8 Tips for Creating an Effective Reward System for Children

Summary

In this video, Ben discusses how to reward children effectively without turning it into bribery. Drawing on B.F. Skinner’s research on positive reinforcement, he shares eight tips for parents, including using external rewards when needed, letting children choose their own goals and rewards, focusing on specific behaviors, and promoting intrinsic motivation. He emphasizes that rewards should be used sparingly, linked to measurable goals, and should foster a growth mindset rather than entitlement. The goal is to create a balanced system that motivates and encourages positive behavior in children.

Takeaways

• 😀 Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool to promote good behavior in children, making homes happier and fostering success.
• 😀 Rewards should be used to encourage positive behavior, not to bribe children into compliance.
• 😀 A token system, such as stickers or stars, can help children visually track their progress and earn rewards.
• 😀 Let your child be part of the reward process by allowing them to choose the goals and rewards they work towards.
• 😀 Rewards are most effective when tied to short-term, specific, and measurable goals.
• 😀 Praise the behavior, not the individual. Focus on the actions and effort rather than labeling the child.
• 😀 Help children understand the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic rewards, and encourage them to appreciate both.
• 😀 Provide children with the skills they need to succeed, such as techniques for managing emotions or focusing on tasks.
• 😀 Surprise rewards can be more impactful when they are unexpected and relate to good behavior.
• 😀 Overusing rewards can lead to entitlement and decrease a child’s natural motivation. Use rewards sparingly to maintain their effectiveness.
• 😀 Proper use of rewards can help develop intrinsic motivation in children, reducing the need for external incentives over time.

Q & A

What is positive reinforcement, and why is it effective for children?

Positive reinforcement involves adding something desirable after good behavior, which encourages the child to repeat the behavior. It works because children naturally seek approval and recognition, helping them internalize positive actions.

How can parents avoid making rewards feel like bribery?

Parents should avoid using rewards as a manipulative tool. Instead, rewards should be linked to specific, measurable goals, and children should be involved in choosing the goals and rewards. This helps create a system of positive reinforcement rather than a bribe.

Why should rewards be tied to short-term goals?

Rewards should be tied to short-term goals because they provide motivation for immediate actions and efforts, rather than relying on distant or abstract goals. This helps children focus on progress and stay engaged.

What are the risks of labeling a child as 'good' or 'bad'?

Labeling a child as 'good' or 'bad' focuses on their identity rather than their behavior, which can create negative self-esteem. It's better to praise or reward their actions, like saying 'I can see how hard you worked on that,' to encourage effort and growth.

How can intrinsic and extrinsic rewards work together?

Extrinsic rewards, like stickers or tokens, can boost a child's motivation in the short term. However, as the child learns, the goal is to help them understand the intrinsic rewards, such as personal satisfaction and the benefits of their actions, which foster long-term self-motivation.

Why is teaching supporting skills important when using rewards?

Teaching supporting skills ensures the child has the tools they need to succeed. Without proper skills, rewards may not lead to lasting behavior change. For instance, teaching a child how to manage their anger helps them meet the goal and reinforces positive behavior.

What makes unexpected rewards more effective?

Unexpected rewards, like a surprise treat or outing, create excitement and enhance the positive reinforcement experience. The element of surprise makes the reward feel more special and strengthens the desired behavior.

What can happen if rewards are overused?

Overusing rewards can lead to entitlement, where children expect rewards for every action. This can diminish their natural motivation and cause them to stop behaving well unless there’s a reward. It’s important to use rewards sparingly.

How can you ensure that rewards encourage intrinsic motivation?

To encourage intrinsic motivation, parents should highlight the internal benefits of good behavior, like the satisfaction of completing a task or the joy of a well-done job. Over time, this helps the child internalize these values and rely less on external rewards.

What role do goals play in the reward system?

Setting specific, measurable, and short-term goals is crucial in a reward system. These goals allow both the parent and the child to track progress, ensuring that rewards are earned through effort and reinforcing the behavior the parent wants to see.