How to be INDESTRUCTIBLE: the power of deidentification

Summary

In this talk, Dr. Orion Taraban explains how to become emotionally indestructible by understanding the difference between what you have and who you are. People become destructible when they unconsciously identify with external things like status, beauty, or intelligence, which can be taken away. To be indestructible, one must de-identify from these and recognize that true identity is what remains after all external things are gone. By holding things lightly and appreciating them without attachment, individuals can become impervious to manipulation and coercion, ultimately mastering themselves.

Takeaways

• 🔍 People are emotionally destructible because they wrongly identify with external realities.
• 💡 Identity is what remains after everything that can be taken from you is gone.
• 🛠 Everything that can be taken from you, such as job, relationships, beauty, and intelligence, are things you have, not who you are.
• ❌ The problem arises when people unconsciously identify with these external things and believe they define them.
• ⚔️ Living with false identities makes people vulnerable and destructible because they feel personally attacked when these things are threatened.
• 🔑 The key to becoming indestructible is to de-identify from things you mistakenly believe define you and instead identify with your true self.
• 🧘 Observing your reactions to loss or damage of things like a mailbox can signal progress in de-identification.
• 🏆 True indestructibility is achieved when you can hold things lightly—enjoy them but not be devastated when they are gone.
• 🔓 If you identify only with your true self, no external force or person can exert power over you.
• 👑 De-identification empowers you to remain impervious to manipulation and to be the master of your own self.

Q & A

What does Dr. Orion Taraban mean by being 'destructible'?

Dr. Orion Taraban explains that people are 'destructible' because they inappropriately identify with external reality, such as their possessions, relationships, or attributes. When these external things are threatened or lost, people feel emotionally or psychologically vulnerable.

How does Dr. Taraban define 'identity'?

Dr. Taraban defines identity as 'what is left over after everything that can be taken from you is taken from you.' In other words, it is the core of who you are beyond external attachments or possessions.

Why do people become destructible by identifying with external things?

People become destructible because they falsely associate their identity with things they have, such as their job, beauty, intelligence, or relationships. When these things are threatened or lost, they feel personally attacked, leading to emotional reactions.

What are some examples of things people falsely identify with?

Examples include physical attractiveness, intelligence, money, status, reputation, and relationships. These are things that people can lose over time, but many people mistakenly identify these things as part of who they are.

What does Dr. Taraban suggest is the path to becoming 'indestructible'?

The path to becoming indestructible is to systematically de-identify from the external things with which you falsely associate your identity. This involves recognizing that these things are not who you are but rather things you have.

How can someone know if they are making progress in becoming indestructible?

Progress can be observed by how a person reacts when they lose or face challenges with external things. For example, if someone can remain calm when their mailbox is broken or when their beauty or reputation is affected, they are making progress in de-identifying from those things.

Does becoming indestructible mean neglecting the things you have?

No, becoming indestructible does not mean neglecting or disrespecting the things you have. It means holding them lightly, appreciating and caring for them while you have them, but not letting your identity be defined by them.

How does de-identifying from external things make you impervious to manipulation or domination?

When you de-identify from external things, no one can manipulate or control you through those things. If you do not see your identity in your wealth, beauty, or reputation, others have no leverage over you because those are things you can lose without losing your sense of self.

What is the ultimate goal of de-identifying from external reality?

The ultimate goal is to identify only with your true self, separate from the external things you possess. When you achieve this, no external force—whether people, society, or circumstances—can harm or control your inner peace and identity.

What does Dr. Taraban mean by 'surrendering things with love and gratitude'?

Dr. Taraban suggests that when the time comes to lose the things you have—whether it's material possessions, relationships, or attributes like beauty—you should let go of them with appreciation for the time you had them, rather than clinging to them or letting their loss affect your sense of self.