Albert Ellis y Gloria sesión de terapia racional emotiva

Summary

La terapia racional emotiva (TREM), también conocida como RET, se basa en varias proposiciones fundamentales. La primera de ellas sugiere que el pasado, aunque influyente, no es determinante en la vida de una persona. La verdadera fuente de los problemas emocionales y de auto-sabotaje reside en las creencias y en las frases exclamativas simples que una persona se dice a sí misma. La TER se enfoca en el presente y en el cambio de estas creencias iracionales para aliviar la ansiedad y la depresión. El terapeuta guía al paciente hacia una autoaceptación y le asigna tareas prácticas para mejorar la autoestima y la eficiencia en las interacciones sociales. El objetivo final es que el individuo aprenda a cuestionar y desafiar su sistema de valores y pensamientos, adoptando un enfoque científico en su comportamiento y en la vida diaria.

Takeaways

• 🧐 La terapia racional emotiva (TREP) se basa en la idea de que el pasado, aunque influyente, no es crucial en la vida de una persona y que las actitudes y creencias actuales son las que más afectan su estado emocional.
• 🗣️ La autoindoctrinación con creencias irracionales o ilógicas puede generar emociones negativas y comportamientos autodestructivos, lo que se debe a las frases exclamativas simples que la persona se repite a sí misma.
• 🔄 La TREP se enfoca en el presente y busca cambiar las actitudes y creencias actuales de la persona para mejorar su bienestar emocional.
• 💭 La persona tiende a hablar consigo misma en frases simples y en su idioma nativo, y estas frases pueden ser racionales o irracionales, afectando su estado emocional y comportamiento.
• 🚫 La TREP desafía las ideas y creencias que la persona tiene sobre eventos externos, destacando que aunque no se pueda cambiar el evento externo, sí se pueden cambiar las creencias internas sobre él.
• 🤔 Se busca en la terapia que el paciente tenga tres tipos de insights:认识到自己的负面行为有其思想上的先决条件 (ideológicos), 认识到自己不断地用这些思想重新灌输自己, y 认识到只有 a través del trabajo y la práctica se puede mejorar.
• 📚 El trabajo y la práctica son esenciales para el cambio terapéutico; simplemente hablar o pensar no es suficiente.
• 📋 Se asignan tareas concretas al paciente para que las realice y se verifique su cumplimiento, con el objetivo de fomentar el cambio de comportamiento.
• 🧠 El objetivo final es que el individuo aprenda a cuestionar y desafiar su sistema de valores y pensamiento básico, aplicando el método científico a la vida diaria.
• 🤷‍♀️ La persona en el ejemplo se siente insegura y teme no ser suficientemente atractiva o no cumplir con las expectativas de los hombres que le atraen, lo que la lleva a comportamientos no auténticos.
• 🌟 Se enfatiza la importancia de aceptarse a uno mismo, con sus defectos y fracasos, para poder mejorar y crecer en lugar de castigarse por ellos.
• 🤝 Se sugiere que la persona debe tomar riesgos y abrirse a nuevas interacciones, siempre y cuando esté dispuesta a ser ella misma en lugar de alguien que no es.

Q & A

¿Qué es la terapia racional emotiva (RT) y en qué se basa?

La terapia racional emotiva (RT) es una forma de psicoterapia que se basa en varias proposiciones fundamentales. Cree que lo pasado no es crucial en la vida de una persona y que las experiencias negativas actuales están causadas por las creencias y valores que una persona se enseña a sí misma, no por los eventos pasados.

¿Por qué la terapia racional emotiva se enfoca en el presente en lugar del pasado?

Se enfoca en el presente porque las emociones negativas y el comportamiento autodestructivo son resultado de las creencias y enseñanzas que una persona reafirma actualmente, no por eventos pasados. El enfoque en el presente permite abordar y cambiar estas creencias actuales.

¿Cómo se relaciona el lenguaje interno con las emociones negativas en la terapia racional emotiva?

El lenguaje interno, es decir, cómo una persona habla consigo misma, puede ser racional o irracional. Cuando una persona se habla a sí misma de manera irracional, crea emociones negativas y comportamientos autodestructivos.

¿Qué es una 'oración exclamativa simple' y cómo afecta a nuestra emoción y comportamiento?

Una 'oración exclamativa simple' es una forma de hablar consigo mismo que involucra ideas que puede decirse en cualquier idioma. Si estas oraciones son irracionales, pueden generar emociones negativas y comportamientos autodestructivos.

¿Qué tipos de ideas pueden generar sentimientos de ansiedad y depresión?

Las ideas que no tienen referencia empírica y que son supersticiosas o dogmáticas pueden generar sentimientos de ansiedad y depresión. Estas ideas generalmente se fundamentan en oraciones de fe que no están basadas en hechos.

¿Cómo afecta la perspectiva de una persona los eventos que les suceden?

Según Epicteto, no es el evento en sí lo que nos afecta, sino nuestra perspectiva o cómo vemos el evento. En la terapia racional emotiva, se busca cambiar la perspectiva del paciente para que pueda manejar mejor sus emociones.

¿Cuáles son los tres tipos de insights que se intentan mostrar a los pacientes en la terapia racional emotiva?

Los tres tipos de insights son: 1) Que todos los comportamientos, especialmente los autodestructivos, tienen antecedentes ideológicos claros. 2) El ser humano como un animal simbólico, se autoindoctra constantemente con estas ideologías. 3) Incluso cuando el paciente ve claramente lo que se está diciendo a sí mismo y que es absurdo, solo con el trabajo y la práctica puede mejorar.

¿Por qué es necesaria la acción para cambiar a un individuo en terapia racional emotiva?

La acción es necesaria porque simplemente hablar o pensar sobre los problemas no es suficiente para el cambio terapéutico. La terapia incluye tareas concretas y se hace un seguimiento para asegurarse de que el paciente las realice, lo que ayuda a cambiar su comportamiento.

¿Cuál es el objetivo final de la terapia racional emotiva?

El objetivo final es que el individuo aprenda a cuestionar y desafiar su propio sistema de valores y su propia forma de pensar, para que pueda aplicar el método científico a los hechos de la vida y ser verdaderamente científico en su comportamiento.

¿Cómo se relaciona la ansiedad y la inseguridad con la forma en que una persona se ve a sí misma?

La ansiedad y la inseguridad están relacionadas con cómo una persona se ve a sí misma porque si una persona se valora a sí misma negativamente y se define en términos de la valoración de los demás, siempre estará preocupada por no ser suficientemente buena o no poder mantener su estatus o relación.

¿Qué tipo de tareas de homework se pueden asignar en la terapia racional emotiva para ayudar a los pacientes a cambiar su comportamiento?

Las tareas de homework pueden incluir retos que exijan al paciente salir de su zona de confort, como iniciar conversaciones con individuos elegibles o tomar riesgos para ser ellos mismos en situaciones sociales, con el fin de practicar y mejorar su capacidad para ser auténticos y no autodestructivos.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Terapia Racional Emocional

La terapia racional emotiva (T.RE), también conocida como terapia racional, se basa en varias proposiciones fundamentales. La primera de ellas es que el pasado no es crucial en la vida de una persona, aunque afecta su desarrollo. La T.RE se enfoca en el presente y en cómo las personas se autocondicionan con creencias irracionales, lo que lleva a emociones negativas y comportamientos autodestructivos. La terapia busca enseñar a los pacientes a cuestionar y cambiar sus pensamientos y creencias para mejorar su bienestar emocional.

05:02

😅 La Fuente de la Tiñez

La timidez y la ansiedad en las relaciones amorosas se deben a pensamientos y creencias negativas que las personas se dicen a sí mismas. Al valorarse a sí mismas y preocuparse excesivamente por las percepciones de los demás, las personas pueden actuar de manera inauténtica y autodestructiva. La terapia busca identificar estas creencias y enseñar a los pacientes a actuar de manera más auténtica y aceptar sus propias imperfecciones.

10:03

🤔 La Autoevaluación Negativa

La autoevaluación negativa y la autodevaluación son problemas comunes que afectan a las personas en sus relaciones. Al enfocarse en las imperfecciones y defectos, las personas pueden obtener una imagen distorsionada de sí mismas y verse a sí mismas de manera negativa. La terapia busca ayudar a las personas a aceptar sus defectos y a enfocarse en sus fortalezas y atributos positivos.

15:05

😣 El Miedo a la Rechazo

El miedo al rechazo y a la soledad puede llevar a las personas a actuar de manera inauténtica y a devaluarse a sí mismas. Al enfocarse en las posibilidades negativas y catastróficas, las personas pueden crear un ciclo de ansiedad y miedo que impide que sean auténticas y se relacionen de manera saludable. La terapia busca ayudar a las personas a superar este miedo y a aceptar el riesgo de ser rechazadas.

20:06

😌 Ser Uno Mismo

La clave para mejorar las relaciones y la autoestima es ser uno mismo y actuar de manera auténtica. Al aceptar sus propias imperfecciones y enfocarse en ser auténticos, las personas pueden mejorar sus relaciones y su bienestar emocional a largo plazo. La terapia proporciona herramientas y estrategias para ayudar a las personas a ser más auténticas y aceptar sus defectos.

25:07

🤓 La Terapia Racional Emocional en Acción

Este caso ilustra la terapia racional emotiva en acción. El terapeuta identifica rápidamente las creencias y pensamientos irracionales de la paciente y la guía para que los cuestione y los cambie. Se enfoca en la filosofía de vida de la paciente y su autoevaluación negativa, y proporciona una tarea para que la paciente practique en la vida real. El objetivo es que la paciente trabaje en sus pensamientos y creencias para mejorar su bienestar emocional a largo plazo.

Keywords

💡Racional Emocional Terapia (RET)

La Racional Emocional Terapia (RET), también conocida como Terapia Racional, es un enfoque psicológico que sostiene que las emociones negativas y las conductas autodestructivas son resultado de las creencias y pensamientos irracionales de una persona. En el video, se centra en cómo estos pensamientos pueden afectar la autoestima y la interacción social, y cómo cambiarlos puede mejorar la calidad de vida de una persona.

💡Autoevaluación negativa

La autoevaluación negativa es un concepto clave en la RET que se refiere a cómo una persona se critica y se desvaloriza a sí misma, lo que lleva a emociones negativas como la ansiedad y la vergüenza. En el video, se discute cómo la paciente tiende a devaluarse a sí misma por sus comportamientos percibidos como imperfectos, contribuyendo a su estado emocional actual.

💡Perfectionismo

El perfectionismo es un tema mencionado en el video como una raíz común de la angustia y la frustración en las personas. Se define como la expectativa excesiva de sí mismas que puede resultar en la autodevaluación y la falta de tolerancia a las imperfecciones, tanto propias como de los demás. En el contexto del video, el terapeuta sugiere que el perfectionismo de la paciente es un factor que contribuye a su problemas emocionales.

💡Autoindoctrinamiento

El autoindoctrinamiento es el proceso por el cual una persona interna su propia filosofía de vida y creencias, que finalmente definen su comportamiento y emociones. En la terapia, se destaca cómo el paciente está autoindoctrinándose con pensamientos y creencias que la llevan a sentirse insegura y羞愧 (vergüenza en español), como cuando piensa que no es suficientemente buena para los hombres que le interesan.

💡Acciones y práctica

Las acciones y la práctica son elementos fundamentales en la RET, donde se enfatiza en la necesidad de actuar y practicar para cambiar los patrones de pensamiento y comportamiento. El terapeuta sugiere tareas específicas para la paciente, como iniciar conversaciones con hombres elegibles, para que pueda mejorar su capacidad de ser ella misma y reducir su shyness (tímido en español).

💡Autoacepción

La autoacepción es el acto de aceptar y valorar a uno mismo, incluyendo sus defectos y áreas de mejora. En el video, se discute cómo la paciente tiene dificultades para aceptar sus propias imperfecciones, lo que contribuye a su ansiedad y miedo a la rechazo. El terapeuta la anima a aceptar sus 'partes defectuosas' y a trabajar en mejorarlas mientras se mantiene autentica.

💡Comportamiento autodestructivo

El comportamiento autodestructivo es cualquier acción que una persona tome que cause daño a su propio bienestar, tanto física como emocionalmente. En el contexto del video, la paciente muestra comportamientos autodestructivos al no ser ella misma en situaciones sociales, lo que lleva a una interacción insatisfactoria y a la perpetuación de sus problemas emocionales.

💡Inseguridad

La inseguridad es un estado emocional donde una persona se siente incómoda o no segura de sí misma, sus habilidades o su valor. En el video, la inseguridad de la paciente se manifiesta a través de su timidez y miedo al rechazo, lo que le impide interactuar de manera natural y auténtica con los hombres que le interesan.

💡Tolerancia a la frustración

La tolerancia a la frustración hace referencia a la capacidad de una persona para manejar y soportar las situaciones que no salen como se esperaba sin caer en un estado de angustia o desesperación. En el video, se sugiere que la paciente tiene una baja tolerancia a la frustración, lo que exacerba sus emociones negativas cuando las cosas no van como desea.

💡Catarsis

La catarsis generalmente se refiere a la purificación emocional o el alivio que una persona puede sentir después de expresar intensamente sus emociones. Aunque el término no aparece explícitamente en el video, el proceso de terapia puede ser visto como una forma de catarsis para la paciente, al enfrentar y expresar sus inseguridades y miedos.

💡Filosofía de vida

La filosofía de vida es el conjunto de creencias y principios que una persona tiene sobre cómo debe vivir y qué es importante en la vida. En la terapia racional emotiva, se trabaja con el paciente para identificar y cambiar aquellas creencias que están causando emociones negativas y comportamientos autodestructivos, como se ve en el video donde el terapeuta busca cambiar la filosofía de vida de la paciente para disminuir su ansiedad y inseguridad.

Highlights

Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) focuses on the present rather than the past, emphasizing that individuals affect themselves more than past events do.

Individuals create negative emotions through irrational self-talk, which can be challenged and changed.

The therapy aims to help patients recognize and dispute self-defeating beliefs that lead to negative emotions and behaviors.

Patients are encouraged to develop insights into the ideological antecedents of their behaviors and to understand their self-indoctrination process.

Therapy involves work and practice to reevaluate and revalue one's beliefs, leading to improvement.

Action is necessary for change; mere talk or thinking is not sufficient.

Homework assignments are given to patients to practice being themselves and to face their fears.

The ultimate goal is for individuals to continuously challenge their basic value systems and thinking throughout their lives.

The patient's shyness and self-deprecation are linked to her self-imposed standards and fear of not meeting expectations.

The therapist helps the patient identify her negative self-talk and the need to accept herself despite perceived flaws.

Acceptance of oneself, including shortcomings, is crucial for overcoming social anxieties and inefficiencies in behavior.

The patient is encouraged to take risks and be authentic in social interactions to improve self-esteem and reduce anxiety.

The therapy session demonstrates the process of identifying and challenging a patient's core beliefs that contribute to emotional distress.

The patient is guided to understand that her negative feelings stem from her self-evaluations rather than external events.

The therapist emphasizes the importance of persistent self-assessment and the scientific method in evaluating one's beliefs.

The session concludes with the patient feeling optimistic and armed with actionable insights to work on outside of therapy.

The therapy highlights the patient's need to redefine her self-worth independent of others' opinions to achieve emotional well-being.

The transcript illustrates the typical structure and process of Rational Emotive Therapy, including the identification of irrational beliefs and the assignment of practical tasks.

Transcripts

rationale therapy a rational emotive

therapy also called

RT for short is based on several

fundamental propositions or hypotheses

the first of these is that the past is

not crucial in a person life the past

affects him a good deal but he effects

himself much more than the past affects

him because no matter what he has

learned during his historical

development the only reason why these

things that have happened to him and

have been told to him affect him today

is because he is still re indoctrinating

himself with the same philosophies of

life same values that he usually imbibed

and taught himself to early in his

childhood so we stick largely in the

present in rational emotive

psychotherapy rather than in the past

and we believe today the individual

experiences negative emotions

self-defeating behavior in efficiencies

because he now is indoctrinating himself

with what we call simple exclamatory

sentences which involve ideas human

beings can tell themselves ideas in all

kinds of languages and pictures in sign

languages and nonverbal expression of

man for example but they normally speak

to themselves in simple English if

English is their native tongue and when

they talk to themselves in an irrational

or an illogical way then they create

they literally create their negative

feelings or emotions in the behavior

that follows their brow now just to give

an example the individual usually held

himself when he's upset first the same

sentence and then an ending sentence the

same thing is something along the order

of

I don't like the thing that I've done I

dislike my own behavior and that would

be fine but unfortunately he follows it

with an insane sentence which says to

himself and because I don't like my

behavior I am allows I am worthless I am

a no-goodnik and this thoroughly in

thing sentence which is a sentence of

faith onion founded on fact which has no

empirical reference which is a kind of

superstitious or dogmatically religious

system creates what we call his anxiety

and drew his anxiety and depression with

guilt there's other forms of self

defeatism or again the individual tells

themselves the same sentence I don't

like your behavior when let us say

somebody has acted badly with him and

instead of following that up with that

because I don't like your behavior I can

still stand it and I'm going to try to

change to get you to change your

behavior he says I can't stand your

behavior or in an absolute istic

god-like randy-yos manner you shouldn't

be the way you are because I think that

I don't like the way you are now it's

the second B sentences which upset the

individual or another way of putting it

as epictetus a Roman philosopher said

many years ago it's not what happens to

us at point-a that it upsets us it's the

our view of what happens to us and in

rational emotive psychotherapy we go

after this individuals the patient's

view and show him that whatever he

thinks is upset him usually some

external situation what somebody else

has done it's really what he's telling

himself about this thing this event

which upsets him and although he may

never be able to do anything about the

external event at a he can change the

internal event his sentence his belief

to himself at B now in rational emotive

psychotherapy we try to show the patient

three kinds of insights and kinds of

distinctions of some other therapies

which usually emphasize one major

the first kind we try to show him is

that all his behaviors especially his

negative self-defeating behavior which

we're interested which is upsetting him

has clear-cut ideological antecedent he

may have learnt these as I said before

in the past but right now today he must

still believe these same ideologies else

he would not get the negative behavior

that flows therefrom and insight number

two which is most important than which

is unfortunately neglected and many

other systems of psychotherapy is that

he being as Ernst kathira once said a

symbolising animal is continually

re-induction aiding himself with these

ideologies and that the issue that's why

he's now deserved now in sight number

three is that even when he sees clearly

what he's telling himself and that he's

telling himself nonsense only by work

and practice by continually reassessing

and revaluing his own philosophical will

he ever get better

now we also stress the fact that action

is necessary to change an individual

just talking about things thinking about

things is nice but not necessary or I

should say it's not a necessary

condition for psychotherapeutic can

change change what the individual has to

do an addition usually is acts and we

therefore give him concrete homework

assignments and get him to act these out

and check up and follow to see whether

he does these homework assignments and

our final goal is to get the individual

to learn and learn for the rest of his

life to challenge and question his own

basic value system his own thinking so

that he really thinks for himself he

must do this particularly when he feels

miserable he feels anxiety or depression

or guilt or too much frustration or

anything else that is negative or when

he behaves very inefficiently and

finally he was able through this kind of

new thinking rethinking his understand

to apply what we call the scientific

method to the facts of human living and

to be truly scientific in his behavior

to question and challenge his own

assumptions as we do in science and

thereby to minimize though never

entirely to eliminate the terrible

anxiety and the atrocious hostility

which unfortunately affects most of us

in this existence well Gloria I'm not

relevant

well would you like to tell me what's

bothering you look you know I think the

things that I'd like to country the most

about are adjusting to my single life

hoping in I guess America diet I don't

know if I'm doing the wrong thing but

I'm going to refer to your book anyway

because this is what I'm obsessed with

this book about the intelligent Woman's

Guide to man honey yeah try to follow it

and I believe in it this is why it's so

fun reading your book because I'm not

much of a reader but I sort of believe

the same one you do that I've got a

problem in this area is being near that

I do I'm attracted to or the type of man

I'd like to become closely involved with

I can't seem to meet or I get too shy

with for some things that I don't but it

doesn't click the man I seem to be

dating nowadays other ones that I don't

respect much the ones I don't enjoy much

the same flip and uninteresting and I

don't know if it's something about me or

what because I really didn't want to

meet this kind of man

well let's talk a little about your

shyness let suppose you meet somebody

who you consider eligible but you might

walk now let's see if we can get at the

source of your shyness that's what

you're telling yourself to create it you

meet this man and you feel shy and bad

yes but I don't usually show that I

usually axial it right back yeah I act

like the other man act to me at the

magnet IX lip I don't feel near as

intelligent I act like a typical dumb

blonde I'm just I'm just not myself with

him I'm more on a tease

yes well as you probably know for

micromanaging I believe that people only

get emotions such as negative emotions

of shyness embarrassment shame because

they tell themselves something in simple

at Kalama Tory sentences now let's try

to find out what you're telling yourself

you're leading this individual now what

do you think your think is up before you

get flipped I don't even know what it is

that I'm not I don't fit his

expectations I'm not quite enough for

him

carrier to me although I want to cut the

man I'm afraid I won't have enough to

attract him well that's the first part

of the sentence that might be a true one

because maybe he could be here is you in

some ways maybe he wouldn't be affected

to you but that would never upset you if

you were only saying that I think he may

be prepared to be now you're adding a

second sentence to that which is if this

is so that would be awful

well not quite cook streams that because

I thought about that too it usually I've

missed my chance again because when I

want to become I'll show the very best

of myself because I think I have

self-confidence and I have enough to

offer when I get afraid like that then I

show all the bad qualities I I'm slam

I'm then I'm so much on the defensive

that I can't show my good qualities and

it's like I miss my chance again there

was a good opportunity to get too close

to this man and I Loused it up again all

right but even let's suppose you're

saying that and I think you really are

but you must be saying something else

too because if you were just saying hell

I miss my chance again you'd say alright

next time I'll take advantage of what I

learned this time and do it a little

better now you feel must be saying if

you feel shame embarrassment shyness is

something pretty bad about your error in

missing your chance again I don't know

if this follows in context to what

you're saying but the thing I do feel is

that I get suspicious then am I the type

of woman that will only appeal to the

ones that are

not my type of guy anyway is there

something wrong with me am I never going

to find the kind of man I enjoy I always

seem to get the other one alright now

you're getting closer to what I'm

talking about because you really think

if I am this type of woman does none of

these good eligible males are going to

appeal to then that would be awful I

never get what I want and that would

really be something frightful

I don't like thinking of myself that way

I'm going to put myself on a higher

standard I don't like to think that I

may be just an average Jane Doe so let's

just supposed to the second argument at

the moment that works but you were an

average Jane Doe now with that seem so

terrible will be inconvenient it would

be unpleasant you wouldn't want it but

would you get an emotion like shyness

embarrassment shame of just believing

that maybe I'm going to end up like Jane

Doe I don't know I don't think it could

because you still would have to be

saying on some level as I think you've

just said and it would be very bad it

would be terrible I would be a

no-goodnik if I would just well I don't

ever get what I want if I were just a

Jane Doe and I'd have to accept it I've

never get what I want and I don't want

to live the rest of my life let's just

picking in well necessarily so you've

never you really mean your chances would

be reduced because we know some icky

girls who get some splendid men oh yeah

envy so you're generalizing there you're

saying it probably would be that I'd

have a more difficult time but then

you're jumping through therefore I'd

never get at all very catastrophizing

there that you jump through yes until

exactly to meet the time it feels like

forever that's right but isn't that a

vote of non-confidence in you an

essential vote of non-confidence and the

non-confidence is because you're saying

one I don't want to miss out on things I

would like to get the kind of a man I

want and be a in your word superior kind

of girl who gets the superior kind of

man yeah but if I don't

then I'm practically on the other side

of the chain completely a no-goodnik

somebody will never get anything that I

want which is quite an extreme away

isn't it yes and that's what I call

catastrophizing taking a true statement

and there is a good deal truth what

you're saying if you didn't get the kind

of a man you wanted but it would be

inconvenient annoying frustrating but it

really would be and then saying I'd

never possibly get what I want and even

beyond that you're anything and then I

couldn't be a happy human being are you

really saying no but let's just look at

that let's just assume the work

inspiration Rocco once said years ago

assume the work that you never got and

also whatever the reasons may be the

kind of a man you want look at all the

other things you can do in life to be

happy well I don't like the whole

process I don't even like if I'm going

to and I don't all right even if it

wasn't a catastrophe yeah even if I

didn't look at it as a catastrophe I

don't like the way I'm living right now

for example when I meet somebody and I'm

interested in the could have some

potential right away I find I'm not near

to relaxed with him I worry more should

I be friendly should I kiss him

goodnight should I do this if it's just

a dodo and I don't give it I can do

anything I want to be I turn out to be

more of a person when I'm not as

concerned I don't like the way I'm up

well I do not you're not really

concerned you're also concerned you're

anxious because you ingest concerns you

do your best and you deceive yourself

if I succeed great if I don't succeed

top right now I won't get what I want

but you're over concerned or anxious

you're really saying again that's what

we said a moment ago if I don't get what

I want right now I'll never get it and

that would be so awful that I've got to

get it right now that causes the anxiety

doesn't it yes or else work for it yes

but if I don't get it right now that's

right I want to feel like I'm working

toward it isn't you what a guarantee I

hear my train didn't even saying I would

like a guarantee of working to it and

there are none sick well girls like

I don't know why I'm coming out that way

what I really mean is I want a step

toward working toward it I bother you I

don't know I thought well what I was

hoping is whatever that doesn't mean why

I don't seem to be attracting is coming

and rising on the defensive why I feel

more free you could help me when it is

on the fray up so I won't do it so much

well my hypothesis is so far that what

you're afraid of is not just family with

this individual band which is really the

only thing at issue when you go out with

a new and we're talking about eligible

males now will rule out the inevitable

one

you're not just afraid that you'll miss

this one you're afraid that you will

miss this one and therefore you miss

every other and therefore you prove that

you are really not up to getting what

you want and wouldn't that be awful

you're bringing in these catastrophes

and you'll sound more scarring at it but

that summer I feel like this different

brilliance I keep this up if you had one

thing I'm doing there's something I'm

doing that could be as real a person

with these men that I'm interested eyes

right you're defeating your own ends but

has done it again

I was so doggone anxious about trying to

hook this guy I could be more real he's

going to enjoy me more if I'm real

anyway so I'm only giving him the stinky

part of me right how can anybody I

respect respective a to connect who I am

when I don't really come through look

how you just devalued yourself let's

just suppose the sake of argument you

kept giving the stinky part of you a

human being another person is trying to

get interest and you might not like

these attributes these characteristics

of you but I don't think he's going to

despise you as a person who you are

really doing I don't I'm harder on

myself and I think that's exactly of

course like me there's not enough to

kill me right

and I say before if people just didn't

like you and you went through enough of

them and it would be hard to go through

notes that it would be possible you'd

eventually find one who did like you and

whom you like but as long as you devalue

yourself personally in your own eyes you

complicate the problem enormous ly and

you're not focusing on how can I be

myself Cain the trait if you for example

had a let us just say a mangled arm and

you wouldn't accept your whole person

being because of this man

then you would focus so much on that

mangled arm you wouldn't be able to do

things that you wouldn't otherwise be

able to do how much what I did yes yes

and say doesn't exactly tell you thank

you a part of you an arm and focusing

almost completely on that in just to

bring it down to our own conversation

you're taking a part of you your shyness

you're not seeing yourself with males

and focusing so much or that part you're

almost making not if the whole of you

and you get an awful picture of your

total self because of this defective

part and we're assuming you and I like

it it is effective we're not glossing

over they know you're doing all right

you're not doing that well now you can

accept yourself for the time being with

this defective part with these

attributes and not beat yourself over

the head as I see of you definitely in

doing then it becomes a relatively

simple problem through work and practice

and work and practice again this

negative attributes in other words let's

get back to that now how to be yourself

let's just oppose for the moment that

you really weren't fully accepting

yourself with your failings right you

know you're going to go how you know

you're going to screw up with the next

man man after that in all probability

because saying alright I have to go

through a learning process that's too

bad I won't be very good doing this

while what I'll do it just as I would

add ice skating where I'd have to fall

on my neck for a few times before I

learned to ice skate okay now let's

suppose that man is that was oh you were

really accepting you you go out take the

risk of being you because after all if

you do in one of these then you have to

be yourself you're not winning them for

a day you're not winning them for a fair

assume you want to marry one of these

individuals eventually and be one of our

online relationship I don't feel serious

hearing tomorrow right a long

relationship in the course of which you

couldn't act so we don't want to give

you something well that he'll later find

out was a role I think or thing but you

have to eventually be yourself now if

you really want so concerned about these

present current failings views you could

go out and be this self of you would ask

yourself what do I really

do with this man who help enjoy him and

have him help enjoy me because that's

the basic function of life enjoyment

which resents lose and you force

yourself to take the risk of being back

because if you succeeded great

if you fail too bad either you not for

him or he may even not be for you but

don't forget you said before when these

men reject you you would still run away

it must be my doing a Michaels you know

they may not be your cup of tea and you

may not be their cup of tea and it's

nobody's full it's just true

incompatible with it in yes you say yes

so if you would really accept yourself

as you are and then force yourself as if

you were one of my regular patients I

would give you this homework assignments

and then check up on you to see whether

you can force yourself to open your big

mouth and be you for a while even though

it takes with these nails you would

times the a you would start being itself

and gradually locking off these

inefficiencies which is exactly are the

result of not being you but watching

yourself from the outside while you're

trying to be you which is almost

impossible because you can't spy on

yourself and still be yourself very well

at the same time you know but it would

become like a habit after a while if you

took the risk then for yourself so as I

said open your big mouth and even though

you thought maybe it'll come out badly

maybe he won't like me maybe I'll lose

them complete me and so on and so forth

then you start swinging in the groove

and being what you want to be and I

would almost guarantee that you'd become

more practice than less inefficient

especially in terms of the shyness

because you wouldn't be focusing on oh

my god isn't it awful how bad I am you

would be focusing on what a great

individual this is and how can I enjoy

him what is he Oh the focus but yet they

might relate to the opposite way right

now can I be more attracted to him how

can he be pleased by me because

underneath if I am not then I

I enjoy myself I refuse to accept myself

unless I attract and win this good

individual is that what you're basically

yes and I even go for it don't you

almost win when there is one of these

men i come in contact with and i find

that i want it call it more of a

relationship well if he accepts me and

we're going along pretty great i find

myself constantly on the defensive

actually watching the way i see it not

drinking too much the whole time instead

of just relaxing and saying a leader

like Mary different the most in

psychotherapy you're giving a very good

illustration of why other directors

business other directly this doesn't pay

because you really are defining yourself

in terms of others estimation of you

then even when you're ahead of the game

and you're winning them you have to be

saved yourself when I win them today

will I win them tomorrow will I keep

winning them and you always focus on am

i doing the things that please him and

you never are yourself you never have

itself while if you're seeing what do I

want to do in life then let's see some

human beings who would like me the way I

am let's see if this is one of those

human beings then that's the only way is

list that you can be okay you know we

haven't got too much time now so but try

to get it off on a constructive notice

more concretely what you can do you

asked before where you can go how you

can meet new people I'd say that I don't

know this particular area but it's

almost any place if you could do what we

are talking about really take risk and

focus on what you want out of life and

on the fact that it's great to take time

which unfortunately it does and it is

not awful and you are not awful while

it's taking that time then you can leave

yourself open unsightly to all kinds of

new encounters and these encounters can

take place unbuttoned while waiting for

a streetcar

they have three cars in this area at

cocktail parties anyway you can talk to

people who look eligible you can ask you

and to get you eligible but males and so

on but the main thing is that you have

to pay like yourself while you're not

doing badly and be not be intolerant

against conditions which are bad and I'm

agreeing with you that they are now as I

said I would give you with your offense

in mind the homework assignment of

deliberately very deliberately going out

and getting yourself into trouble in

other words taking the most eligible

males you can find at the moment and

blessing yourself risking yourself to be

you are you saying even if it were like

if I went into a doctor's office to

start a conversation with him because he

was attracted coming or he appealed to

me writing also finds and starting out a

conversation with him personally

and why not if he's an eligible

individual any kind of an eligible

individually I know you accept that but

that seems awfully brazen ensemble let's

suppose it is phrase why do you got to

lose the worst you can do is reject you

and you don't have to reject you if you

were thinking along the lines that we've

been 45 minutes assess so how can you

try to do that I think I think in order

to give me a spurt to go out and feel

you're right that's all I can do is be

rejected right and that needs you intact

it just leaves you unfortunately not for

the moment getting what you want

are you try to go anywhere I read and

I'll be very interested in finding out

oh I'm excited promise

well it was certainly very nice meeting

you sir thank you neck

I enjoyed talking with this interesting

and I think highly courageous patience

and thought that it gave a recession

gave a pretty good illustration of a

fairly typical especially rational

emotive psychotherapy how was it typical

in several ways in the first place

I was able rather rapidly and quickly to

get to some of what I think are the

philosophic cores of the patients the

services to show her that the reason she

is feeling shy and ashamed and afraid in

this instance is because even though

harshly unwittingly she is defining

herself in a very negative way or

devaluing herself by blaming herself too

much for imperfect behavior because

perfectionism is the root of most human

evil and she was showing some fairly

typical for vex mystic notion so very

quickly is is usually done in rational

emotive psychotherapy we skip some of

the asides we skip going back into the

history of some of the psycho analysts

do and we skip some of the transference

relations between us and the patient and

we skip some of the nonverbal expression

not that we think these things are quite

unimportant but we think they're of

relatively little relevant to the basic

core of the baseless disturbance which

is her philosophy of life and typically

again this patient showed both anxiety

and low frustration tolerance which most

patients showed and these were

intertwined and again very usually she

was then beating herself over the head

blaming herself condemning herself a

feeling these kinds of feelings now she

did not see very clearly at least I

thought so at the beginning of the

session exactly what declarative

sentences and exclamatory sentences she

was telling herself to create these

feelings and I endeavoured to show her

some of these sentences and what could

be done about it and among other things

I also though briefly because this is

just one brief session tried to give her

a whole

work assignment that you could go and

get her teeth into it exid li try to do

2d propagandize herself by going out and

taking risks which normally up to now

she hasn't been taking that much of it's

interesting to note that again quite

typically in this session although i was

attacking fairly vigorously the

patient's attitude the philosophies she

did not feel an attack on her she felt

that I'm supporting her with anything

and she ended up I thought rather

optimistically feeling that I had given

her several ideas of what she could do

in the future again rather typically in

this session I kept persuading the

patients and attacking her ideas and

showing her that her philosophy of life

not only was such and such but that if

she stuck to this kind of philosophy she

had to get negative and self-defeating

results from it and then I kept

persistently going on even though at

times she became defensive and wasn't

quite accepting by any means what I was

saying I didn't let this bother me but

kept going on again her basic core

system her value system because this is

again what bothers patients that they

give up very easily on attacking their

own negative evaluations of themselves

and therefore they persist forever now

the one limitations of course especially

in terms of time to the session and

these limitations did have some effect

for example it was enough not enough

time for repetition in several sessions

I would have gone over much of the same

material until I was sure that hadn't

sunk in then I would have had time to

get feedback for the patient to see

whether she really understood in action

in particular what I was talking about I

wonder she was following it up or

leading herself up some other diverting

pathway which people can do there was no

time to emphasize that she would have to

continually reassess her evaluations of

herself and her general philosophies and

do rethinking for the rest of her life

there was no time to show the patient

very much that even during this session

in relation to me and what she was

saying about herself that she was

displaying

are their attitudes toward herself and

finally there was no occasion because

this was an individual session to see

how she related specifically to other

non therapist as she would in group

therapy and in the midst of this group

situation to show her exactly what was

going on and what she could do about it

but I do feel hope

hopeful about the session and think that

perhaps I was able at least to give the

patient a few ideas which he could then

go out and work on on her own because

unless patients do work themselves with

the material that we therapists give

them in psychotherapy nothing eventually

happens it isn't any magic that we have

for them but we can give them certain

catalytic ideas and influences which

then if they work and practice at work

and practice that will do them good for

the rest of their life