I'm 36. If you're in your 20's, watch this.

Rob Mulder

25 Sept 202416:11

Summary

TLDRThe speaker, a 36-year-old man, shares two life lessons he wishes he had learned earlier. First, it's okay to feel behind in life—what matters is taking action and working toward your goals, as happiness comes from progress, not achievement. He recounts his own experiences of overcoming stagnation and social isolation to improve his career and personal life. Second, he cautions against the obsession with achieving wealth or success by a certain age, emphasizing the importance of enjoying life, relationships, and personal fulfillment over external success metrics.

Takeaways

😊 It's okay to be behind in life; it's not as bad as it may seem.
🎮 The speaker spent years in isolation playing video games and neglecting their well-being, which led to feeling behind.
💡 Realizing the need for change is the first step toward improvement, even if it feels overwhelming at first.
🏋️‍♂️ Working toward goals, not just achieving them, brings happiness.
💼 With effort and focus, the speaker quickly became successful in areas they thought they were far behind in, like work and social skills.
❤️ Confidence and social skills can be developed with practice, even in areas where you feel completely out of your comfort zone.
🕰️ Life improves once you decide to make a change, not just after you achieve success.
🎶 The speaker references the Iron Maiden song 'Wasted Years' to emphasize living in the present and appreciating progress.
💸 Don't obsess over achieving wealth or success by a certain age; focus on what truly makes you happy.
👥 Social media and influencers can create unrealistic expectations, leading young people to sacrifice joy and youth for unattainable goals.

Q & A

What is the main lesson the speaker learned from being 'behind in life'?
-The speaker learned that being 'behind in life' is not as bad as it seems. He realized that true happiness doesn't come from achieving goals, but from working towards them. Progress, rather than the final result, is what brings fulfillment.
How did the speaker's life change when he decided to make a change?
-Once the speaker decided to change, he felt happier almost immediately, even before he had fully caught up in life. He found satisfaction in making progress and noticed that he was catching up faster than expected by putting in consistent effort.
What advice does the speaker give to people who feel 'behind' in life?
-The speaker advises not to lose hope. Even if someone feels behind in life, they can catch up relatively quickly with consistent effort. He emphasizes that happiness comes from making the decision to change and working towards goals.
Why does the speaker believe working towards goals brings happiness rather than achieving them?
-The speaker believes that the process of working towards goals creates excitement and motivation. The sense of progress and improvement gives a sense of accomplishment, which leads to happiness even before the goal is achieved.
What was the speaker’s experience with sales, and how did he become successful?
-The speaker got a sales job after being jobless for years and decided to put in more effort than others. By studying the sales script and learning from the best salesman in the office, he quickly became the best salesman himself.
How did becoming a 'pickup artist' help the speaker with social skills?
-Although initially awkward and afraid of rejection, the speaker practiced talking to girls as part of becoming a 'pickup artist.' This helped him overcome his fears, develop social skills, and eventually find a girlfriend, who is now his wife.
What does the speaker say about societal pressure to achieve certain things by a specific age?
-The speaker warns against being obsessed with achieving things like wealth by a certain age. He realized later in life that this pressure made him miss out on things that truly matter, such as spending time with loved ones and enjoying life’s simple pleasures.
What criticism does the speaker offer about influencers like Andrew Tate?
-The speaker criticizes influencers like Andrew Tate for promoting the idea that young men must sacrifice their youth and constantly work to become rich by their 20s. He argues that this mindset is unrealistic for most people and causes them to miss out on meaningful experiences.
What does the speaker suggest to people feeling pressured by social media to succeed?
-The speaker suggests being realistic about goals and not sacrificing youth or happiness for the sake of chasing wealth. He emphasizes the importance of balance, enjoying life, and focusing on what truly matters rather than blindly following social media advice.
What key message does the speaker share from the song 'Wasted Years' by Iron Maiden?
-The speaker draws inspiration from the song 'Wasted Years' by Iron Maiden, which conveys the message that people should stop worrying about past mistakes and realize that they can start living in the 'golden years' by making positive changes in the present.

Outlines

00:00

💡 Don't Fear Being Behind in Life

The author reflects on his personal experiences of feeling 'behind in life' during his late teens and early 20s. He shares how his lifestyle—isolated, playing video games, neglecting health, and lacking a job or education—caused him to fall behind in various aspects of life. However, when he made the decision to change and work toward his goals, he realized that happiness came from the process of improvement, not necessarily achieving goals. He emphasizes that progress, rather than the final result, is what brings fulfillment and that it's possible to catch up faster than expected.

05:00

🚀 Taking Small Steps to Improve Quickly

The author explains how taking small, consistent actions helped him improve various aspects of his life, like getting a job or talking to girls. He recounts his experience starting in sales, where by putting in just a bit more effort than his peers, he quickly became the top salesperson. Similarly, despite being socially awkward and afraid to talk to girls, he became more skilled in social interactions after practicing and stepping outside his comfort zone. His message: don't lose hope if you're behind, because with effort, you can catch up quickly in life.

10:01

🎯 Don't Sacrifice Youth for Unrealistic Expectations

The author addresses the growing pressure on young people to become rich or successful by their 20s, perpetuated by social media influencers. He argues that many people sacrifice their youth—giving up time with friends, fun, and relaxation—based on unrealistic dreams of overnight success. He stresses that most millionaires only achieve success later in life, and that the idea of becoming wealthy in one's 20s is unrealistic for most. The author urges young men to focus on living life and building meaningful experiences instead of chasing unattainable goals pushed by influencers.

15:03

🎉 Balance Ambition with Enjoying Life

The author reflects on how he regrets sacrificing parts of his life in the pursuit of success. He highlights the importance of spending time with family and friends, finding work you love, and enjoying simple pleasures like barbecues or playing games with friends. He advises people to be mindful of not missing out on life while chasing goals. The takeaway is to live in the present, enjoy the important moments, and not let societal pressures dictate when you should achieve certain milestones.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Behind in Life

This concept refers to feeling delayed or left behind in achieving life milestones such as career, relationships, or personal growth. The speaker reflects on their early twenties, where they felt behind due to a lack of job, education, and social skills, but later learned that working towards goals, not necessarily achieving them immediately, is what brings fulfillment.

💡Comfort Bubble

The 'comfort bubble' describes a state where someone avoids challenges and growth by indulging in distractions, like video games or substances. The speaker discusses how they spent years trapped in this bubble, playing World of Warcraft and smoking weed, which led to social isolation and a lack of progress in life.

💡Catching Up in Life

This refers to the process of overcoming delays and making progress after a period of stagnation. The speaker emphasizes that it is possible to catch up quickly, using their own experiences of finding a job and improving social skills as an example of rapid progress once they committed to change.

💡Happiness from Progress

The speaker argues that happiness doesn't come from achieving goals but from the process of working towards them. This realization came as they started improving their life by focusing on small achievements, like getting a job and improving socially, which made them feel good even before reaching their end goals.

💡Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection is a social anxiety that prevents people from engaging in social interactions or pursuing relationships. The speaker shares their own struggles with approaching women and being socially awkward, but explains how becoming a 'pickup artist' helped them overcome this fear and improve their social skills.

💡Pickup Artist

A 'pickup artist' refers to someone who practices techniques for approaching and attracting women. The speaker acknowledges that it may be seen as cringey but credits this practice for helping them break out of their comfort zone and learn social skills that eventually led to personal success in relationships.

💡Social Isolation

Social isolation is the state of being disconnected from social interactions or relationships. In the speaker’s case, years of playing video games and avoiding social engagement led to feelings of awkwardness and detachment, which they later overcame by actively working on improving their social interactions.

💡Working Harder than Others

This concept highlights the speaker’s strategy of putting in more effort than others to achieve success. After getting a job, they committed to making more sales calls and learning from the best salesman, which led to rapid success in their role despite initially feeling unqualified.

💡Misguided Influences

The speaker warns against the harmful influence of social media figures who promote unrealistic expectations, like becoming rich in your twenties. They mention influencers like Andrew Tate, who push the narrative that working relentlessly and sacrificing fun guarantees success, which can cause young people to miss out on enjoying life.

💡Living in the Present

The speaker encourages the idea of living in the moment and enjoying life as it is, rather than constantly chasing future success. Drawing inspiration from an Iron Maiden song, they emphasize that happiness can come from choosing to live fully in the present, rather than regretting the past or obsessing over future achievements.

Highlights

Don't be afraid to be behind in life, being behind is not as bad as it seems.

During his late teens and early twenties, the speaker was behind in life, neglecting education, work, and social interactions.

The speaker emphasizes that happiness doesn't come from achieving goals, but from working towards them.

After making a decision to change, the speaker found happiness even before fully catching up in life.

Achieving small milestones, like becoming the best salesman, can come from putting in just a bit more effort than average.

Breaking social barriers, such as learning to talk to girls, came with practice and persistence.

No matter how far behind you are, life can improve quickly once you decide to make a change.

It's crucial to recognize that good things can happen fast if you start working towards your goals.

Don't focus too much on achieving certain things by a specific age; life has many important aspects beyond wealth.

The speaker warns against missing out on life due to the obsession with getting rich before 30.

Social media and influencers can mislead young people into thinking they must sacrifice everything to achieve success early.

Most millionaires don’t achieve their wealth until their 40s or later, after years of experience and failure.

It's unrealistic to expect rapid success for the majority of people, and most should focus on realistic life goals.

True happiness often comes from appreciating relationships and simple joys, not just financial success.

Don’t give up on your youth without solid reason. Enjoy life while working towards your dreams.