Daddy's Girl - by Deidre Johnson

Summary

A daughter reflects on her father's decline into dementia, recalling his once strong, protective presence and entrepreneurial spirit. Despite his success in various ventures, his mental health deteriorates, marked by paranoia, untreated health conditions, and a growing detachment from reality. The daughter struggles with the emotional toll of watching her father slowly fade, feeling the loss of the man he once was while also grappling with the complexities of caring for someone who no longer recognizes their own condition. Her memories of him as a hero and a guiding figure are now overshadowed by the cruelty of the disease.

Takeaways

• 😀 The narrator's 78-year-old father, once a protective and controlling figure, is now struggling with severe health issues, including dementia, untreated high blood pressure, untreated diabetes, and psychosis.
• 😀 Despite his mental decline, the father remains paranoid and delusional, convinced that he is fighting for his life, even though the narrator's perception of reality is different.
• 😀 The father was once a successful entrepreneur, owning a software company, a bakery, and later a restaurant in Belize, and he believed in fighting for success no matter the challenges.
• 😀 The narrator, once a 'daddy's girl,' is emotionally torn between the memories of the father she knew and the reality of caring for someone with a disease that erases his personality.
• 😀 The narrator reminisces about childhood memories, such as integrating the Hilltop community in Denver with her father, who helped her navigate racism and taught her resilience.
• 😀 The father's health and mental decline have resulted in multiple psychiatric hospitalizations, including a 72-hour hold, which has left the narrator feeling helpless and uncertain about the future.
• 😀 The narrator and her sister are left in a waiting pattern as the disease continues to slowly erase their father's personality, despite medical advice to not engage emotionally with the 'disease.'
• 😀 The narrator reflects on the loss of the father she once knew, appreciating the wisdom, stories, and joy they shared through music and long walks, but also recognizing the strain of his controlling nature.
• 😀 The narrator struggles with the ongoing death of the person her father once was, experiencing it as a 'tease' since his physical body is still present but the essence of who he was is fading.
• 😀 The narrator's father once joked about mental health, saying that those with such problems would always be the last to know, which reflects his own struggles with recognizing his mental decline.

Q & A

What symptoms of mental health issues is the narrator’s father experiencing?

The narrator’s father is dealing with untreated high blood pressure, untreated diabetes, dementia, and psychosis. He has also been hospitalized multiple times, including a 72-hour psychiatric hold, and refuses medication.

How does the narrator feel about her father's decline due to illness?

The narrator feels a deep sense of loss as her father's mental and physical health deteriorates. She misses the father she once knew, including his stories and advice, but also acknowledges the emotional toll of caring for someone with a mental illness.

What was the narrator's relationship with her father like when she was younger?

The narrator was very close to her father and regarded him as her hero. She admired him deeply and followed his strict upbringing, always striving to meet his high expectations.

How did the narrator's father influence her view of racism and societal challenges?

Her father taught her not to internalize racism, explaining that it was a sickness affecting others, not her. He helped her understand that racism had nothing to do with her and that she should not let it define her experience.

What were some of the father's ventures and accomplishments throughout his life?

The father was a mathematician, entrepreneur, and had multiple business ventures. He owned a software company, a bakery, and a restaurant in Belize. He was always looking for new opportunities and believed in focusing on goals until they were achieved.

What does the narrator mean when she says, 'this is what a death is like, but with a tease since the body is still here moving through the world'?

The narrator is describing the emotional experience of watching her father deteriorate from dementia and other health issues, where he is physically present but no longer the person he once was. It's a kind of living death, where the person is still alive but no longer fully themselves.

How does the narrator cope with her father’s worsening condition?

The narrator tries to cope by remembering her father’s positive qualities and the person he used to be. She also receives guidance from others, such as being reminded that when her father rages at her, it's the disease, not her real father, she is dealing with.

Why does the narrator not miss the 'tight little box' her father defined for her?

The narrator does not miss the restrictive control her father had over her life, which limited her independence. While she appreciates the woman he helped her become, she is grateful for her newfound freedom and the ability to define her own path.

What role did music play in the narrator's relationship with her father?

Music, particularly artists like Nat King Cole and the Doobie Brothers, played a significant role in bonding the narrator and her father. It was part of the shared experiences they had, such as listening to music and walking together along the shore.

How does the narrator describe her father's sense of humor and approach to mental health?

The narrator recalls her father's humorous perspective on mental health, joking that those with mental health issues are often the last to realize it. This shows his ability to lighten difficult topics and possibly minimize the seriousness of mental health struggles.