Why I'm done trying to be "man enough" | Justin Baldoni

Summary

このスクリプトは、俳優として多くの男性キャラクターを演じてきた俳優が、自らの男性像と社会からの期待との間の葛藤を語る内容です。彼は、自分が演じたキャラクターが自分と異なると感じながらも、俳優として異なるキャラクターを演じることができたと述べています。しかし、彼は社会が男性に対して求める「強く、自信にあふれ、力強さ」というイメージと自分自身の内面とのギャップを感じ、男性らしさの再定義を求める必要性を主張しています。彼は男性が自分自身の弱さや感情を認めることで、より良い人間になる可能性があると提唱し、男性が女性から学ぶことの重要性を強調しています。

Takeaways

• 🎭 スクリプトに忠実に演じることと、異なるキャラクターを演じることの喜びを語る。
• 🎬 俳優として演じたキャラクターは、自身が実際の自分とは異なると感じる。
• 👦 男性として成長するべきだとされる男性像に従って育った経験を共有する。
• 🚫 男性らしさと女性らしさの二元対立の考え方に反対する。
• 🙅‍♂️ 男性らしさの定義にとらわれず、良い人間になることを目指す。
• 🤝 男性は女性から学び、彼らの優れた品質を受け入れるべきだと主張する。
• 👨‍👦 父親からの影響と、男性として受け取った役割について話す。
• 💪 男性は自分自身の内面を深く探求し、心を開き、弱さを見せる勇気を持つべきだと説く。
• 👂 男性は女性の意見を聴き、彼らの苦しみを理解し、共感する力を持つべきだと促す。
• 🤝 男性は性別平等を促進し、女性を支援する同盟者となるべきだと呼びかける。
• 👨‍👧‍👦 親として、子どもたちに良い人間になることの重要性を教えるべきだと提案する。

Q & A

俳優としてスクリプトに忠実に演じることの重要性とは何ですか？

俳優としての彼の職務は、スクリプトに忠実に演じ、台本に書かれたキャラクターを生き生きと演じることです。これは役者として彼が果たす基本的な役割です。

彼はどのようにして男性モデルとして知られるようになったのですか？

彼はテレビドラマでいくつかの男性キャラクターを演じ、それによって男性モデルとして知られるようになりました。しかし、彼はそれらのキャラクターが彼の本当の自分とは異なると感じています。

彼が演じたキャラクターの中で最も有名なのは誰ですか？

彼が演じたキャラクターの中で最も有名なのはRafaelで、それは暗い面持ちの元プレイボーイで、処女に恋をするキャラクターです。

彼はどのようにして男性としての自己認識を変えようとしましたか？

彼は自分が演じるキャラクターとの違いに気づき、男性としての自己認識を変えようとしました。彼は男性らしさの定義にとらわれず、良い人間になることを目指しました。

彼は男性らしさについてどのように考えていますか？

彼は男性らしさを単なる力強さや魅力、強さに限定するのではなく、より良い人間になるためには女性的な側面も受け入れなければならないと考えます。

彼が父親から学んだ男性としての役割とは何ですか？

彼は父親から犠牲を払って家族を守り育てる男性としての役割を学びました。また、父親は彼に感情の表現と感性を教えてくれました。

彼はどのようにして男性同士の間の障壁を乗り越えようとしましたか？

彼は自分の弱さと苦しみを共有することによって、男性同士の間の障壁を乗り越えようとしました。彼は自己開示を通じて他の男性にも同じことをすることを促しました。

彼はなぜ男性たちが彼のソーシャルメディアにフォローしないと感じたのですか？

彼は自分が男性らしさに反する話題を発信していたため、男性たちが彼のソーシャルメディアにフォローしないと感じました。しかし、男性らしい話題を投稿すると男性からの返信が増えたと感じました。

彼は男性たちにどのような挑戦を投げかけていますか？

彼は男性たちに自己の内面を深く探る勇気を持ち、弱さと恥ずかしさを共有する勇気を持ち、女性たちからの意見を聴く自信を持つことの重要性を説いて挑んでいます。

彼はどのようにして女性の声を聞く力を持つようになったのですか？

彼は妻からの指摘を通じて、自分が無意識に女性を傷つけていたことに気づき、男性として女性たちを真に受け止めることの重要性を学びました。

彼は親たちにどのようなメッセージを送っていますか？

彼は親たちに子どもたちに男性らしさや女性らしさを教えるのではなく、良い人間になることの重要性を伝えることを促しています。

Outlines

00:00

🎭 俳優としての男性像の葛藤

スクリプト通りに演じる俳優としての責務と、男性として期待される強さと自信のイメージとの間の葛藤を語る。彼はテレビで数々の男性キャラクターを演じてきたが、それらは彼自身とは異なる。ハリウッドが彼をどのように見ているかと、自分自身が感じる男性像との間のギャップを感じる。男性として期待される強さと自信を演じることに疲れ果てており、男性としてのより良い定義を見つけるために、女性らしさと男性らしさを超えた良い人間になる必要があると主張する。

05:02

👨‍👦 父親からの男性像の受け継ぎ

父親からの影響と、男性として受け継がれるべき男性像について語る。彼の父親は伝統的な男性的イメージとは異なる愛情と優しさを教えてくれた。しかし、子供の頃は父親の柔軟性と感情表現が彼を弱く見せたと感じ、小-townでの生活において責めを受けていた。父親と祖父が内面で苦しみを抱えながらも助けを求めずに我慢していた姿から、男性は秘密の中で苦しみを抱えるべきだと学んだ。自身もそのロールを演じていたが、男性同士が真実について話すことの大切さを学び始めた。

10:03

🤝 男性への挑戦：心の内側に深く潜る勇気

男性たちに向けた挑戦として、彼ら自身の強さと勇気と粘りを持って心の内側に深く潜ることを促す。男性らしさの定義を再定義し、内面を探求し、弱さと恥ずかしさを共有する勇気を持つことができるかどうか尋ねる。また、他の男性に対して正しい行動を促すことも求める。性的ハラスメントや女性に対する暴力、家事の分担、男女間の格差など、男性たちが直面する問題についても触れる。

15:04

🙏 男性と女性の協力による社会の進歩

男性たちが女性たちと協力し、社会の進歩を実現するために必要なことについて話す。男性たちが持つ特権を認識し、問題の一部であると自覚することの重要性を強調する。男性たちは女性たちから学び、彼らの声を大きくし、支援者となり、女性たちが様々な問題と戦う際に味方となるべきだと述べる。また、親たちに子どもたちに良い人間として育てることの重要性を訴える。最後に、父親への感謝の言葉を述べ、彼の感性と情熱が自身を今の場所に立てたと語り、拍手を受ける。

Keywords

💡マキズム

マキズムとは、男性らしさや女性らしさを固定観念に据えて人を判断する考え方です。このビデオでは、男性が強さや自信、力を持つことが期待されるというマキズムに反発し、男性らしさの定義を新しくすることを提唱しています。ビデオでは男性がマキズムにとらわれることで苦しむ様子や、それを乗り越える必要性が描かれています。

💡自己表現

自己表現とは、自分自身の感情や思考を外に表現する行為です。ビデオでは俳優が自分の弱さや不安を隠す代わりに、弱さと恥ずかしさを共有することで、他の男性に同じことをすることを促しています。自己表現は、男性が持つべきとされる強さや勇敢さの定義を広げる上で重要な役割を果たしています。

💡男性像

男性像とは、社会が期待する男性の典型的な特性や振る舞いや外見を指します。ビデオでは、男性像がどのように男性自身や周囲の人々に影響を与え、特に俳優自身がどのように男性像にとらわれてきたかについて触れています。男性像はビデオの中心となるテーマの一つであり、それを超えることの重要性が強調されています。

💡フェミニン

フェミニンは、女性特有の特性や行動様式を指す言葉です。ビデオでは、男性がフェミニンな側面を持つことがどのように強さと勇敢さを表すものとされるかについて議論されています。男性はフェミニンな側面を受け入れることで、より完全な自己を実現することができると主張しています。

💡強さ

強さは、ビデオの中では単なる物理的な力ではなく、精神的な強さや情熱、自己犠牲の能力も含む広い意味で使用されています。俳優は男性が持つべきとされる強さの定義を、内面的な強さにも広げるべきだと述べています。

💡恥ずかしさ

恥ずかしさは、自己をさらけ出すことに対する恐れや不快感です。ビデオでは、俳優が自分の恥ずかしさに直面し、それを共有することで変革を促す方法として提唱しています。恥ずかしさを克服することは、自己認識を深める上で重要なステップです。

💡男性の役割

男性の役割とは、社会が男性に求める行為や責任です。ビデオでは、男性が社会に求められる特定の役割を果たすことが、彼ら自身の本当の自己と矛盾する場合があると指摘しています。男性は社会の期待と自己認識の間で葛藤し、新しい男性の役割を模索していると表現されています。

💡自己認識

自己認識は、自分自身について深く理解し、受け入れることです。ビデオでは俳優が自分の自己認識を深め、男性としての社会的な期待と葛藤する過程を描いています。自己認識を深めることで、男性はより真の自己に近づくことができると主張しています。

💡偏見

偏見とは、人やグループに対して無根拠な否定的な考え方です。ビデオでは、男性に対する偏見がどのように彼らを苦しめ、男性自身がその偏見にとらわれることで自己を閉ざしているかについて触れています。偏見を克服することは、男性が自己を解放し、新しい男性らしさを築く上で重要な要素です。

💡男性同士のつながり

男性同士のつながりは、他の男性と信頼とサポートを築くことです。ビデオでは、俳優が男性同士が互いに弱さを認め合い、助け合い、変革を促すことの重要性を強調しています。男性同士のつながりは、男性が自己を解放し、新しい男性らしさを築く上で支援となるものです。

Highlights

The actor discusses his experience playing stereotypical male roles on screen that contrast with his real-life identity.

He expresses his love for acting as it allows him to embody characters very different from himself.

The actor talks about the discrepancy between the machismo roles he plays and his own self-perception.

He shares his journey of realizing he has been pretending to be a man he's not, both on and off screen.

The speaker criticizes the societal script that perpetuates toxic masculinity and its impact on his life.

He calls for an end to the toxic and harmful definitions of masculinity that are taught to boys.

The actor emphasizes the importance of men embracing traditionally feminine qualities to become better humans.

He reflects on the generational impact of the roles and behaviors passed down from his father and grandfather.

The speaker shares personal stories of struggling with vulnerability and the need to break free from societal expectations.

He describes creating experiences that force him to be vulnerable and how it empowers him and others.

The actor talks about using his social media platform to practice authenticity and vulnerability.

He discusses the challenge of engaging men in conversations about vulnerability and emotional openness.

The speaker recounts a personal story of challenging a follower's negative comment and the positive outcome.

He questions the conformity to gender norms and the implications for men's self-expression.

The actor challenges men to redefine their understanding of strength, bravery, and toughness to include vulnerability.

He calls for men to actively listen to and support women, and to stand up against harmful behaviors.

The speaker reflects on his own unconscious behaviors that have hurt the women in his life and his commitment to change.

He concludes by asking for forgiveness from women and calling for men to become allies in the fight for gender equality.

The actor suggests teaching children to be good humans rather than reinforcing gender stereotypes.

He expresses gratitude for his father's emotional intelligence and the lessons it taught him about being a man.

Transcripts

As an actor, I get scripts

and it's my job to stay on script,

to say my lines

and bring to life a character that someone else wrote.

Over the course of my career,

I've had the great honor

playing some of the greatest male role models ever

represented on television.

You might recognize me as "Male Escort #1."

(Laughter)

"Photographer Date Rapist,"

"Shirtless Date Rapist"

from the award-winning "Spring Break Shark Attack."

(Laughter)

"Shirtless Medical Student,"

"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"

and, in my most well-known role, as Rafael.

(Applause)

A brooding, reformed playboy

who falls for, of all things, a virgin,

and who is only occasionally shirtless.

(Laughter)

Now, these roles don't represent the kind of man I am in my real life,

but that's what I love about acting.

I get to live inside characters very different than myself.

But every time I got one of these roles, I was surprised,

because most of the men I play ooze machismo,

charisma and power,

and when I look in the mirror, that's just not how I see myself.

But it was how Hollywood saw me,

and over time, I noticed a parallel

between the roles I would play as a man

both on-screen and off.

I've been pretending to be a man that I'm not my entire life.

I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak,

confident when I felt insecure

and tough when really I was hurting.

I think for the most part I've just been kind of putting on a show,

but I'm tired of performing.

And I can tell you right now

that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time.

Now -- right?

(Laughter)

My brother heard that.

Now, for as long as I can remember, I've been told

the kind of man that I should grow up to be.

As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys,

but that acceptance meant I had to acquire

this almost disgusted view of the feminine,

and since we were told that feminine is the opposite of masculine,

I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities

or face rejection myself.

This is the script that we've been given.

Right? Girls are weak, and boys are strong.

This is what's being subconsciously communicated

to hundreds of millions of young boys and girls all over the world,

just like it was with me.

Well, I came here today to say, as a man

that this is wrong, this is toxic,

and it has to end.

(Applause)

Now, I'm not here to give a history lesson.

We likely all know how we got here, OK?

But I'm just a guy that woke up after 30 years and realized

that I was living in a state of conflict,

conflict with who I feel I am in my core

and conflict with who the world tells me as a man I should be.

But I don't have a desire

to fit into the current broken definition of masculinity,

because I don't just want to be a good man.

I want to be a good human.

And I believe the only way that can happen

is if men learn to not only embrace the qualities

that we were told are feminine in ourselves

but to be willing to stand up,

to champion and learn from the women who embody them.

Now, men --

(Laughter)

I am not saying that everything we have learned is toxic. OK?

I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with you or me,

and men, I'm not saying we have to stop being men.

But we need balance, right?

We need balance,

and the only way things will change is if we take a real honest look

at the scripts that have been passed down to us

from generation to generation

and the roles that, as men, we choose to take on

in our everyday lives.

So speaking of scripts,

the first script I ever got came from my dad.

My dad is awesome.

He's loving, he's kind, he's sensitive, he's nurturing,

he's here.

(Applause)

He's crying.

(Laughter)

But, sorry, Dad, as a kid I resented him for it,

because I blamed him for making me soft,

which wasn't welcomed in the small town in Oregon

that we had moved to.

Because being soft meant that I was bullied.

See, my dad wasn't traditionally masculine,

so he didn't teach me how to use my hands.

He didn't teach me how to hunt, how to fight,

you know, man stuff.

Instead he taught me what he knew:

that being a man was about sacrifice

and doing whatever you can

to take care of and provide for your family.

But there was another role I learned how to play from my dad,

who, I discovered, learned it from his dad,

a state senator

who later in life

had to work nights as a janitor to support his family,

and he never told a soul.

That role was to suffer in secret.

And now three generations later,

I find myself playing that role, too.

So why couldn't my grandfather just reach out to another man

and ask for help?

Why does my dad to this day still think he's got to do it all on his own?

I know a man who would rather die

than tell another man that they're hurting.

But it's not because we're just all, like, strong silent types.

It's not. A lot of us men are really good at making friends, and talking,

just not about anything real.

(Laughter)

If it's about work or sports or politics or women,

we have no problem sharing our opinions,

but if it's about our insecurities or our struggles,

our fear of failure,

then it's almost like we become paralyzed.

At least, I do.

So some of the ways that I have been practicing

breaking free of this behavior

are by creating experiences that force me to be vulnerable.

So if there's something I'm experiencing shame around in my life,

I practice diving straight into it,

no matter how scary it is --

and sometimes, even publicly.

Because then in doing so

I take away its power,

and my display of vulnerability

can in some cases give other men permission to do the same.

As an example, a little while ago

I was wrestling with an issue in my life

that I knew I needed to talk to my guy friends about,

but I was so paralyzed by fear

that they would judge me and see me as weak

and I would lose my standing as a leader

that I knew I had to take them out of town on a three-day guys trip --

(Laughter)

Just to open up. And guess what?

It wasn't until the end of the third day

that I finally found the strength to talk to them

about what I was going through.

But when I did, something amazing happened.

I realized that I wasn't alone,

because my guys had also been struggling.

And as soon as I found the strength and the courage to share my shame,

it was gone.

Now, I've learned over time

that if I want to practice vulnerability,

then I need to build myself a system of accountability.

So I've been really blessed as an actor.

I've built a really wonderful fan base,

really, really sweet and engaged,

and so I decided to use my social platform

as kind of this Trojan horse

wherein I could create a daily practice of authenticity and vulnerability.

The response has been incredible.

It's been affirming, it's been heartwarming.

I get tons of love and press and positive messages daily.

But it's all from a certain demographic:

women.

(Laughter)

This is real.

Why are only women following me?

Where are the men?

(Laughter)

About a year ago, I posted this photo.

Now, afterwards, I was scrolling through some of the comments,

and I noticed that one of my female fans had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,

and her boyfriend responded by saying,

"Please stop tagging me in gay shit.

Thx."

(Laughter)

As if being gay makes you less of a man, right?

So I took a deep breath,

and I responded.

I said,

very politely, that I was just curious,

because I'm on an exploration of masculinity,

and I wanted to know why my love for my wife

qualified as gay shit.

And then I said, honestly I just wanted to learn.

(Laughter)

Now, he immediately wrote me back.

I thought he was going to go off on me, but instead he apologized.

He told me how, growing up,

public displays of affection were looked down on.

He told me that he was wrestling and struggling with his ego,

and how much he loved his girlfriend

and how thankful he was for her patience.

And then a few weeks later,

he messaged me again.

This time he sent me a photo

of him on one knee proposing.

(Applause)

And all he said was, "Thank you."

I've been this guy.

I get it.

See, publicly, he was just playing his role,

rejecting the feminine, right?

But secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself,

to be seen, to be heard,

and all he needed was another man

holding him accountable and creating a safe space for him to feel,

and the transformation was instant.

I loved this experience,

because it showed me that transformation is possible,

even over direct messages.

So I wanted to figure out how I could reach more men,

but of course none of them were following me.

(Laughter)

So I tried an experiment.

I started posting more stereotypically masculine things --

(Laughter)

Like my challenging workouts, my meal plans,

my journey to heal my body after an injury.

And guess what happened?

Men started to write me.

And then, out of the blue, for the first time in my entire career,

a male fitness magazine called me,

and they said they wanted to honor me as one of their game-changers.

(Laughter)

Was that really game-changing?

Or is it just conforming?

And see, that's the problem.

It's totally cool for men to follow me

when I talk about guy stuff

and I conform to gender norms.

But if I talk about how much I love my wife

or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,

how I believe that marriage is challenging but beautiful,

or how as a man I struggle with body dysmorphia,

or if I promote gender equality, then only the women show up.

Where are the men?

So men, men, men,

men!

(Applause)

I understand.

Growing up, we tend to challenge each other.

We've got to be the toughest,

the strongest, the bravest men that we can be.

And for many of us, myself included, our identities are wrapped up

in whether or not at the end of the day we feel like we're man enough.

But I've got a challenge for all the guys,

because men love challenges.

(Laughter)

I challenge you to see if you can use the same qualities

that you feel make you a man

to go deeper into yourself.

Your strength, your bravery, your toughness:

Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts?

Are you brave enough

to be vulnerable?

To reach out to another man when you need help?

To dive headfirst into your shame?

Are you strong enough to be sensitive,

to cry whether you are hurting

or you're happy,

even if it makes you look weak?

Are you confident enough

to listen to the women in your life?

To hear their ideas and their solutions?

To hold their anguish

and actually believe them,

even if what they're saying is against you?

And will you be man enough

to stand up to other men when you hear "locker room talk,"

when you hear stories of sexual harassment?

When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,

will you actually stand up and do something

so that one day we don't have to live in a world

where a woman has to risk everything

and come forward to say the words "me too?"

(Applause)

This is serious stuff.

I've had to take a real, honest look

at the ways that I've unconsciously been hurting the women in my life,

and it's ugly.

My wife told me that I had been acting in a certain way that hurt her

and not correcting it.

Basically, sometimes when she would go to speak,

at home or in public,

I would just cut her off mid-sentence and finish her thought for her.

It's awful.

The worst part was that I was completely unaware when I was doing it.

It was unconscious.

So here I am doing my part,

trying to be a feminist,

amplifying the voices of women around the world,

and yet at home,

I am using my louder voice to silence the woman I love the most.

So I had to ask myself a tough question:

am I man enough

to just shut the hell up and listen?

(Laughter)

(Applause)

I've got to be honest. I wish that didn't get an applause.

(Laughter)

Guys,

this is real.

And I'm just scratching the surface here,

because the deeper we go, the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.

I don't have time to get into porn and violence against women

or the split of domestic duties

or the gender pay gap.

But I believe that as men,

it's time we start to see past our privilege

and recognize that we are not just part of the problem.

Fellas, we are the problem.

The glass ceiling exists because we put it there,

and if we want to be a part of the solution,

then words are no longer enough.

There's a quote that I love that I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.

It says that "the world of humanity is possessed of two wings,

the male and the female.

So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength,

the bird will not fly."

So women,

on behalf of men all over the world

who feel similar to me,

please forgive us

for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength.

And now I would like to ask you to formally help us,

because we cannot do this alone.

We are men. We're going to mess up.

We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to be tone-deaf.

We're more than likely, probably, going to offend you.

But don't lose hope.

We're only here because of you,

and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies

as you fight against

pretty much everything.

We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability

and being patient with us

as we make this very, very long journey

from our heads to our hearts.

And finally to parents:

instead of teaching our children

to be brave boys or pretty girls,

can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?

So back to my dad.

Growing up, yeah, like every boy, I had my fair share of issues,

but now I realize that it was even thanks to his sensitivity

and emotional intelligence

that I am able to stand here right now talking to you in the first place.

The resentment I had for my dad I now realize had nothing to do with him.

It had everything to do with me and my longing to be accepted

and to play a role that was never meant for me.

So while my dad may have not taught me how to use my hands,

he did teach me how to use my heart,

and to me that makes him more a man than anything.

Thank you.

(Applause)