The lens of attraction: why you can't do anything right

Summary

Dr. Orion Terban, in this episode of 'Psyx,' explores the concept of the 'Lens of Attraction,' a mental filter through which women perceive men based on their emotional attraction. High attraction leads to positive perceptions, while low attraction results in negative ones. Dr. Terban emphasizes that maintaining a woman's attraction is crucial for a healthy, lasting relationship. He suggests that men should focus on consistent effort and emotional investment to keep attraction high, as opposed to relying on external traits like wealth or appearance. Ultimately, understanding and managing attraction is key to avoiding relationship issues and enhancing connection.

Takeaways

• 😀 Understanding the 'Lens of Attraction' is crucial for men to have peaceful, satisfying relationships with women.
• 😀 The 'Lens of Attraction' is a mental filter that shapes how women perceive male behavior based on their attraction levels.
• 😀 High attraction leads women to see male behavior in a positive light, while low attraction causes them to view it negatively, even if the behavior is the same.
• 😀 Men should prioritize maintaining a woman's attraction at a high level to prevent relationship problems from arising.
• 😀 Maintaining attraction doesn't require extreme wealth or physical traits, but rather time, effort, and attention.
• 😀 Attraction is an ongoing, evolving process; it cannot be maintained with one-time actions, requiring consistent effort.
• 😀 A woman with high attraction is more supportive, loyal, and dedicated, while low attraction leads to criticism, disloyalty, and eventual disengagement.
• 😀 When attraction declines, behaviors that were once appreciated can be viewed negatively, such as humor, ambition, or vulnerability.
• 😀 The core issue in relationship problems is often a woman's fluctuating attraction, rather than the man's behavior itself.
• 😀 Men should focus on improving their attractiveness and consistently maintaining it to increase relationship satisfaction and longevity.
• 😀 Implementing the principles of attraction is the best investment for men seeking fulfilling relationships with women.

Q & A

What is the 'lens of attraction' and how does it work?

The 'lens of attraction' refers to a mental filter in a woman's mind that affects how she perceives a man's behavior. When a woman's attraction is high, she views the man's actions positively. Conversely, when her attraction is low, she perceives the same actions negatively. It works similarly to adaptive sunglasses that change based on lighting conditions, but instead of light, it changes depending on the level of attraction.

How do high and low attraction levels affect a woman's perception of a man's behavior?

High attraction leads to a positive, generous, and admiring perception of a man's behavior, while low attraction results in a negative, critical, and disparaging view of the same behavior. This means that a woman's level of attraction directly shapes her interpretation of actions, even if those actions remain unchanged.

Why is maintaining high attraction essential for men in relationships with women?

Maintaining high attraction is crucial because it directly impacts the quality of the relationship. When attraction levels are high, the woman is more likely to be supportive, loyal, and committed. Conversely, low attraction often leads to dissatisfaction, criticism, and eventual separation. Keeping attraction high helps avoid many other relationship problems.

What is the good news and bad news about maintaining attraction?

The good news is that maintaining attraction doesn't require extreme external factors like wealth or physical appearance. It mostly takes time, effort, and attention. The bad news is that attraction is not permanent and needs constant nurturing. It’s an ongoing effort that doesn't have a final, lasting solution.

What happens when a woman has a high level of attraction?

When a woman is highly attracted to a man, she is committed, loyal, and supportive, even to the point of extreme actions like lying to protect him. She will fight for the relationship and make the effort to maintain it, leading to a strong, lasting bond.

How does low attraction affect a woman's behavior in a relationship?

Low attraction leads to negativity, disrespect, and dissatisfaction. A woman may criticize everything the man does, compare him unfavorably to others, and become disloyal. She is more likely to leave the relationship and feel justified in doing so.

What does the speaker suggest about the things people initially love in a partner that later drive them crazy?

The speaker suggests that when attraction declines, the behaviors that once were charming can become irritating. For example, traits like humor, ambition, or sensitivity might initially be endearing but may later be perceived as flaws when attraction wanes.

Can a man's behavior be both attractive and unattractive to a woman at the same time?

Yes, the same behavior can be seen as both attractive and unattractive depending on the level of attraction. For example, a man’s ambition may initially be viewed as sexy, but as attraction decreases, it may be seen as obsessive or narcissistic.

What should men focus on if they want to improve their relationships with women?

Men should focus on maintaining and increasing their attractiveness by understanding the principles of attraction. Rather than changing their behavior to please their partner, they should focus on actions that consistently boost attraction.

What is the relationship between maintaining attraction and avoiding relationship conflicts?

By maintaining high levels of attraction, men can avoid many common conflicts in relationships. When attraction is high, the woman is more likely to tolerate minor issues and stay invested in the relationship, reducing the occurrence of larger, more costly conflicts.