What I learned after 5 years of Dating in Vietnam

Summary

The speaker shares his insights on dating in Vietnam, highlighting cultural differences compared to Western norms. He notes that Vietnamese dating culture is more traditional, with less casual dating and a quicker progression to serious relationships due to societal and family pressures. Vietnamese women often prefer meeting partners through friends or colleagues rather than dating apps, which are less popular. The language barrier can limit deeper connections, but the speaker appreciates the feminine, caring nature of Vietnamese women. He suggests casual dates like street barbecues or hot pot for first dates, and warns of dating scams. In contrast to stereotypes, he finds most Vietnamese women are not gold diggers and value interesting conversations over material wealth.

Takeaways

• 💑 Relationships in Vietnam can progress quickly due to societal pressure on women to marry early, typically before 25.
• 🏡 Vietnamese women often live with their parents until marriage, even into their late 20s, which can influence dating dynamics.
• 💬 Casual dating and dating apps are less common in Vietnam compared to Western cultures; meeting through friends or colleagues is preferred.
• 👩‍❤️‍👨 Women in Vietnam tend to value real-life interactions over dating apps like Tinder, which is more associated with casual hookups.
• 🚩 There is a common scam on dating apps where women lure men to specific bars where they receive commissions.
• 🗣️ Language barriers can be a significant challenge in relationships, as conversational English may not always lead to deep connections.
• 👩‍🍳 Vietnamese women are generally more traditional, caring, and nurturing, often taking on roles like cooking, which may contrast with Western norms.
• ☕ First dates in Vietnam tend to be casual, often involving coffee or street food, rather than expensive dinners.
• 🎉 Dating in Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) is more modern and Westernized compared to Hanoi, with a focus on nightlife and fancier dates.
• 💰 The stereotype of 'gold diggers' is mostly inaccurate, as many Vietnamese women do not place heavy importance on money or luxury experiences in relationships.

Q & A

How long has the speaker been dating his Vietnamese girlfriend?

The speaker has been dating his Vietnamese girlfriend for more than 2 years.

What is the cultural difference in dating between Vietnam and Western countries?

In Vietnam, dating tends to be more serious and less casual compared to Western countries where playing the field is more accepted.

What is the societal expectation for Vietnamese women regarding marriage?

There is societal pressure for Vietnamese women to get married early, often by the age of 25, and to have children.

What is the term used in Vietnam for women who are single at the age of 30?

The term used is 'a', which implies being unwanted or left over.

Why do Vietnamese women often want to introduce their partners to their parents early in the relationship?

It is because they want their parents to approve of their partner early on to avoid wasting time on a relationship that may not be suitable.

Why might Vietnamese women prefer not to live with their parents after marriage?

While the script does not explicitly state this preference, it does mention that women usually live with their parents until they are married, suggesting a cultural norm rather than a personal preference.

How common is it for Vietnamese women to use dating apps?

It is not as common as in Western countries; Vietnamese women tend to prefer meeting partners through friends or work colleagues.

What is a common scam that foreigners might encounter on dating apps in Vietnam?

A common scam involves a woman inviting a man to a specific bar where she works and earns commissions from the money spent there.

How might the language barrier affect dating in Vietnam?

The language barrier can limit the depth of conversations and potentially the progression of a relationship if one party does not speak the other's language well.

What is considered a traditional Vietnamese feminine trait according to the speaker?

Traditional Vietnamese femininity includes being soft, caring, and enjoying activities such as cooking for their partner.

What is the speaker's advice for a first date in Vietnam?

The speaker recommends a casual date such as street barbecue or hot pot where the interaction is more relaxed and focused on conversation.

How does dating culture differ in Saigon compared to Northern Vietnam?

In Saigon, dating culture is more modern with women potentially preferring fancy dinners and nightlife, unlike the more traditional dating culture in Northern Vietnam.

What is the speaker's opinion on the stereotype of Vietnamese women being gold diggers?

The speaker refutes this stereotype, stating that most Vietnamese women are not primarily interested in money and are more satisfied with simple pleasures and good conversation.

Outlines

00:00

💑 Dating in Vietnam: Personal Experience

The author shares his personal experience of dating a Vietnamese girlfriend for over two years and reflects on the dating culture in Vietnam, particularly in the north. He highlights significant cultural differences between dating in Vietnam and Western countries, noting how relationships can progress quickly due to societal pressure for women to marry early, and how Vietnamese women may not date casually. These cultural expectations contrast with more casual dating norms in the West.

05:02

👨‍👩‍👧 Family Expectations and Fast-Track Relationships

In Vietnam, family plays a crucial role in relationships. Women often live with their parents until marriage and are expected to marry early. Family approval is vital, and women may invite men to meet their parents after only a few weeks of dating. Relationships can move quickly, and dating rules, such as curfews and restrictions on trips, are more traditional compared to Western norms. The pressure to marry can limit the longevity of relationships if both partners are not on the same page.

📱 Dating Apps vs. In-Person Connections

Unlike the West, dating apps like Tinder are less popular in Vietnam, where women prefer to meet potential partners through friends, colleagues, or chance encounters in public places. The author encourages men to approach women in real-life settings, such as coffee shops, without fear of being perceived as creepy. He also warns of a common scam on dating apps, where women might lure men to bars they are affiliated with for commissions. Cultural expectations dictate that men should suggest meeting locations, making this behavior a red flag.

💬 Language Barriers in Relationships

Language can be a barrier in cross-cultural dating. While some younger Vietnamese women speak good English, it can still be challenging to have deep, meaningful conversations if language skills are limited. The author shares his experiences of dating women who spoke little to no English, noting that while it can be fun at first, it becomes difficult to build a lasting relationship without effective communication.

👩‍🍳 Traditional Gender Roles and Care in Relationships

Vietnamese women are often seen as very feminine, caring, and nurturing. They enjoy cooking and taking care of their partners, which contrasts with the more progressive gender roles seen in Western societies. The author acknowledges that this might be viewed as old-fashioned in the West but is still very common in Vietnam. These traits are valued by Vietnamese women, reflecting more traditional relationship dynamics.

☕ Casual Dates and Group Outings

In Vietnam, dates tend to be more casual than in Western countries. Women may prefer meeting at a coffee shop or going on group outings with friends before transitioning to one-on-one dates. Popular activities include casual dining at street food stalls or interactive meals like barbecue or hot pot. The author suggests this as an ideal first date after a few casual meet-ups, highlighting the relaxed nature of dating in Vietnam.

🌆 Modern Dating in Saigon vs. Traditional Hanoi

The dating culture differs between regions in Vietnam. In the northern city of Hanoi, relationships are more traditional and conservative, whereas in the southern city of Saigon, dating is more modern, with women often enjoying fancy dinners and nightlife. The author expresses his preference for the traditional vibe in Hanoi but acknowledges that dating experiences can vary based on location and individual preferences.

💸 The Myth of 'Gold Diggers' in Vietnam

The author challenges the stereotype that Vietnamese women are only interested in foreign men for their money. He shares his experience of dating women in Vietnam who were not materialistic and were more focused on meaningful connections than wealth. Although there are rare exceptions, most women don't expect expensive dates or high-end lifestyles and are content with simple, enjoyable experiences. The author emphasizes that Vietnamese women value personality and conversation over material possessions.

🇻🇳 Final Thoughts on Dating in Vietnam

The author concludes by encouraging men to consider dating in Vietnam, noting that Vietnamese women are generally open to dating Western men and are interested in Western culture. He finds dating in Vietnam to be more approachable and less complicated than in Western countries, though he acknowledges that everyone's experience will differ. He wraps up by encouraging viewers to subscribe to his channel for more content.

Keywords

💡Cultural Differences

Cultural differences refer to the distinct social norms, behaviors, and expectations between Vietnamese and Western societies, particularly in dating. In Vietnam, dating is more traditional, and relationships can progress quickly due to societal pressure, contrasting with the casual dating culture in Western countries. The script highlights that these cultural differences influence how relationships develop and are perceived in Vietnam.

💡Traditional Values

Traditional values in Vietnam emphasize early marriage, family approval, and a structured approach to dating. These values contrast with Western ideas of casual dating and individual freedom in relationships. In the script, traditional values are evident in the expectations that women will marry and have children by 25 and that families are heavily involved in the dating process, often with strict rules.

💡Societal Pressure

Societal pressure in Vietnam often drives women to seek serious relationships and early marriage, as opposed to casual dating. This pressure comes from families and cultural expectations, which can lead to relationships moving quickly. The script mentions that women are expected to be married by 30, and if not, they might be labeled negatively as 'unwanted' or 'left over.'

💡Casual Dating

Casual dating is a concept common in Western cultures where individuals date multiple people without immediate commitments. In Vietnam, casual dating is less accepted, with a stronger emphasis on serious relationships. The script contrasts this by noting that Vietnamese women often get attached quickly, and casual dating can be frowned upon by families and society.

💡Family Approval

Family approval plays a critical role in Vietnamese dating culture. It's common for parents to meet potential partners early in the relationship to assess compatibility, ensuring no time is wasted on unsuitable matches. The script describes how women may introduce partners to their families within weeks of dating, highlighting the importance of family acceptance in the dating process.

💡Dating Apps

Dating apps like Tinder are not widely used for serious relationships in Vietnam, unlike in Western cultures where they are mainstream. In Vietnam, apps are often seen as platforms for casual hookups rather than long-term connections. The script mentions that Vietnamese women prefer meeting partners through friends, work, or social settings rather than online.

💡Language Barrier

Language barriers can pose challenges in relationships between Western men and Vietnamese women, especially when deeper conversations are needed for emotional connection. The script discusses how language limitations can restrict the growth of relationships, even if basic communication is possible, highlighting the importance of mutual understanding beyond surface-level interaction.

💡Feminine Traits

Vietnamese women are often described as very feminine, soft, and caring, embracing traditional roles that are less common in modern Western cultures. The script emphasizes that these traits, such as cooking and nurturing, are still valued in Vietnam, contrasting with the more independent and egalitarian roles seen in Western women.

💡Dating Norms in Saigon vs. Hanoi

Dating norms differ significantly between Saigon (Southern Vietnam) and Hanoi (Northern Vietnam). While Hanoi is more traditional, with casual, simple dates and strict family involvement, Saigon is more modern, embracing nightlife and upscale dining. The script points out these regional differences, suggesting that the dating experience varies based on location.

💡Gold Digger Stereotype

The gold digger stereotype suggests that some Vietnamese women might date foreign men primarily for financial benefits. However, the script argues that this stereotype is largely inaccurate, as most Vietnamese women value genuine connection over material wealth. The speaker highlights his experience, noting that most women he met were not driven by money but by companionship and meaningful interaction.

Highlights

Dating in Vietnam is different from Western cultures due to cultural differences.

In Vietnam, dating tends to be more serious and less casual compared to the West.

Vietnamese women often prefer to get married early due to societal and family pressures.

The term 'a' is used for women who are single at age 30, indicating a societal norm.

Relationships in Vietnam can progress quickly, with early meetings with parents being common.

Vietnamese women often live with their parents until marriage, which can limit dating activities.

Vietnamese women tend to prefer meeting partners through friends or colleagues rather than dating apps.

Tinder and similar apps are more commonly used for hookups than serious relationships in Vietnam.

There's a common scam where women on dating apps invite men to specific bars for commissions.

Language barrier can be a challenge in developing deeper relationships.

Vietnamese women are traditionally feminine, caring, and enjoy taking care of their partners.

First dates in Vietnam are often casual, like meeting for coffee.

Group dates with friends are not uncommon in the early stages of dating.

In Saigon, dating culture is more modern, with a preference for fancy dinners and nightlife.

The stereotype of Vietnamese women being gold diggers is largely false.

Vietnamese women are generally interested in Western men and culture.

The speaker encourages Western men in Vietnam to give dating a try, as it can be more approachable than in Western countries.

Transcripts

what's dating like in Vietnam so I'm

really lucky I've been dating my

Vietnamese girlfriend now for more than

2 years but for about 3 years before

that there was a lot of dating happening

so I've got a lot of experience under my

belt people want to know so I thought

I'd share my experience should be a

juicy topic so let's get into it there's

definitely some interesting cultural

differences between dating in Vietnam

versus Western cultures now most of my

dating a few years ago was in Hanoi in

Northern Vietnam where the culture in

general is way more traditional than the

rest of the country so in Western

countries we tend to date casually

there's nothing wrong with playing the

field for a while dating a few different

options until you find someone that you

really click with but in Vietnam people

don't tend to date casually Vietnamese

women can get very attached and things

can get serious pretty quickly and this

is because there's a lot of societal

pressure and pressure from families for

women to get married early here so a lot

of women will prefer to be married and

have two kids by the age of 25 that's

the kind of societal Norm here they even

have a word for women that get to age 30

and they're single they call it a which

means like unwanted or left over it's

really frowned upon families will be

very judgmental and always be harassing

you saying you got to go out get a

husband what are you doing so one big

difference here is that relationships

can move very quickly even after just a

few weeks Sometimes women will want to

invite you over to their house to meet

their parents and this is because they

want their parents to meet you and

approve of you early on so they don't

end up wasting a bunch of Time dating

for you and then realize you're not a

good fit women will usually live with

their parents until they're married even

late into their 20s so I dated a girl

one time she was 29 years old lived with

her parents and her parents were very

strict so she had to be home by 10:00

every single night no sleepovers Allowed

no weekend trips traveling away with a

boy that was completely out of the

question so you can see how that would

limit a relationship from happening so

we got along great but after a couple

months it was like okay I'm not anywhere

close to getting married yet so this

just isn't going to work out another

difference is that Vietnamese women

don't really prefer to use dating apps

so it's catching up a bit now but but

still not nearly as much in Western

countries so Vietnamese women would

rather meet their partner through

friends or work colleagues you know kind

of like in the old days how we used to

do it and actually I think most women

would love to have anyone come up to

them at a coffee shop or a bar and just

start a conversation for example it's

not like in the Western countries now

where if you actually try to talk to

somebody in real life apparently you're

a creep so an app like Tinder that

everybody's used to it's mostly used Ed

for hookups and not really a serious

relationship so if you're just looking

for a hookup no judgment from me but if

you're looking for something serious I

think the best way to do it would be to

join local groups activities meetups

something like that try to meet people

out in public in real life just don't be

afraid to go up to somebody in a coffee

shop and start chatting so of course

everything that I'm talking about I'm

speaking very broadly very generally

here but this is just my experience one

thing to keep in mind when it comes to

apps there's a really common scam that

happens here all over the country where

a girl will match with you on some

dating app and they'll invite you to a

specific bar and so they end up working

for that bar they get commissions by

trying to bring people in to spend money

there so in general Vietnamese women

would never be so forward to even

suggest a place to go they would want

you to as the man to pick it so if that

ever happens it's definitely a flag and

just keep keep that in mind it's

happened to a lot of people especially

in Hanoi another thing to keep in mind

is the language barrier so you can meet

plenty of girls that have really good

English a lot of the younger generation

has really good conversational English

no problem but you might find that

someone speaks conversational English

fine but after a while you'll realize

that you can't get into really deep

conversations and this is actually going

to really limit the relationship on how

it progresses I had plenty of dates with

Vietnamese women that didn't speak a

word of English and it was really fun at

first for me to try really hard to speak

in Vietnamese only but after a date or

two you realize there's no chance to

make this work it's just too difficult

to communicate one point that might

sound a little backwards or negative

here but I mean it in the best way

possible Vietnamese women are very

feminine very soft very caring they love

to take care of you cook food for you

you things that in the west we might

consider outdated or too traditional I

know modern Western women don't want to

be associated with these kind of things

at all but here in Vietnam it's still

very much the case another tip for guys

that might consider dating Vietnamese

women in the west when you go on your

first date you're probably going to plan

something fancy you want to impress her

and take her out for an expensive dinner

right so in Vietnam dates can be much

more casual most girls would rather just

meet up for coffee and talk for the

first couple dates even even just

driving around parking by the beach a

river a lake something like that and

just having a conversation it's not

uncommon for a girl to invite you to go

out and drink and eat food with a couple

of her friends so you might end up

having to have a couple group dates

before you even get your one-on-one

dates so in general girls are going to

prefer casual dates you know just

something like drinking and eating

street food barbecue at a local joint

that would probably be my best

recommendation for like a first proper

date would be Street Barbecue where

you're grilling and cooking the meat at

your table or something like a low Hot

Pot where you're just cooking all the

food at your table so it's very

interactive you're just eating and

drinking slowly while talking for an

hour or two that's probably the best

real first date you can do after a

couple coffee shop visits now if you're

in Saigon Saigon has a much more modern

dating structure everything that I said

about all the traditional stuff in

Northern Vietnam that pretty much all

goes out the window so there girls are

probably going to want fancy dinners

they love the night life and dressing up

stuff like that so for me I prefer the

very Vietnamese traditional Vibe but it

just depends on where you're at and what

type of girls you're dating the last

thing I have to address is the idea of

gold diggers so a lot of people will

think that vet women will only be into

foreign men because they assume that

they have a lot of money and I think

this is completely false for 90% of

women here one of the things that I love

about Vietnamese women is they don't

really care about money the way Western

people do they're not impressed by fancy

things they don't have super high

expectations to do expensive activities

all the time they're mostly Satisfied by

just the little things way rather just

have someone that's interesting that

they can have a good conversation with

no girl is going to care what kind of

motorbike you show up to pick her up and

she's not going to be impressed if you

take her to a steak dinner but you can't

have a good conversation of all the

girls that I ever dated in Vietnam I

only had one who was pretty open about

the idea of I'm a foreign white man so I

must have a lot of money so I have to

pay for everything and we should do

expensive things all the time luckily I

got out of that one so overall dating in

Vietnam can be great I think Vietnamese

women are generally interested in

Western men and Western culture if

you're here in Vietnam you should

definitely give it a shot I think dating

in Vietnam is a lot more approachable

than even in Western countries so

everyone's experience is going to be

different I just wanted to share my own

so I hope you enjoyed it subscribe to

the channel see you the next one peace