especially in leadership roles. The summary concludes with a discussion on the luxury of focusing on feelings in a prosperous society and the maturity required to manage one's emotions without imposing them on the world.

Takeaways

• 🎶 Music has a lasting impact on people, often evoking strong emotions and memories associated with specific periods in their lives.
• 🕰 The power of music can transport individuals back to different eras, such as the 1990s, and rekindle the cultural atmosphere of those times.
• 🎧 Listening to a song from the past can trigger a rush of feelings and nostalgia, even if the current circumstances do not align with the emotions the song brings up.
• 🎮 The speaker discusses their experience with the game 'Heroes of the Storm' and the impact of background music during gameplay streaming.
• 🌧 The song 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction unexpectedly brought about a strong sense of sadness, highlighting the unpredictable emotional responses to music.
• 💡 The concept that personal feelings are subjective and may not reflect the reality or the feelings of others is a central theme of the script.
• 🎸 Jerry Garcia's quote from an interview emphasizes the disconnect between an artist's feelings during a performance and the actual outcome or reception of that performance.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The speaker's personal experience with dieting and the emergence of 'low carb Bernard' illustrates how physical states can influence mood and behavior.
• 🤬 The story of an incident at the gym showcases how intense feelings can be irrational and unrelated to the actual situation, underscoring the importance of managing emotions.
• 👥 As a leader, it's crucial to recognize that personal feelings about a project or situation may not align with the perceptions and enjoyment of the team or followers.
• 🕊️ The importance of morale and the feelings of a group, rather than just individual emotions, is highlighted as a key factor in success, especially in leadership roles.

Q & A

What are the two things that the speaker mentions young people often obsess over?

The speaker mentions that young people often obsess over their hair and music.

How does the speaker describe the impact of music from 15 to 20 years ago on their current feelings?

The speaker describes that music from that era can evoke strong feelings and transport them back to that time, bringing back memories of sights, sounds, and pop culture.

What game does the speaker mention playing and how does it relate to their discussion on music?

The speaker mentions playing 'Heroes of the Storm' and watching a sponsored streamer play the game. The streamer played a song called 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction, which unexpectedly triggered strong feelings of sadness in the speaker.

What concept has the speaker been contemplating since college regarding feelings?

The speaker has been contemplating the concept that one's feelings might not matter in the grand scheme of things and are a product of personal perception, which may not align with reality or how others perceive things.

What quote from Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead does the speaker find particularly impactful?

The impactful quote is: 'There's no relationship I've been able to hear on tapes between the way I feel and the way it went down.' This quote emphasizes the disconnect between personal feelings and objective reality.

How does the speaker describe the emotional state of 'Low Carb Bernard'?

The speaker describes 'Low Carb Bernard' as a person who gets frustrated and moody as a result of being on a low-carb diet, leading to mood swings and irrational anger over trivial matters.

What incident from the speaker's college days illustrates the irrational anger of 'Low Carb Bernard'?

The incident where the speaker yelled at someone at the gym for not working hard enough and perceived them as wasting space, which led to regret and a realization of the irrationality of their anger.

Why does the speaker suggest that feelings in a leadership role might not matter?

The speaker suggests that feelings in a leadership role might not matter because the perception and enjoyment of the people being led are more important. Leaders should focus on outcomes and the feelings of their team rather than their own feelings.

What is the importance of morale in a group setting according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, morale is crucial in a group setting because it affects the performance and attitude of the group members. Low morale can lead to decreased productivity and a negative impact on the group's success.

How does the speaker reflect on the temporal nature of feelings and their relation to outcomes?

The speaker reflects that feelings can be fleeting and may not accurately represent the eventual outcomes. They suggest that feelings might not matter as much as the outcomes, which can be reevaluated over time with a clearer perspective.

What societal privilege does the speaker acknowledge that allows people to focus on their feelings?

The speaker acknowledges the privilege of living in a society where people are affluent enough to consider their feelings in their actions and decisions, which was not the case for their parents when they first immigrated to America.

What advice does the speaker offer regarding the handling of personal feelings?

The speaker advises that it takes maturity to learn to keep one's feelings to oneself and not let personal perceptions dictate actions or reactions, as the world does not solely revolve around one's individual feelings.

Outlines

00:00

🎶 The Power of Music and Nostalgia

The speaker reflects on how young people are often obsessed with hair and music. They admit to having moved past the hair phase, but music still resonates with them, especially songs from 15 to 20 years ago. These songs can evoke strong feelings and transport them back to significant moments in their life, such as 1999, which they consider one of the best years. The speaker suggests that this emotional connection to music is a shared experience, as others likely have songs that bring back their own set of memories and emotions. They also mention a recent experience with the game 'Heroes of the Storm' and a streamer who played 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction, a song that inexplicably made them feel a sense of impending sadness, despite no logical reason for such feelings.

05:00

🏋️‍♂️ The Impact of Diet on Emotional State

The speaker discusses the emotional effects of a low-carb diet, drawing from personal experiences and the concept of 'low carb Bernard,' a persona representing heightened frustration and mood swings due to limited glucose supply in the brain. They recount an incident in college where they became unreasonably upset with someone at the gym, a reaction they later regretted. The speaker emphasizes that feelings, while personal and significant, should not dictate one's actions, especially in leadership roles. They argue that it's crucial to separate personal emotions from the impact and enjoyment others may have from one's actions or creations, suggesting a level of humility and self-awareness in leadership.

10:01

🧐 The Irrelevance of Personal Feelings in Leadership and Life

The speaker explores the idea that personal feelings are often irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, especially in leadership and group dynamics. They argue that while one's own feelings may seem significant, the perceptions and emotions of those being led or influenced are what truly matter. The speaker uses the example of office morale and historical references to soldiers to illustrate the importance of maintaining a positive environment. They also discuss how feelings can be fleeting and often misrepresent the actual outcome of situations, suggesting that it's a sign of maturity to learn to set aside one's feelings and focus on the bigger picture. The speaker concludes by acknowledging the luxury of being able to consider feelings in the Western world and the importance of not letting personal perceptions dominate over collective well-being.

Keywords

💡Nostalgia

Nostalgia is a sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past. In the video's theme, it is related to how music from 15 to 20 years ago can evoke strong emotions and memories, transporting the listener back to that time. The script mentions how listening to a particular song can bring back the sights, sounds, and pop culture of 1999, creating a rush of feelings as if the listener is back in one of the best years of their life.

💡Music

Music is a universal language that can deeply affect emotions and memories. In the context of the video, music serves as a powerful trigger for nostalgia and personal memories. The speaker discusses how certain songs from their teenage years can bring back specific feelings and memories, even if those feelings are not shared by others.

💡Emotions

Emotions are the feelings that individuals experience in response to various stimuli. The video explores the idea that emotions, while significant to the individual, may not have the same impact on others. The speaker reflects on how their feelings about certain songs or events are personal and may not be universally understood or shared.

💡Personal Perception

Personal perception refers to an individual's interpretation or understanding of a situation or event. The video emphasizes that personal feelings and perceptions might not align with reality or with how others perceive the same situation. This is exemplified when the speaker discusses their emotional reactions during a diet and how they later realize those feelings were not justified by the actual outcomes.

💡Leadership

Leadership involves the ability to guide, influence, and inspire others towards achieving goals. In the video, the concept of leadership is discussed in the context of how one's feelings do not matter as much as the feelings of those being led. The speaker argues that a leader's personal emotions should not interfere with their ability to make decisions that benefit the group.

💡Morale

Morale refers to the confidence, enthusiasm, and collective spirit of a group or organization. The video script mentions that morale is crucial, especially in a leadership role, as low morale can lead to decreased productivity and dissatisfaction among team members.

💡Diet

In the context of the video, a diet refers to a specific eating plan, potentially for weight loss or health purposes. The speaker discusses how being on a low-carb diet can affect their mood and behavior, leading to mood swings and heightened emotional reactions.

💡Low Carb Bernard

Low Carb Bernard is a term coined by the speaker to describe their alter ego when they are on a low-carb diet. This persona is characterized by heightened frustration and mood swings, which the speaker attributes to the body's limited glucose supply affecting brain function and mood.

💡Self-Reflection

Self-reflection involves looking inward to examine one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The video script includes the speaker's self-reflection on their emotional reactions and how they have learned to manage their feelings and not let them dictate their actions or perceptions.

💡Outcomes

Outcomes refer to the results or consequences of actions or events. The speaker in the video discusses how their feelings at a particular time may not correlate with the actual outcomes of situations. They emphasize that feelings are transient and may not reflect the ultimate success or failure of an endeavor.

💡Maturity

Maturity in this context refers to the ability to understand and manage one's emotions and reactions in a way that is appropriate and constructive. The video script suggests that it takes maturity to recognize that personal feelings are not always the most important factor and that sometimes it is necessary to set them aside for the greater good.

Highlights

Young people often obsess over hair and music.

Older music can evoke strong memories and emotions from the past.

Listening to a song from the past can transport you back to that time.

The speaker's personal experience with music and memories from 1999.

Music from 15-20 years ago can still resonate with listeners.

The game 'Heroes of the Storm' and its community of streamers.

Watching others play games can be a learning experience.

The impact of commercial music on game streaming.

The song 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction evokes a sense of sadness.

Feelings triggered by music can be inexplicable and unrelated to current circumstances.

The concept that personal feelings may not reflect reality or others' perspectives.

Jerry Garcia's quote on the disconnect between personal feelings and performance.

The importance of not letting personal feelings interfere with objectivity.

The experience of 'low carb Bernard' and mood swings during a diet.

How diet can affect mental state and behavior.

The insignificance of personal feelings in a leadership role.

The importance of considering the feelings of those being led.

How feelings can change over time and not reflect the actual outcome.

The societal privilege of being able to focus on personal feelings.

The maturity required to understand that personal feelings are not always paramount.

Transcripts

there's two things that young people

just really love obsessing over the

first is hair and I think I've gotten

past that point in my life well I mean

my hair's always been bad anyways but

the second one is music now music if you

are around my age or older a lot of the

music that you listened to a long time

ago I don't know 15 20 years ago stays

with you it probably has still stuck

with you and you know I don't know about

you but for me if I listen to a

particular song Sometimes I might get

transported back to 1999 and all the

sights and sounds and pop culture gets

brought back to me I have this flashback

I have this Rush of feelings as if I'm

back in one of the best years of not

just my life but one of the best years

of the world in my opinion now when I

say something like that it's very

probable that you have no recollection

of my feelings in 1999 you probably

don't really care it probably doesn't

matter very much to you but when I say

the fact that music that you listen to

15 or 20 years ago uh kind of stays with

you and let's say that you after this

video go and listen to some music that

you were you know you really enjoyed

when you were a teen then kind of the

generalization of me having those

feelings would get brought back to you

and that you would have your own set of

feelings from a particular song at one

particular point in time so it's

interesting because the way that I feel

about something literally matters to

nobody here but the notion that I get a

feeling from a particular song that I

haven't heard for you know 18

years that's a feeling that could be

generalized to you because you have one

of those songs that might strike that

nerve with you as well now the reason I

bring this up recently there's been a

game that I've been playing a lot called

Heroes of the Storm and on the games

launcher there is a link to some

streamers that play the game and you

know way I figured if I want to learn

how to play a game I watch other people

play it and there's one who's sponsored

by the actual company who makes the game

and she's kind of like a regular person

playing the game she's above average in

terms of skill but it was interesting

because I was watching her and she

plays commercial music on her stream you

know things that record companies might

strike if I did on YouTube but one song

that she played that kind of hit me

really hard and I'm not quite sure why

was a song called Jane Says by Jane's

Addiction now it was weird because when

I first heard her play the game and

heard the song you know just seeing the

game's visuals and her playing it along

with the song I got this overwhelming

sense of sadness it was this sense that

something was going to end soon now that

feeling literally has no meaning not

just to anybody but it also has no

meaning to me because nothing's going to

end nothing nothing's going to end

anytime soon for me I still have five

weeks left of the diet right now there's

nothing going to end but those feelings

and why they happened you know I'm not

really sure I'm not really sure why I

felt as if something was going to end

after I heard that song in fact the last

time I heard that song I think was early

2000s like 2000 or 2001 and nothing was

about to end back then either so I'm not

quite sure why those feelings had

manifested themselves but those were

actual

literally no meaning feelings at all now

this has been a concept that I've been

thinking about it's been on my mind ever

since I was back in college and it's the

notion that your feelings don't matter

your feelings might matter to you but

they are a product of how you see things

and you know your feelings about one

particular thing might not be the actual

reality or how somebody else sees it as

well you know I mentioned music and back

when I was in college I listened to a

lot of grateful Deb and I tried to see

every single video that I could of this

band playing I got all the live

recordings not all 3,000 of them but I

got a whole bunch of them and I remember

coming across an interview with the

guitar is Jerry Garcia of the band

1974 and this is a quote that I just

have never shaken out of my mind and he

says there's no relationship I've been

able to hear on tapes between the way I

feel and the way it went down doesn't

matter how I feel I haven't been able to

hear it matter it matters to me how I

feel of course because I feel that way I

come off the stage sometimes really

really upset when I was younger I'd get

even more upset I'd get more crazy I'd

want it to be really good I feel as if

it's not the way it should be it's

almost there but not there I remember

one time at the carousel I got really

upset at the end of a set because I

thought it was just horrible seemed like

everything was a struggle I got real

pissed off at Phil grabbed him and threw

him down this little flight of stairs

and I'm like man I've never done that

I've been tight with Phil for years I

was that freaked out and high too music

was just [ __ ] we listened to these

tapes months later and ended up using

them on our album you know they were

crackling with energy they were amazing

and it was then that I learned to just

keep my mouth shut and not think about

what was happening to me once that's

common when I get deeper into a diet and

this is maybe the third time in my life

that I've done this so I know that this

has happened the first two times the

first time that it happened was the

first time I started working with my

coach Shelby starns and I didn't quite

understand what was going on it was the

creation of somebody who I would like to

call low carb Bernard because once you

get lower or more depleted in the diet

you start to get more frustrated as if

your body's running on limited resources

as if the glucose that's used by your

brain is not in plentiful Supply anymore

and that your body needs to convert the

proteins and the fats that you consume

in order to get the glucose into your

brain for energy your brain doesn't use

fats or protein for energy it only uses

glucose and because your glucose is in

low Supply I would suspect that perhaps

the mood swings that come out

are what's normal when you get later

into a diet lowart Bernard is the kind

of guy who flips out at random stupid

things I remember the one time when I

was in college I was already deep into

the diet I started yelling at somebody

at the gym because I thought that they

weren't working hard enough that you

know they were just screwing around by

the weights and it was it would made me

so upset right and the way that I felt

had no bearing at all actually nobody

was paying attention to the guy except

for me and the only reason I was paying

attention to him because he was blocking

my way from the dumbbells and I thought

you know if you're if you're going to be

here don't be waste of space but that

wasn't really Justified because you

might even say that I was wasting Space

by I don't know doing work there it

doesn't quite matter but the way that I

saw it was that I had this

self-righteous arrogance about me and

that I was the one who was doing work

and that if you weren't on my level then

you should get the hell out of the gym

this kind of feeling on behalf of low

carb Bernard was uh almost got me thrown

out of the gym it was probably one of

the worst things that I could have done

I didn't understand it and one of the

things that I would just always feel

anger I'd always be upset

and it was it was very frustrating to me

because there was finally a point in

time where I thought okay I need to cut

this out I don't know what's happening

because after I yelled at this person at

the gym I almost get thrown out and then

I figured you know after I start yelling

I immediately regret doing it you know

the way that I perceive things and the

way that I perceive that person the way

that I perceive myself completely

irrelevant the way that I feel

completely irrelevant I doesn't matter

how I feel about that person it doesn't

matter how I feel in general it's the

fact that you would have to stay the

course of the diet but put the feelings

aside that's what matters now everything

that I mean about the way that you feel

doesn't matter I'm talking about when

individually when you have people

following you and you're in a leadership

role it is even more so the fact that

the way you feel doesn't matter the way

that you Fe as a leader feel doesn't

matter now the way that the people

following you feel absolutely matters

because your own perception of something

you might hate what you're doing you you

know and not

necessarily don't like what you're doing

but you think that the product of what

you're doing is not up to par you might

think that the things that we're

creating is not up to my standards but

everybody else who would be following

you is very much in enjoyment of what's

being created out of the team and if you

are not happy with it that's your

feelings about it but remember your

feelings don't matter because if other

people enjoy it then does it really

matter how you feel about it you might

be always perpetually upset with it but

it doesn't matter because other people

might perceive it in a different way

therefore you would be arrogant to think

that only your perception matters this

is what I mean by your feelings don't

matter but in a group of people it

definitely matters how the other people

who might be following you or the other

people around you feel you ever hear of

the concept of morale and you know it

could be something as simple as people

at the office are not happy with the

leadership of who they're working under

and when the morale goes under you see

people showing up at you know 10 11:00

they're pushing the limits to when they

can show up and they're not getting a

whole lot done or very typically in the

old days when people were talking about

soldiers and fighting morale of your men

was very important in that you know if

your if your guys weren't feeling up to

par then you know you might be losing

the next battle in terms of somebody

being a leader one who acts very

abruptly and in a very Brash fashion is

usually one that ends up not being

successful in the eyes of a lot of

people how you feel doesn't matter how

other people feel does matter and the

other thing that comes up too is that a

lot of times you might feel a certain

way but then you look back months later

and you think why why would why did I

feel that way about something right

there was a case that I was really you

know happy with the way that things were

going at one point in time and then 8

months later I figured what what what

the heck was I happy about that was an

awful time it turns out the outcomes of

everything that was going on at that

point in time was the outcomes were all

terrible and if that's the case then

that happiness in itself means very

little because the outcome is something

not very good on the flip side you might

feel awful about something you might

feel terrible that things are going on

at that particular point in time but you

look back 6 to 8 months later and you

think wow you know the outcome was

actually really good it wasn't anything

that was really that terrible I don't

know why I felt so bad it mattered to me

at that point in time but in reality the

feelings actually didn't matter that

much the outcomes were okay now I'm fine

and I'm looking back at it and just

think you know what was I what was I so

upset about I wasted all my energy being

upset over

nothing now depending on where you live

if it's in the western world most of us

are living in a society of people where

we are rich enough to focus on feelings

when my parents came here to America

from Taiwan they had $300 in their back

pocket they slept on the floor and on my

mom's brother's couch there was nothing

to be happy about except that they were

here and that they were actually able to

get a job we're rich enough now to know

that well we can consider our feelings

in doing things right we can do things

that in effect make us happy and we can

do that for a living we're afforded that

luxury in that we're able to do it the

way that I see it is that it does take a

certain level of maturity to come up and

finally realize that one day you should

just learn to keep your mouth shut and

not think about what's happening to you

at that particular point in time because

what's going on then is your perception

and you should not be as arrogant as to

think that the world should only bow to

just your

perception