3 secrets of resilient people | Lucy Hone

Summary

In this powerful talk, the speaker, a resilience researcher turned grieving mother, shares her journey through profound loss and the strategies that helped her navigate grief. She emphasizes that adversity is universal and resilience is achievable through acknowledging suffering as part of life, focusing on controllable aspects, and actively seeking positive elements amidst the pain. The speaker's personal story and research insights offer hope and practical tools for anyone facing tough times.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Adversity is a universal experience; everyone faces tough times in life, regardless of their background or circumstances.
• 🎓 The speaker's research on resilience began at the University of Pennsylvania, focusing on mental fitness for American soldiers, highlighting the importance of mental health in all professions.
• 🏗️ After the Christchurch earthquakes, the speaker shifted from research to practical application, aiding her community in resilience-building during the post-disaster period.
• 🚨 A personal tragedy in 2014, the loss of her daughter, transformed the speaker from a resilience expert to a grieving mother, offering firsthand insight into the grieving process.
• 💔 The initial advice and resources provided after her daughter's death left the speaker feeling like a victim, emphasizing the need for a more hopeful and empowering approach to grief.
• 🔬 The speaker conducted a self-experiment using her research to navigate her grief, discovering that resilience strategies can be personally beneficial even in the face of immense loss.
• 📈 Resilient individuals understand that suffering is an inherent part of life, which helps prevent feelings of victimization during difficult times.
• 🎯 Resilience involves deliberately choosing where to focus attention, concentrating on what can be changed and accepting what cannot, a skill that can be learned and applied.
• 🌈 Benefit finding, or shifting focus to include positive aspects of life, is a powerful strategy for resilience, supported by psychological research and personal experience.
• 🤔 A key question for building resilience is, 'Is what I'm doing helping or harming me?' This introspective question aids in making decisions that support personal well-being.
• 💪 Resilience is not a fixed trait but a set of ordinary processes that anyone can learn and apply, offering a path to navigate through adversity and grief.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial area of study and research?

The speaker initially studied resilience research at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.

Why was the University of Pennsylvania an inspiring place for the speaker?

The University of Pennsylvania was inspiring because the professors there had just been contracted to train all 1.1 million American soldiers to be mentally fit, in addition to their physical fitness.

What event forced the speaker to put her research on hold and start working with her community?

The Christchurch earthquakes hit, prompting the speaker to put her research on hold and start working with her community to help them through the post-quake period.

How did the speaker's personal life change after the tragic accident involving her daughter?

The speaker transitioned from being a resilience expert to a grieving mother, facing the challenges of loss and grief firsthand.

What was the speaker's reaction to the advice and resources provided after her daughter's death?

The speaker felt overwhelmed and disempowered by the advice, which she felt left her feeling like a victim and without any control over her grieving process.

What did the speaker decide to do instead of following the advice she received?

The speaker decided to conduct a self-experiment, using the tools and knowledge from her research to navigate her grief actively.

What are the three strategies the speaker shared for building resilience?

The three strategies are: understanding that suffering is part of life, choosing where to focus attention wisely, and asking oneself whether actions are helping or harming.

How does the speaker describe the concept of 'benefits finding' in the context of resilience?

'Benefits finding' involves looking for things to be grateful for, even in the midst of adversity, as a way to shift focus and find positivity.

What experiment did Martin Seligman and colleagues conduct to demonstrate the power of focusing on positive experiences?

They asked people to think of three good things that happened to them each day and found that over six months, these individuals showed higher levels of gratitude, happiness, and less depression.

How does the speaker define resilience and its relation to ordinary processes?

Resilience is not a fixed trait but a set of ordinary processes that anyone can learn and apply, such as the strategies she shared, which require the willingness to try them.

What message does the speaker convey about the possibility of living and grieving at the same time?

The speaker emphasizes that it is possible to live and grieve simultaneously, and that the strategies she shared have been instrumental in her own journey of grief and resilience.