Compassion and Kinship: Fr Gregory Boyle at TEDxConejo 2012

Summary

The speaker shares a heartfelt message about the importance of kinship and compassion, drawing from his experiences working with gang members in Los Angeles. He emphasizes the transformative power of seeing ourselves in others, particularly those marginalized and forgotten. Through stories of former rivals finding common ground and the establishment of Homeboy Industries, he illustrates how community and mutual support can overcome past divisions and build a more just and peaceful society.

Takeaways

• 🙏 The speaker emphasizes the importance of patience and waiting for positive change, as referenced by the prophet Habakuk.
• 🤝 The vision of creating a community of kinship is central to the speaker's message, aiming to see the world differently and to foster a sense of belonging.
• 🌐 Mother Teresa's belief that the world's problems stem from forgetting our interconnectedness is highlighted as a key diagnostic of societal ills.
• 💔 The speaker discusses the need to stand against the marginalization and dehumanization of certain groups, advocating for compassion and dignity for all.
• 📱 The humorous anecdote about learning to text from gang members illustrates the speaker's commitment to staying connected and understanding different communities.
• 😅 A light-hearted story about a text message exchange between former rivals shows how relationships can change and heal over time.
• 🏭 The Homeboy Industries' journey from a small endeavor to a large organization that helps former gang members is detailed, showing the power of community support.
• 🌟 The impact of providing services like tattoo removal is underscored, highlighting the practical ways Homeboy Industries helps people reintegrate into society.
• 🍽️ A story involving Diane Keaton at the Homegirl Cafe illustrates the unexpected connections and kinship that can form in these supportive environments.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The speaker shares a touching story about a former gang member's daughter going to college, showing how hope and change can ripple through families.
• 🕊️ The narrative of transformation from enemies to friends among workers at Homeboy Industries is a recurring theme, demonstrating the power of shared experiences and mutual respect.

Q & A

What was the speaker's experience at the foster grandparents gathering?

The speaker shared an emotional encounter after speaking at a foster grandparents gathering where a grandmother tearfully told him that after hearing him the previous year, she realized that life never gets better.

What does the speaker suggest is the vision for a community?

The speaker suggests that the vision for a community is to create a community of kinship where God might re-recognize it, and where people remember that they belong to each other.

How does the speaker describe the transformation of Manuel and Snoopy's relationship?

The speaker describes how Manuel and Snoopy, once enemies who shot bullets at each other, now exchange text messages, illustrating the concept of kinship.

What is the purpose of Homeboy Industries?

Homeboy Industries is a gang intervention, rehabilitation, and re-entry center that aims to provide services and employment opportunities for former gang members and those who have been to prison.

What is the significance of the tattoo removal service at Homeboy Industries?

The tattoo removal service is significant as it helps individuals remove gang-related tattoos, which can be a barrier to employment and social integration.

How does the speaker describe the change in Bandit's life?

The speaker describes Bandit's transformation from a gang member selling crack cocaine to becoming a supervisor of a warehouse, owning a home, and having a family.

What is the message behind the story of Bandit's daughter going to college?

The story of Bandit's daughter going to college symbolizes the breaking of generational cycles and the hope for a better future through education.

What does the speaker mean when he says 'the soul feels its worth'?

The speaker means that when individuals recognize their own value and potential, they are less susceptible to negative influences and more capable of positive change.

How does the speaker address the issue of enemies working together at Homeboy Industries?

The speaker addresses the issue by acknowledging the initial tension but highlighting the eventual realization among workers that they are not enemies but colleagues, which leads to a sense of kinship.

What is the significance of the story about 'Puppet'?

The story of 'Puppet' illustrates the tragic consequences of gang violence and the potential for transformation, as even his enemy 'Youngster' recognized him as a friend after his death.

What is the main takeaway from the speaker's message?

The main takeaway is the importance of recognizing our shared humanity and kinship, and the potential for positive change when we support and uplift one another.

Outlines

00:00

🙏 Apologies and Attention

The speaker begins by expressing gratitude and the privilege of speaking. They humorously apologize for possibly repeating themselves, referencing a past speaking engagement where a grandmother tearfully mentioned that things never get better. The speaker acknowledges the desire for attention, especially among marginalized individuals. They recall a gang member seeking 'undivided attention' and the speaker's willingness to provide it. The speaker then discusses the vision of a world that looks different, referencing the prophet Habakkuk and the concept of waiting for a vision to be fulfilled. The main idea is to create a community of kinship where everyone belongs to each other, as forgetfulness of this belonging is seen as the root of the world's problems. The speaker suggests that by standing with the poor and the powerless, we can help to end demonization and disposability of people.

05:01

📱 From Rivals to Texting Friends

The speaker shares a story of Manuel and Boncho, two former gang rivals who now work together at Homeboy Industries. They illustrate the transformation from enemies to friends by exchanging humorous text messages instead of bullets. The concept of kinship is highlighted as a way to achieve compassion and mutual understanding. The speaker reflects on the importance of seeing oneself in others, especially those on the margins of society. They recount their experiences with Homeboy Industries, which began as a response to gang violence in Los Angeles and has grown into a large organization offering various services, including job training, mental health counseling, and tattoo removal. The speaker emphasizes the importance of community and the potential for change and redemption.

10:03

🌟 Celebrity Encounters and Mutuality

The narrative continues with a story about an Oscar-winning actress, Diane Keaton, visiting Homeboy Cafe, where she is served by a former gang member, Glenda. The interaction between Diane and Glenda, who initially do not recognize each other, leads to a surprising revelation of their shared past in prison. This encounter exemplifies the concept of kinship and mutuality, where no one is seen as separate or less valuable. The speaker also discusses the role of being an 'enlightened witness,' someone who helps others recognize their own worth through kindness and love. The story of Bandit, a former gang member turned warehouse supervisor, is shared to illustrate the transformative power of support and belief in one's potential.

15:05

😢 The Power of Change and Forgiveness

This paragraph tells the story of Bandit, who after years of transformation, seeks a blessing for his daughter before she goes to college. The emotional gathering before the blessing turns into a moment of collective tears, signifying the deep connection and support within the community. The narrative then shifts to the story of 'Youngster,' who despite his past enmity with 'Puppet,' offers to donate blood when Puppet is fatally injured. This act of kindness and the eventual recognition of their friendship underscore the power of change and the human capacity for forgiveness and unity.

20:08

🕊️ The Vision of Unity

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the vision of unity and the mutual longing for kinship. They reiterate the importance of waiting for the fulfillment of this vision, even if it is delayed. The speaker concludes with a message of hope, emphasizing that the dream of being one is not only God's intention but also our deepest personal desire.

Keywords

💡Kinship

Kinship refers to a close relationship or connection, often likened to that of family members. In the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of creating a community of kinship where everyone feels a sense of belonging. This concept is central to the video's theme of unity and mutual support, as illustrated by the speaker's work with gang members and their transformation into a supportive community.

💡Compassion

Compassion is the feeling of sympathy and concern for others' sufferings or misfortunes, often leading to a desire to alleviate it. The speaker discusses the need to create a circle of compassion that includes everyone, reflecting the video's message of inclusivity and empathy. An example is the speaker's effort to stand with the marginalized, such as the poor and the voiceless, to alleviate their burdens.

💡Marginalized

Marginalized refers to individuals or groups who are pushed to the social or economic periphery and often deprived of rights and opportunities. The video underscores the importance of reaching out to the marginalized, like gang members and ex-convicts, to restore their dignity and provide them with opportunities, as seen in the various programs and services offered by Homeboy Industries.

💡Gang Members

Gang members are individuals affiliated with street gangs, often involved in criminal activities. The video uses the transformation of gang members as a powerful example of how compassion and kinship can change lives. The speaker's work with gang members at Homeboy Industries illustrates the potential for redemption and positive change.

💡Homeboy Industries

Homeboy Industries is an organization mentioned in the video that provides hope, training, and job opportunities to formerly gang-involved and previously incarcerated individuals. It serves as a practical example of the video's theme of creating opportunities and fostering community among those society often overlooks.

💡Rehabilitation

Rehabilitation refers to the process of restoring individuals to a useful and productive place in society, often after a period of incarceration or involvement in criminal activities. The video discusses the various programs at Homeboy Industries that focus on rehabilitation, such as job training and mental health services, to help individuals reintegrate into society.

💡Tattoo Removal

Tattoo removal is a service provided at Homeboy Industries, aimed at helping individuals remove gang-related tattoos that can be a barrier to employment. In the video, tattoo removal symbolizes a fresh start and the video's broader message of second chances and moving beyond past mistakes.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the act of pardoning or ceasing to hold a grudge against someone for a wrongdoing. The video highlights the power of forgiveness through stories of former enemies working together and supporting each other at Homeboy Industries, demonstrating the possibility of reconciliation and unity.

💡Enlightened Witness

An enlightened witness, as mentioned in the video, is someone who supports and encourages others to realize their true potential and inherent worth. The speaker describes how the staff at Homeboy Industries act as enlightened witnesses, helping individuals to see their own value and achieve their goals, aligning with the video's theme of empowerment and positive change.

💡Shame

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. The video discusses the need to dismantle messages of shame that many of the individuals at Homeboy Industries carry due to their past. By addressing shame, the video underscores the importance of building self-worth and confidence.

💡Mutuality

Mutuality refers to a relationship or situation in which each party is equally involved or affected. The video emphasizes the concept of mutuality in compassion, suggesting that true empathy involves seeing oneself in the other person's situation. The speaker recounts stories of individuals who, through their experiences at Homeboy Industries, come to see their common humanity with others.

Highlights

The speaker begins by expressing gratitude and sharing a personal anecdote about speaking at a foster grandparents gathering.

The importance of attention, especially for those on the margins of society, is emphasized.

A vision for a world that looks different is presented, with a reference to the prophet Habakuk.

The concept of creating a community of kinship where everyone belongs is introduced.

Mother Teresa's view that the world's problem is forgetting our interconnectedness is mentioned.

The idea of standing with the marginalized as a way to create compassion is discussed.

The speaker shares a humorous story about learning to text from gang members.

A personal story about Manuel and Snoopy, former enemies who now communicate through text messages, illustrating kinship.

The speaker reflects on the importance of seeing ourselves in kinship with those on the margins.

The influence of Cesar Chavez on the speaker's life and the concept of mutuality is shared.

Homeboy Industries' origin story as a response to gang violence is told.

The range of services provided by Homeboy Industries to support gang members is outlined.

The story of Frank, a man with a forehead tattoo, seeking help finding a job, is recounted.

The speaker describes the success of Homeboy Bakery and other businesses within Homeboy Industries.

An encounter with Diane Keaton at Homegirl Cafe is shared, highlighting the concept of kinship.

The speaker discusses the role of enlightened witnesses in helping others realize their worth.

The transformation of a gang member named Bandit from selling drugs to becoming a supervisor is detailed.

A story about Bandit's daughter going to college and the emotional support of the community is shared.

The speaker talks about the difficulty of former enemies working together and the power of human connection.

The tragic story of 'Puppet', a coworker of 'Youngster', who was killed by a rival gang is recounted.

The speaker reflects on the ultimate kinship achieved even in the face of tragedy.

The talk concludes with a reiteration of the vision of unity and the mutual longing for kinship.

Transcripts

thank you very much it's a privilege to

be with you I uh I want to apologize

some of you have probably heard me uh

talk before it happens um I was speaking

at a foster grandparents Gathering uh

some years a ago and uh I had spoken at

it the summer before they I don't know

why they invited me two summers in a row

but uh after the second talk a a

grandmother came up to me I think she

liked the talk she had big tears in her

eyes and she grabbed both my hands and

she said I heard you last

year it never gets

better so kind of kind of hoping she was

misspeaking there

um anyway thank you for your attention

you know anybody just wants some

attention especially folks on the

margins I had a homie a gang member step

into my office the other day very

Earnest 16-year-old gang member standing

in front of my desk and he says look I

need your divided

attention I said you are in

luck

uh you know I suppose there's a vision

that brings you to a place like this

theater for the day and it's a vision of

wanting to see the world uh looking

differently than it currently looks the

prophet habakuk writes the vision still

has its time presses on to fulfillment

and it will not disappoint and if it

delays wait for it but nobody wants to

wait for too long uh we want to make

something happen and that's what I want

to suggest in the brief time I have with

you that what we all want to create and

form is a community of kinship such that

God in fact might re recognize

it I suspect that Mother Teresa

diagnosed the world's ills correctly

when she suggested that the problem in

the world is that we've just forgotten

that we belong to each other so how do

we stand against forgetting that how do

we uh create and imagine a circle of

compassion and then imagine nobody

standing outside that Circle and to that

end what we hope to do all of us I think

is to inch our way out to the margins so

that we can stand with the poor and the

power powerless and the

voiceless that we can stand with those

whose dignity has been

denied with those whose burdens are more

than they can

bear occasionally you get very fortunate

and blessed to be able to stand with the

easily despised and the readily left

out with the

demonized so that the demonizing will

stop and with the Disposable so that the

day will come when we stop throwing

people away

way I suspect that if kinship was our

goal we would no longer be promoting

Justice we would in fact be celebrating

it for no kinship no justice no kinship

no

peace so for 25 years it's been the

privilege of my life to work uh with

gang members and they've taught me

everything of value really uh but

especially in the last couple years they

taught me how to text and I'm so

grateful to them

my uh I find that it sure beats the heck

out of actually talking to people

and and so I'm pretty dextr at at LOL

and OMG and BTW you know and and the

homies have taught me a new one

ohn which apparently stands for oh hell

no and uh I've been using that one quite

a bit lately and so there I am with two

homies Manuel and boncho they're older

vatos who work my at Homeboy Industries

we have 400 employees there and guys

been to prison and tattooed they do a

variety of things they're going to help

me give a talk in Palm Desert at a high

school and so we meet at 9:00 we get in

the car 15 minutes on the road Manuel's

in the front seat and he gets an

incoming text and he Chuckles to himself

I say what is it he goes oh it's dumb

it's from Snoopy back at the office well

I just seen Snoopy Snoopy gave me a big

abas as the day began and Snoopy in

Manuel work together in the clock in

room where they clock in all our uh all

our workers it's a tough job I said

what's he say oh gosh hang on it's dumb

hey dog it's me snoops yeah they got my

ass locked up at County Jail they're

charging me with being the ugliest vat

in

America you have to come down right now

show them they got the wrong

guy well we died laughing you know and

then I realized that Manuel and Snoopy

are

enemies Rivals they used to shoot

bullets at each other now they shoot

text

messages and there's a word for that and

the word is kinship how can we achieve a

certain kind of compassion that stands

in awe at what the poor have to carry

rather than stand in Judgment at how

they carry it for the measure measure of

our compassion lies not in our service

of those on the margins but in our

willingness to see ourselves in kinship

with them in

mutuality it was a great privilege of my

life to uh know Cesar Chavez as a friend

and I can remember once a reporter had

commented to him wow these Farm Workers

they sure love you and cesa just

Shrugged and smiled and he says the

feelings

mutual and that's what we want to

achieve is this sense of mutuality where

where we obliterate once and for all the

illusion that we're

separate no us and them just

us for there's an idea that's taken root

in the world it's at the root of all

that's wrong with it and the idea would

be this that there just might be lives

out there that matter less than other

lives how do we stand against that

idea well Homeboy Industries was born a

nearly 25 years ago when I was pastor of

the porest parish in the city of Los

Angeles Dolores mission nestled in the

middle of two public housing projects

Pico Gardens and Alisal Village at the

time they comprised the largest grouping

of public housing west of the

Mississippi we had eight gangs there uh

half of those gangs at war with the

other half uh I buried my first young

person killed because of the sadness in

1988 and I buried my uh

180th uh some months ago we did a lot of

things we started a school and then a

jobs program and when we couldn't find

enough jobs we started our first

business homeboy Bakery in

1992 a month later we started homeboy

thoras in the Grand Central

Market not everything worked you know

I'll be the first to admit it homeboy

Plumbing was not a huge success

uh who knew people didn't want gang MERS

in their homes

I I did I did not see that

coming and now we we didn't intend to do

that this but uh we have backed our way

into becoming the largest gang

intervention rehab and re-entry Center

in the country

uh so 15,000 folks a year walk through

our doors keep in mind there are 1100

gangs in LA county and uh 86,000 gang

members and so you name anything that

might be helpful we do it from

curricular things like anger management

and parenting lots and lots of mental

health counsel case managers job

developers uh free tattoo removal uh no

place on the planet removes more tattoos

than we do we have a designated Clinic

uh three laser machines 29 doctors 800

treatments uh a month and it was all

started because of a guy named Frank who

wandered out of corkran state prison two

days out of prison and he wanders into

my office and he sitting in front of me

and tattooed on his forehead like a a

banner like a billboard and pardon my

French it says the world wow yeah

and he said um you know I'm having a

hard time finding a

job and I said uh well Frank

uh you know maybe we could put our heads

together on this one you

know so anyway I found a doctor who

donated some time and little by little

we chipped away at his forehead

and we have our chips and Salsas and all

the Ralphs and food for less and we have

homeboy Diner the only place you can get

food in the city hall uh we're about to

move into the LA X American Airlines

terminal we have put a restaurant there

um homeboy uh Bakery homeboy silk screen

homeboy home girl merchandise where we

sell our logo stuff uh we're in 24

different uh farmers markets uh we have

the solar panel installation training

program and hom Girl cafe where women

with records young ladies from rival

gangs waitresses with

Attitude uh we'll gladly take your

order uh last year you know at the cafe

we had a visit from Diane Keaton the

Oscar winning actress uh movie star

Annie Hall Godfather movies and she's

there with a regular guy who's there

once a week and her waitress this day is

Glenda and Glenda's a home girl been

there done that uh tattooed been to

prison the Felon the paroi she doesn't

know who Dian Keaton is and so she's

taking her order and Dian Katon says

what do you

recommend and uh Glenda rattles off the

three platillos that she particularly

likes and and Dian Keon says I'll have

that second one that sounds good and

then something Dawns on Glenda exactly

that moment she says wait a minute I I

feel like I know you from somewhere like

maybe we've

met and uh Keaton decides to deflect it

humbly oh gosh I don't know I suppose I

have one of those faces you know that

people think they've seen before and

then Glenda goes no now I know we were

locked up

together that just took my breath away

when I heard it and uh I don't believe

we've had any further Dian Keaton

sightings since that

moment but suddenly kinship so quick

quickly Oscar winning actress

attitudinal

waitress exactly what God had in

mind and if you'll permit me to uh speak

for

God uh Jesus says it pretty clearly that

you may be

one that's the whole thing that you may

be

one that's the Hope

anyway all of us are called to be what

Alice Miller the late great child

psychologist calls enlightened Witnesses

people who through your kindness and

tenderness and focused attentive love

return people to themselves you don't

hold the bar up and ask anybody to

measure up you just show up and you hold

the mirror up and you tell people the

truth you say you are exactly what God

had in mind when God made

you and then you watch people become

that truth you watch them inhabit that

truth and no bullet can pierce it no

four Prison wall can can't keep it out

and death can't touch it because it's

huge but sometimes you have to reach in

and dismantle messages of Shame and

disgrace that get in the

way so that the soul can feel its

worth uh no homie resisted my offers of

help more than a kid named Bandit uh a

gang member lived in Aisa Village

housing projects I would ride my bike in

the middle of the night and I'd uh see

him run up to cars and sell crack

cocaine and walk away counting his money

I'd say how about a real job and he was

very polite you know that's okay G

thanks

though until one day 15 years ago he

shows up in my office I couldn't believe

he was there and he says what gang

members often say I'm tired of being

tired so I walked him to one of our job

developers and as luck would have it

they located an entrylevel unskilled

low-paying job first kind of job in a

warehouse now cut to today Bandit runs

the whole thing he's the supervisor of

the

supervisors owns his own home he's

married has three

kids well I hadn't heard from him in in

like two years and he calls me one

Friday afternoon a little bit breathless

and panicky he says gee you got to bless

my daughter I said is she sick is she in

the

hospital oh no no on Sunday she's going

to humbold

college imagine my oldest she's going

going to college but she's a little

chaparita than we're afraid for you you

think there's you any way you could give

her a blessing before she goes I go are

you kidding I I'd be honored look

tomorrow's Saturday I have baptisms at 1

why don't you come at 12:30 we'll do a

little send off and sure enough Bandon

and his wife and the three kids show up

at

12:30 and we situate everybody in front

of the Altar and I said well let's put

Jessica in the middle let's surround her

with our bodies and with our love

everybody touch her connect to her put

your hands on her shoulder on on her

arms go ahead put your hands on her head

and I said you know bow your heads close

your

eyes and as the homies say I do a long

ass prayer you know I go on and on

and and and somewhere in the middle of

this prayer I noticed we've all become

chones you know we're all crying we're

all sniffling I don't know why we're

crying except for the fact that Bandit

and his wife don't know anybody who's

ever gone to college except me certain

nobody in their

families so you know we kind of wipe our

eyes and we laugh about how mushy we got

and and so to change the subject I look

at Jessica hey what are you going to

study at humbold college she was very

quick forensic psychology I go damn

forensic

psychology and Bandit chames in yeah she

wants to study the Criminal

Mind and Jessica very dead pen looks at

her father and she does one of these you

and and he sees her and says yeah I'm

going to be her first

subject so we walk out to the car and

big abadas and they Pile in the car but

but Bandit hangs back I'm glad he has

and I say hey can I tell you

something I give you credit for the man

you've chosen to

become for choosing to walk in your own

footsteps I'm proud of

you and his eyes well up with tears and

he says sa K I'm proud of

myself all my life people called me a

low life

a but good for

nothing I guess I showed

him I said yeah I guess you

did and the Soul feels its

worth people always ask me about enemies

who work together it's kind of tense at

first a homie will come in and say I'm

ready I'm ready and I'll say okay have

an opening in the bakery but you have to

work with X Y and Z and I rattle off the

names of Rivals and they always say the

same thing they always say uh I'll work

with them but I'm not going to talk to

them but you know that used to bother me

in the early days but you know the truth

is human beings can't demonize people

they know it's hard to sustain that

really so I had a homie named a

youngster little tiny guy everybody

called him youngster and I thought he

was ready so I bring him into the

homeboy a silk screen Factory and I

introduce him to all his 30 co-workers

that's our biggest business huge Factory

and I watch him as he shakes hands with

everybody looking them in the eyes even

enemies until he gets to the last guy a

guy everybody called puppet and puppet

seems to be avoiding this encounter all

together and when puppet and youngster

are in each other's vicinity they kind

of Mumble something they stare at their

shoes they don't shake hands well I know

they're enemies but he just finished

shaking hands with other enemies

I discover later that this is uh a

hatred that's quite personal and deep

Beyond which neither of them think they

can get past so I sense that at the

moment and I say hey if you guys can't

hang working together let me know I got

a bunch of people want this job and they

say

nothing six months later puppet is

walking to a corner store not far from

his home and buy something and but on

the way home he kind of takes a detour

shortcut cuts into an Aly suddenly he's

surrounded by 10 members of a rival gang

10 against one they beat him

badly he falls to the ground while he's

lying on the ground they will not stop

kicking his head until he's lying there

lifeless somebody finds his body takes

him to White Memorial Hospital where

he's declared effectively brain

dead though it's the policy there to

keep you connected to machines for 48

hours so the doctors can get two days of

a flat read then they sign the death

certificate this allowed family and

friends to gather I was in St Louis

University giving a talk I flew

home I've seen a lot of horrible things

in my

life but nothing to compare to the sight

of this young man with his head swollen

many many times at size it it was

horrifying you could barely train your

eyes on him

so at the end of the 48 hour period I

gave him a blessing i anointed his

forehead with oil we

disconnected and a week later I buried

him but in the first 24 hours I'm alone

in my office it's 8:30 at night and the

phone rings and it's youngster from the

silk screen Factory puppet's

coworker hey he

says that's messed up about what

happened to

puppet I said yeah it is

and then with a certain kind of

eagerness even he says is there anything

I can do can I give him my

blood and we both fall silent under the

weight of it until finally he breaks the

silence choking back his tears and he

says with great

deliberation he was not my

enemy he was my

friend we worked together

now can I say that always happens at

Homeboy

Industries

yeah any

exceptions

no and it shouldn't surprise us that

God's Own dream come true for us that we

be

one just happens to be our own deepest

longing for

ourselves it turns out

it's

mutual for the vision still has its time

presses on to

fulfillment and it will not

disappoint and if it

delays we can wait for

it thank you very much

thank you