How to Conquer Stress and Do Hard Things | Sangeetha Rai | TEDxKULeuvenBrussels

Summary

The speaker reminisces about her grandparents' farm in India, a place of love and positivity that shaped her resilience. Facing career challenges and societal expectations as an Asian woman in a male-dominated field, she initially struggles with self-doubt and stress. Drawing from her grandparents' example of handling adversity, she develops 'customized resiliency kits' to tackle specific stressors like public speaking and leadership. These kits, consisting of a few focused techniques, help her and others conquer fears and lead more fulfilling lives, emphasizing the可控性 of stress management.

Takeaways

• 🌍 The happiest place for the speaker is not a famous amusement park, but her grandparents' coconut farm in South India.
• 👵 The speaker's grandparents demonstrated resilience and positivity despite limited resources and hardships.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The speaker's childhood was filled with love, belonging, and stories from Indian epics, fostering a sense of identity.
• 🎓 After moving to the US, the speaker faced challenges such as cultural adaptation, language barriers, and gender biases in her career.
• 🚀 Despite initial setbacks and a lack of support, the speaker was determined and eventually achieved her first promotion.
• 💔 The speaker experienced a crisis of confidence and felt trapped by the expectations and actions of others in her workplace.
• 🌧️ A moment of despair led the speaker to recall her grandparents' resilience during monsoons, inspiring her to find her own path to overcoming stress.
• 🛠️ The speaker developed the concept of 'customized resiliency kits' to help her and others tackle specific stressors.
• 🗣️ Public speaking was a significant stressor for the speaker, which she overcame using her resiliency kit, leading to successful engagements.
• 🌟 Successful people, like Serena Williams and Beyoncé, have their own versions of resiliency kits, highlighting their importance.
• 👩‍🎓 The speaker's daughter, Sonia, used a customized resiliency kit to manage schoolwork and opportunities, demonstrating the effectiveness of this approach.

Q & A

What is the speaker’s happiest place on earth?

The speaker's happiest place is their grandparents' coconut farm in a beach village in Tulunadu, South India.

How does the speaker describe their grandparents' farm?

The farm was surrounded by more than 200 coconut trees, filled with love and positive energy. The speaker fondly remembers the smell of the sea breeze mixed with their grandmother’s fish curry.

What was life like for the speaker’s grandparents?

The speaker’s grandparents lived simply with limited resources—6 hours of electricity per day, an outdoor toilet, and three meals of boiled rice and fish. Despite this, they navigated life with ease and positivity.

What cultural expectations did the speaker face as a teenager in India?

As a teenager, the speaker was expected to excel in school while also preparing for an arranged marriage to a suitable boy who would provide for and take care of her.

What challenges did the speaker face when they moved to the U.S.?

The speaker knew no one, including their husband, had no education in the U.S., no support network, and struggled in a male-dominated field of technology. Additionally, they had a strong accent, making it difficult for people to understand them.

What ceilings did the speaker face in their career?

The speaker faced both a glass ceiling and a bamboo ceiling as an Asian woman, where they were expected to be contributors but not seen as suitable for leadership roles.

How did the speaker react to their first promotion and the team's response?

The speaker was horrified by their team's reaction. Some refused to work for them, others undermined them, and some patronized them, which made the speaker feel demoralized and doubt their abilities.

What realization helped the speaker build resilience?

The speaker realized that their grandparents built customized resiliency kits for each stressor they faced, focusing on what they could control. This led the speaker to shift their mindset and build personalized resiliency kits.

How did the speaker overcome their fear of public speaking?

The speaker built a customized resiliency kit consisting of solid preparation, a specific meditation for charisma, and a finger press method to manage nervousness. This helped them become a confident public speaker.

What is the formula the speaker shared for creating a customized resiliency kit?

The formula has three steps: 1) Identify your major stressor, 2) Build and customize a kit for that specific stressor, 3) Practice using the kit consistently and repeatedly to train the brain.