When your son is 40 and has autism - and you're getting on in age

Summary

A mother shares her deeply emotional journey raising her son, Dwayne, who was diagnosed with autism. From the challenges of early speech delays and public meltdowns to discovering autism through the movie 'Rain Man,' she recounts the struggle and joy of caring for him. While facing uncertainties about his future and her own aging, she expresses both love and worry, especially about his independence and well-being when she and her husband are no longer around. Despite the challenges, she finds beauty in his affection and independence, cherishing every moment with him.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker expresses frustration and emotional distress regarding their child's behavior in public, particularly during tantrums.
• 😀 The speaker reflects on the lack of understanding and awareness about autism during their child's early years.
• 😀 They describe the moment they recognized their child's condition through a movie ('Rain Man'), which helped them identify autism as a possible explanation.
• 😀 The speaker describes the challenges of parenting a child with autism, including difficulty in managing meltdowns and extreme behavior.
• 😀 Despite these challenges, the speaker emphasizes their deep love and acceptance of their child, focusing on their positive traits.
• 😀 The child is described as being independent and responsible for tasks around the house, like hanging clothes and taking out the trash, without complaint.
• 😀 The speaker highlights their child's caring nature, noting how the child will always share things that are good for them.
• 😀 The speaker expresses deep concern about their child's future after they are no longer around, especially considering their age and the difficulty of caregiving.
• 😀 The speaker worries about burdening their other children with the responsibility of caring for their sibling with autism in the future.
• 😀 Despite these worries, the speaker shares a sense of joy and fulfillment in having their son, cherishing the affection and bond they share.

Q & A

What was the most painful moment described by the speaker?

The speaker describes the most painful moment as when their child threw a tantrum in public, and everyone was staring. They felt angry and helpless, not understanding why their child was behaving this way.

How did the speaker come to understand that their child had autism?

The speaker came to understand their child's condition after watching the movie 'Rain Man,' where they recognized similarities between the character and their child. The child had no speech but displayed remarkable memory and attention to places, which led the speaker to conclude that their child might have autism.

What was the speaker's experience with medical professionals before discovering autism?

Before discovering autism, the speaker consulted various specialists and spent thousands of dollars on medical fees, but they couldn't find a clear diagnosis. They were unsure of what was wrong with their child, as people gave them conflicting opinions.

How did the speaker feel after discovering that their child had autism?

After discovering that their child had autism, the speaker felt a sense of relief, as they now had a name for their child's condition. However, they also faced challenges in accepting the diagnosis and dealing with the child's behavior, especially during meltdowns.

What are some of the difficulties the speaker faced in managing their child's behavior?

The speaker mentions that their child's behavior is extreme, and they often feel frustrated and helpless. Despite their efforts to manage his behavior, the child has intense meltdowns, making it difficult for the family to cope at times.

How does the child contribute to the household despite his challenges?

The child is described as being independent and helpful around the house. He takes care of chores like hanging clothes and cleaning without being asked, and he does so without complaining. His helpfulness and dedication are seen as positive traits by the speaker.

What emotional qualities does the speaker appreciate in their child?

The speaker appreciates their child's affectionate nature and his caring attitude. The child gives his best to the family, even offering them the best food he receives because he wants them to have it. This shows his love and thoughtfulness.

What is the speaker's biggest concern for their child’s future?

The speaker's biggest concern is what will happen to their child when they are no longer around, as they are already in their 70s. They worry about the child’s well-being and future care, especially since managing his needs can be challenging.

How does the speaker feel about burdening their child's siblings with his care?

The speaker feels that it would be unfair to burden their child's siblings with the responsibility of taking care of him, given the difficulty of managing his condition. This leads the speaker to consider the option of a care home in the future.

What is the speaker’s overall sentiment about having a son like Dwayne?

Despite the challenges, the speaker expresses that it is a joy to have a son like Dwayne. They find comfort and love in his affectionate nature, and his presence brings happiness to their life.