What happened to me?

Summary

In this introspective video, the content creator reflects on their journey and the mistakes they made, particularly lying about their gaming skills to promote a product. They acknowledge their narcissistic behavior and the loss of patience, which led to a decline in the quality of their content and their own self-worth. The creator expresses remorse for their actions, especially for betraying their audience's trust. They detail their plan to improve, which includes focusing on solo queue games, adjusting streaming schedules for better mental health, increasing community engagement, and creating a community stage channel for more relaxed content. The video serves as both an apology and a commitment to change, asking for patience and accountability from their audience as they strive to become a better role model.

Takeaways

• 🎥 The speaker acknowledges becoming consumed by content creation and losing sight of their original inspirations, which were rooted in acceptance and patience.
• 🚫 The speaker admits to lying about their gaming abilities, which was a significant mistake that they failed to correct early on.
• 🤔 They reflect on the rationalization behind their dishonesty, questioning the morality of such choices and recognizing the difference between lying for a job and falsifying credentials.
• 😔 The speaker expresses regret for betraying their audience's trust and advises against delaying the admission of mistakes.
• 📈 As popularity grew, so did the frequency of content repetition, leading to a decrease in enthusiasm and an increase in dissatisfaction.
• 🧐 The speaker discusses losing patience and the impact it had on their content quality, as well as their realization that they were not prepared enough.
• 🔥 The revelation of the speaker's illegitimate gaming status online led to a crisis of self, with feelings of devastation and self-loathing.
• 🤝 The speaker credits their close friends, moderators, and supporters for their understanding and encouragement during difficult times.
• 🛠️ They outline specific steps for improvement, including reducing the volume of daily gaming content, adjusting streaming times to focus on mental health, and increasing community engagement.
• 🕒 The speaker plans to start streams with a community event block and end with a community stage channel, emphasizing fun and less pressure to produce YouTube-worthy content.
• 📅 The new streaming schedule is announced, with streams starting at 10:00 a.m. Pacific and including a structured approach to gaming and community interaction.

Q & A

What were the original inspirations for the content creator's coaching content?

The content creator's original inspirations were Mr. Rogers and Dr. K, who were known for their willingness to accept everyone for who they were and their unwavering patience.

What does the content creator believe they have become over time?

The content creator believes they have become a narcissistic individual, feeling unworthy of any online following.

What was the first mistake the content creator made in content creation?

The first mistake was lying about being a radiant player, which they did to advertise a product they believed in.

Why did the content creator choose to continue lying instead of admitting the truth?

The content creator chose to continue lying because they justified their choice with morally grave rationalizations, thinking that anyone would lie to get a shot at their dream job.

What was the impact of the content creator's actions on their audience?

The content creator's actions led to feelings of betrayal among their audience, as they felt deceived by the false claims of being a radiant player.

How did the content creator's approach to VOD reviews change over time?

Initially, the content creator was thrilled to share new concepts, but over time, the repetitive nature of their content led to dissatisfaction and a loss of patience.

What was the turning point that made the content creator realize they were not a legitimate radiant player?

The turning point was when inarguable proof that the content creator was not a legitimate radiant player was posted online and went viral.

How did the content creator cope with the negative emotions and judgment they faced?

The content creator bottled up their emotions and used playing video games as a coping mechanism, but this time it felt different as it seemed like the entire world was rooting for their downfall.

What steps is the content creator planning to take to improve their situation?

The content creator plans to reduce the daily volume of games, shift stream start times to focus on mental health, engage more directly with the community, and end streams early to spin up a community stage channel.

What is the content creator's goal with these changes?

The goal is to become a better role model and regain the trust of their community, while also focusing on their mental health and providing content that doesn't feel the pressure of needing to be YouTube worthy.

How does the content creator feel about the support they have received from their close friends, moderators, and supporters?

The content creator is grateful for the support, as they have offered words of encouragement and treated the creator like an adult, which was needed during their difficult times.

Outlines

00:00

📺 Content Creation and Personal Struggles

The speaker begins by addressing their audience, acknowledging a deep loss of self in the process of content creation. They admit to being influenced by the acceptance and patience of Mr. Rogers and Dr. K, aiming to spread comfort. However, they feel they have strayed from this path, becoming narcissistic and unworthy of their online following. The speaker takes full responsibility for their actions, including lying about their gaming achievements to promote a product. They express regret for betraying their audience and discuss the negative impact of their actions on their mental health and content quality. The paragraph concludes with a reflection on their emotional turmoil after being exposed as not a legitimate radiant player and the judgment they faced.

05:03

🔄 Steps for Change and Growth

The speaker outlines their plan for improvement, starting with a commitment to change and not expecting an overnight transformation. They have consulted with a coach and are returning to a solo gaming format while reducing the number of daily games. They also plan to prioritize mental health by adjusting their streaming schedule to start no earlier than 10:00 a.m. Pacific Time. The speaker intends to engage more directly with their community by initiating a 2-hour community event block at the beginning of each stream, focusing on fun and togetherness. They also announce the creation of a community stage channel for additional streaming content that doesn't bear the pressure of being YouTube-worthy. The speaker concludes with an apology for losing their way and a plea for patience and strictness from their audience as they work towards self-improvement.

Keywords

💡Content Creation

Content creation refers to the process of generating various forms of content, such as videos, articles, or podcasts, for an audience. In the video, the speaker has become deeply involved in content creation, which has led to a shift in their original inspirations and values. It is central to the theme as it is the medium through which the speaker communicates and shares their experiences.

💡Inspiration

Inspiration is the influence or motivation that encourages someone to take action or create something. The speaker mentions Mr. Rogers and Dr. K as their original inspirations, highlighting their acceptance and patience as qualities they wished to emulate in their own coaching content. Inspiration is a key concept as it sets the initial values that the speaker aimed to convey.

💡Narcissism

Narcissism is characterized by an excessive interest in oneself and one's appearance or public perception. The speaker admits to becoming narcissistic, which is a significant departure from their initial inspirations. This keyword is pivotal as it marks a turning point in the speaker's self-perception and behavior, leading to a loss of authenticity in their content creation.

💡Lying

Lying is the act of making false statements with the intention to deceive. The speaker acknowledges lying about their gaming skills to promote a product. This action is a central conflict in the narrative, as it leads to a cascade of further dishonesty and a loss of trust from the audience.

💡Moral Rationalization

Moral rationalization is the process of justifying morally questionable actions by providing seemingly logical reasons. The speaker used moral rationalization to justify lying to their audience, which is a key concept as it demonstrates the cognitive dissonance between their actions and their internal values.

💡Repetitive Nature

Repetitive nature refers to the tendency of an activity or process to be repeated, often leading to monotony or a lack of novelty. The speaker discusses becoming desensitized to sharing the same content repeatedly, which is a key concept as it reflects a shift in their passion and engagement with their audience.

💡Mental Health

Mental health is the state of an individual's psychological and emotional well-being. The speaker recognizes the need to prioritize their mental health, which is a critical aspect of their journey towards self-improvement. It is a keyword that underscores the importance of self-care in the context of content creation and public scrutiny.

💡Community Engagement

Community engagement is the process of involving and interacting with a community, often to build relationships and foster a sense of belonging. The speaker plans to engage more directly with their community through events and streams, which is a key concept as it represents a shift towards a more inclusive and interactive approach to content creation.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment, often used as a form of meditation or stress reduction. The speaker intends to practice mindfulness to improve their mental health and approach to content creation. It is a keyword that signifies a commitment to personal growth and a more thoughtful interaction with their audience.

💡Goal Post Moving

Goal post moving, or moving the goalposts, is a metaphor for changing the criteria or requirements of an argument or task to make it more difficult for the other party to succeed. The speaker admits to moving the goal post, which is a key concept as it highlights their dishonesty and lack of accountability in their actions.

💡Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is the process of examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and actions to gain insight into one's character and behavior. The speaker's video is an act of self-reflection, where they analyze their mistakes and outline steps for improvement. This keyword is central to the theme as it represents the speaker's attempt to learn from their past and make amends.

Highlights

Content creator expresses regret for losing original inspirations of Mr. Rogers and Dr. K, who accepted everyone and showed unwavering patience.

Acknowledges becoming narcissistic and feeling unworthy of an online following.

Takes full responsibility for past mistakes, including lying about being a radiant player.

Reflects on the decision to lie to the audience and the moral implications of such actions.

Apologizes to the audience for the hasty decision to lie and the resulting betrayal felt by many.

Advises past self to admit mistakes openly to avoid the negative consequences of dishonesty.

Mistakenly believed that the excitement of sharing knowledge would not diminish over time.

Lack of preparation led to dissatisfaction and a shift in attitude towards the audience.

Lost patience and sight of the original goal, which was written but ignored on a sticky note.

Inarguable proof of illegitimacy as a radiant player went viral, causing a crisis of self-identity.

Faced a torrent of negative emotions and public judgment, leading to self-loathing.

Despite hitting rock bottom, received support from close friends, moderators, and supporters.

Announces a return to solo que with a reduced volume of games and a focus on mental health.

Shifts stream start times to 10:00 a.m. Pacific to allow for mindfulness and gratefulness practices.

Plans to engage more directly with the community through a 2-hour Community event block.

Intends to end streams early and start a community stage channel for less pressured content.

Apologizes for getting lost and asks for patience and sternness as they strive for improvement.

Promises to see the audience the next day at the new stream time, showing commitment to change.

Transcripts

hey banana viewers we need to

talk over time I have completely lost

myself to content creation my original

Inspirations for my coaching content

Believe It or Not were Mr Rogers and Dr

K their willingness to accept everyone

for who they were and their unwavering

patience made me feel an Indescribable

comfort that I wanted to spread far and

wide I'd like to believe that in my

early days I was able to achieve such a

feeling from my

streams however that wooin is long lost

to time I've become a narcissistic

[ __ ] Unworthy of any online following

whatsoever what happened can we go

back I want to preface this analysis by

first taking complete ownership of Vault

I screwed up here and nobody is to blame

except for me I even re recogniz these

issues starting to arise in my content

and failed to take sufficient action I

dropped the

ball I'm hoping this video will serve a

purpose Beyond just an apology I believe

it is core to the human condition that

we become used to our circumstance and I

do not want you to make the same

mistakes I've made let's start from the

beginning the first mistake I made in

content creation I lied about being a

radiant player

I'll be completely honest at the time I

did not see anything wrong with

embellishing my accomplishments to

advertise for a product I knew would be

great but instead of ruminating on

whether or not it was wrong to lie to my

audience I allowed myself to take the

easy route and hastily Justified my

choice with morally grave

rationalizations after all wouldn't

anyone lie to get a shot at their dream

job no they wouldn't and even if they

would lying to get a job is different

from falsifying a certification I did

not choose to see things this way at the

time but with a bit more thought behind

my actions I'm sure I could have I'm

sorry for everyone who felt and still

feels betrayed by this decision I made

so hastily in the beginning of my career

if I had any words of advice to my past

self I'd tell him to just openly admit

the mistake as soon as possible in

hindsight I can't imagine many people

would have left if I openly admitted to

having a student play on my account for

the radiant gum buddy the real reason

why people left is because instead I

chose to continue lying this decision

was deplorable and was just the start of

the bad behavior that began to leak onto

my stream as I gained popularity on both

twitch and YouTube so did the frequency

of my VOD reviews what started as an

infrequent occurrence quickly became

something that I performed many times a

day for the first few months months I

was

thrilled unfortunately unbeknown to me I

was slowly becoming unaware of the

repetitive nature of my own content

sharing the concept of mini map reaging

was exhilarating the first time but by

the time I shared it with my 100th

student it felt obvious to me what once

was excitement to share my knowledge was

replaced with dissatisfaction of lack of

preparation why wouldn't you just go

watch my video on Mini map ref fragging

verse I'd think this thought process

bled into many aspects of my stream why

wouldn't you read all the rules for

typing in my stream chat of course the

enemy isn't B main look where that Recon

landed as I lost my patience I too lost

sight of my original goal yet there it

stood written on a sticky note on my

desk ignored day after day then the

worst possible thing that could happen

to me happened inarguable proof that I

was not a legitimate radiant player was

posted online and went viral right while

I was in the middle of losing my sense

of self a torrent of emotions swept me

up and I had no idea how to process them

so I did what I always used to do when I

had unprocessed emotions I bottled them

up and I played video games as a coping

mechanism but this time it was different

it genuinely felt like the entire world

was rooting for my downfall everyone

wanted me to fail and judgment was being

levied against my character day in and

day out I was completely

devastated because they were right I am

an [ __ ] I am boosted I am coping

about my teammates I am moving the goal

post I hate myself I am an [ __ ] I'm

pooed I'm coping about my teammates I'm

moving the goalpost I hate myself I hate

myself I hate this community I hate

myself you've ever felt this

way please trust me when I say this you

you can change people support

you despite entering an unforgivable

State on my stream and becoming the

worst possible role model many of my

close friends moderators and supporters

understood

me I'd call them [ __ ] while I was

live and they'd offer up words of

encouragement in return I'd act like a

child and they'd treat me like an adult

thank you I needed

you let's talk next

steps I don't plan on changing overnight

but I do plan on taking immediate action

first off I've talked to my coach doai

my raised to radiant series is returning

to solo que only but we are

significantly reducing the daily volume

of games down to a maximum of four games

a day second I need more time before I

go live to give proper attention to my

mental health I Am shifting back all

stream start times to an earliest of

10:00 a.m. Pacific I will continue to

wake up before 7:00 a.m. but I'll be

using the mornings to practice

mindfulness and gratefulness for the

privileged position in society I have

the opportunity to possess

third I need more direct engagement with

my community my own damage bled into the

community and hurt something that needs

to be fostered all of my streams will

start with a 2-hour Community event

block which will attempt to focus on

having fun together not

alone finally after my four rank games

I'm going to be ending My Stream early

and spinning up a community stage

channel here we will continue the stream

until around 5:00 p.m. specific but

there'll be an emphasis on content that

doesn't really feel the pressure of

needing to be YouTube worthy this stage

channel will be open to all Discord and

twitch subscribers including the free

tier 2 good morning tier during raised

to radient this segment will mostly

consist of five stacking on my alternate

account with ascendant and higher rated

viewers as additional

practice I'm

sorry I got lost in my own head and it

took me far too long to realize what

direction needed to be

taken please be patient but Stern with

me as I try to become the best banana I

can be I'll see you tomorrow at 10:00

a.m. thank you

[Music]